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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

8 year old

dad was the 1400s a long time ago?

yes son

dad that’s when the pilgrims were in America 

yup I think you’re right

then in the 1500s the blacks were created

ummmm no son that’s not how it worked

 
So my 13 year old son and I were outside over the weekend shoveling the driveway. We had gotten about 4 inches of snow, but it had rained prior, so there was about 2 inches of hard packed ice on the driveway and sidewalks. 

It started to warm up, so I was able to scrape it off pretty easily with a hard edge steel shovel. So while I scraped the ice up, he would scoop the remainder and shovel it to the sides of the driveway. After awhile, I gave him the scraper and let him give it a try. 

Me: You are doing really good with that!

Him: Thanks, it's pretty easy.

Me: Well, in that case I now promote you to Senior Shoveling Manager.

Him: OK. Well, here you go, then. (hands me shovel and walks away)

 
KGB said:
6 year old in the bathroom (early morning): DAAAAAAAD!

Me: what

him: Come here

me: Man, whyd you pee all over the floor?

him: I was sitting down going to the bathroom and "it" just popped up and was peeing everywhere! Why did it do that?

me: Ok, its normal, dont worry about it.

him: does it happen to you too

me: >laughing< yes

him: Well that sucks!
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He's 21 now.  Time flies.  Ill have to show him this.

 
So last night the 17YO goes on a date.  Brings the girl back to the house at around 830.  They are watching a movie in sun room, so I retire to the bedroom to watch the news channels.  I fall asleep.  I wake up at around 1015 thinking I hear "dad, dad, dad".  As I'm in my sleepwear, I don't want to walkout if she is still there, so I grab my phone and call him. He says I just wanted to let you know she left. I'm like "ok".  Flash forward 45 minutes and I hear "dad, dad, dad", so I get up and walk to his room and ask "what's up"?  He says "look out my window".  2 police cruisers with police in my front yard with flash lights looking in our windows.  So I put some shorts on, and we go to front door.  "Sir, we got a 911 call from XXX-XXX-XXXX (my cell number).  Spend 5 minutes talking to really nice officers ensuring them all is good...............

I guess somehow after I tried calling him I accidentally called 911 when I put the phone down.

After they leave we all head to bed.............about 5 minutes later, he comes to my bedroom door and says "just think about the conversation we'd be having now if I had done this. I'll pocket this one for later use.  Good night".  

This morning as he comes out to get his breakfast that I cooked "I'm going to have fun explaining this to everyone at school, my phone has blown up that the cops were at my house last night.  How much is it worth?"  He laughs gives me that #### eating grin of his.

 
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Wife bought some printed photos from one of those Shutterfly websites, and some frames from a local store.  Decided she wanted me to hang them on the wall in the hallway.  She sat on the floor in the hall with our 5 y.o. and started taking the frames apart, removing the backs and matting or whatever, cleaning the glass and removing the stickers, loading the pictures in there, arranging them how she wanted, etc while I rummaged through the garage for picture hangers.  I came back in and told her that I couldn't find any, and was running to Home Depot.

While I'm gone, our 5 y.o. goes back into the hall, takes one of the frames apart, removes the picture, loads a blank coloring book page into it, puts it back together, and turns it face down on the floor and goes back to the living room with her mom.  

I came back, started putting hangers on the wall as my wife started pointing out which went where and at what height and all.  Daughter hides her secret frame behind her back until I'm all done, then the wife notices and says "oops one more, hand me that one behind you".  Daughter proudly holds it out and says "Daddy make sure you hang this one down low so I can get to it" as she shows it to us.  She explains that this way she can change the picture every day, as she pulls a dry erase marker out of her pocket and starts coloring on the glass, then swipes it away with her hand.  "See, hang it down low, and every day I can color Cinderella's clothes a different color to match whatever color I'm wearing!"  

Guess who has a framed Cinderella coloring book picture hanging 3 feet off the floor in their bedroom now....

