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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

Clown Car said:
I was cooking and someone left there trike in the middle of the kitchen. I hollered someone come get this out of here. 

#10, 3yo hollers back “no I put that in there to stay FOREVER (then echoes quieter and quieter) Forever forever {forever}
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Clown Car said:
I was cooking and someone left there trike in the middle of the kitchen. I hollered someone come get this out of here. 

#10, 3yo hollers back “no I put that in there to stay FOREVER (then echoes quieter and quieter) Forever forever {forever}
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I have to say this is funnier the 2nd time....

 
"most of the time it is just a peener, but when I wake up it is a peenersaraus-rex"

My 6yo upon me noticing his boner while he was getting dressed for school this morning. 

 
Last night I was playing ball with my 8-year old son, and he wanted me to pitch the soccer ball to him so he could swing a bat at it. Two pitches in, he hits the ball and the barrel of the bat somehow recoils and hits him square in the mouth. He runs inside to mom bleeding and crying, and I run inside after him:

Son: "OW OW OW OW OW OW OWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!"

Mom: "What happened?!"

Son: "THE BAT HIT ME IN THE MOUTH! THERE'S BLOOD! AM I GOING TO DIE?

Us: "You're not going to die. Let us see."

Son: "Oh no it hit me in the tooth! [holds small tooth fragments in his hand; looks down; then starts feeling his left front tooth] I'M RUINED!!! [he mops up blood with a paper towel]

Me: [with sympathy for my son but also trying not to laugh as I gather up his tooth fragments] "You're not ruined. We'll take you to the dentist and they will fix it."

Son: "RUINED!!!!!"

He walks into the bathroom to take a look at himself in the mirror, calms down a bit, and walks out.

Son: "HEY, I LOOK LIKE LLOYD CHRISTMAS!!!"

 
Was getting the kids ready for school this morning and my daughter says "Daddy, I don't like the pledge of allegiance."  I asked her why, and she says "What does 'which it stands' even mean..... welllllll I know that witches are just make believe to scare kids, so it seems weird that the school would want to scare kids to start the day"

6 year-old philosopher. 

 
Jaysus said:
"most of the time it is just a peener, but when I wake up it is a peenersaraus-rex"

My 6yo upon me noticing his boner while he was getting dressed for school this morning. 
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:lmao:

 
Fleeing the hurricane today I was driving down i75. I packed lunch food and snacks so I didn’t have to stop, but I didn’t want them to start eating as soon as we left home then be hungry at lunch time. But I didn’t eat breakfast and packed a sandwich for myself separately. But #10 sees me and starts begging. So I hand him a sandwich to keep him quiet. Then he wants chips and candy and a drink...

I tell him to wait until everyone has a sandwich but I don’t want to get everything out yet. So I’m trying to tell him quietly.  He yells out to everyone behind him “hey does everyone want a sandwich?”

 
Clown Car said:
Fleeing the hurricane today I was driving down i75. I packed lunch food and snacks so I didn’t have to stop, but I didn’t want them to start eating as soon as we left home then be hungry at lunch time. But I didn’t eat breakfast and packed a sandwich for myself separately. But #10 sees me and starts begging. So I hand him a sandwich to keep him quiet. Then he wants chips and candy and a drink...

I tell him to wait until everyone has a sandwich but I don’t want to get everything out yet. So I’m trying to tell him quietly.  He yells out to everyone behind him “hey does everyone want a sandwich?”
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I cannot even imagine your food costs. 

 
Me: "Aww, you girls bring so much happiness into my life!"  :D

7yo: "Daddy you bring so much hairiness into our life."

 
My 13-yo daughter told me today how appreciative she is for all the little things I teach her about life, being independent, thinking, manners, goals...to me, just being a dad. ?

We were talking about my youngest son staying home alone for a short time by himself as he stretches his independence, and she said she used to plan for the day when she stayed home alone for the first time. 

She said she wanted to bang pots and pans together. 

I had never heard this before and we laughed even as she said it. 

So I go, “Did you do it?”

