Family Members of Convicted Murderers (1 Viewer)

[captain_amazing]

My wife's great uncle is serving life in prison for a murder he was convicted of back in the late 70s. It was a pretty well-known case - something that folks in New England who were living around then would surely know - but I don't want to say who as I don't know if my personal info can be traced from him. At any rate - my MIL just passed away recently, which has been really awful, as she was young (both my wife and I are in our late 20s), and she and her brother kept in touch with my wife's great uncle. Now that she's gone, my wife and I have been writing him and receiving letters, and are thinking of visiting him (she has once in her life). He likes staying in touch with his family and writes us pages in cursive that's so hard to read.

My question is: I feel like my wife's and my place is not to be his judge and jury, as he has already been convicted of his crime. He's really nice to us and seems interested in keeping in touch with us. I feel like it's OK that we afford him that, but sometimes feel like we are smacking his victim and their family in the face when we write him or think about going to see him. What is our role and what is appropriate for us to do/not to do? If it makes any difference (and I'm assuming not), he claims to be innocent of the crime.

Oh, and I've had a few, so please excuse the grammar or long-windiness of this post.

 

[SacramentoBob]

Pretty sure there's a brother of a serial killer on the forums.

 

[jonessed]

I would base it on who he is today and whether I felt comfortable with the situation.

This kind of thing is very personal. It's hard to give advice.

 

[ROCKET]

Didn't know you were related to the Kennedy's?

 

[Bucky86]

I personally wouldn't ever visit a murderer. Family member, or not.

 

[captain_amazing]

I personally wouldn't ever visit a murderer. Family member, or not.

If you don't mind sharing, why not? I'm curious about this type of perspective.

 

[belljr]

2 in my family.

one we wrote off

the other is bipolar and we visit every week in a living facility

 

[captain_amazing]

2 in my family.

one we wrote off

the other is bipolar and we visit every week in a living facility

Do you visit because of some kind of sense of obligation or is that you want to see them? This is where I'm mixed, currently. I don't know this person outside of the letters he's sent and from the conversations we've had with other family members, but I kind of want to meet him and get to know him, and I really don't know why.

 

[Bucky86]

I personally wouldn't ever visit a murderer. Family member, or not.

If you don't mind sharing, why not? I'm curious about this type of perspective.

Well, it really depends on the situation I guess. Would need more info, but I generally stay clear of criminals and such.

 

[avoiding injuries]

My brother in law (wife's sister's husband) has an uncle that killed his wife and is serving life.

He did it just before thanksgiving a year or two before I was in the picture. It was staged as an accident but the police were investigating over the holiday. I hear Thanksgiving was very uncomfortable and he was arrested a few days later.

Nobody talks about it.

 

[belljr]

2 in my family.

one we wrote off

the other is bipolar and we visit every week in a living facility

Do you visit because of some kind of sense of obligation or is that you want to see them? This is where I'm mixed, currently. I don't know this person outside of the letters he's sent and from the conversations we've had with other family members, but I kind of want to meet him and get to know him, and I really don't know why.

long story short. It's my fil. He was fine medicated. Went off his meds, moved away on his own went bonkers killed a guy. He just got out is 75 now and an old man. He's medicated and living in an assisted living facility. So yeah its different for us. He gets to see his grandkids etc

 

[captain_amazing]

2 in my family.

one we wrote off

the other is bipolar and we visit every week in a living facility

Do you visit because of some kind of sense of obligation or is that you want to see them? This is where I'm mixed, currently. I don't know this person outside of the letters he's sent and from the conversations we've had with other family members, but I kind of want to meet him and get to know him, and I really don't know why.

long story short. It's my fil. He was fine medicated. Went off his meds, moved away on his own went bonkers killed a guy. He just got out is 75 now and an old man. He's medicated and living in an assisted living facility. So yeah its different for us. He gets to see his grandkids etc

Yes, different, but I appreciate the perspective.

 

[whoknew]

I personally wouldn't ever visit a murderer. Family member, or not.

If you don't mind sharing, why not? I'm curious about this type of perspective.

Well, it really depends on the situation I guess. Would need more info, but I generally stay clear of criminals and such.

That seems easy to say now but what if it were your brother or sister? I think I would always visit my siblings - regardless of what they did. Obviously that's also easy for me to say now.

