Fed Up With Hosting A Christmas Gathering (1 Viewer)

[Psychopav]

Here's another, unconventional solution:

Instead of once a year with the extended families, it sounds like there are enough people to do a quarterly collective birthday celebration. Once a quarter, host a gathering to celebrate everyone who had/have birthdays that quarter. Include Jesus in Q4 and Christmas becomes part of it. But you can do it in October if you want to.

Wala! Problem solved.

 

[SWC]

We are getting a little taste of this year. We moved this year so we aren't traveling for Christmas. Oldest son met a girl here in town so he is going to hang with her family on Christmas Eve. We had no real plans so it's no big deal but I can't help but feel a little sad about it.

I was in my big shop on Saturday night unpacking and putting stuff away. I'm a bit of a pack rat when it comes to the kids trophies, hobbies, things they have made or given me over time.....so I have a section in my shop for each of them where I display their knick-knacks and such.

I'm out there and all of a sudden I'm just crying. I'm thinking to myself....they are almost out of here and that "kid" phase is over now. And man it really hit me.

i call this the clark griswold moment brohan we all go through it no way around it just be thankful you werent stuck in an attic take that to the bank brochacho

 

[General Malaise]

Once he added the info about folks being > 1,000 miles away I think it really drove home the point how hard it is to get everybody together in one spot at the same time. That's a LOT of distance. Too far to drive in most cases, especially if you live in a region where weather is a factor. Airfare is egregiously expensive right now - family of 5 going to Detroit was close to $4K for us. To DETROIT.....you know, where the Rebels' had their secret base in Empire Strikes Back. If I'm going to drop that kind of dough on a flight, I want to end up where it's warm and exotic and my drinks come with an umbrella.

 

[bigbottom]

I know it is difficult, but your attendees are also experiencing the stress and agitation of trying to attend umpteen different holiday celebrations, with the various hosts making them feel guilty/obligated. Maybe consider letting them off the hook and giving them one less event to have to coordinate. Instead, consider hosting a party for 2025 the weekend of Jan 3-4. Hopefully you can get most everyone there.

This is a great idea, but we have people coming in from lots of different places visiting people in multiple states.

You could improve the odds by polling people about potential dates ahead of time, and then just choose the one that the most people indicate works for them.

There only is need for polling in trying to coordinate something as an alternative the week before or the week after (which gets bogged down by work, travel arrangements, people having other plans or holiday parties, etc.). The biggest issue is that Xmas Eve is spent with their SO's family and Xmas day is with their other parent's family (ie, our exes) every year and they won't budge. I get that people have to be flexible, but all the other get togethers are locked in and etched in stone. The way we did it when the kids were younger is we alternated years . . . but that fell off once they were out of the house.

Maybe you and the Mrs. and anybody else connected to you should go a little vacation and enjoy your time not stressing about anybody else. Dine out, pamper yourselves and just send the message that you're done being 3rd or 4th fiddle.

My wife and I did similar. Too many places to go, too many people who have expectations about the pecking order/etc. About ten years ago, we decided it was time for us to enjoy the holidays instead of doing a "my family / your family" tour.

We bascially said "we're going to start our own traditions". For us that meant springing for our favorite expensive wine / hot tub xmas eve, and then exchanging gifts and cooking a nice meal together xmas day. Yes, we're alone (no kids), and it's glorious. My family all got on board - my brother hosts a stress-free "if you can make it" post-holiday get-together mid-to-late January.

And please, those of you with adult kids - do not put any pressure on them. If it means they don't get to your house, then that's what it means. Don't be insulted - let them enjoy their holidays instead of figuring out the logistics of a rushed, box-checking appearance.

Does your wife have a fear of jumpy castles and a lesbian childhood best friend?

 

[Chadstroma]

Luckily, it has been pretty simplified in my life...

As a kid where basically none of my fathers side of the family was ever involved in my life (I know/knew one Aunt from my Fathers side and really didn't know my Father either). So, Christmas was all about either being at home and then going to my maternal Grandparents or staying at my Grandparents. We would also have a little trip over to my Mother's best friends parents house where we would have another Christmas there (My Mom's best friend being like an Aunt and her parents like Grandparents).

Now, I live in the Chicago area where as most of my side of the family is still in So Cal. My inlaws are also about 10 minutes away. So, we wake up, have Christmas morning at home and then head over late morning to the inlaws and do the rest of the day there.

