Draft Night One Liners (1 Viewer)

[Mike Crimes]

yall is weak. predetermined smack.

plus that (owners girfriend chin) is a twist from what dude said in other post...



After my draft Monday, I will let you know my ad-lib...biiiiiiiiiiiii

 

[Mmen of Steel]

i think i read somthing similar to this on here...but when i scoop up Torry Holt in the 2nd round I plan on saying"i usually go rb-rb, but I think Holt actually has a chance to see more balls this year than Luke's (insert your own friends name) girlfriends chin"

WINNER WINNER WINNERI am using that when I take Holt in the 2nd.

 

[Mmen of Steel]

OK OK I give. What exactly does this mean? I've seen it on other posts but have never figured it out. I absolutly know I'm going to feel stupid after you tell me but oh well.

It evolved from:http://forums.footballguys.com/forum/index...p;#entry5360237

And is usually utilized when someone is complaining or whining.

Don't use the t-shirt. The only dudes worse than the whinersare the guys who follow up with the tshirt thingy.

In either case, both sets of people are LAME

Thank you very much.

 

[tomarken]

OK OK I give. What exactly does this mean? I've seen it on other posts but have never figured it out. I absolutly know I'm going to feel stupid after you tell me but oh well.

And the only thing worse than the whiners and the t-shirt guys are the people who quote an entire thread in their reply and then bury their own response somewhere in the middle.It evolved from:

http://forums.footballguys.com/forum/index...p;#entry5360237

And is usually utilized when someone is complaining or whining.

Don't use the t-shirt. The only dudes worse than the whinersare the guys who follow up with the tshirt thingy.

In either case, both sets of people are LAME

Thank you very much.

 

[Steve Polychronopolous]

Some nice ones here, shame both my drafts are over :( I used " go go gadget arm" for panthers D in the 9th ( a reach ) "doesn't he do the news?" when someone picked greg jennings ( peter jennings ) "wow, he is on page 5" when someone picked dayne

Wow, you ever think of doing comedy for a living?

 

[Steve Polychronopolous]

When someone picks the player you wanted right in front of you: "You're so close to Satan, you're 665".

You don't really say that, do you?

 

[ScottNorwood]

Nice pick. Your wife is sleeping around.

 

[smcindoe]

You know that guy in every league who wants to be the funny guy, but he can't pull it off? When he makes some tired, overused joke and pauses for laughter that never comes, and then everyone stares at him awkwardly.... pause for a second and say "You're one of those point-to-the-shirt guys, aren't you?"

You'll think it's funny. And if anyone else laughs, you'll know which projections they're using.

 

[tomarken]

When someone picks the player you wanted right in front of you: "You're so close to Satan, you're 665".

You don't really say that, do you?

You know, I read that one to myself like ten times and I just didn't get it. I assumed (read: hoped) that it was a line from a movie or something that I wasn't familiar with. I'm still not sure I really understand what he's getting at - does he mean the guy is "close to Satan" because he stole his pick? If so, :X , that is the worst line I've ever heard in my life. In a thread FULL of terrible one-liners, this one stands out. In a very bad way.I think if somebody said that at my draft, I would punch him in the face.

 

[RustyFA]

You do realize we are playing for money, right?

 

[Bristol]

Man....

The hits keep coming. I didn't think that this thread could get worse, but it has really gone downhill from my last post. Please stop embarassing yourselves and don'tpost anymore. It really is sad...everyone of you. Pathetic....

 

[Two Deep]

Man....The hits keep coming. I didn't think that this thread could get worse, but it has really gone downhill from my last post. Please stop embarassing yourselves and don'tpost anymore. It really is sad...everyone of you. Pathetic....

Two Deep Today, 11:47 AM Post #68 FootballguyGroup: MembersJoined: 16-July 05Member No.: 16530 That pick blows more than my whore ex-wife.--------------------I'm Your Huckleberry.... Don't lump me in with these losers I was just blowing off steam earlier.

 

[Spreadsheet Junkie]

Man....The hits keep coming. I didn't think that this thread could get worse, but it has really gone downhill from my last post. Please stop embarassing yourselves and don'tpost anymore. It really is sad...everyone of you. Pathetic....

Like you,... I can't help myself"What's the date on your magazine?"

 

[Genester]

"First back-up off the board in round X" (when someone drafts a guy not guaranteed a starting job, e.g. in a RBBC).

"That's a great pick. I will take Tomlinson next!" (when someone makes the inevitable mistake of trying to draft someone who was gone for 3 rounds).

"If you're going to pick him, say his name correctly - FRAUD Taylor" (after the FTaylor pick).

After a bad reach... "You know, they did a study once that showed a monkey throwing darts can pick stocks better than an average fund manager. It looks like the same applies to fantasy football, too!"

