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Family gathering with cheater - how to handle? (1 Viewer)

It's not your family, but if you and the others are really upset how about everyone agrees to help financially to cover the living expenses for her and the kids until the last one is out of the house.  That way money won't inhibit her in filing for divorce. It might even wake him up to the fact that she isn't trapped in the marriage.

 
Use the bro-hug as the opportunity to quietly say "shame on you" in his ear.  Then cut off the hug and handshake and either turn and walk away or give him a serious, "I mean it" look before walking away.

 
Any opinions on what he's done would be better said to the wife. She's the fool here. He won't change. She's the one needs the talk (actually should be coming from g/f). Tell her to "sac up".

 
Let him come in for the bro-hug.  Clamp onto him a bit too tight. 

Let the hug linger a bit too long. 

Whisper in his ear,  "hey, you....."

That should pretty much solve all your dilemmas. He won't be speaking to you,  you didn't create a scene,  and you get a little personal satisfaction. 

 
Treat him like everything normal at first.  Then wait until you get him alone n the bouncy castle and kick him in the balls.

 
Tip the face-painting lady a finski on the sly.  When Humpy Hank thinks he's getting a spider web or lightning bolt she'll actually be painting a big dong on his cheeky.

 
pats3in4 said:
Actually, that's the rub.  The wife is absolutely irate at him.  She's in limbo between deciding to stay or divorce him.  He's living in their garage while she figures things out.  In the meantime, she doesn't have it in her to tell him to not go to the party.

Edit: And he's too tone deaf to stay away.
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She needs to grow a pair

Not your problem. Just be cordial

 
If it's my daughter, sister or niece affected I would act one way - if it's a friend or acquaintance I wouldn't get involved. It will play out.  If the wife doesn't leave after the 3rd time she deserves him. 

 
Give him a bro hug. And then get him a drink. Make small talk for 60 seconds and then ask him 'so why do you think you're such a piece of chit?' -- just look at him and remain completely silent.  

 
McGarnicle said:
Just fake it, who cares. Don't go over the top to be nice and don't make a show of how disgusted you are. That just comes off as sanctimonious. Like you said, the party isn't about you. Latch on to other people at the party to talk to.
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Yes. This might be close if it was your wife. As is, it's miles from being your problem 

 
A balls to the wall passive aggressive assault seems to be appropriate here. Or do what I would do - get hammered, have fun and don't worry about it. Not your problem.

 
Agree that it's not your problem.  For all you know she's going to keep him and you'll have to see him for who knows how long.  My sister in law had a similar situation,  stayed with the dude.. then got mad when anyone else held it against him.   :wall:

 
You know whats worse than cheating?

Gossip.

Ain't it great that a family of people are disgusted over something that is none of their business.

If I were you, I'd breakup with the girlfriend. You do not want to marry into this family. Everything you do that they don't like will be discussed ad nauseum behind you back. 

 
Politician Spock said:
You know whats worse than cheating?

Gossip.

Ain't it great that a family of people are disgusted over something that is none of their business.

If I were you, I'd breakup with the girlfriend. You do not want to marry into this family. Everything you do that they don't like will be discussed ad nauseum behind you back. 
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In general, I agree with you about the "none of their business".  That being said, the sister has openly vented to, solicited advice from and in general drawn support upon several family members.  She has definitely invited us into her business, so to speak.

And as an aside: The husband's family is disgusted with him, too.  This isn't just a "hey, let's turn the wife's family into a lynch mob against the husband based on hearsay."  The husband admitted he screwed up, but after 3 times both families don't want to hear it.

 
NorvilleBarnes said:
Try to find as many ways as possible to work "cheating" into the conversations.
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This is a softball.  They are a bunch of Raiders fans still bitter over the tuck rule.  I can bring up Deflategate and Tom Brady and they'll reflexively shout, "Cheater!"  Then I can say, "Maybe not big cheating like cheating on your wife, but a little cheating, perhaps."

