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Family Christmas Dinner Expense Sharing Question for the FFA (1 Viewer)

Ralph Furley said:
Yep.  Out of town sister in-law thought it would be a "good idea" to rent a home to celebrate, so we can all be together, at nobody's house! Keep in mind, this is not a destination holiday, the rental home is near everyone's real homes, genius.
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This may be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and I’ve read most of Peens posts over the years.

 
So awesome.  Totally on board with invoicing everything (seriously, I'd weigh the salt and pepper that people use) and just turning the entire thing into a complete mockery.

The idea of renting a house in town is beyond hilarious. 

 
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Seems to me that the best way to do this is just have a really nice catered Xmas dinner and split the costs evenly and then BYOB.

 
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Ralph Furley said:
Issue really comes down to controlling in-law (who hasn't been able to celebrate with family in years and is making the trip out) who thinks she knows how to do things better than everyone else.  In-law is the sister who my in-laws thinks walks on water, and they believe this is a wonderful idea.  

So instead of just having family come to my house, or showing up at another members, we are all now reading excel spreadsheets and other organizer apps, to make this the best Christmas ever!  She has created rules for everything, and shoots down any other suggestions.  Nobody wants to hurt her feelings.

oh, and it's not a ploy to get us to pay for house, only over nighters need share in the cost, it's about control.  
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Not that it needs to be said, but, of course, it's only in a woman's mind that this sort of plan could hatch from.

 
Ralph Furley said:
GroveDiesel said:
How, exactly, is the money splitting supposed to work since everyone has already paid for the items they are bringing?

I mean, I get the general concept of averaging the cost per person and figuring out how much each family spent per person. But how does the money get from the net negatives to the net positives?

Are the negatives going to write crazy SIL checks and then the crazy SIL write checks to the positives? Because that seems like a recipe for disaster, aka crazy SIL stiffing people.

And just how dumb would it be to write a check for $31.14 at the end of the night or get a check for $9.43?

This seems like the absolute worst possible way to do this. Either you do it the way you have done it previously or you have it catered for X number of people and split the cost per person. Her way is the worst of both options.
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I've thought about this, and decided going to bring wine free of charge and a blank check.  I will also bring some spirits, and mixers, also free of charge.  I'll continue to share and contribute, enjoy my time with family, and then get a front row seat to see how this all plays out.  I've come to realize this isn't my problem.  Either works out great or goes down in flames, either way win/win from an entertainment perspective. Plus, as long as there is a sporting event on,  I'll be parked closely to tv consuming a beverage.
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Only thing I can come up with is where net positives pay the SIL (cash, check, or whatever), which she then deposits in her own account. And then the SIL has withdrawn a diverse selection of cash to dispense to the net-negatives.

Furley, I'm curious... does the SIL have a history as a waitress or other food service industry? And what is the possibility that she actually does know what she's doing, and this turn out to be really fun?

 
I like your approach. By taking the high road you can drink your alcohol, watch football, and enjoy the squabbles going on around you without having to participate. The only problem with this is if your wife can't take the high road also. That could drag you right back down into the mess. But if she can get on board with you, sit back and enjoy the insanity of stupid people! 

And I still don't think we know the size of SIL's cans.

 
I mulled this over last night.

Everyone throws in ~$50

This gets you 10 meal/drink tickets.

Each ticket gets you - 1 drink/1piece of ham/1 scoop of potatotes etc.

You can then reload $5 per ticket.   Or an arms length for $100

You could even separate the tickets if you want

https://www.amazon.com/Green-Good-Drink-Ticket-Roll/dp/B0036ARVYE/ref=pd_bxgy_21_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=6R47DKZE539D09QAMA1A

https://www.amazon.com/Muncie-Novelty-Company-Inc-Ticket/dp/B001MLZM54/ref=pd_bxgy_229_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=SY2MHQDHFVJBZG0MRH4Y

 
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here is what you do to make this work you give each person there a paper that has a chart on it of what everyone brought and then you enlist some of the older kids who will be there and put them in charge of marking down what people have consumed for billing purposes you can call the kids something like maybe the foodstapo and to make sure everyone knows who is in charge of monitoring the food you can give the kids armbands or something maybe red for the holiday season and then the foodstapo kids can go around asking everyone to see there papers when they notice someone eating or drinking something it will be workable and save everyone a lot of problems take that to the bank bromigos 

