Draft Night One Liners (1 Viewer)

[chris1969]

Was that a joke or a pick?

That's a great choice! I'm sure the rape charge won't stick.

We should try a mock draft between you and the magic 8 ball.

Dude if you were serious when you made that pick you should hand me you car keys.

Wash that last choice off because we all know what you pulled that out of.

The last time he reached that far was when he was 8 and his dad put the porn on the top shelf.

That team's fans wear the paper bags on their heads for a reason.

If you wanna be competitive next year don't show up to the draft.

Funny draft strategy, what round do you start drafting your starters?

 

[ooofffaaa]

Dude if you were serious when you made that pick you should hand me you car keys.The last time he reached that far was when he was 8 and his dad put the porn on the top shelf.

 

[Hammered Finz]

I made a sound effects disc, and my favs are the Jeopardy theme (when someone is taking too long); a toliet flush (bad pick); laughter (bad pick); etc.. hilarity...

 

[Bristol]

I made a sound effects disc, and my favs are the Jeopardy theme (when someone is taking too long); a toliet flush (bad pick); laughter (bad pick); etc.. hilarity...

This is the dumbest thing that I have ever heard. Glad you are not in my league.Here's a hint: when you have to try to be funny, you most likely are not.

 

[On The Rocks]

you how it goes when you pick a player the guy after you wants and they slam their hand on the table and let out a loud curse word?

well i had a guy pick in front of me....and i said, "OH DAMN IT!!"

he looked at me with a big smile and said, "you wanted him didn't you?"

i said "did i want him? heck no....i bet Joe (or whoever) that that player wouldn't be taken until 5 rounds later."

It is always fun to watch that guys "ha-ha smirk" turn to a "screw you #####" frown.

 

[Burning Sensation]

Two words........Ink saver

Of course implying a player that was just chosen is not even on your list, and you will be saving ink by not having to cross off his name.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I always like to play Carnac and write down the next logical choice when someone's drafting off a FBG sheet... then shake my head sadly.But I'm pretty sure that it only amuses me.

You are correct, sir.

 

[Two Deep]

Ya know I thought it was pretty cool to belong to a fanatsy football league, after reading some of these posts I'm not so sure.

 

[Browns Rule!]

I made a sound effects disc, and my favs are the Jeopardy theme (when someone is taking too long); a toliet flush (bad pick); laughter (bad pick); etc.. hilarity...

Dude, that is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. I think I will bring some sounds to my draft

 

[Two Deep]

I made a sound effects disc, and my favs are the Jeopardy theme (when someone is taking too long); a toliet flush (bad pick); laughter (bad pick); etc.. hilarity...

Dude, that is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. I think I will bring some sounds to my draft

[/quote

The only sounds that I bring to the draft is the one my ### makes from eating to much pizza and drinking to much beer.

 

[Daywalker]

After someone drafted A. Viniatieri in the 6th round of my main league I used my best Ricky Bobby voice and yelled out, "That just happened."

 

[smcindoe]

After having a few drafts last week, I now realize this thread was useless.

All you have to do, after all of your picks, is say "championship" in a high little voice like the guy on the NFL.com ad.

No, seriously, after every one of your picks. All of them. Don't worry, everyone else in your league will be doing it too.

It never gets old! Really!

 

[incubus0]

"What does P - U - P mean next to a player's name?"

"Popular Pick, you'll need to take them early"

"OK, thanks. . . What does I - R mean?"

"Impressionable Rookie"

 

[jdoggydogg]

This thread is awful.

:X

 

[DoubleG]

The funniest one's are the unplanned ones. Comedy is timing and sometimes you can't plan for it.

Last year in our dynasty rookie/backup draft (we have roster limits) we had one of owners (who is working in Germany) on speaker phone - he is normally a quiet, non-smack talking guy. Now it's only a 10-teamer and everyone has only 2 QBs rostered at the start of the draft (i.e. there are some pretty decent QBs available) We are in Chacago - this was the week after Rex Grossman went down in preseason last year. One of the other owners announced his pick:

"Kyle Orton"

*crickets and confused looks*

Speaker phone crackles to life with a flabergasted "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!"