I do know of families that have struggled with that same thing and what I have seen is that some will just have their own immediate family Christmas time way before or after actual Christmas. That way all the immediate family can make it and not have to juggle the time with other families and so forth. It kind of sucks that it isn't ON Christmas but really, Christmas is the idea and not the actual day. You can spend it with your family on any day and do all the same traditions and really not know the difference unless you think about it.

 

[Judge Smails]

My son is estranged from us and now his 2 sisters. I would do anything to have everyone together for the holidays. Perspective.

 

[Joe Bryant]

We have reached the tolerance limit for trying to host a Christmas get together. To summarize, we have a bunch of kids, all with significant others. To complicate matters, the kids have stepparents, their significant others also have parents that have remarried, and we are never considered a priority to merit a Top 1 or Top 2 timeslot (Xmas Eve or Xmas Day). The past few years, we tried to accommodate people and moved our get together time (was always Xmas Eve) to other days / times, but there was just as much grief, stress, and agitation. This year, we are going back to 12/24 and almost everyone has opted out. How do people schedule things, get people to actually attend, and not want to poke anyone's eyes out? Is there some secret elixir to drink to make stress free holidays a reality?

It's a stressful time of the year. You're not alone.

My take for what it's worth.

1. Do your best to pick a day that is available for the most people. Important Note: Do everything you can not to let your feelings get hurt on this. It may very well be the day AFTER Christmas is most convenient for people.
2. Schedule a chill get together focused not on the food or party stuff, but on being together. That might mean take out food and paper plates. It's not the dinner or drinks. It's the people.
3. Have the get together and relax. Major Important Note: Don't sweat it if some can't make it. That's life. Younger couples often have tons of pressure from parents and it can cause lots of stress. Do all you can not to be a source of stress for them.

Then enjoy.

As far as what it takes to get people together, it's just my opinion but I think people are attracted to a low stress chill time to be together. The more you can do that, the more folks will want to be there.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Also to note, I say this as someone who's now lost both their parents. My wife has just her dad and he's not doing great.

Time is short.

I think it makes sense to do what you can to be together.

 

[Todem]

We have reached the tolerance limit for trying to host a Christmas get together. To summarize, we have a bunch of kids, all with significant others. To complicate matters, the kids have stepparents, their significant others also have parents that have remarried, and we are never considered a priority to merit a Top 1 or Top 2 timeslot (Xmas Eve or Xmas Day). The past few years, we tried to accommodate people and moved our get together time (was always Xmas Eve) to other days / times, but there was just as much grief, stress, and agitation. This year, we are going back to 12/24 and almost everyone has opted out. How do people schedule things, get people to actually attend, and not want to poke anyone's eyes out? Is there some secret elixir to drink to make stress free holidays a reality?

My friend…..this is for you.

Problem solved.

Anytime my wife and I reach out wits end with family gatherings we text each other “Light the candle”

Enjoy.

- YouTube

Auf YouTube findest du die angesagtesten Videos und Tracks. Außerdem kannst du eigene Inhalte hochladen und mit Freunden oder gleich der ganzen Welt teilen.

youtu.be

 

[Todem]

Also to note, I say this as someone who's now lost both their parents. My wife has just her dad and he's not doing great.

Time is short.

I think it makes sense to do what you can to be together.

Agree 100%

But we still light the candle when we had enough.

Lol.

 

[Scoresman]

Was very relieved to hear my mom say this year was just going to be immediate family. No uncles coming with COVID, no nephews/nieces terrorizing the house with their new toys, just quiet.

 

[General Malaise]

Was very relieved to hear my mom say this year was just going to be immediate family. No uncles coming with COVID, no nephews/nieces terrorizing the house with their new toys, just quiet.

Any dogs allowed or are you worried that you might catch bubonic herpes the second a dog walks onto the floor?

 

[Scoresman]

Was very relieved to hear my mom say this year was just going to be immediate family. No uncles coming with COVID, no nephews/nieces terrorizing the house with their new toys, just quiet.

Any dogs allowed or are you worried that you might catch bubonic herpes the second a dog walks onto the floor?

Dogs are allowed. Small children are kept in the backyard. Hope its above 30 degrees this year.

 

[jwb]

I know it is difficult, but your attendees are also experiencing the stress and agitation of trying to attend umpteen different holiday celebrations, with the various hosts making them feel guilty/obligated. Maybe consider letting them off the hook and giving them one less event to have to coordinate. Instead, consider hosting a party for 2025 the weekend of Jan 3-4. Hopefully you can get most everyone there.

