Funny Things You Adults Have Said (1 Viewer)

[ChiefD]

So this winter I remodeled our master bathroom. I did everything - sheetrock, tile, shower pan, painting, trim work, plumbing....the works.

So tonight my wife is in the shower:

Wife: ”I love my new shower honey. It’s my happy place. I could stay in here all day.”

Me: “I should have built that shower in my pants.”

 

[El Floppo]

They say the darnedest things.

 

[ProstheticRGK]

So this winter I remodeled our master bathroom. I did everything - sheetrock, tile, shower pan, painting, trim work, plumbing....the works.

So tonight my wife is in the shower:

Wife: ”I love my new shower honey. It’s my happy place. I could stay in here all day.”

Me: “I should have built that shower in my pants.”

you’d need a lot of Gold Bond powder for that.

 

[chet]

My friend telling me I was "jelly" (jealous) of his tax status.

I said, "I am  more of a jam guy--do you know the difference between jam and jelly?"

Him: I think I do but tell me.

Me:  I can't jelly my #### into your ###.

 

[AAABatteries]

My friend telling me I was "jelly" (jealous) of his tax status.

I said, "I am  more of a jam guy--do you know the difference between jam and jelly?"

Him: I think I do but tell me.

Me:  I can't jelly my #### into your ###.

Sounds like he’s a good friend.

 

[AAABatteries]

I once told this guy on the internet that implied he could jam his #### in his friends ### that his friend must be a good friend to allow that.

 

[brun]

Many years ago I told my soon to be wife a joke that she made even funnier. 

Me - How do you keep an ### in suspense? 

Her - I don't know. 

Me - I'll tell you tomorrow. 

That's usually the end of the joke but she replied, "No! Tell me now!"

 

[SWC]

My friend telling me I was "jelly" (jealous) of his tax status.

I said, "I am  more of a jam guy--do you know the difference between jam and jelly?"

Him: I think I do but tell me.

Me:  I can't jelly my #### into your ###.

he said funny things brohan take that to the bank. 

 

[ChiefD]

My friend telling me I was "jelly" (jealous) of his tax status.

I said, "I am  more of a jam guy--do you know the difference between jam and jelly?"

Him: I think I do but tell me.

Me:  I can't jelly my #### into your ###.

I'm not sure I want to party with you.

 

[E Street Brat]

My friend telling me I was "jelly" (jealous) of his tax status.

I said, "I am  more of a jam guy--do you know the difference between jam and jelly?"

Him: I think I do but tell me.

Me:  I can't jelly my #### into your ###.

WTF.

 

[Clown Car]

Our homeschool co op is doing anatomy this year. There are 4 families. Another mom was doing the lecture today about the human reproduction systems and to start the lecture she has the kids tell her stuff they already know. One kid (not mine) says she thinks there is an animal that gets pregnant by just looking at each other*. My friend replies “I’ve never heard of that but if there is it’s probably the clowncars.”
 

*this is why it’s important to talk to your kids about sex.