"You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today." - Abraham Lincoln
I look at all the BLM stuff since the murder of George Floyd and it breaks my heart, but not in the way one might think. Growing up on the seam between white & black urban neighborhoods, i watched a lot of young people just like me who were not at all like me. They were different because they woke up with a curse on their head and i didn't. It mattered not whether the curse played out in any particular fashion on any particular day. All that mattered is that they had to live as though it might.
I look at all the BLM stuff since the murder of George Floyd and i see young people with 1000x times the opportunity of those kids on the other side of Washington St in my youth, but just as cursed. Just as cursed, but cursing themselves as much as society does. Cursing themselves with obsession over a past they did not choose and a present they can't control.
I look at all the BLM stuff since the murder of George Floyd and i think of my Mary. Her hair was almost white and skin almost translucent, but she was the most cursed person i ever knew. As i've recounted before, she was not only molested from age 6-14 by her natural father but traded like a baseball card to other Wisconsin country club perv dads and actually had to "seduce" her father regularly once his attention turned to her younger brother in the hope that he might be the one of the five Lauer children not to feel their father's hot breath and cruel hand (she was successful).
My Mary kept her curse as well as she could, but all its facets showed on her face. Her features rarely softened, kept mostly in a defensive sneer. In the mornings, she'd flash into a rancid wince like dogs get when theyre overtaken by a growl. And, no matter how much fun she was having, i would occasionally see her eyes narrow and jaw tighten like a gunfighter and know she'd just been flooded by some subliminal flashcard of former violation.
My Mary could not handle the damage done to her subconscious without being loaded a good portion of the time, but she was adamant about it not affecting her consciously. In her life and family dealings, she firmly believed that letting what was going on in her insides affect her personal actions was letting the monsters molest her all over again and she simply would not allow it. She kept a relationship with her father and i'm almost sure she picked me as her partner in life because i was his match in verbal gamesmanship. She rarely talked about her childhood, except to say that it was taken from her,, but it was an honest pleasure to watch her engine whirrr in determination that neither her past nor even an addled present would impact what happened next
My Mary, above all, was a transcendent psychiatric nurse. We met working on an adolescent psych unit and, not only was she hard & hip in a way her charges adored, but she specialized in abused kids & queer kids & bullied kids and gave life to their minds and comfort to their hearts that the rest of the world had seemingly conspired to rob them of. She might coddle after a breakthrough or sumn, but was relentless the rest of the time - never letting them simmer in the rendered fat of their misfortunes nor tantrum to get some catharsis. My heart would swell to bear witness - you could just see the flow chart of all the future generations that would be less tainted because of the work she did that day. She'd leave Truckee Meadows Hospital as gassed as a baller who'd left everything on the court and was now counting the buckets she'd filled.
What has this to do with the FBG flix for July? Not a lot, but i dont discuss race around here much because talking about it among mostly white people is a waste of spacetime, so ima get my share out when i do. Certainly not much as far as Just Mercy goes - although i was glad to see a "black" movie that was just corny. Usually this kind of project is saddled with contrived nobilities by those who like to attach honorifics to victimhood, but this was an honest effort that mostly missed the mark, especially missing the fact that Harvard grads, even of color, carry the crimson arrogance they are taught, which would have brought a more palpable drama to the down-dressings of Deep Slouthness.
My quibble is with 13th. Ava Duvernay is an impressive talent. Her When They See Us is one of the very few films to help this ol' ofay internalize some of the curse of racism and her selections and analysis as host of the last season of TCM's The Essentials opened my eyes on some things. Her gift for polemics is apparent in 13th but all this talent will be mostly for naught unless she has a second gear.
It's time for Miss Duvernay and black people in general to learn the lesson my Mary did. She was not successful for herself, could not lose the the curse of her past nor gain full control of her present, but she was blindingly successful at affecting the future. The curse of institutionalized racism is real, just as my Mary's was, but the white world is not mostly racist, just as they are not mostly molesters. I'm comfortable saying a huge majority of us would, at the the very least, like this legacy of hate which stains, if not curses, us to be over and most would be glad to help. But black media people are still obsessed with and caught up in the catch & punish phase and are leading their people down a dead-end street.
Most non-blacks know the Curse is real, the pain is real, the death is real - the grocery lists aint helping, they're almost disqualifying help. The Curse didn't end with 100 years of "freedom", the Curse didn't end with 50 years of "equality". Black people dont have a past they chose for themselves nor a present they can control. The future is essentially their only unCursed domain- every second spent dwelling on the past or indulging the pain, confusion & hate they feel today detracts from that legacy. There are still molesters out there, but still giving them their moments ensures they will curse the future as well. If we dont have more corny, hopeful movies about black folk or polemics from filmmakers as talented as Ms Duvernay about black people leading America's future, the Curse will outlive Black Lives Matter.