 
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wlwiles said:
Wife bought some printed photos from one of those Shutterfly websites, and some frames from a local store.  Decided she wanted me to hang them on the wall in the hallway.  She sat on the floor in the hall with our 5 y.o. and started taking the frames apart, removing the backs and matting or whatever, cleaning the glass and removing the stickers, loading the pictures in there, arranging them how she wanted, etc while I rummaged through the garage for picture hangers.  I came back in and told her that I couldn't find any, and was running to Home Depot.

While I'm gone, our 5 y.o. goes back into the hall, takes one of the frames apart, removes the picture, loads a blank coloring book page into it, puts it back together, and turns it face down on the floor and goes back to the living room with her mom.  

I came back, started putting hangers on the wall as my wife started pointing out which went where and at what height and all.  Daughter hides her secret frame behind her back until I'm all done, then the wife notices and says "oops one more, hand me that one behind you".  Daughter proudly holds it out and says "Daddy make sure you hang this one down low so I can get to it" as she shows it to us.  She explains that this way she can change the picture every day, as she pulls a dry erase marker out of her pocket and starts coloring on the glass, then swipes it away with her hand.  "See, hang it down low, and every day I can color Cinderella's clothes a different color to match whatever color I'm wearing!"  

Guess who has a framed Cinderella coloring book picture hanging 3 feet off the floor in their bedroom now....
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@The Gator ?? 

 
My 8 year old daughter is just nuts.

We're getting ready to go out to eat. She is getting dressed and has this shirt with a tank top attached inside and is struggling to get it on. She comes down the stairs to me on the couch and asks for help.  I look at her and tell her to go ask her mother.

She glares at me and, in a very harsh tone full of disdain, says to me "Don't you even know anything about shirts?".

Then she leaves without waiting for a response.  I can hear my wife giggling in the other room.

 
The kids' mom and kids were grocery shopping at Smart & Final (love this place BTW), and they are in line.  It's one long line, socially-distanced, and there's this little gate thing with a TV screen by it which tells you when to go to your assigned checkout person.  

There's some grumpy middle-aged lady who's ahead of my family, and she's visibly flustered; huffing and puffing, looking around for an employee, etc... finally gets out of line and walks up to an employee to ask why the line was so slow (it was moving at a decent pace).  My wife lets her back in line and she's next up and gets her things checked out.

Well, apparently wife didn't have much in the buggy so got checked out pretty quick.... quick enough to see the grumpy chick in the parking lot, visibly flustered with putting bags in her trunk and then trying to back out of her parking space with people behind her.

Finally, once in my wife's car, my 8-year old boy announces "OK KAREN!!!"  :lol:

 
Not neccesarily funny, but completely awesome to hear your 11 year old signing along to the great Run DMC "Its Tricky"!

I guess its made quite the comeback on IG & Tik Tok?  Had no idea....

 
B Maverick said:
Not neccesarily funny, but completely awesome to hear your 11 year old signing along to the great Run DMC "Its Tricky"!

I guess its made quite the comeback on IG & Tik Tok?  Had no idea....
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My 10 year old daughter likes to play her playlist when we are in the car. I was grinning from ear to ear when AC/DC came on. 

Raised her well...

 
B Maverick said:
Not neccesarily funny, but completely awesome to hear your 11 year old signing along to the great Run DMC "Its Tricky"!

I guess its made quite the comeback on IG & Tik Tok?  Had no idea....
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This week on Jeopardy one of the categories was Alphabet Rockers or something.  The clue was "'80s rap trio: It's tricky to rock a rhyme to rock a rhyme that's right on time it's tricky... tricky tricky tricky tricky"  My 12 year old perks up, "Oh that is a Tic Tok song."

 
ChiefD said:
I don't know. That's pretty awesome in its own right. 
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I admit I was impressed and made her repeat it so I got it down right. But still ac/dc? That’s pretty good parenting. My youngests like to sing the “eye eye eye eye” part in the beginning of crazy train. That’s something, right?