"Would you like some cheese with that Whine?" (any time someone complains of anything)

"1934 was a good year for RBs - a few are still in the league!" (after CuMar or some old dude gets drafted)

"You want to put him on IR now or wait a few games?" (for leagues that have an IR slot, for players with chronic injuries - see Deshaun Foster)

"Thanks for playing with us!" or "Thanks for subsidizing my habit" or "We LOVE house money" or "Come on, get real! Who will you take, really?" (any bad pick)

 

[Tillmanisahero]

Man....The hits keep coming. I didn't think that this thread could get worse, but it has really gone downhill from my last post. Please stop embarassing yourselves and don'tpost anymore. It really is sad...everyone of you. Pathetic....

Interesting...you keep coming back for more

 

[ScottNorwood]

"First back-up off the board in round X" (when someone drafts a guy not guaranteed a starting job, e.g. in a RBBC)."That's a great pick. I will take Tomlinson next!" (when someone makes the inevitable mistake of trying to draft someone who was gone for 3 rounds)."If you're going to pick him, say his name correctly - FRAUD Taylor" (after the FTaylor pick).After a bad reach... "You know, they did a study once that showed a monkey throwing darts can pick stocks better than an average fund manager. It looks like the same applies to fantasy football, too!""Would you like some cheese with that Whine?" (any time someone complains of anything)"1934 was a good year for RBs - a few are still in the league!" (after CuMar or some old dude gets drafted)"You want to put him on IR now or wait a few games?" (for leagues that have an IR slot, for players with chronic injuries - see Deshaun Foster)"Thanks for playing with us!" or "Thanks for subsidizing my habit" or "We LOVE house money" or "Come on, get real! Who will you take, really?" (any bad pick)

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

Nice pick. Your wife is sleeping around.

 

[CravenM]

There's been a few good ones to remember around here. Actually, I'm usually too drunk at the end of the draft to remember all of the smack I've let loose (only 1 or 2 really other funny guys in the league).

One small donation to the cause:

After a mid-round pick of Keyshawn: "One can never have too many possession receivers"

 

[bostonfred]

After a bad pick:

"Man, remember when he used to be really good?"

"If you want to take that back you probably still can. Guys would anyone have a problem giving Dave a do-over?"

"And that's why we always, always bring beer to the draft."

"Well, you should have a pretty good waiver priority, and those guys always seem to sneak into the playoffs"

If someone takes a guy they always seem to pick every year

"Good call. I think this is the year."

 

[teamramrod]

Cuz this actually happend...

After Losman or Holcomb is picked...

"Look, Arron Brooks is still on the board"

 

[daanswr4]

"First back-up off the board in round X" (when someone drafts a guy not guaranteed a starting job, e.g. in a RBBC)."That's a great pick. I will take Tomlinson next!" (when someone makes the inevitable mistake of trying to draft someone who was gone for 3 rounds)."If you're going to pick him, say his name correctly - FRAUD Taylor" (after the FTaylor pick).After a bad reach... "You know, they did a study once that showed a monkey throwing darts can pick stocks better than an average fund manager. It looks like the same applies to fantasy football, too!""Would you like some cheese with that Whine?" (any time someone complains of anything)"1934 was a good year for RBs - a few are still in the league!" (after CuMar or some old dude gets drafted)"You want to put him on IR now or wait a few games?" (for leagues that have an IR slot, for players with chronic injuries - see Deshaun Foster)"Thanks for playing with us!" or "Thanks for subsidizing my habit" or "We LOVE house money" or "Come on, get real! Who will you take, really?" (any bad pick)

cheese with that whine... really man? you actually still say that?

 

[Grigs Allmoon]

Agree with the guy that says it's gotta be ad-libbed. Last year I got a good laugh with, "Hurry up and get to -----. I gotta see who he pulls out of his ### next."

Agreed... Spontaneity is a must. The canned jokes are usually too lame to even throw out there.Also, a slight twist on your suggestion, which is a good one, would be to complain about someone taking too long. Tell them "Come on, hurry up Joe, I want to get back to Steve."

 

[ScottNorwood]

When someone picks the player you wanted right in front of you: "You're so close to Satan, you're 665".

You don't really say that, do you?

You know, I read that one to myself like ten times and I just didn't get it. I assumed (read: hoped) that it was a line from a movie or something that I wasn't familiar with. I'm still not sure I really understand what he's getting at - does he mean the guy is "close to Satan" because he stole his pick? If so, :X , that is the worst line I've ever heard in my life. In a thread FULL of terrible one-liners, this one stands out. In a very bad way.I think if somebody said that at my draft, I would punch him in the face.

 

[lsutigers]

Stolen from ESPN the magazine, but nobody said it had to be original. . .

