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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Sack-Religious.
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Spin
Footballguy
I'm a big 9ers fan, so my 4 y/o is too, and yesterday he made me a replica of a 49ers v Rams game out of legos.
http://puu.sh/tJKx7/4e24e44187.jpg
When I saw it I said "Wow, that's awesome"
And he replied "Yah, I used girl characters for the Rams, cause they're a bunch of little girls".
In case you're wondering, Goofy is Kaepernick, and the random yellow lego towards the sideline up top is the football, but "Kaepernick through an incomplete pass". So clearly he's paying more attention to the games than I thought.
http://puu.sh/tJKx7/4e24e44187.jpg
When I saw it I said "Wow, that's awesome"
And he replied "Yah, I used girl characters for the Rams, cause they're a bunch of little girls".
In case you're wondering, Goofy is Kaepernick, and the random yellow lego towards the sideline up top is the football, but "Kaepernick through an incomplete pass". So clearly he's paying more attention to the games than I thought.
Cold Dead Hands
Footballguy
Prison Rules. Find the biggest, ugliest guy and hit him. Then no one will mess with you. Watch out for first day of preschool. This kid is set.
Gawain
Footballguy
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Clown Car
Footballguy
They aren't. Unless the magic world of gumball has a send up of Antigone they will never know that story.
Spin
Footballguy
Heh, you're telling me. He's already memorized his state and capitals, presidents in order, can do basic math, and is reading books at 1st/2nd grade level. I'm screwed.
Fat Nick
Footballguy
My kid is 2 1/2, which thus far I've found to be the golden age of random statements that leave both him and my wife in hysterics.
- About 5 days ago, I get home, and the first thing he says to me when I walk in the door is "Daddy! Where's my money?!?!" My wife provided the context that he asked where I was, and she said I was at work making money. So now he's said that a few times when I first see him in the evening. Wondering how long that one will stick.
- Last Friday, after his bath, we're getting him dressed in his PJ's, and he stands up, and very politely asks my wife, "Mommy, can you please get up!" Since he asked so nicely, she got up and said, "Sure buddy, what's up?" He then turns around and goes, "Mommy! Kiss my butt!" and bends over.
- I asked him last night if he was ready to get out of the tub. His reply was "No way Jose!" I asked him who Jose was. He said he didn't know.
- Lastly, he has begun doing this thing he calls the "booty booty dance" when his diaper is full. He stands with his legs spread wide, and shakes his hips back and forth, which makes his diaper swing, while yelling "Booty Booty Booty!"
AAABatteries
Footballguy
dickey moe
Fingerpicker
The other day, my 1st-grade son:
Son: "I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE!"
Me (trying not to laugh): "Did you learn that song from someone at school?"
Son: "Yeah. Vaughn's brother taught it to him and he was singing it at school."
Me: "Well that's not really appropriate, so please stop."
[...a few moments of silence]
Son: "I HAVE BIG NUTZ AND I CANNOT LIE!"
Son: "I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE!"
Me (trying not to laugh): "Did you learn that song from someone at school?"
Son: "Yeah. Vaughn's brother taught it to him and he was singing it at school."
Me: "Well that's not really appropriate, so please stop."
[...a few moments of silence]
Son: "I HAVE BIG NUTZ AND I CANNOT LIE!"
B Maverick
Footballguy
Found my 7 year old daughter sitting cross legged in her room looking like she was meditating
Me: What are you doing?
Her: I'm Relaxing
Me: What? ok...
Her: I was just doing downward dog
Me:
Me: What are you doing?
Her: I'm Relaxing
Me: What? ok...
Her: I was just doing downward dog
Me:
Clown Car
Footballguy
My teen boys help with my baby boys quite a bit. The 14yo was saying it won't be much different to be a dad. But his sister would have to go through childbirth to be a mom. The sister says he will have to do some stuff to be a dad and I said yeah but no one ever complains about that. All three teens get embarrassed and uncomfortable. I said if you can't talk to your mother about it you're not ready to do it.
13yo boy says "oh well crap. I will never do it."
13yo boy says "oh well crap. I will never do it."
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
B Maverick
Footballguy
So my 7 year old and her friend somehow got onto the song "Choppin Broccoli" and were signing it non stop complete with a full dance. For those of you not knowing the reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mXIL_LKvvI
Anyway last night it came up again and she tells me Choppin Broccoli actually means farting. So when asked who farted she said "it wasnt me choppin broccoli!"
Anyway last night it came up again and she tells me Choppin Broccoli actually means farting. So when asked who farted she said "it wasnt me choppin broccoli!"
Clown Car
Footballguy
So there was no article in the paper and you were just making stuff up and he followed? That's precious!My 6 year old is so fun.
We were at the dinner table with my wife last night. I asked him about his day at school and he wasn't sharing much, so I said, "I heard you rode a bull today at school. What was the bull's name?"