 
Clown Car said:
I admit I was impressed and made her repeat it so I got it down right. But still ac/dc? That’s pretty good parenting. My youngests like to sing the “eye eye eye eye” part in the beginning of crazy train. That’s something, right?
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That song is on her playlist too.

:lol:

 
I have no idea why, but apparently my three year old boy thinks my wife and I are just employees. As one of us puts him to bed, he’ll state, “you were a good mommy today, here are your three coins.” Usually I get, “Mommy was better, you don’t get three coins,” and he’ll point to the three coins he found god knows where throughout the day and squirreled away.

 
ChiefD said:
My 10 year old daughter likes to play her playlist when we are in the car. I was grinning from ear to ear when AC/DC came on. 

Raised her well...
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I think my proudest musical moment was when the dj was going on about Earth Wind and Fire and my 11 yo yells "Just play Dancing in September and get on with it!"

I've also got her singing along to my 80s pop and 90s grunge.  I was more surprised to hear her singing Its Tricky then I was hearing her sing The Beautiful People.  

 
Gawain said:
I have no idea why, but apparently my three year old boy thinks my wife and I are just employees. As one of us puts him to bed, he’ll state, “you were a good mommy today, here are your three coins.” Usually I get, “Mommy was better, you don’t get three coins,” and he’ll point to the three coins he found god knows where throughout the day and squirreled away.
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Frugal and recognized good work.  Sounds like you are raising a fine young future middle manager right there.

 
We threw out some birdseed over the last few days for the backyard robins/cardinals/etc. with all the ice on the ground.  Daughter (5) looks out the window and notices a squirrel up on the table hogging a pile of seed for himself.  She runs to the door and throws it open:

Her: "Get out of here you cotton-headed ninnymuggins!" 

Me:  "Ah, leave him alone, squirrels have to eat too!" 

Her: "Well he already had enough, those little yellow birds barely got any! Besides, that squirrel doesn't do anything productive out there anyway!" 

 
3 of my kids had birthdays in February. They got cards with money from some family members. I had the oldest write thank you notes and the younger two were signing them. I put them in envelopes and sealed. #10 (6yo) says “wait! Shouldn’t we put money in there?”

 
Kid swindles me into taking her to Jersey Mike's for dinner yesterday.  She tells me she has a gift card.  Well if she's buying then I'm flying!  We get there, order and go to pay and the guy behind the counter tells us there is a balance due.  We are confused and he says there was $6.30 on the card.  Odd amount.  I look at the kid she says:

"Who gives someone a gift card for $6.30?  Tomorrow (friends name) and I are going to have a conversation about this"

 
My 25 year old just started a new, full time job this week.  It pays $23/hr. to start, which, for a kid with little experience coming off a 10 month pandemic layoff, is a pretty good gig.  He gets home from his FIRST DAY of work and proclaims "I think I'm being underpaid. I'll going to ask for a raise soon." 

 
Every single day when I get home from work my daughter races to the door to greet me (savoring it as long as I can!).  Before I can even get the door shut and my keys on the hook, usually both hands full of something, she blurts out whatever is the most exciting thing that's happened to her that particular day.   Yesterday: 

Her: "Daddy guess what!  Chris (cousin) came over this afternoon to play with me and we rode bikes out front!" 
Me: "That's awesome sweetie, I bet ya'll had fun!"
Her: "And Daddy, Chris said the F word!" 
Me (getting slightly concerned, as he's 8 and she's 5): "Uh oh, why did he say the F word?"
Her: "I don't know but he said it to me and to mommy. I told him he should just call it a toot but he called it an F word!"  

 
13 yo floppinho is a malaprop savant. 

He's considering his recent high school admissions and feeling good about himself, but still trying to determine his choice.

- I don't want to rest on my vowels here, but...

