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Family Christmas Dinner Expense Sharing Question for the FFA (1 Viewer)

I have seen families feuds start from extreme pettiness like this. The shtick in this thread is outstanding but it's always a good move to go with the flow in these types of situations. This Christmas is going to happen at the direction of the SIL, that ship has sailed. I guarantee you, you're not the only one who finds this a bit irksome... but it's too late, it's what's happening.

Sometimes you just have to let someone fall on their face. Don't be an a$$ and give her an out/excuse. Brine your wine, write a check, be cordial, etc... and then next year get out in front of it, invite everyone to your place and do it the way it's supposed to be done. No need to rub her face in it. Just be cool and this will be nothing more than a fond reminder of why nobody will let Auntie Control-Freak plan Christmas again.

 
sublimeone said:
I have seen families feuds start from extreme pettiness like this. The shtick in this thread is outstanding but it's always a good move to go with the flow in these types of situations. This Christmas is going to happen at the direction of the SIL, that ship has sailed. I guarantee you, you're not the only one who finds this a bit irksome... but it's too late, it's what's happening.

Sometimes you just have to let someone fall on their face. Don't be an a$$ and give her an out/excuse. Brine your wine, write a check, be cordial, etc... and then next year get out in front of it, invite everyone to your place and do it the way it's supposed to be done. No need to rub her face in it. Just be cool and this will be nothing more than a fond reminder of why nobody will let Auntie Control-Freak plan Christmas again.
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This is the play.

 
sublimeone said:
I have seen families feuds start from extreme pettiness like this. The shtick in this thread is outstanding but it's always a good move to go with the flow in these types of situations. This Christmas is going to happen at the direction of the SIL, that ship has sailed. I guarantee you, you're not the only one who finds this a bit irksome... but it's too late, it's what's happening.

Sometimes you just have to let someone fall on their face. Don't be an a$$ and give her an out/excuse. Brine your wine, write a check, be cordial, etc... and then next year get out in front of it, invite everyone to your place and do it the way it's supposed to be done. No need to rub her face in it. Just be cool and this will be nothing more than a fond reminder of why nobody will let Auntie Control-Freak plan Christmas again.
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Yep...that's what I plan on doing.  Not looking to rock the boat, and will play nicely in the sandbox. Next year, we will be hosting and be done with this.  

 
Ralph Furley said:
Out of town sister in-law thought it would be a "good idea" to rent a home to celebrate, so we can all be together, at nobody's house! 
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During holidays, after about 6 hours with my family I'm done.  I couldn't imagine having a sleepover and then spending the next morning with them too.

 
Seems like you've already spent more time worrying about it than it's worth.  Either don't go, or pony up.

 
sublimeone said:
I have seen families feuds start from extreme pettiness like this. The shtick in this thread is outstanding but it's always a good move to go with the flow in these types of situations. This Christmas is going to happen at the direction of the SIL, that ship has sailed. I guarantee you, you're not the only one who finds this a bit irksome... but it's too late, it's what's happening.

Sometimes you just have to let someone fall on their face. Don't be an a$$ and give her an out/excuse. Brine your wine, write a check, be cordial, etc... and then next year get out in front of it, invite everyone to your place and do it the way it's supposed to be done. No need to rub her face in it. Just be cool and this will be nothing more than a fond reminder of why nobody will let Auntie Control-Freak plan Christmas again.
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this is exactly wrong in my experience

my in-laws Christmas is totally controlled by my wack-a-doo brother in law and his wife. everyone sits on their hands so as not to upset them. it's a fiasco. 

don't let the crazy people win

 
If it's not your family, than stay out of the whole thing and just drink and make fun of Suzie Big Receipts behind her back.  

 
Ok, so here's the shtick you need to do at the get-together.

Offer to collect the receipts and review them during the dinner.  Then, start looking up the prices at various stores for some of the items on the receipt.  Tally up a "total spent" vs. "total that could have been spent" and single out the biggest overspenders. 