 

[Bucky86]

I personally wouldn't ever visit a murderer. Family member, or not.

If you don't mind sharing, why not? I'm curious about this type of perspective.

Well, it really depends on the situation I guess. Would need more info, but I generally stay clear of criminals and such.

That seems easy to say now but what if it were your brother or sister? I think I would always visit my siblings - regardless of what they did. Obviously that's also easy for me to say now.

. Maybe I'm just not close enough with them, but if they murdered someone in cold-blood there's no way I'd visit or take my future kids to meet them.

 

[captain_amazing]

I personally wouldn't ever visit a murderer. Family member, or not.

If you don't mind sharing, why not? I'm curious about this type of perspective.

Well, it really depends on the situation I guess. Would need more info, but I generally stay clear of criminals and such.

That seems easy to say now but what if it were your brother or sister? I think I would always visit my siblings - regardless of what they did. Obviously that's also easy for me to say now.

. Maybe I'm just not close enough with them, but if they murdered someone in cold-blood there's no way I'd visit or take my future kids to meet them.

Would it matter or not whether they claimed to be innoncent? I've never looked at her great uncle's case in detail, but sort of put aside the fact he claims innocence and have simply accepted that he was convicted by a jurory of his peers.

 

[comfortably numb]

I would think families of murderers are victims as well.

Obviously not violet victims but emotional victims.

I don't think there is a wrong answer here just a personal one for each individual to make.

 

[Bucky86]

I personally wouldn't ever visit a murderer. Family member, or not.

If you don't mind sharing, why not? I'm curious about this type of perspective.

Well, it really depends on the situation I guess. Would need more info, but I generally stay clear of criminals and such.

That seems easy to say now but what if it were your brother or sister? I think I would always visit my siblings - regardless of what they did. Obviously that's also easy for me to say now.

. Maybe I'm just not close enough with them, but if they murdered someone in cold-blood there's no way I'd visit or take my future kids to meet them.

Would it matter or not whether they claimed to be innoncent? I've never looked at her great uncle's case in detail, but sort of put aside the fact he claims innocence and have simply accepted that he was convicted by a jurory of his peers.

There are many sociopaths that genuinely believe that they're innocent. Not saying you're great Uncle in-law is one, but since we don't know anything about it, its hard to say.

 

[captain_amazing]

I personally wouldn't ever visit a murderer. Family member, or not.

If you don't mind sharing, why not? I'm curious about this type of perspective.

Well, it really depends on the situation I guess. Would need more info, but I generally stay clear of criminals and such.

That seems easy to say now but what if it were your brother or sister? I think I would always visit my siblings - regardless of what they did. Obviously that's also easy for me to say now.

. Maybe I'm just not close enough with them, but if they murdered someone in cold-blood there's no way I'd visit or take my future kids to meet them.

Would it matter or not whether they claimed to be innoncent? I've never looked at her great uncle's case in detail, but sort of put aside the fact he claims innocence and have simply accepted that he was convicted by a jurory of his peers.

There are many sociopaths that genuinely believe that they're innocent. Not saying you're great Uncle in-law is one, but since we don't know anything about it, its hard to say.

Right - but what I think is odd is that if he came right out and said "I did it" with more or less no remorse, but was really nice to us (like he is now), I would feel differently and would never want anything to do with him. I do agree with others that it is a personal choice, but it's interesting.

 

[Steve Tasker]

Pretty sure there's a brother of a serial killer on the forums.

I don't remember if it was a serial killer or just a convicted murderer, but this is correct. Fascinating and very sad thread.

 

[Sabertooth]

2 in my family.

one we wrote off

the other is bipolar and we visit every week in a living facility

Do you visit because of some kind of sense of obligation or is that you want to see them? This is where I'm mixed, currently. I don't know this person outside of the letters he's sent and from the conversations we've had with other family members, but I kind of want to meet him and get to know him, and I really don't know why.

Then you should do it.

 

[Sabertooth]

Pretty sure there's a brother of a serial killer on the forums.

I don't remember if it was a serial killer or just a convicted murderer, but this is correct. Fascinating and very sad thread.

Netnalp is the guy. I think it's his last name backwards.