YES! ~more laughter~ ?

 
The weekend before last KanilJr (7yo) was singing that damn "baby shark" song to his 2yo cousin while they were over for a visit.  The next day I had the song stuck in my head and complained about it to my wife and he heard me.  So for the last 10 days or so, every once in a while my kid will come over and have some sort of variant of to this conversation, each time mixing it up a bit so I don't expect it:

KanilJr: Hey Dad, guess what?

Me: Chicken butt

KanilJr: *rollseyes* I'm not joking

Me: Ok, what?

KanilJr: BAAAAABY SHARK DO DO DO DO DO

Me: :rant:

At this point I've threatened to ground him until he's married but he called my bluff.  I'm now at the mercy of a 7yo and, for the first time in my life, I'm truly afraid.

 
So the other day I was watching football with my 8 year old daughter. We were talking about who was playing, and so I told her:

Me: Baltimore

Her: The Baltimore Raisins?

Me and Her:  :lmao:

So for the next half hour, she came up with these gems:

The Kansas City Briefs

The Carolina Pancakes

The New York Pets

The Chicago Pears

The Pittsburgh Stinkers 

The LA Grape Jams

 
Clown Car said:
It’s really not too bad. They don’t eat too much. I budget about $1000 a month for groceries which includes dog food, toiletries, etc. 
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I can see how feeding them dogfood might bring costs down.

Btw... Great you can laugh about the food situation while evacuating- that kind of thing would turn my wife seriously angry and mean.

 
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El Floppo said:
I can see how feeding them dogfood might bring costs down.

Btw... Great you can laugh about the food situation while evacuating- that kind of thing would turn my wife seriously angry and mean.
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I’m meaner at home under ordinary circumstances. That’s when I get mad because stuff isn’t done or done all the way or done right. But road trips are my fun wheelhouse. I’m flexible, fun, not having any expectations. Even if my mom is dying and a hurricane is coming. Far more fun on a road trip than sitting at home. 

 
Kanil said:
The weekend before last KanilJr (7yo) was singing that damn "baby shark" song to his 2yo cousin while they were over for a visit.  The next day I had the song stuck in my head and complained about it to my wife and he heard me.  So for the last 10 days or so, every once in a while my kid will come over and have some sort of variant of to this conversation, each time mixing it up a bit so I don't expect it:

KanilJr: Hey Dad, guess what?

Me: Chicken butt

KanilJr: *rollseyes* I'm not joking

Me: Ok, what?

KanilJr: BAAAAABY SHARK DO DO DO DO DO

Me: :rant:

At this point I've threatened to ground him until he's married but he called my bluff.  I'm now at the mercy of a 7yo and, for the first time in my life, I'm truly afraid.
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Is this some sort of well-known song or is this just a crazy coincidence?  My 3YO watches that frigging youtube video non stop.

 
My four year old son recently entered the poop-joke phase. Grandma was in town this week and I overheard the following conversation:

(Grandma is cutting up a watermelon)

Son: Grandma, do you like watermelon?

Grandma: I LOVE watermelon... but do you know what I love more?

Son: What?

Grandma: You!

Son: Grandma, do you know what I love more?

Grandma: What?

Son: poo-poo

 
Kanil said:
At this point I've threatened to ground him until he's married but he called my bluff.  I'm now at the mercy of a 7yo and, for the first time in my life, I'm truly afraid.
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It's time for war.  Play "Muskrat Love" loudly with the windows down when you pick him up from school.  Repeat with different, equally awful songs as needed.

 
TobiasFunke said:
Is this some sort of well-known song or is this just a crazy coincidence?  My 3YO watches that frigging youtube video non stop.
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Daddy shark do do do do do do......

My oldest might kill all of us if he hears it one more time.  I might purposely sing it whenever he tries to ask me a question.

 
Last night I started mixing it with the song from the muppets…. BAAAABY SHARK, Do-do-dododo, mana mana.  KanilJr is not a fan.  Paybacks!

 
My 10-yo son is smart as a whip and reads a ton.