This is a great idea, but we have people coming in from lots of different places visiting people in multiple states.

You could improve the odds by polling people about potential dates ahead of time, and then just choose the one that the most people indicate works for them.

There only is need for polling in trying to coordinate something as an alternative the week before or the week after (which gets bogged down by work, travel arrangements, people having other plans or holiday parties, etc.). The biggest issue is that Xmas Eve is spent with their SO's family and Xmas day is with their other parent's family (ie, our exes) every year and they won't budge. I get that people have to be flexible, but all the other get togethers are locked in and etched in stone. The way we did it when the kids were younger is we alternated years . . . but that fell off once they were out of the house.

Maybe you and the Mrs. and anybody else connected to you should go a little vacation and enjoy your time not stressing about anybody else. Dine out, pamper yourselves and just send the message that you're done being 3rd or 4th fiddle.

My wife and I did similar. Too many places to go, too many people who have expectations about the pecking order/etc. About ten years ago, we decided it was time for us to enjoy the holidays instead of doing a "my family / your family" tour.

We bascially said "we're going to start our own traditions". For us that meant springing for our favorite expensive wine / hot tub xmas eve, and then exchanging gifts and cooking a nice meal together xmas day. Yes, we're alone (no kids), and it's glorious. My family all got on board - my brother hosts a stress-free "if you can make it" post-holiday get-together mid-to-late January.

And please, those of you with adult kids - do not put any pressure on them. If it means they don't get to your house, then that's what it means. Don't be insulted - let them enjoy their holidays instead of figuring out the logistics of a rushed, box-checking appearance.

Does your wife have a fear of jumpy castles and a lesbian childhood best friend?

I'm probably missing something really easy, but I do not get this - please explain.

 

[bigbottom]

I know it is difficult, but your attendees are also experiencing the stress and agitation of trying to attend umpteen different holiday celebrations, with the various hosts making them feel guilty/obligated. Maybe consider letting them off the hook and giving them one less event to have to coordinate. Instead, consider hosting a party for 2025 the weekend of Jan 3-4. Hopefully you can get most everyone there.

This is a great idea, but we have people coming in from lots of different places visiting people in multiple states.

You could improve the odds by polling people about potential dates ahead of time, and then just choose the one that the most people indicate works for them.

There only is need for polling in trying to coordinate something as an alternative the week before or the week after (which gets bogged down by work, travel arrangements, people having other plans or holiday parties, etc.). The biggest issue is that Xmas Eve is spent with their SO's family and Xmas day is with their other parent's family (ie, our exes) every year and they won't budge. I get that people have to be flexible, but all the other get togethers are locked in and etched in stone. The way we did it when the kids were younger is we alternated years . . . but that fell off once they were out of the house.

Maybe you and the Mrs. and anybody else connected to you should go a little vacation and enjoy your time not stressing about anybody else. Dine out, pamper yourselves and just send the message that you're done being 3rd or 4th fiddle.

My wife and I did similar. Too many places to go, too many people who have expectations about the pecking order/etc. About ten years ago, we decided it was time for us to enjoy the holidays instead of doing a "my family / your family" tour.

We bascially said "we're going to start our own traditions". For us that meant springing for our favorite expensive wine / hot tub xmas eve, and then exchanging gifts and cooking a nice meal together xmas day. Yes, we're alone (no kids), and it's glorious. My family all got on board - my brother hosts a stress-free "if you can make it" post-holiday get-together mid-to-late January.

And please, those of you with adult kids - do not put any pressure on them. If it means they don't get to your house, then that's what it means. Don't be insulted - let them enjoy their holidays instead of figuring out the logistics of a rushed, box-checking appearance.

Does your wife have a fear of jumpy castles and a lesbian childhood best friend?

I'm probably missing something really easy, but I do not get this - please explain.

It was a Four Christmases reference (the main characters have a practice of avoiding family for the holidays).

Trailer

 

[Todem]

I know it is difficult, but your attendees are also experiencing the stress and agitation of trying to attend umpteen different holiday celebrations, with the various hosts making them feel guilty/obligated. Maybe consider letting them off the hook and giving them one less event to have to coordinate. Instead, consider hosting a party for 2025 the weekend of Jan 3-4. Hopefully you can get most everyone there.

This is a great idea, but we have people coming in from lots of different places visiting people in multiple states.

