Family and Friends Question 1 - Gifts (1 Viewer)

[Atomic Punk]

I have a few family and friends related questions and thought I would start a few threads to get the wisdom of the FBGs. First one is related to gifts.

I have a busy summer lined up, including: three weddings, two graduations and and engagement party (??) Here are the scenarios:

1. Wedding 1 - Daughter of very good friends is getting married. We have also been very close to the daughter for 15 years.

2. Wedding 2 - same as above but another set of friends son is getting married.

3. Wedding 3 - another set of very good friends is getting married. It is their second marriage each (49) and (54). I am the officiant of the wedding ceremony. Ceremony will include dinner, music, drinks and is at a nice golf course.

4. Graduation 1 - nephew graduating from law school. Great kid. Fairly close to him.

5. Graduation 2 - niece graduating from veterinary assistant community school. Always been very introverted and never really got too close. She is the sister of law school grad.

6. Engagement party - same niece as above got engaged at Christmas. Decent, if not awkward, fiancé. Both are 21 and there are no established plans on when they are getting married. I really had no idea an engagement party was even a thing.

The two graduations and engagement party are all on the same day.

We are comfortable financially. We aren't pulling down FBG money, living in mansions and driving lambos, but we will both be retiring at 55, with Mrs Punk retiring two years ago and me in another 2.

With all of that information, what kind of gift are you giving in these scenarios?

 

[shuke]

1 through 5: cash

6: bottle of nice wine

 

[Judge Smails]

Question is how much cash

 

[Judge Smails]

Though I would give cash to young couples if they didn’t have really nice things they wanted in a registry. But with #3 - I wouldn’t give cash to a couple around 50 years old. They are not likely saving for a house or trying to bank for a honeymoon. 

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

1. Wedding 1 - Oversized Griddle

2. Wedding 2 - Oversized Griddle

3. Wedding 3 - Oversized Griddle

4. Graduation 1 - $50-$100

5. Graduation 2 - A Cat.

6. Engagement party - Nothing

 

[bro1ncos]

1 and 2 - cash, as much as you feel comfortable giving

3.Assuming you are donating your services. A nice bottle of wine

4 and 5 - cash, probably less than the weddings but I think because they are brother and sister, you are bound to give the same amount to both siblings

6. Nice household gift off their registry. But this early so you have a wider selection off their list and aren't left with less desirable options

 

[Galileo]

1. $150

2. $150

3. They should pay you

4. $100

5. $100

6. "Hey congratulations!"  I'm not going to the party.  Talk to me when you get married.

 

[-OZ-]

1 and 2 - cash, as much as you feel comfortable giving

3.Assuming you are donating your services. A nice bottle of wine

4 and 5 - cash, probably less than the weddings but I think because they are brother and sister, you are bound to give the same amount to both siblings

6. Nice household gift off their registry. But this early so you have a wider selection off their list and aren't left with less desirable options

This. Except I’m not going to #6 or giving anything. 

I’d be inclined to give more to the attorney (you’re closer) in the end we’d give the same amount. 

 

[FairWarning]

1 through 5: cash

6: bottle of nice wine

Agree with this except for the 2nd wedding.  I would give them a gift certificate to a restaurant they go to.

 

[Atomic Punk]

4 and 5 - cash, probably less than the weddings but I think because they are brother and sister, you are bound to give the same amount to both siblings

6. Nice household gift off their registry. But this early so you have a wider selection off their list and aren't left with less desirable options

You are probably right with 4 and 5. I’m sure it will cause me no end of grief if I don’t give them equal gifts even if I would prefer to give more to the attorney.

I am just leaning cash or gift certificate for #6 but I’m doing it under protest.

 

[Atomic Punk]

This. Except I’m not going to #6 or giving anything. 

I’d be inclined to give more to the attorney (you’re closer) in the end we’d give the same amount. 

This is my thinking exactly.

 

[bro1ncos]

You are probably right with 4 and 5. I’m sure it will cause me no end of grief if I don’t give them equal gifts even if I would prefer to give more to the attorney.

I am just leaning cash or gift certificate for #6 but I’m doing it under protest.

Yea, I'm not attending but think the engagement party is the gift ”thing” now and wedding is cash.