 
SWC said:
here is what you do to make this work you give each person there a paper that has a chart on it of what everyone brought and then you enlist some of the older kids who will be there and put them in charge of marking down what people have consumed for billing purposes you can call the kids something like maybe the foodstapo and to make sure everyone knows who is in charge of monitoring the food you can give the kids armbands or something maybe red for the holiday season and then the foodstapo kids can go around asking everyone to see there papers when they notice someone eating or drinking something it will be workable and save everyone a lot of problems take that to the bank bromigos 
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:lmao:

 
Ralph Furley said:
It's the pettiness and controlling nature that pisses me off.
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This is what would annoy the #### out of me as well.  You posted an email above with the justification for doing it this way and how it's worked for business parties etc.  My reply would have simply been.....  "This is family, not business associates.  I'll bring the wine and the bill.  Do what you need to do but I think this is impersonal and maybe even a little bit offensive.  It's not about the money.  It's about spending the time with family"

 
belljr said:
Have everyone weigh in at the beginning of the evening.

Then at the end 

Pay per pound gained
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This will work, but you have to incorporate a poop tax, and have someone stand guard with a clipboard outside the facilities. 

 
No way would I bring wine and not charge. No way. You get for free but that doesn’t matter. I’d charge full retail or bring box wine. 

 
are we applying gap standards to this wine or are we applying tax code donation basis rules or what take that to the bank bromigos 

 
RUSF18 said:
It's pretty remarkable that your family managed to take what is typically a pretty miserable experience and somehow managed to make it much worse. 
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:lmao:

Might be the post of the year.

Two of my mom's sisters are like this.  Years ago, we did a family trip to our old cottage in Maine.  For a week it was just my wife/kids, sister's family and my parents.  For a week, we'd all take turns making dinners and breakfasts, lunch was every man for himself.  We shared beers, food, wine, whatever and we all had a great time with no arguing.

Then, her sisters and their families showed up.  We were immediately shifted to another cottage for 2 nights and told that there would be 'shares' of the food bills they brought with them for each family to pay.  We show up to this other cottage and one of my aunts had taken it upon herself to stock the place with food that she bought for us, handing me and my sister's husband the bill with our 'share' of the cost which included - and I #### you not here - a giant Costco or Sam's Club ham.  First of all, my wife is a vegetarian.  Secondly, we were there two nights.  The hell am I supposed to do with a giant ham?  Gnaw on it for 48 hours?  Thirdly, we had been doing just fine on our own for a week.  I don't need another person grocery shopping for me. 

I told her she was out of her mind, but my mom didn't want to cause any problems, so she paid the bill for me after I protested which just made me angrier.  I left the ham in the bag, uneaten and later learned that I hurt her feelings, but my lord, what kind of idiocy must one possess to think this is acceptable behavior?  They've asked us numerous times when we're going back to Maine and my reply has been the same - never.  They ruined what was a pretty nice trip over something stupid like money for a food bill.  It was all unnecessary and I won't be party to anything like that again.  

 
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Wanted to ask @Ralph Furley this yesterday, but put it off:

This controlling SIL, you wrote, is spending Christmas with the family for the first time in years, right? She hasn't been in for Xmas in a long while, right?

I found that the fact she hadn't celebrated with you all in recent years all the more strange when regarding the business-like set-up of her Xmas planning. I was going to ask you if ( a ) your SIL, or ( b ) someone she's close to on her side of the family ever had a reason to feel taken advantage of during past Xmas get-togethers. Any chance the SIL is doing all this business-like planning in response to past behind-the-back (not necessarily legitimate) complaints from particular people?

I wonder if there are some unspoken differing valuations of things among family members that are driving and informing the SIL's push to itemize Christmas. For instance, some people think hosting is the light end of a Christmas celebration because "You get to stay home -- you don't have to drive anywhere!". They don't care if you lay out Henry VIII's buffet spread -- since you got to stay home and host, they think you've gotten over in a small way.

