Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

[mr roboto]

My girls (8 and 6) share a room. Right next to that is our baby's nursery (4 months). So in the morning when my wife is in there feeding the baby she hears the older girls' conversations (but the girls have no idea we can hear them). They really like to make up songs...

6 year old singing...

"We're Girl Scouts. We never say the s word!  We'll never say the w word! We'll never, ever quit!" (repeat 27x)

8 year old: what's the w word?!??

6 yo: well I'm a Girl Scout so I'll never say it!

8 yo: also make sure you never say the f word!

6yo: what's the f word?!?!?

***wife furiously bangs the wall common than both rooms "OK OK!  That's enough singing about words!"

 

[Sconch]

My girls (8 and 6) share a room. Right next to that is our baby's nursery (4 months). So in the morning when my wife is in there feeding the baby she hears the older girls' conversations (but the girls have no idea we can hear them). They really like to make up songs...

6 year old singing...

"We're Girl Scouts. We never say the s word!  We'll never say the w word! We'll never, ever quit!" (repeat 27x)

8 year old: what's the w word?!??

6 yo: well I'm a Girl Scout so I'll never say it!

8 yo: also make sure you never say the f word!

6yo: what's the f word?!?!?

***wife furiously bangs the wall common than both rooms "OK OK!  That's enough singing about words!"

What's the "W-word"?

 

[mr roboto]

What's the "W-word"?

She won't tell me. 

 

[Joe Summer]

wagina?

 

[B Maverick]

So my 7 yo has been ending conversations with "ok, Mind Blown"

This morning she asked about last nights soccer game I played in

Did you have fun?

Yes

Did you win?

Yes

Did you score?

Yes, a few

What was the score?

22-14

wow! Mind Blown!

 

[bcdjr1]

So my 7 yo has been ending conversations with "ok, Mind Blown"

This morning she asked about last nights soccer game I played in

Did you have fun?

Yes

Did you win?

Yes

Did you score?

Yes, a few

What was the score?

22-14

wow! Mind Blown!

22-14 in a soccer game? That is mind blowing.

 

[B Maverick]

22-14 in a soccer game? That is mind blowing.

It was indoor soccer, smaller fields so usually scores are 17-14.  We just had a plus game with our shots... but yeah.

Another example:

Superman is on Supergirl? Mind Blown!

 

[GroveDiesel]

My 7 year old just farted near my head and said "I just skunked daddy!" 

No idea where she heard that phrase.

 

[fred_1_15301]

Wife tells me son is going to get his flu shot tomorrow.  I look at her funny and look over at him expecting to see horror.  

He throws his hands up and says happily, "I get a token and I get to pee in a cup!!!"  I'm like WTF and ask the wife to clarify.  

She says they have a cheap toy gumball machine and "a Pokin' gets a token."  He was in two weeks ago to have an infection looked at and apparently begged to the doctor, "Do I get a shot!!!!"

 

[fred_1_15301]

My son is 2 and he pronounces the word "truck" as "f uck".  Is it wrong that we keep baiting him into saying the word truck and then laughing uncontrollably?

 

[jhib]

My son is 2 and he pronounces the word "truck" as "f uck".  Is it wrong that we keep baiting him into saying the word truck and then laughing uncontrollably?

  My daughter had a friend who did that.  I had a really hard time holding in the laughter when he would tell me about his favorite toy - his dumb f***.

Not to give you any ideas, but if he doesn't have a toy dump truck yet, it might be time to get him one.

 

[fred_1_15301]

  My daughter had a friend who did that.  I had a really hard time holding in the laughter when he would tell me about his favorite toy - his dumb f***.

Not to give you any ideas, but if he doesn't have a toy dump truck yet, it might be time to get him one.

    Now that I think about it he says "dumb f uck" all the time and I never even put it together

 

[Fat Nick]

Wife tells me son is going to get his flu shot tomorrow.  I look at her funny and look over at him expecting to see horror.  

He throws his hands up and says happily, "I get a token and I get to pee in a cup!!!"  I'm like WTF and ask the wife to clarify.  

She says they have a cheap toy gumball machine and "a Pokin' gets a token."  He was in two weeks ago to have an infection looked at and apparently begged to the doctor, "Do I get a shot!!!!"

If I was young and single I'd get this printed on a shirt and wear it to the bar.

 

[El Floppo]

My son is 2 and he pronounces the word "truck" as "f uck".  Is it wrong that we keep baiting him into saying the word truck and then laughing uncontrollably?