Before you do this, of course, make sure you secretly go around and ask to see credit cards to verify and match with the receipt.  Explain that it was something your SIL wanted to do.

Finally, do an award ceremony where you recognize the big spenders, the cheapskates, the biggest bargain hunters, and the not-so-savvy shoppers.

The entire family will get into this, trust me.

 
Ralph Furley said:
Yep.  Out of town sister in-law thought it would be a "good idea" to rent a home to celebrate, so we can all be together, at nobody's house! Keep in mind, this is not a destination holiday, the rental home is near everyone's real homes, genius.
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Might be the dumbest ####### thing I've heard of.

I told my sisters last year that I'm done with spending Christmas at one of their houses as I didn't sign a lifetime contract to have holidays with my sisblings that all live over an hour away. My kids are 7&8 and deserve to hang at their house and play with their toys. I said they are welcome to come to my house but I have no expectations that they would. 

 
Quint said:
@Ralph Furley - make sure you stash the Screaming Eagle behind the toilet in the master bath. Pee often and without remorse. 
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Excellent advice. Or swap the contents of a Screaming Eagle with the contents of a bottle of Bogle, and offer up the "Screaming Eagle" (or whatever) to the family. Ask them what they think of the $1,000 wine and watch them stumble over themselves with praise as they drink the $10 zinfandel. You, on the other hand, sit down to the football game and keep the "Bogle" by your side. Win.

 
Sandeman said:
Excellent advice. Or swap the contents of a Screaming Eagle with the contents of a bottle of Bogle, and offer up the "Screaming Eagle" (or whatever) to the family. Ask them what they think of the $1,000 wine and watch them stumble over themselves with praise as they drink the $10 zinfandel. You, on the other hand, sit down to the football game and keep the "Bogle" by your side. Win.
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The more I think about this, the more I think you should devise some game that just you and your wife are in on that allows you to entertain yourself despite it all.

 
Ralph Furley said:
Issue really comes down to controlling in-law (who hasn't been able to celebrate with family in years and is making the trip out) who thinks she knows how to do things better than everyone else.  In-law is the sister who my in-laws thinks walks on water, and they believe this is a wonderful idea.  

So instead of just having family come to my house, or showing up at another members, we are all now reading excel spreadsheets and other organizer apps, to make this the best Christmas ever!  She has created rules for everything, and shoots down any other suggestions.  Nobody wants to hurt her feelings.

oh, and it's not a ploy to get us to pay for house, only over nighters need share in the cost, it's about control.  
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this screams upper decker

 
Argue that you see her point, and then send out an email detailing your proposal to make things ultra-fair. 

Plate each dish out into individual portions and lay them out like at the sushi and dim sum joints, with a doilie (doiley, doylee, djoilay)... coaster underneath each portion. Make sure each portion is weight-controlled, to account for cost (raw materials, prep time, etc) so a 3 oz. portion of ham is equal to half of a store-bought pumpkin pie, or 12 oz of mashed potatoes. At the end of the night, when people are making leftovers to take home, make everything half-price (2 portions = 1 coaster).

also, the price for the rental house should be pro-rated, based on length of stay. Have a time clock to punch in and out for the gathering, and pro-rate each person’s use of the rental house.

for the wine, get 5 wholesale listings for every bottle and take the average and use that as your cost contribution.

everyone who helps out with set up and clean up has to clock in to get credit for their labor, and issue w-2s at the end of the night.

bring a laptop/iPad with a foursquare gizmo, and ring up everybody’s bill and take their credit cards.

Seriously, this would drive me nuts... i would just end up staying home with my family.

 
:lmao:  I love the suggestions in this thread!

  I've dealt with many a crazy holidays with my wife's side of the family.  A couple Christmas days ended in screaming matches and tears.  But never because of me or the wife.  Regardless of how silly they get with their planning I just roll with it, don't cause any waves and get to enjoy the fallout from everyone else who tries to control everything and ends up pissing each other off. 

That being said, banging the sister in law and giving her an itemized bill afterwards would be the ultimate play here. 