Good news is by not attending the party, maybe it gets you uninvited to the future wedding. Win-win

 

[-OZ-]

Yea, I'm not attending but think the engagement party is the gift ”thing” now and wedding is cash.

Good news is by not attending the party, maybe it gets you uninvited to the future wedding. Win-win

I guess I get it, but they got engaged 6 months ago. The party looks like a a gift grab. 

 

[BobbyLayne]

3. They should pay you

Which he should then graciously decline.

We’re giving our Pastor his suggested honorarium of $400. But he also provided us with very insightful premarital preparation (counseling.) 7 sessions, 1.5-2.0 hours, we thought they were beneficial. Considering the time he invested in us, pretty darn cheap.

I haven’t officiated yet but I was commencement speaker at a community college and used to do a few speaking engagements. I always declined the honorarium or donated it back to them if they sent me a check.

*************

Really good suggestions above.

Also, congrats on early retirement. 
 

 

[Chris B.]

Are you attending these with your wife?
1. $200
2. $200
3. $200
4. $100
5. $100
6. Bottle of whatever they like to drink in the $60-ish range.

 

[NutterButter]

1-3 $200 4 $100 5 $50 6  RSVP saying congrats but already have other plans.   Been awhile since I've been to a wedding but $200 would be my standard provided it looks like it will be a solid time and unless its my kids; I'm basically paying you for a fun night out since I like wedding receptions.  

 

[Atomic Punk]

Are you attending these with your wife?
1. $200
2. $200
3. $200
4. $100
5. $100
6. Bottle of whatever they like to drink in the $60-ish range.

Yes, attending all with my wife, so I’m kin of thinking doubling up on the amounts above for 1-3. Pays for my meals, drinks, music and then leaves a nice amount for the couples. The main one I was uncertain about was the second marriage couple. I may do something different/less since I am officiating the ceremony.

 

[Atomic Punk]

I guess I get it, but they got engaged 6 months ago. The party looks like a a gift grab. 

This is where I’m at. I just don’t get it, especially because this niece has never been been big on attending in family gatherings until now.

 

[Atomic Punk]

Which he should then graciously decline.

We’re giving our Pastor his suggested honorarium of $400. But he also provided us with very insightful premarital preparation (counseling.) 7 sessions, 1.5-2.0 hours, we thought they were beneficial. Considering the time he invested in us, pretty darn cheap.

I haven’t officiated yet but I was commencement speaker at a community college and used to do a few speaking engagements. I always declined the honorarium or donated it back to them if they sent me a check.

*************

Really good suggestions above.

Also, congrats on early retirement. 
 

This will be my first time officiating so there is no way I would accept anything from them. They are also very close friends, so I’m honoured to do it. As for upcoming retirement, it is both scary and exciting but I’ll save my thoughts on that for another thread.

 

[offdee]

This is where I’m at. I just don’t get it, especially because this niece has never been been big on attending in family gatherings until now.

And she's only 21 so just doesn't know....wants a party and gift for everything.

Give her a gift for her graduation and write in the card "sorry won't be able to attend your Engagement party, but congratulation and wish you the best"

You're at least recognizing it and then your graduation gift will cover both events essentially.

 

[offdee]

Weddings: you're essentially gifting them the amount of things you'll be getting at the event (food, alcohol, etc) + extra for congratulations based on how close to them you are.

Graduation: you're gifting them congratulations...all young kids need and appreciate money.

Engagement Party:  go pound sand.

 

[Atomic Punk]

Weddings: you're essentially gifting them the amount of things you'll be getting at the event (food, alcohol, etc) + extra for congratulations

Graduation: you're gifting them congratulations...all young kids need money

Engagement Party:  go pound sand.

Now this is the best summary and am completely on board.

 

[-OZ-]

Weddings: you're essentially gifting them the amount of things you'll be getting at the event (food, alcohol, etc) + extra for congratulations based on how close to them you are.

Graduation: you're gifting them congratulations...all young kids need and appreciate money.

Engagement Party:  Go pound sand 

What did @Sand do? 

 

[Sand]

What did @Sand do? 

It was an open bar.  I barely felt it.  

 

[Punxsutawney Phil]

My cousin bought me a pewter wine bottle coaster for my wedding.  At the time I thought meh, but +10 years later it's the only wedding gift I think I remember and still use.

https://www.danforthpewter.com/napa-beaded-wine-coaster-pewter.html