Hilarity insues.

 

[DR MD]

when samkon is picked, sing:

domo arigato, mr sam gado

 

[amnesiac]

when samkon is picked, sing:

domo arigato, mr sam gado

that might actually be funny if everyone is really drunk and everyone happens to like that song.

 

[Regis]

The unplanned ones are best. You'll have to know the Bud Light commercials where they sing about "Real Men of Genius" to get this. In those commercials the announcer talks about certain types of men and the background singer either repeats what he says or adds a little comment.

Last year there were a couple guys that were taking forever to make their picks. We used to have a timer, but last year we didn't bother.

I could tell my buddy Paul was getting annoyed by the 2 guys that were slow. While we were waiting for one of them to pick, I imitated the announcers voice in the commercial and said "Here's to you, Mr. Slow Drafting Guy", Paul got it immediately and imitated the background singer in the commercial by singing "Mr. slow drafting guyyyyy". Then I thrown in something like "You wait until draft night to read your fantasy magazine" and Paul sings "Please make a pick now!". I tried to add another line about it being the 5th round and the guy not having a RB yet, but Paul's singing had me busting up already, so he just kept singing until he started laughing.

Meanwhile, the slow guys are looking at us like "You talking to me???" I'm not even sure they got it.

It was the highlight of the draft for me. I was singing it on my drive home...

 

[Daywalker]

The unplanned ones are best. You'll have to know the Bud Light commercials where they sing about "Real Men of Genius" to get this. In those commercials the announcer talks about certain types of men and the background singer either repeats what he says or adds a little comment.Last year there were a couple guys that were taking forever to make their picks. We used to have a timer, but last year we didn't bother.I could tell my buddy Paul was getting annoyed by the 2 guys that were slow. While we were waiting for one of them to pick, I imitated the announcers voice in the commercial and said "Here's to you, Mr. Slow Drafting Guy", Paul got it immediately and imitated the background singer in the commercial by singing "Mr. slow drafting guyyyyy". Then I thrown in something like "You wait until draft night to read your fantasy magazine" and Paul sings "Please make a pick now!". I tried to add another line about it being the 5th round and the guy not having a RB yet, but Paul's singing had me busting up already, so he just kept singing until he started laughing.Meanwhile, the slow guys are looking at us like "You talking to me???" I'm not even sure they got it.It was the highlight of the draft for me. I was singing it on my drive home...

My favorite is "Mr. Toilet paper dispenser refiller.""OHHHHHHH I need you now."

 

[Two Deep]

All right I know I posted a couple of times in this thread, but this has to stop now, RIGHT NOW!

 

[chris1969]

<----- Laughs out loud at the guy that says "Stop it now!" and bumps the thread back to the top.

 

[Chaka]

All right I know I posted a couple of times in this thread, but this has to stop now, RIGHT NOW!

I am sooooooooo gonna use this one at my draft.

 

[Men-in-Cleats]

I like to say things like "Even (insert name of a woman that would know presumably nothing about football) knows not to take (insert drafted player that could be considered a reach) in the (insert round player was drafted in)."For instance, last year one guy in my league said "even Terry Schiavo knows not to take Clinton Portis in the first." It turned out that he was wrong, but it was damned funny in any case.

Smack Talk Mad Libs are as good as it gets.

 

[Chaz]

"A guy makes a pick like that he should get a free bowl of soup"

(Rodney voice, works best with a Caddyshack loving crowd, obviously.)

 

[mhrutkowski]

These lines are terrible, I hope you guys don't really use these.

 

[Reality Football]

Some posts in this thread remind me of how tacky some leagues get because everyone wants to be considered "clever." Clever team names, clever draft jokes, clever team logos, etc.

Too much misdirected effort, Seinfeld prodigies...just draft yer damn team.

 

[bakes]

They gotta be extemproaneous, people. Hell, just look back at your past drafts. Everyone has at least one guy in their league who made an incredibly dumb pick at least once. Flog that guy with that pick for all it's worth.