 
How, exactly, is the money splitting supposed to work since everyone has already paid for the items they are bringing?

I mean, I get the general concept of averaging the cost per person and figuring out how much each family spent per person. But how does the money get from the net negatives to the net positives?

Are the negatives going to write crazy SIL checks and then the crazy SIL write checks to the positives? Because that seems like a recipe for disaster, aka crazy SIL stiffing people.

And just how dumb would it be to write a check for $31.14 at the end of the night or get a check for $9.43?

This seems like the absolute worst possible way to do this. Either you do it the way you have done it previously or you have it catered for X number of people and split the cost per person. Her way is the worst of both options.

 
Walking Boot said:
Of course this is what's going to happen. "Oh, Aunt Martha and Uncle Simon only brought $75 worth of stuff, but the average is $107.50. Can you guys write out a check for $32.50 made out to Cousin Nick?"

Which is why the baller move is to buy expensive crap only you want, and make the rest of the family pay for it.
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Except, that would never work because one family's net negative is never going to exactly equal another family's net positive. So you can't have direct checks written. You have to have each family who owes money write checks to one person and have that one person write out checks to each family owed money. 

It's totally insane.

 
Ralph Furley said:
Yep.  Out of town sister in-law thought it would be a "good idea" to rent a home to celebrate, so we can all be together, at nobody's house! Keep in mind, this is not a destination holiday, the rental home is near everyone's real homes, genius.
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I have to admit, I thought about this concept a while ago. Traveling and staying in the in laws house has been a PITA for the past 15 years.  But we do it and it's always a good time. Now that my wife's siblings own homes near their parents we just split up, I'll take a couple to BIL/SIL's house and go back Christmas morning. Sucks to not be in the same house as the rest of the family when they or we first wake up, but we'll be there before our 3yo wakes anyway. 

Many of us do odd things over Christmas, make it work best you can. 

And bring the wine. But charge if they're being #####.

 
We used to visit my in-laws each Christmas and I would sneeze the entire time from their ####### cats. We were never allowed to consider doing hotel or house rental. To me, that was insane. 

 
Brony said:
We used to visit my in-laws each Christmas and I would sneeze the entire time from their ####### cats. We were never allowed to consider doing hotel or house rental. To me, that was insane. 
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Yeah, it is insane that your in laws have to allow you to do anything. They'd #####, but what's the worse that would happen really?

 
-OZ- said:
Yeah, it is insane that your in laws have to allow you to do anything. They'd #####, but what's the worse that would happen really?
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Well, Christmas would be ruined if we weren't together the whole time! 

 
Only through page one so far... :lmao:

Have your family not eat anything at all and then refuse to pay anything other than the house rental chunk you owe.

Ask SIL if  "heavier" people are going to be charged more.

Ask what the mileage reimbursement will be for picking up the wine - .75 per mile?

Insist that regardless whether any wine is left over, you will be reimbursed for the total amount that you brought.

 
Ralph Furley said:
Yep.  Out of town sister in-law thought it would be a "good idea" to rent a home to celebrate, so we can all be together, at nobody's house! Keep in mind, this is not a destination holiday, the rental home is near everyone's real homes, genius.
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HFS  :lmao:

 
Out-of-town SIL's family should be treated as the host family and it should be done exactly as it is every year.

 
ProstheticRGK said:
Argue that you see her point, and then send out an email detailing your proposal to make things ultra-fair. 

Plate each dish out into individual portions and lay them out like at the sushi and dim sum joints, with a doilie (doiley, doylee, djoilay)... coaster underneath each portion. Make sure each portion is weight-controlled, to account for cost (raw materials, prep time, etc) so a 3 oz. portion of ham is equal to half of a store-bought pumpkin pie, or 12 oz of mashed potatoes. At the end of the night, when people are making leftovers to take home, make everything half-price (2 portions = 1 coaster).

also, the price for the rental house should be pro-rated, based on length of stay. Have a time clock to punch in and out for the gathering, and pro-rate each person’s use of the rental house.

for the wine, get 5 wholesale listings for every bottle and take the average and use that as your cost contribution.

everyone who helps out with set up and clean up has to clock in to get credit for their labor, and issue w-2s at the end of the night.

bring a laptop/iPad with a foursquare gizmo, and ring up everybody’s bill and take their credit cards.