When somebody takes Deshaun Foster, "Fosters. . . Australian for Doubtful"

 

[WisWolvrns]

After Chad Johnson WR Cin is picked...

"Do you want fries with that pick?"

 

[ren hoek]

I like to say things like "Even (insert name of a woman that would know presumably nothing about football) knows not to take (insert drafted player that could be considered a reach) in the (insert round player was drafted in)."

For instance, last year one guy in my league said "even Terry Schiavo knows not to take Clinton Portis in the first." It turned out that he was wrong, but it was damned funny in any case.

 

[Grigs Allmoon]

Just to add something...

"Picking a starting lineup on that team is going to be like re-arranging chairs on the Titanic."

 

[The Kansas Comet]

Up until the Iraq war, I would say "The only guy who could overthrow Hussein is (insert name of QB just picked)." Maybe, I'll have to substitute Gaddafi.

For Mc Nair: "The last two letters say it all."

For Mike Williams: "Fat, lazy and Trojan is no way to go through life son." We have a good mix of UCLA and 'SC fans in one of my leagues.

Jermaine Wiggins - "He stretches the defense about as far as Johnson can throw it."

Michael Vick - "I thought Kordell Stewart retired."

Chester Taylor - "When I saw the Vikes signed him I thought, 'God must love the Bears.'"

Eli Manning - "53% completions?! At least he won't have to worry about being compared to his brother now."

 

[Bob Sacamano]

"Jeebus, did you get that insult from the idiots on a football message board?"

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

I'm going to type these out and just read them off the page at my draft on Saturday.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I'm going to type these out and just read them off the page at my draft on Saturday.

I'm changing my answer in the "FBG you'd most like to be" thread to Tufnel on his draft day. Or Rip Taylor. But definitely one of the two.

 

[The Deathstar]

As commish I want to spice up draft night so I'm soliciting any funny one liners you may have. It can be about a certain player or just a funny line.....

"Ballsy pick man." Translation: You're an idiot, but thanks for not drafting the guy I want.My personal favorite from last year: "Is that the guy who beats his wife?"

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

I'm going to type these out and just read them off the page at my draft on Saturday.

I'm changing my answer in the "FBG you'd most like to be" thread to Tufnel on his draft day. Or Rip Taylor. But definitely one of the two.

My mom would approve.

 

[AnonymousBob]

Lots of funny people in this thread.

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

Anything else? I'm drafting tomorrow.

 

[Clutch]

When your boy picks Shaun Alexander... "Madden Curse !"

 

[Your Mother]

Anything else? I'm drafting tomorrow.

Don't forget to wear clean underwear.

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

Anything else? I'm drafting tomorrow.

Don't forget to wear clean underwear.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

 

[Big Cheese]

Sadly enough....and this probably says more about me than about the sense of humor most of you have....Amongst the bunch that were awful, real awful, I thought there were a few gems.

Mostly it's the delivery......nothing beats dry sarcastic humor.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Mostly it's the delivery......nothing beats dry sarcastic humor.

I'm not a big fan of sarcasm.

 

[Jayrod]

Mostly it's the delivery......nothing beats dry sarcastic humor.

I'm not a big fan of sarcasm.

Yeah, me neither.

 

[Bad_Mo]

I've always been a big fan of....

"Hurry up and ####ing pick already, you ####ing #######!"

and

"For Christ sakes, this thing is going take 6 ####ing hours!"

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

Mostly it's the delivery......nothing beats dry sarcastic humor.

I'm not a big fan of sarcasm.

Yeah, me neither.

Really?! How interesting!

 

[dozer]

I always wait for Thomas Jones to get drafted.

If you remember the song "Me and Mrs Jones" by Billy Paul, everyone breaks out into this version:

Meeee aaaaand, Thomas.....Thomas Jooones, ThomasjonesThomasjonesThomasjones.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Mostly it's the delivery......nothing beats dry sarcastic humor.

I'm not a big fan of sarcasm.

Yeah, me neither.

Really?! How interesting!

Some people just take hints for ####.

 

[Two Deep]

I've always been a big fan of...."Hurry up and ####ing pick already, you ####ing #######!"and"For Christ sakes, this thing is going take 6 ####ing hours!"

Now this I can relate to.

 

[rolliehouliranson]

"That's a great pick. I will take Tomlinson next!" (when someone makes the inevitable mistake of trying to draft someone who was gone for 3 rounds).

I like this one...

 

[cybergourmet]

"what do you mean that's VEGETERIAN CHILI?"

 

[cybergourmet]

I always like to play Carnac and write down the next logical choice when someone's drafting off a FBG sheet... then shake my head sadly.

But I'm pretty sure that it only amuses me.