  My daughter had a friend who did that.  I had a really hard time holding in the laughter when he would tell me about his favorite toy - his dumb f***.

Not to give you any ideas, but if he doesn't have a toy dump truck yet, it might be time to get him one.

somewhere back a bunch of pages I"m sure I wrote about Floppinha screaming "daddy- where's my CAWK!?" repeatedly at the playground when she was 2ish (wanting chalk).

 

[MikeIke]

My son is 2 and he pronounces the word "truck" as "f uck".  Is it wrong that we keep baiting him into saying the word truck and then laughing uncontrollably?

Wait until he starts watching Thomas the Tank Engine. Thomas' best friend is named Percy. Most kids can't pronounce the -er sound correctly, and it comes out sounding like -uh. So the kids talk about how much they love {body part Trump likes to grab}

 

[fred_1_15301]

Wait until he starts watching Thomas the Tank Engine. Thomas' best friend is named Percy. Most kids can't pronounce the -er sound correctly, and it comes out sounding like -uh. So the kids talk about how much they love {body part Trump likes to grab}

He just started watching that show but I don't think he's discovered Percy yet.  As a matter of fact, I think I may introduce him to our good friend Percy tonight     

 

[wikkidpissah]

Wait until he starts watching Thomas the Tank Engine. Thomas' best friend is named Percy. Most kids can't pronounce the -er sound correctly, and it comes out sounding like -uh. So the kids talk about how much they love {body part Trump likes to grab}

 *hands daddy remote* "Show me where da Percy at". 

 

[fred_1_15301]

Wait until he starts watching Thomas the Tank Engine. Thomas' best friend is named Percy. Most kids can't pronounce the -er sound correctly, and it comes out sounding like -uh. So the kids talk about how much they love {body part Trump likes to grab}

Ironically my son requested to watch Thomas last night and I gladly abided      

Me:  "Say I love Percy"

Son:  "I love #####"

Me:  "Say I want Percy"

Son:  "I want #####"

Me:

Son:      

Wife:          

Me:

 

[mr roboto]

Can confirm the Percy-##### vowel shift. 

 

[Ned]

Ironically my son requested to watch Thomas last night and I gladly abided      

Me:  "Say I love Percy"

Son:  "I love #####"

Me:  "Say I want Percy"

Son:  "I want #####"

Me:

Son:      

Wife:          

Me:

 

And double  for doing it in front of the wife.

 

[Kanil]

My son is 2 and he pronounces the word "truck" as "f uck".  Is it wrong that we keep baiting him into saying the word truck and then laughing uncontrollably?

I don't give a truck, mommy.

 

[Jaysus]

This probably doesn't count, but I loved it and am sharing it anyway.  The letter of the week at my son's preschool is "F" and today is show and tell day: they usually bring in an object beginning with the letter of the week (side note: he wound up taking a firetruck).  

Cut to last night at a local Halloween parade.

We're chilling on a mat waiting for the parade to start while taking turns naming words that start with the letter F.

Me: "Fish"

Him: "Firetruck"

Me: "Fun"

Him: "Firetruck"

Me: "Fantastic"

Him: "Firetruck"

Me "Flower"

Him: "Firetruck"

Me: "friend"

Him: "Daddy you my friend" (gives me a huge hug) "I should take you for show and tell tomorrow!"

I love that dude. 

 

[The Hank]

My son is 2 and he pronounces the word "truck" as "f uck".  Is it wrong that we keep baiting him into saying the word truck and then laughing uncontrollably?

My 3 Y.O did this when he was 2 as well.

He went around telling everyone how much he loves his Monster F###s

 

[SFBayDuck]

I know these are mostly young kids, but the scattered mind of a 13 year old leads to some interesting comments.  Yesterday morning at breakfast, with about 3 seconds pause between the sentences:  

"I love bacon....Can we get a narwhal?"

 

[heckmanm]

School Assignment:  The Secret Knowledge of Grown Ups (the real reason for a grown up rule)

Rule # 502,563,398,521,038,901,131,190:  Pick your clothes up off the floor.

Official Reason:  So it's not messy.

Real Reason:  So the clothes don't come alive!  Every day your clothes get angrier and angrier because they're tired of being worn all day (especially the underwear) and want to take revenge.  It's already happened once, 300 years ago and almost destroyed the human race.  That's why they invented the coat hanger.

 "especially the underwear "

 

[B Maverick]

My 7 year old watching Disney Channel in another room comes running in....