Wife and I... ?????????? :lol:

 
Mookie said:
My 25 year old just started a new, full time job this week.  It pays $23/hr. to start, which, for a kid with little experience coming off a 10 month pandemic layoff, is a pretty good gig.  He gets home from his FIRST DAY of work and proclaims "I think I'm being underpaid. I'll going to ask for a raise soon." 
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What’s he doing? Maybe I could apply. 

 
B Maverick said:
Kid swindles me into taking her to Jersey Mike's for dinner yesterday.  She tells me she has a gift card.  Well if she's buying then I'm flying!  We get there, order and go to pay and the guy behind the counter tells us there is a balance due.  We are confused and he says there was $6.30 on the card.  Odd amount.  I look at the kid she says:

"Who gives someone a gift card for $6.30?  Tomorrow (friends name) and I are going to have a conversation about this"
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Turns out the gift card was actually my daughters that her friend had taken and forgot to give back.  My kid had used it before so thats why there was only $6.30.  :lmao:

 
Watching CBS Sports Network, some random college hoops game, and a commercial for an arthritis cream comes on.

10-year-old nirad3ette:  Daddy, you could use some of that.

Me:  😐  what?

nirad3ette:  It's an arthritis cream.

Me:  I don't need that.  I have arthritis?  I mean, my wrist was hurting a few months ago but I think that was tendonitis.

nirad3ette:  Or it was smallpox.

Me:  :lol:   wth?

 
wlwiles said:
Every single day when I get home from work my daughter races to the door to greet me (savoring it as long as I can!).  Before I can even get the door shut and my keys on the hook, usually both hands full of something, she blurts out whatever is the most exciting thing that's happened to her that particular day.   Yesterday: 

Her: "Daddy guess what!  Chris (cousin) came over this afternoon to play with me and we rode bikes out front!" 
Me: "That's awesome sweetie, I bet ya'll had fun!"
Her: "And Daddy, Chris said the F word!" 
Me (getting slightly concerned, as he's 8 and she's 5): "Uh oh, why did he say the F word?"
Her: "I don't know but he said it to me and to mommy. I told him he should just call it a toot but he called it an F word!"  
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Reminds me when my son was at daycare years ago.

We were always pretty careful around our kids when they were little (and still to an extent now with teenagers)...but even tried to keep them from saying "stupid".

Well, picking him up one day the teacher in his room pulled me aside and said... 

her: "little Nuff said a bad word today"

me:  "oh, what was it?"

her:  "started with s"

me:  "oh, he called someone stupid?"

her:  "no, worse than that'

me: "are you sure"

her:  "yeah, well he said it three times in a row as he was frustrated with a toy"

 
My teen is in full on awkward/self-conscious mode now, and getting the full impact of having a 6 year old around with no filter.  

Yesterday was:

Her:  Bro, what's that big red thing on your face?

Him:  *sigh*  A pimple.  

Her:   Eeewww, what's a pimple??! 

A couple days ago at the table it was a not so quite whisper to me " Dad, Bro's growing a moustache like you now!" 

:lmao:    I am enjoying it, just because the heat is off me and pointing out my bald head and hairy arms every other day! 

 
#10 (6yo boy) wanted some Mac and cheese.  I said no and did something else. He gets out a pot, fills it with water, pours two boxes of Mac and cheese and the cheese powder, and stirs it on a stool in the pantry. He said it tasted ok but the noodles were too hard. I explained he needed to boil the noodles.
 

He said “well I used hot water”

 
Clown Car said:
#10 (6yo boy) wanted some Mac and cheese.  I said no and did something else. He gets out a pot, fills it with water, pours two boxes of Mac and cheese and the cheese powder, and stirs it on a stool in the pantry. He said it tasted ok but the noodles were too hard. I explained he needed to boil the noodles.
 

He said “well I used hot water”
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Bless that kid for taking the initiative. My kids would just sit and starve instead of helping themselves to food.

 
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