You could improve the odds by polling people about potential dates ahead of time, and then just choose the one that the most people indicate works for them.

There only is need for polling in trying to coordinate something as an alternative the week before or the week after (which gets bogged down by work, travel arrangements, people having other plans or holiday parties, etc.). The biggest issue is that Xmas Eve is spent with their SO's family and Xmas day is with their other parent's family (ie, our exes) every year and they won't budge. I get that people have to be flexible, but all the other get togethers are locked in and etched in stone. The way we did it when the kids were younger is we alternated years . . . but that fell off once they were out of the house.

Maybe you and the Mrs. and anybody else connected to you should go a little vacation and enjoy your time not stressing about anybody else. Dine out, pamper yourselves and just send the message that you're done being 3rd or 4th fiddle.

My wife and I did similar. Too many places to go, too many people who have expectations about the pecking order/etc. About ten years ago, we decided it was time for us to enjoy the holidays instead of doing a "my family / your family" tour.

We bascially said "we're going to start our own traditions". For us that meant springing for our favorite expensive wine / hot tub xmas eve, and then exchanging gifts and cooking a nice meal together xmas day. Yes, we're alone (no kids), and it's glorious. My family all got on board - my brother hosts a stress-free "if you can make it" post-holiday get-together mid-to-late January.

And please, those of you with adult kids - do not put any pressure on them. If it means they don't get to your house, then that's what it means. Don't be insulted - let them enjoy their holidays instead of figuring out the logistics of a rushed, box-checking appearance.

Does your wife have a fear of jumpy castles and a lesbian childhood best friend?

I'm probably missing something really easy, but I do not get this - please explain.

It was a Four Christmases reference (the main characters have a practice of avoiding family for the holidays).

Trailer

Top 5 Christmas movie in our house.

“We can’t make it for Christmas, we are inoculating babies in Burma”

 

[jwb]

I know it is difficult, but your attendees are also experiencing the stress and agitation of trying to attend umpteen different holiday celebrations, with the various hosts making them feel guilty/obligated. Maybe consider letting them off the hook and giving them one less event to have to coordinate. Instead, consider hosting a party for 2025 the weekend of Jan 3-4. Hopefully you can get most everyone there.

This is a great idea, but we have people coming in from lots of different places visiting people in multiple states.

You could improve the odds by polling people about potential dates ahead of time, and then just choose the one that the most people indicate works for them.

There only is need for polling in trying to coordinate something as an alternative the week before or the week after (which gets bogged down by work, travel arrangements, people having other plans or holiday parties, etc.). The biggest issue is that Xmas Eve is spent with their SO's family and Xmas day is with their other parent's family (ie, our exes) every year and they won't budge. I get that people have to be flexible, but all the other get togethers are locked in and etched in stone. The way we did it when the kids were younger is we alternated years . . . but that fell off once they were out of the house.

Maybe you and the Mrs. and anybody else connected to you should go a little vacation and enjoy your time not stressing about anybody else. Dine out, pamper yourselves and just send the message that you're done being 3rd or 4th fiddle.

My wife and I did similar. Too many places to go, too many people who have expectations about the pecking order/etc. About ten years ago, we decided it was time for us to enjoy the holidays instead of doing a "my family / your family" tour.

We bascially said "we're going to start our own traditions". For us that meant springing for our favorite expensive wine / hot tub xmas eve, and then exchanging gifts and cooking a nice meal together xmas day. Yes, we're alone (no kids), and it's glorious. My family all got on board - my brother hosts a stress-free "if you can make it" post-holiday get-together mid-to-late January.

And please, those of you with adult kids - do not put any pressure on them. If it means they don't get to your house, then that's what it means. Don't be insulted - let them enjoy their holidays instead of figuring out the logistics of a rushed, box-checking appearance.

Does your wife have a fear of jumpy castles and a lesbian childhood best friend?

I'm probably missing something really easy, but I do not get this - please explain.

It was a Four Christmases reference (the main characters have a practice of avoiding family for the holidays).

Trailer

ahh, got it. I never saw it - I should recitify that. Thanks.

 

[mr. furley]

not sure if people are still doing this but my dad's side of the family did a round robin around Christmas every year. a couple hours at each brother or sister's place starting around lunch and ending well after midnight.

the kids of the hosts would be at their parent's houses if they could make it.. some traveled to the other houses depending on ages and/or interest level and at the end of the night everyone but the final host drove home absolutely ****housed.

was a big hit