"This how just got REAL!  They are now frames criminals!!"

uh, what are you watching?

"Bizaardvark"

 

[Joe Summer]

Playing soccer with my niece. She's 7. She picks up the ball and stuffs it under her shirt. "Look at me! I'm going to have a ball baby."

Then she gets all serious and says, "Oh, but they'll have to cut me open with a knife and rip the ball baby out. I'll probably die. I'm afraid the ball baby might not survive."

I tried to explain to her that it doesn't work like that, but she responded with "It will have to be that way because there's no way I'm pooping out a baby."

Kids are weird.

 

[Sconch]

Then she gets all serious and says, "Oh, but they'll have to cut me open with a knife and rip the ball baby out. I'll probably die. I'm afraid the ball baby might not survive."

 

Sounds like she caught Trump's scare tactics from the last debate.

 

[MikeIke]

My oldest is trying to teach my youngest how to play poker.  Youngest asks "What's a royal flush ? Is that when the king or queen takes a dump? " 

 

[fred_1_15301]

My oldest is trying to teach my youngest how to play poker.  Youngest asks "What's a royal flush ? Is that when the king or queen takes a dump? " 

I'm totally using this line when I'm in AC next month playing poker.    

 

[MikeIke]

Trick or treating ,  my son points across the road and says "Daddy ,  now I'm really scared. "  I couldn't see what he was pointing to until he explained . 

It was a Trump sign . 

 

[skol asylum]

A hip ramen place opened not too far from me.  It's jammed with Millennials, usually with a line out the door.  I went there once when wife and kids were out of town, and hit it again a couple times on the way to the airport.  Really good. Super trendy.

Wife kept saying she wanted to go, because as a mom she feels out of touch.  We tried once and it was too crowded.  Finally, she started pushing to take the kids despite my explaining it's not that kind of place.

I got home from a trip Friday and I finally agreed to meet there early between lunch and dinner crowd.  She brought our nine month and six years old.

Like I said, it's really good and trendy.  I love it.  It is not at all Americanized.

Wife complained about all the funky textures and the loud music and it turned into a rant on Millennials in general, who started to flood in by the time we were done.  No trace of anyone under 30, besides us.

I will note that our six year old has been watching Survivor with us, which is Gen X v. Millennials.  

As we are leaving, without warning or any reference to the above occurring during the meal, our six year old turns at the door, throws his hands up and proclaims, GO GEN X!

And we left.

 Hold up. Ramen noodles are now really good and super trendy? And there are specialty restaurants for them? Is this like Demolition Man where in the future all restaurants are taco bell?  

 

[cstu]

Trick or treating ,  my son points across the road and says "Daddy ,  now I'm really scared. "  I couldn't see what he was pointing to until he explained . 

It was a Trump sign . 

Reminded me of this conversation with my 8 year old daughter last night:

"What do you know about Trump?"

"He's mean."

"Anything else"

"He doesn't stay on topic."

Wife and I just looked at each where that came from.  I don't talk about it other than telling her Hillary would be the first woman President if she wins and we don't watch the news, but she did watch part of the last debate and must have heard a commentator afterward say that.  Either that or she's extremely perceptive for 8.

 

[cstu]

My oldest is trying to teach my youngest how to play poker.  Youngest asks "What's a royal flush ? Is that when the king or queen takes a dump? " 

Look who's the Joker.

 

[cstu]

Wait until he starts watching Thomas the Tank Engine. Thomas' best friend is named Percy. Most kids can't pronounce the -er sound correctly, and it comes out sounding like -uh. So the kids talk about how much they love {body part Trump likes to grab}

Truck Percy.

 

[GroveDiesel]

 Hold up. Ramen noodles are now really good and super trendy? And there are specialty restaurants for them? Is this like Demolition Man where in the future all restaurants are taco bell?  

Pretty sure they serve real ramen, not the cheap bricks sold in stores that college students live off of.

 

[jhib]

Truck Percy.

It's been a while since I had to sit through those shows, but IIRC,  Percy always was a bit of a percy.  

 

[Clown Car]

Trick or treating tonight. We live in an old small town. Houses can be 100 years old. The kids come running down one driveway and my 6yo hollers out "can we go to the good neighborhood now?"

 

[jhib]

Was at a neighbor's get together with my 14 yo son yesterday evening (wife was helping daughter finish up her college essay).  There was a good group of guys there, but a bit on the dorky side.  While we were watching TV later on, my son tells my wife, "It was a little weird seeing dad as the cool guy in a social situation."