Seriously, this would drive me nuts... i would just end up staying home with my family.
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Beautiful.

 
Wtmf? How many people are in attendance? I’d just show up with stacks and make people feel silly... I can’t think of a worse way to spend the holidays. 

 
Also, love to see how gifts are exchanged in this family:

Well Ralph has 3 kids, so I got them each a gift that was $10, but I only have 2 kids, so their gifts better be $15 each.

 
GroveDiesel said:
How, exactly, is the money splitting supposed to work since everyone has already paid for the items they are bringing?

I mean, I get the general concept of averaging the cost per person and figuring out how much each family spent per person. But how does the money get from the net negatives to the net positives?

Are the negatives going to write crazy SIL checks and then the crazy SIL write checks to the positives? Because that seems like a recipe for disaster, aka crazy SIL stiffing people.

And just how dumb would it be to write a check for $31.14 at the end of the night or get a check for $9.43?

This seems like the absolute worst possible way to do this. Either you do it the way you have done it previously or you have it catered for X number of people and split the cost per person. Her way is the worst of both options.
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I've thought about this, and decided going to bring wine free of charge and a blank check.  I will also bring some spirits, and mixers, also free of charge.  I'll continue to share and contribute, enjoy my time with family, and then get a front row seat to see how this all plays out.  I've come to realize this isn't my problem.  Either works out great or goes down in flames, either way win/win from an entertainment perspective. Plus, as long as there is a sporting event on,  I'll be parked closely to tv consuming a beverage.

 
What other types of horrible ideas do you or other family members agree to?  

This is brutal and in a year where we finally can say a merry Christmas again too. Jeez

 
Ralph Furley said:
I've thought about this, and decided going to bring wine free of charge and a blank check.  I will also bring some spirits, and mixers, also free of charge.  I'll continue to share and contribute, enjoy my time with family, and then get a front row seat to see how this all plays out.  I've come to realize this isn't my problem.  Either works out great or goes down in flames, either way win/win from an entertainment perspective. Plus, as long as there is a sporting event on,  I'll be parked closely to tv consuming a beverage.
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Plot twist:  The AirBnB is owned by a lesbian couple with no cable and no TV.

 
sublimeone said:
I'd bring the wine and charge the group whatever it costs you... if it's free to you, it's free to them. Then, I'd find out the total charge for myself and the three kids, cut a check and not think twice about the weirdness of it all again. Then spend the rest of the time with your kids/nephews/nieces/any other family you enjoy being around... You'll have a much better day with this approach.
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+1

Sometimes people you love are weird, or people you love love people who are weird.  Best to roll with it as much as you can -- there's no angle in making yourself or anyone else miserable.

 
-OZ- said:
Yeah, it is insane that your in laws have to allow you to do anything. They'd #####, but what's the worse that would happen really?
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My MIL smokes so we don't sleep at her place.  Hotel.  Pisses off the entire in law family every time.. oh well.  When she comes to our house she has to go out back and wear a jacket (which stays outside) to smoke.  Pisses them all off again.. oh well.

My mom likes to book trips to visit for weeks at a time.  Nope, 4 days mom.  Tears and crying and drama every time.. oh well.

Like I said before - in the OP's shoes, I'd do whatever works for my family and deal with the consequences.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Ralph Furley said:
I've thought about this, and decided going to bring wine free of charge and a blank check.  I will also bring some spirits, and mixers, also free of charge.  I'll continue to share and contribute, enjoy my time with family, and then get a front row seat to see how this all plays out.  I've come to realize this isn't my problem.  Either works out great or goes down in flames, either way win/win from an entertainment perspective. Plus, as long as there is a sporting event on,  I'll be parked closely to tv consuming a beverage.
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If you are truly able to keep this outlook, good on you.

 
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