A few days ago I went upstairs to his room because it was getting to be time to go to bed. I was surprised he was already in bed with the lights off and I told him that.

He said, “I decided to take your advice and go to bed on my own accord.”

 
The other day I was picking up my two year old son from day care, and he was running around all over the place. I asked him, “Can I have some of your energy?”  He said, “No, all of my energy is in my diaper”. 

 
My 5 year old daughter was having her usual attitude and just being grumpy. 

My wife:  "Go up to your room and go to bed.  And I hope when you wake up tomorrow you're in a better mood"

My daughter:  "I won't be.  I'm not waking up.  I'm never waking up"

Me:  :lmao:

 
Driving home yesterday, its hot and my 9 yo had just played a game of soccer, so I'm blasting the AC in the car.  She covers up with a jacket so I ask if she's cold and wants the air turned down.

She says "I like it hot outside, cold inside and me hot and cold"  and before I can say anything she continues with "I am very complicated".

 
Having lunch and my daughter (8) turns to me and says dad the kids at school say **** is a bad word, why would someone name a store a bad word....she then proceeds to say **** about 50x. (Her younger brothers love ##### sporting goods, we go there a lot)

I ask my wife in the other room if she'd like to handle this one and she says it's all mine. ?

 
My husband walked into the kitchen and I started kissing him. #5 (14yo) starts saying “eeewww yuck nasty”. I said the more you complain the more we are doing it. So he starts carrying on more “aw gross, sick, bleh (dad I’m just helping you out here) gross boo.” We busted up laughing. 

 
Clown Car said:
My husband walked into the kitchen and I started kissing him. #5 (14yo) starts saying “eeewww yuck nasty”. I said the more you complain the more we are doing it. So he starts carrying on more “aw gross, sick, bleh (dad I’m just helping you out here) gross boo.” We busted up laughing. 
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COngratulations on your pregnancy. 

 
While watching a football game the other night:

My daughter: "Why are they wearing fanny packs?" 

My wife quickly said:  "Well, they have to keep their lipstick somewhere."  

Daughter:  "Are you serious?"

The rest of us:   :mellow:  then  :lol:

My daughter just turned 32.  

 
What's a "normal" age for learning the F word?  I think I heard my 6YO use it the other day, and when I tried to ask her what she'd just said she clammed up. 

 
TobiasFunke said:
What's a "normal" age for learning the F word?  I think I heard my 6YO use it the other day, and when I tried to ask her what she'd just said she clammed up. 
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Define “learning”.  When my son was 6 he got really mad one day to the point his face was bright red. You could see the frustration building in him and it culminated with him bursting out “Daddy, you’re a.......... you’re a ####ING”. He hasn’t used it since and I don’t think he knows what it means or how to properly use it, but he knows it’s a bad word

 
TobiasFunke said:
What's a "normal" age for learning the F word?  I think I heard my 6YO use it the other day, and when I tried to ask her what she'd just said she clammed up. 
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Dickies said:
Define “learning”.  When my son was 6 he got really mad one day to the point his face was bright red. You could see the frustration building in him and it culminated with him bursting out “Daddy, you’re a.......... you’re a ####ING”. He hasn’t used it since and I don’t think he knows what it means or how to properly use it, but he knows it’s a bad word
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Not to be a braggart but KanilJr dropped, "Are you effing kidding me!?!?", in perfect context within a couple weeks of turning 3.  #advanced

 
I haven't been ITT in a while and just got caught up on everything I missed. Some great stuff. Kids are crazy 

A couple months ago my then 20ish month old daughter was really into "Sing" which I'm sure most in here know, is a movie about a singing competition between animals. The housewife pig character sings a lot of Taylor Swift songs and "Shake it Off" is her big performance song. She's my daughter's favorite character.

Not long after we started watching, I was going over animals with her.

What does a dog say?...woof, woof

What does a cat say? ...meow, meow

What does a lamb say?...baa, baaa

What does a pig say? 

She paused for a second...

"Shake it off!"

 
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