Without missing a beat, he said, "Shiny."
My wife's face was like.
I went on. Yeah, I read it in the paper today. "What was the paper's name?"
Riley: "The Austin Urer."
So we played along and I'd prompt him for details that he'd instantly provide. "What color was Shiny again?"
"Bronze. It's why he's shiny."
Went on to completely confuse the wife, which was fun.
A few minutes later, we were talking about his swim practice, and how he swam the length of the pool underwater. I said, "The Austin Urer said you saw something when you were underwater. I forgot what it was..."
Riley: "A medium sea turtle..."
The fact my wife was so confused about this and we never broke our deadpan that was great.
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Clown Car
Footballguy
Clown Car
Footballguy
This is cutesy funny. My 17yo let my 4yo do her make up and made a video.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=em-subs_digest&v=1Pf-6VQ1emI
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=em-subs_digest&v=1Pf-6VQ1emI
The Ref
Footballguy
I've created a monster in my family and my wife cousins family. I took my 8 year old daughter and my 8 year old nephew to see the Batman movie and we kind of made a big deal out of the password "Iorn Man Sucks". This whole week both of them have been saying it all week long.
You want the tablet Little ref, what do you say?
iron man sucks
You want the tablet Little ref, what do you say?
iron man sucks
FreeBaGeL
Footballguy
None of these are roll on the floor funny or anything, but I'm just glad my kid is old enough that I can contribute to this thread now.
From a 2 year old, two separate convos.
Him: The houses are all gone.
Me: Say what?
Him: What.
Me: Wassssssuuuuuuppppppp!?!?
Him: What are you talking about?
(I guess that's not cool anymore)
From a 2 year old, two separate convos.
Him: The houses are all gone.
Me: Say what?
Him: What.
Me: Wassssssuuuuuuppppppp!?!?
Him: What are you talking about?
(I guess that's not cool anymore)
El Floppo
Footballguy
love it.kinda similar (kid not trying to say something funny), my kids watched the beginning of the oscars with us last night. as the songs are going, we're asking 9yo floppinho who he'd take as his date in case he ever was nominated- can only take one. he's eyeing us both up, knowing that it's a trap... and wisely says "my wife". we tell him it's ok- we can all probably go to the auditorium too. now 5yo floppinha is usually in bed at 8:30 so was a bit tired as kimmel did his bit after the opening songs. then she just starts bawling. wife and I look at eachother and then our 9yo figuring he did or said something to put her over the edge... he shrugs (honestly).. nope.
- what's wrong?
- [bawling] I don't want to have to sit in that theater :sniff: ... it's so boring. [bawling]
Peak
Footballguy
Overheard the wife talking to our kids (8, 11, and 13 yrold) about her parents. Our 11yr old son asked why Grandma and Grandpa don't travel to fun places like Disney World or an amusement park. "Why do they always go to museums or churches? They're no fun!"
Wife explained they were older and enjoy seeing things that don't move around much and are historic. She ended by saying, "Remember - your Grandparents aren't Spring Chickens."
8yr old was playing a game on her phone - never looked up and said, "More like Winter Chickens! They move so slow they'll freeze in place!"
I was laughing so hard I was given the look from the wife that said "leave the room".
Wife explained they were older and enjoy seeing things that don't move around much and are historic. She ended by saying, "Remember - your Grandparents aren't Spring Chickens."
8yr old was playing a game on her phone - never looked up and said, "More like Winter Chickens! They move so slow they'll freeze in place!"
I was laughing so hard I was given the look from the wife that said "leave the room".
ChiefD
Footballguy
Overheard the wife talking to our kids (8, 11, and 13 yrold) about her parents. Our 11yr old son asked why Grandma and Grandpa don't travel to fun places like Disney World or an amusement park. "Why do they always go to museums or churches? They're no fun!"
Wife explained they were older and enjoy seeing things that don't move around much and are historic. She ended by saying, "Remember - your Grandparents aren't Spring Chickens."
8yr old was playing a game on her phone - never looked up and said, "More like Winter Chickens! They move so slow they'll freeze in place!"
I was laughing so hard I was given the look from the wife that said "leave the room".
odin33
Footballguy
Running errands over the weekend. 9 yo is constantly begging to go into Justice or Claire's (not that she needs anything from either). No substitute (Target, JC Penny's, any place that we may be able to find anything for someone else, etc) will do.
When pressed as to why Claires or Justice, in a matter of fact, semi-snarky voice she states "They get me"
The teen years are going to be fun...
When pressed as to why Claires or Justice, in a matter of fact, semi-snarky voice she states "They get me"
The teen years are going to be fun...