One guy in our league took a kicker WAY early one year. Now, every time his pick comes up, it's "Stover's still out there..." "Better trade up, Ken's looking like he's gonna snag Stover on ya." "Sure you didn't mean Stover?" "Mrs. Stover's not gonna send you a Christmas card this year..."

 

[incubus0]

Some posts in this thread remind me of how tacky some leagues get ...Too much misdirected effort, Seinfeld prodigies...just draft yer damn team.

You're parents have any kids that lived?Oh Rodney, you are missed.

 

[Chaz]

Some posts in this thread remind me of how tacky some leagues get because everyone wants to be considered "clever." Clever team names, clever draft jokes, clever team logos, etc. Too much misdirected effort, Seinfeld prodigies...just draft yer damn team.

Must be a blast drafting with you Give me tacky jokes, expensive bourbon, a good cigar and don't you worry about how I draft my own "damn team." I don't think that some one liners take away from my "effort" on how to do it.BTW, one of my favorites was whenever Elvis Grbac was selected, somebody would say, "Elvis has left the draft!"

 

[ebcpastor2004]

Always a good one:"Do we even have a sticker for that guy? Always good to see write-ins"

Hijack- I know this is for one-liners, but I drafted two players in July that were not in our draft kit. We did have to write them in. Drumroll please....D. J. Hackett & Brandon Marshall.

 

[ooofffaaa]

The last time he reached that far was when he was 8 and his dad put the porn on the top shelf.

 

[AnonymousBob]

Was that a joke or a pick?That's a great choice! I'm sure the rape charge won't stick.We should try a mock draft between you and the magic 8 ball.Dude if you were serious when you made that pick you should hand me you car keys.Wash that last choice off because we all know what you pulled that out of.The last time he reached that far was when he was 8 and his dad put the porn on the top shelf.That team's fans wear the paper bags on their heads for a reason. If you wanna be competitive next year don't show up to the draft.Funny draft strategy, what round do you start drafting your starters?

Good stuff.

 

[flufhed]

After reading this thread, I realize that there are very few funny people on this board. I have never seen a bigger collection of unfunny material in my entire life.

- fest here with most of these comments

 

[Kit Fisto]

"Robert Meacham? More like Robert Reach-um. Nice pick!"

 

[BusMan]

Too bad he just collapsed in a heap without being touched.

:ljsmithed:

 

[tomarken]

Dude if you were serious when you made that pick you should hand me you car keys.The last time he reached that far was when he was 8 and his dad put the porn on the top shelf.

The last time he reached that far was when he was 8 and his dad put the porn on the top shelf.

You like that one, huh...Also, I still don't get this:

When someone picks the player you wanted right in front of you: "You're so close to Satan, you're 665".

WORST. SMACK. TALK. EVER.

 

[flufhed]

I made a sound effects disc, and my favs are the Jeopardy theme (when someone is taking too long); a toliet flush (bad pick); laughter (bad pick); etc.. hilarity...

My god.

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

 

[flufhed]

"I'm sorry, what was your pick? I was too busy peeing on your girlfriend."

"That pick reminds me of the turd I #### this morning. And I ate Mexican food last night. Actually, i take that back. That wasn't such a bad turd after all."

"You make draft picks like old people ####."

"Really dude? That's who you're going with? Don't make me come over there and rip your nuts off and feed them to my dog, you ####### moron. Shape up, dip ####."

Stuff like that.

 

[Pittsburgh United]

"I'm sorry, what was your pick? I was too busy peeing on your girlfriend."

 

[PatsFanCT]

Agree with the guy that says it's gotta be ad-libbed. Last year I got a good laugh with, "Hurry up and get to -----. I gotta see who he pulls out of his ### next."

Agreed... Spontaneity is a must. The canned jokes are usually too lame to even throw out there.Also, a slight twist on your suggestion, which is a good one, would be to complain about someone taking too long. Tell them "Come on, hurry up Joe, I want to get back to Steve."

Good God man. Most of these guys have typed out a joke they thought was good, read it, re-read it, possibly even spell checked it and it's still not even close to funny. And you think they can pull off Spontaneity?