In fact, proposing to have the celebration at a neutral place would seem to directly address issues someone(s) have raised about hosting. That is, if there's any chance the SIL is not going way off on her own with all this. Any chance someone's gotten into your SIL's ear?

 
Doug B said:
In fact, proposing to have the celebration at a neutral place would seem to directly address issues someone(s) have raised about hosting. That is, if there's any chance the SIL is not going way off on her own with all this. Any chance someone's gotten into your SIL's ear?
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This all boils down to toilet paper. Clearly Furley skimps on the good stuff, and the last time she was in town she wounded her hoo-hah while taking care of her business.

My money is that the toilet paper in this neutral house will be the finest 750 thread count toilet paper in the world.

 
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The more I think about this, the more f'd up it seems.

My in laws have a cabin in the mountains, lake, water skiing, the works. There are 4 older sisters that own the place and more families than I can keep track of that come up there for the 4th of July weekend. Easily 12 sets of families all with kids from 12-0. At times there will be 20 plus kids running around. :mellow:   There is never a discussion of money for anything. Everyone brings food and booze and if we need anything while we're there, someone just goes and buys it.  Last year, I tried to give money for gas for the boat and was told to pound sand. So I went and fixed the stairs leading down to the dock instead. That garnered me some big time points.  

 
Ralph Furley said:
Wife's family.  No way this would go down with my family.  

I responded to the group:

"I will bring 2 cases of wine at no cost to everyone" and received this message within five minutes:

"I'm open to better ways to do it.  The big thing I'm trying to account for is that costs vary for different contributions and number of heads vary.  My thinking is we can assign a value to everything, wine included, and than just do the math.  I've used this approach with other large groups in shared environments and it has worked.  Then we can also try to adjust as necessary for people who don't drink vs. drink heavily"

I replied back: " I don't understand your post, reread what I wrote"

F-it, I'm taking the high road here and just contributing in the XMAS spirit.  If they want to hit me with a tab at the end of the night so be it.
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If you need a project manager, I'm available,

and lol at the bolded.

 
General Malaise said:
:lmao:

Might be the post of the year.

Two of my mom's sisters are like this.  Years ago, we did a family trip to our old cottage in Maine.  For a week it was just my wife/kids, sister's family and my parents.  For a week, we'd all take turns making dinners and breakfasts, lunch was every man for himself.  We shared beers, food, wine, whatever and we all had a great time with no arguing.

Then, her sisters and their families showed up.  We were immediately shifted to another cottage for 2 nights and told that there would be 'shares' of the food bills they brought with them for each family to pay.  We show up to this other cottage and one of my aunts had taken it upon herself to stock the place with food that she bought for us, handing me and my sister's husband the bill with our 'share' of the cost which included - and I #### you not here - a giant Costco or Sam's Club ham.  First of all, my wife is a vegetarian.  Secondly, we were there two nights.  The hell am I supposed to do with a giant ham?  Gnaw on it for 48 hours?  Thirdly, we had been doing just fine on our own for a week.  I don't need another person grocery shopping for me. 

I told her she was out of her mind, but my mom didn't want to cause any problems, so she paid the bill for me after I protested which just made me angrier.  I left the ham in the bag, uneaten and later learned that I hurt her feelings, but my lord, what kind of idiocy must one possess to think this is acceptable behavior?  They've asked us numerous times when we're going back to Maine and my reply has been the same - never.  They ruined what was a pretty nice trip over something stupid like money for a food bill.  It was all unnecessary and I won't be party to anything like that again.  
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you should have cut off your portion of the ham and threw it on the ground with some pennies

 
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Buffet style with teens serving.

Clearly identify how much a serving is and have each server mark each "customer's" ticket. Make it sort of a self-serve dim sum.  

Option 2:  make it like a sushi bar and have people fill out their tickets before and have the kids serve them.  

Either way, it's like a Chinese cluster ####.  

 
Tom Skerritt said:
Only thing I can come up with is where net positives pay the SIL (cash, check, or whatever), which she then deposits in her own account. And then the SIL has withdrawn a diverse selection of cash to dispense to the net-negatives.