Keerock
Footballguy
I thank the good lord I have no idea what Justice or Claire's are...Running errands over the weekend. 9 yo is constantly begging to go into Justice or Claire's (not that she needs anything from either). No substitute (Target, JC Penny's, any place that we may be able to find anything for someone else, etc) will do.
When pressed as to why Claires or Justice, in a matter of fact, semi-snarky voice she states "They get me"
The teen years are going to be fun...
odin33
Footballguy
Just thought of one more. Probably a had to be there one but...
Lately we've been playing cards after dinner. (Anything other than shoving their faces into a device is a win in my book.)
9 yo is twitching and yelling at 6 yo to hurry up and hold your cards back. In other words, a normal night. After the first game or two, my wife shares the story of her grandfather (RIP) playing cards and obnoxiously saying " you're going down, down, down, down, down..." with thumbs down gesture when he use to win a game.
Well Friday night was the 6 year old's night. After hearing this story she proceeded to wipe the floor with us taking something obscene like 8 of the next 10, and doing the "down, down, down" thing every time. When she would win she'd giggle then DOWN DOWN DOWN!!!... then a giant barrel laugh.
Best part is she's missing a tooth on top, with a second hanging on by a thread, and one on the bottom.
Lately we've been playing cards after dinner. (Anything other than shoving their faces into a device is a win in my book.)
9 yo is twitching and yelling at 6 yo to hurry up and hold your cards back. In other words, a normal night. After the first game or two, my wife shares the story of her grandfather (RIP) playing cards and obnoxiously saying " you're going down, down, down, down, down..." with thumbs down gesture when he use to win a game.
Well Friday night was the 6 year old's night. After hearing this story she proceeded to wipe the floor with us taking something obscene like 8 of the next 10, and doing the "down, down, down" thing every time. When she would win she'd giggle then DOWN DOWN DOWN!!!... then a giant barrel laugh.
Best part is she's missing a tooth on top, with a second hanging on by a thread, and one on the bottom.
odin33
Footballguy
Keerock
Footballguy
odin33
Footballguy
Lucky duck.My daughter hates Justice/Claire
now if I could just find those stores with a bar next door.
B Maverick
Footballguy
Was sitting on the couch with my 7yo daughter saturday afternoon. She smells me and says "You smell like yesterday. Like my Foot. Have you showered today?"
Sadly I hadn't, but I had just re-screened the back door and done some cleanup around the house so even if I had showered I probably would still smell like yesterday....
Sadly I hadn't, but I had just re-screened the back door and done some cleanup around the house so even if I had showered I probably would still smell like yesterday....
El Floppo
Footballguy
I get home from work last night and 5yo floppinha runs to the door yelling about "daddy nuts"... 
... I always have a jar of almonds around- and somehow she started calling them daddy nuts.
but this time, it wasn't almonds.... "are daddy nuts...[thinking of the word] moustachios?"
- absolutely.
she says a lot of P words with Ms instead... most notably Majamas.
... I always have a jar of almonds around- and somehow she started calling them daddy nuts.but this time, it wasn't almonds.... "are daddy nuts...[thinking of the word] moustachios?"
- absolutely.
she says a lot of P words with Ms instead... most notably Majamas.
odin33
Footballguy
Proud pappa/ amazed at how kids see things moment:
it was 6yo's B-day friends party this past weekend at the bowling alley (I wouldn't subject anyone else's kids to our extended family).
She invited surviving twins (of triplets) from her soccer team of which one has a permanent tracheotomy and wears glasses, and is very difficult to understand (understandably). Both are very slight and petite. (I just want to wrap them both up in a protective bubble so I can only imagine the parents concern). They're a year behind 6yo in school so they were kinda off on their own.
6yo went out of her way to say hi to each as they arrived despite the chaos, and introduced the twins around to everyone. She always treats them with kid gloves (my daughter is a bruiser by nature), almost too much at times.
Was impressed in how she bounced around between all her friends that day.
Throughout the season at home we'd asked: How do you tell the twins apart (trying to see how they approach the trach), "Easy dad, Emily has glasses". Never once have I heard her mention the trach. The closest she gets is it's sometimes hard to hear what she's saying.
it was 6yo's B-day friends party this past weekend at the bowling alley (I wouldn't subject anyone else's kids to our extended family).
She invited surviving twins (of triplets) from her soccer team of which one has a permanent tracheotomy and wears glasses, and is very difficult to understand (understandably). Both are very slight and petite. (I just want to wrap them both up in a protective bubble so I can only imagine the parents concern). They're a year behind 6yo in school so they were kinda off on their own.
6yo went out of her way to say hi to each as they arrived despite the chaos, and introduced the twins around to everyone. She always treats them with kid gloves (my daughter is a bruiser by nature), almost too much at times.
Was impressed in how she bounced around between all her friends that day.