 

[tomarken]

"I'm sorry, what was your pick? I was too busy peeing on your girlfriend.""That pick reminds me of the turd I #### this morning. And I ate Mexican food last night. Actually, i take that back. That wasn't such a bad turd after all.""You make draft picks like old people ####.""Really dude? That's who you're going with? Don't make me come over there and rip your nuts off and feed them to my dog, you ####### moron. Shape up, dip ####."Stuff like that.

This guy is awesome.

 

[BusMan]

"I'm sorry, what was your pick? I was too busy peeing on your girlfriend.""That pick reminds me of the turd I #### this morning. And I ate Mexican food last night. Actually, i take that back. That wasn't such a bad turd after all.""You make draft picks like old people ####.""Really dude? That's who you're going with? Don't make me come over there and rip your nuts off and feed them to my dog, you ####### moron. Shape up, dip ####."Stuff like that.

This guy is awesome.

Actually I was thinking he was kinda acting like that thing that makes Mom and Daughter feel fresh again.

 

[Sweat Hog]

I want the last ten minutes of my life back.

 

[tomarken]

"I'm sorry, what was your pick? I was too busy peeing on your girlfriend."

"That pick reminds me of the turd I #### this morning. And I ate Mexican food last night. Actually, i take that back. That wasn't such a bad turd after all."

"You make draft picks like old people ####."

"Really dude? That's who you're going with? Don't make me come over there and rip your nuts off and feed them to my dog, you ####### moron. Shape up, dip ####."

Stuff like that.

This guy is awesome.

Actually I was thinking he was kinda acting like that thing that makes Mom and Daughter feel fresh again.

His post was the only one of the 200 or so here that made me laugh. But perhaps these one liners are more your speed.

 

[BusMan]

"I'm sorry, what was your pick? I was too busy peeing on your girlfriend."

"That pick reminds me of the turd I #### this morning. And I ate Mexican food last night. Actually, i take that back. That wasn't such a bad turd after all."

"You make draft picks like old people ####."

"Really dude? That's who you're going with? Don't make me come over there and rip your nuts off and feed them to my dog, you ####### moron. Shape up, dip ####."

Stuff like that.

This guy is awesome.

Actually I was thinking he was kinda acting like that thing that makes Mom and Daughter feel fresh again.

His post was the only one of the 200 or so here that made me laugh. But perhaps these one liners are more your speed.

You should stop by the FFA sometime and clear up that misconception.

 

[C Diesel]

We had a few goodies this year....

1. "It's my turn to draft?" - one owner took a break between picks to down a couple shots, this is what he said when he returned (late rounds)

2. "F***!" - my brother when someone he was targeting got drafted in the 5th

3. "Just give me an f'ing tight end" - one owner proclaimed in the final 18th round

 

[crimsonrebel]

Right as the draft is about to start I said" And welcome to another edition of your favorite game show, 'Can you outdraft a 5th grader'".

 

[Grigs Allmoon]

"I'm sorry, what was your pick? I was too busy peeing on your girlfriend.""That pick reminds me of the turd I #### this morning. And I ate Mexican food last night. Actually, i take that back. That wasn't such a bad turd after all.""You make draft picks like old people ####.""Really dude? That's who you're going with? Don't make me come over there and rip your nuts off and feed them to my dog, you ####### moron. Shape up, dip ####."Stuff like that.

You rip on people for their posts, then post some 6th grade, mom-joke type garbage? Wow... Sure, much of the stuff in here is lame at best, but I don't think you hit the 40th percentile.

 

[flufhed]

"I'm sorry, what was your pick? I was too busy peeing on your girlfriend.""That pick reminds me of the turd I #### this morning. And I ate Mexican food last night. Actually, i take that back. That wasn't such a bad turd after all.""You make draft picks like old people ####.""Really dude? That's who you're going with? Don't make me come over there and rip your nuts off and feed them to my dog, you ####### moron. Shape up, dip ####."Stuff like that.

You rip on people for their posts, then post some 6th grade, mom-joke type garbage? Wow... Sure, much of the stuff in here is lame at best, but I don't think you hit the 40th percentile.

lolTalk about missing the point.Sorry I couldn't whip out some real zingers for ya.