Furley, I'm curious... does the SIL have a history as a waitress or other food service industry? And what is the possibility that she actually does know what she's doing, and this turn out to be really fun?
Click to expand...
Project manager for sales driven organization.  Turning Christmas into a business event.  At this point, I don't really care anymore.  Was just pissed out of principle and her usurping occasion and telling every how much better she will make it, when she hasn't been very involved in previous gatherings, and honestly it's always been a great night.  

 
Ralph Furley said:
Project manager for sales driven organization.  Turning Christmas into a business event.  At this point, I don't really care anymore.  Was just pissed out of principle and her usurping occasion and telling every how much better she will make it, when she hasn't been very involved in previous gatherings, and honestly it's always been a great night.  
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We need some more updates from the app. Feedback from other family members.

We need more outrage. Give us something here.  :thumbup:

 
Ralph Furley said:
Project manager for sales driven organization.  Turning Christmas into a business event.  At this point, I don't really care anymore.  Was just pissed out of principle and her usurping occasion and telling every how much better she will make it, when she hasn't been very involved in previous gatherings, and honestly it's always been a great night.  
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Someone is getting soft...

(TWSS)

 
The Commish said:
This is what would annoy the #### out of me as well.  You posted an email above with the justification for doing it this way and how it's worked for business parties etc.  My reply would have simply been.....  "This is family, not business associates.  I'll bring the wine and the bill.  Do what you need to do but I think this is impersonal and maybe even a little bit offensive.  It's not about the money.  It's about spending the time with family"
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I thought about taking this approach, however it pulls me down the rabbit hole, and I somehow I will come out looking bad at the end.  Best thing I can do is pretend like this nonsense isn't really happening, and cut a check at the end of the night.  Wife is onboard with my approach, so I'm in the clear and will do everything to remain outside the circle of insanity.  That said, I will be tucking away a few bottles of the really good stuff for me and my wife.  

 
Doug B said:
Wanted to ask @Ralph Furley this yesterday, but put it off:

This controlling SIL, you wrote, is spending Christmas with the family for the first time in years, right? She hasn't been in for Xmas in a long while, right?

I found that the fact she hadn't celebrated with you all in recent years all the more strange when regarding the business-like set-up of her Xmas planning. I was going to ask you if ( a ) your SIL, or ( b ) someone she's close to on her side of the family ever had a reason to feel taken advantage of during past Xmas get-togethers. Any chance the SIL is doing all this business-like planning in response to past behind-the-back (not necessarily legitimate) complaints from particular people?

I wonder if there are some unspoken differing valuations of things among family members that are driving and informing the SIL's push to itemize Christmas. For instance, some people think hosting is the light end of a Christmas celebration because "You get to stay home -- you don't have to drive anywhere!". They don't care if you lay out Henry VIII's buffet spread -- since you got to stay home and host, they think you've gotten over in a small way.

In fact, proposing to have the celebration at a neutral place would seem to directly address issues someone(s) have raised about hosting. That is, if there's any chance the SIL is not going way off on her own with all this. Any chance someone's gotten into your SIL's ear?
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There is some merit to this post.  There have been grumbling over the years that some of the cousin families who participate, have not done their "fair-share" in the past.  But, IMO, thats how it goes...and if you have specific issues address those offenders, not micromanage a holiday that everyone seemingly enjoys.

 
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DA RAIDERS said:
The more I think about this, the more f'd up it seems.

My in laws have a cabin in the mountains, lake, water skiing, the works. There are 4 older sisters that own the place and more families than I can keep track of that come up there for the 4th of July weekend. Easily 12 sets of families all with kids from 12-0. At times there will be 20 plus kids running around. :mellow:   There is never a discussion of money for anything. Everyone brings food and booze and if we need anything while we're there, someone just goes and buys it.  Last year, I tried to give money for gas for the boat and was told to pound sand. So I went and fixed the stairs leading down to the dock instead. That garnered me some big time points.  
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Yep...that's exactly how every other holiday, vacation, you name it has been.  Enjoy the time together, contribute the best you can, and don't be that guy.

 
Brony said:
Well, Christmas would be ruined if we weren't together the whole time! 
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My dad used to bring a tent when we had to stay at my mom's parent's house because of his allergy issues.  Was pretty funny.

 
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