Throughout the season at home we'd asked: How do you tell the twins apart (trying to see how they approach the trach), "Easy dad, Emily has glasses". Never once have I heard her mention the trach. The closest she gets is it's sometimes hard to hear what she's saying.
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
Not funny but I'll allow it.odin33 said:
odin33
Footballguy
TobiasFunke
Footballguy
Talking to the gang on my way out the door, I tell them that today I have to make slides at work, and the slides have words and pictures and colors just like the stuff they do at preschool or with mommy at home.
3 year old: "Make sure you use glue or they will all fall to the bottom!"
Took me like 30 seconds to figure out he was thinking of playground slides.
3 year old: "Make sure you use glue or they will all fall to the bottom!"
Took me like 30 seconds to figure out he was thinking of playground slides.
Senor Schmutzig
Footballguy
Last weekend we had the yearly art festival on our street. Some friends were over and we were sitting out front watching people as they strolled by. We were talking about pets and my buddy mentioned a cat that he had when he was younger that he accidentally ran over with the car when he was 18 (the cat and my buddy subsequently). A few minutes later, we see someone walk by with a cute dalmatian puppy. My buddy gets up to go over and pet it while commenting that he also had a dalmatian puppy when he was growing up. Without missing a beat, my 12-year old says "Did you run over that one too?".
rouddad:
rouddad:
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MikeIke
Footballguy
My boys have taken to saying "loll" when they mean LOL. They're literally speaking an acronym. So I decided to do them one better.
At dinner something funny was said and the youngest (9) replied "loll that's so funny!"
I came back with "I know! Roffell!" (ROFL spoken aloud)
They looked at me like I was from Mars so I explained that "roffell" stood for "Rolling On the Floor Laughing" and if they could say "loll" I say gonna say "roffell."
My oldest (12) told me, "Quit trying to make Roffell happen, it's not gonna happen."
I've been saying it all night, and it's really pissing them off. Sometimes being a dad is fun.
At dinner something funny was said and the youngest (9) replied "loll that's so funny!"
I came back with "I know! Roffell!" (ROFL spoken aloud)
They looked at me like I was from Mars so I explained that "roffell" stood for "Rolling On the Floor Laughing" and if they could say "loll" I say gonna say "roffell."
My oldest (12) told me, "Quit trying to make Roffell happen, it's not gonna happen."
I've been saying it all night, and it's really pissing them off. Sometimes being a dad is fun.
dickey moe
Fingerpicker
My kid was messing up his Smokey and the Bandit references:
"The first thing I'm gonna do when I git home is kick yo momma in the loins!"
"The first thing I'm gonna do when I git home is kick yo momma in the loins!"
dickey moe
Fingerpicker
On the way to school this morning...
Son: This is a little strange, but somebody told me you can use bird poop as hair gel.
Me (wtf): Who told you that?
Son: MYSELF!
Son: This is a little strange, but somebody told me you can use bird poop as hair gel.
Me (wtf): Who told you that?
Son: MYSELF!
Kanil
Footballguy
This has already begun to backfire on me. I've gotten more "Hi Starving, I'm KanilJr" and "Does your face hurt"s than I can handle. I'm going to have to step up my game.So last Sunday we were doing nachos for the game. MrsKanil asks KanilJr(5yo) to grab the chips out of the pantry and bring them to her... and then... it happened.
KanilJr: *Looking very confused at the chips* "Whose chips are these?"
At this point, my ears perk up because I know what's coming. I'm giddy with anticipation...
MrsKanil: They're yours and mine and daddys.
KanilJr: No, I don't think so... (still looking at the bag very with a very confused look)
MrsKanil: Then whose are they?
KanilJr: Nach-Yo chips!!!!!!!!!!!!
MrsKanil:
KanilJr: *Looks at me* "HAH, GOT HER!!!"
My 5yo is already working on the art of the dad joke. I've never been more proud.
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MikeIke
Footballguy
I'm watching the NCAA tournament and there was a vicious dunk. I rewinded it and showed it to my boys. I told them, "when I was in high school, I could do that."
That's true, BTW. I could do all sorts of dunks when I was young and healthy.
My youngest son's response? "Daddy, there's no way you could jump that high with your big belly."
That's true, BTW. I could do all sorts of dunks when I was young and healthy.
My youngest son's response? "Daddy, there's no way you could jump that high with your big belly."
El Floppo
Footballguy
I've forgotten a handful of things recently involving the kids. so this morning as my wife is heading out with floppinho, asks 5yo floppinha if she'd like daddy to make her something to eat.
- yes
- peanutbutter toast?
- yes
- if daddy forgets, make sure to remind him in 5 minutes.
-ok... WAIT... I don't know how to tell time.
- yes
- peanutbutter toast?
- yes
- if daddy forgets, make sure to remind him in 5 minutes.
-ok... WAIT... I don't know how to tell time.
El Floppo
Footballguy
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