 
Why insert yourself into this drama?  Act normal.  Forget it.  Just not your business and there's nothing to be gained by being a Meddling Mary about it. 

 
chet said:
He's been caught thrice--how many times has he gotten away with it?
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I like how you threw "thrice" in there....Oh, and just let the sister and cheater deal with it...mind your own business unless she specifically asks you for help. 

 
Baloney Sandwich said:
The dude is obviously a Pats fan, right?
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No, just me.  That they let me step foot in their homes is quite the surprise.

Actually, the guy got caught the night the Warriors lost to the Cavs.  He was drunk and depressed post-game, staggering around looking for his phone.  His wife found it and was bringing it to him when it started lighting up with texts from his mistress, "Aw, babe.  Sorry about the game.", "Love you.", "I'll make it all right for you tomorrow night" and #### like that.  Idiot.

 
pats3in4 said:
No, just me.  That they let me step foot in their homes is quite the surprise.

Actually, the guy got caught the night the Warriors lost to the Cavs.  He was drunk and depressed post-game, staggering around looking for his phone.  His wife found it and was bringing it to him when it started lighting up with texts from his mistress, "Aw, babe.  Sorry about the game.", "Love you.", "I'll make it all right for you tomorrow night" and #### like that.  Idiot.
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Yeah, that's bad.  It's not like the guy got drunk and banged a chick, he had a full-on, "I Love you" affair going.

 
pollardsvision said:
Oh, I forgot ask......

Offdee rating of your SIL? Offdee rating of the side pieces, if you've seen them? This guy make FBG money?
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If by "FBG money" you mean makes as much as I do posting here, then yes, he makes FBG money.  The wife makes more than him.  Quite a bit.

 
pats3in4 said:
This is a softball.  They are a bunch of Raiders fans still bitter over the tuck rule.  I can bring up Deflategate and Tom Brady and they'll reflexively shout, "Cheater!"  Then I can say, "Maybe not big cheating like cheating on your wife, but a little cheating, perhaps."
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I'm still bitter over the tuck rule. Ain't no shame in that.

 
need2know said:
if it bothers you that much, just say hello and ignore him after that.  not your problem
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I'd say this is right but I would also, before the fact, talk with your girlfriend about it and let her know that this is your intent.  Also, it might be good to talk with her about how you'll both deal with this ###### going forward.

 
pats3in4 said:
No, just me.  That they let me step foot in their homes is quite the surprise.

Actually, the guy got caught the night the Warriors lost to the Cavs.  He was drunk and depressed post-game, staggering around looking for his phone.  His wife found it and was bringing it to him when it started lighting up with texts from his mistress, "Aw, babe.  Sorry about the game.", "Love you.", "I'll make it all right for you tomorrow night" and #### like that.  Idiot.
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So the mistress wask hoping he'd get caught and/or is dumb as a bag of hammers.

 
I didn't read through the whole thread & I'd be surprised if this wasn't said but the wife sounds like a complete push over. Not to mention not very bright. If you take someone back after cheating once let alone 3 times you have issues. I don't care if you how many kids are involved.

 
Dude, your job is not to punish the guy.  Your job is to stay sober enough that when your girlfriend or another family member starts yelling at him and he gets in her face, you can step in and say "look, the screwing around on your wife is none of my business, I'm a guest here.  But these people have been more like family to me then they have to you, apparently.  And if you get in my girlfriend's/future mother-in-law's/etc. face again in front of me, I'm going to knock you the #### out.  Take your lumps like a man and shut up."

 
ChiefD said:
Give the dude a bro hug like you normally do. Engage in the chit-chat. Hang out.

After an hour or so, when all of the family is gathered around, drop to one knee in front of your girlfriend with a ring and say:

"Honey, you know I love you with all of my heart. From the day I met you, I knew you were the only one for me. (shoot the guy a subtle glance)

I want to spend the rest of my life with you and only you. (another subtle glance.) 

I promise to always be honest and truthful to our love, marriage, and children.

Will you marry me?"

Boom. You are solid in that family. For LIFE!
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Downside;  you're ####### married

 
What games was it? Why do you keep letting him play?

I would just not let him play games with you guys any longer. No one likes a cheater. 

 
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