 . OK, I figured I'd just take it as a compliment. 

One of the shows we watched was "The Goldbergs" (which takes place in the 80's) and they had a scene where Adam is going to the computer room during lunch to play games. Later on, my boy tells my wife with a chuckle,  "You know what I was saying about dad being the cool guy? It kind of disappeared when he was getting all excited about the Apple II+ and that Ultima IV game being on the show."

Brat. 

 

[Johnny Rock]

Was at a neighbor's get together with my 14 yo son yesterday evening (wife was helping daughter finish up her college essay).  There was a good group of guys there, but a bit on the dorky side.  While we were watching TV later on, my son tells my wife, "It was a little weird seeing dad as the cool guy in a social situation."

 . OK, I figured I'd just take it as a compliment. 

One of the shows we watched was "The Goldbergs" (which takes place in the 80's) and they had a scene where Adam is going to the computer room during lunch to play games. Later on, my boy tells my wife with a chuckle,  "You know what I was saying about dad being the cool guy? It kind of disappeared when he was getting all excited about the Apple II+ and that Ultima IV game being on the show."

Brat. 

Your son obviously doesn't know how awesome, addictive and ahead of its time Ultima games were. 

 

[jhib]

Your son obviously doesn't know how awesome, addictive and ahead of its time Ultima games were. 

Ultimate IV rocked.  Played it on Apple IIe at friend's house and Commodore 64 at home.  

See, this is why I've stayed around here for well over a decade.  You guys wanna come over and help me look cool again to my son?

 

[strykerpks]

Trick or treating.  Son out of nowhere: "What if your whole body was made out of  ankles?"  

Your son is Wheelhouse?

 

[Sconch]

One of the shows we watched was "The Goldbergs" (which takes place in the 80's)

Child abuse IMO

 

[jhib]

Child abuse IMO

Your face is child abuse. 

IMO

 

[Kanil]

So last Sunday we were doing nachos for the game.  MrsKanil asks KanilJr(5yo) to grab the chips out of the pantry and bring them to her... and then... it happened.

KanilJr: *Looking very confused at the chips* "Whose chips are these?"

At this point, my ears perk up because I know what's coming.  I'm giddy with anticipation...

MrsKanil: They're yours and mine and daddys.

KanilJr: No, I don't think so... (still looking at the bag very with a very confused look)

MrsKanil: Then whose are they?

KanilJr: Nach-Yo chips!!!!!!!!!!!!

MrsKanil: 

KanilJr: *Looks at me* "HAH, GOT HER!!!"

My 5yo is already working on the art of the dad joke.  I've never been more proud.

 

[fightingillini]

We went to a place and CNN was on the TV.  My 12 year old son turns and asks me....."Why is the Clinton News Network on TV everywhere?"

I just smiled and reminded myself......kids do listen to what you say.

 

[Sconch]

We went to a place and CNN was on the TV.  My 12 year old son turns and asks me....."Why is the Clinton News Network on TV everywhere?"

I just smiled and reminded myself......kids do listen to what you say.

I can always tell when one of my students is going to say something asinine when they start with "My dad says...."

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

So last Sunday we were doing nachos for the game.  MrsKanil asks KanilJr(5yo) to grab the chips out of the pantry and bring them to her... and then... it happened.

KanilJr: *Looking very confused at the chips* "Whose chips are these?"

At this point, my ears perk up because I know what's coming.  I'm giddy with anticipation...

MrsKanil: They're yours and mine and daddys.

KanilJr: No, I don't think so... (still looking at the bag very with a very confused look)

MrsKanil: Then whose are they?

KanilJr: Nach-Yo chips!!!!!!!!!!!!

MrsKanil: 

KanilJr: *Looks at me* "HAH, GOT HER!!!"

My 5yo is already working on the art of the dad joke.  I've never been more proud.

That is awesome.  Great targeting on your part and a great delivery by your kid.

Your wife is gonna go nuts.

 

[B Maverick]

so my wife relayed what my 7 year old was telling her...

Mom, I know zombies aren't real so don't worry.  But if we were being chased by one all you have to do is hit it with what killed the person originally and it would die.  So if it was run over by a car you just have to run it over again.  I think a bike will do though.

 

[snogger]

As good of a place as any to put this.. Daughter is a waitress and the other day she had a lady ask her this question:

Are there Tomatoes on the BLT??

Daughter just looked at her for a few seconds before responding with a nice  "ummm, yes there are tomatoes on the BLT"