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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Sack-Religious.
- Start date
Clown Car
Footballguy
My kids always talk about this too. I always lose to their dad because he has a job.
jhib
Footballguy
I always talk my kids into picking their mom.
Because that makes her feel good, but also because I don't want them and I'll hold them to their answer.
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
My 14 yo daughter A has at least two boys that have openly asked about dating her. So a new family moved to our school and one of my 12 yo daughters friends likes Adrian, the new boy. The friend asked him who he likes and he said A.
When 12 yo H relayed the story to 14 yo A, she replied, "I have three boys who are admirers. If it gets to five we need to move."
She followed that up with, "Then, after we move, if it starts all over again I can tell them I don't know them very well yet."
I said it was good practice turning them down.
When 12 yo H relayed the story to 14 yo A, she replied, "I have three boys who are admirers. If it gets to five we need to move."
She followed that up with, "Then, after we move, if it starts all over again I can tell them I don't know them very well yet."
I said it was good practice turning them down.
Kanil
Footballguy
So I took KanilJr (6yo) to the grocery store and we he went to ride the horse as I was paying. When I got done I went over to him and had this conversation:
Me: When that ride is over, it's time to go.
KanilJr: What if it's a super long ride?
Me: Then I'll stop it with my mind so we can go.
KanilJr: You can't do that!
*I put my hand on my temple, ride stops*
Me: Boom... let's go
KanilJr:
*gets off horse*
We start walking out of the store and he goes:
KanilJr: You didn't do that
Me: Yeah I did... I have mind powers
KanilJr: No you don't, it just stopped on it's own
Me: Nope... Mind powers
KanilJr: *yells* FAKE NEWS
I about pissed myself laughing.
Me: When that ride is over, it's time to go.
KanilJr: What if it's a super long ride?
Me: Then I'll stop it with my mind so we can go.
KanilJr: You can't do that!
*I put my hand on my temple, ride stops*
Me: Boom... let's go
KanilJr:
*gets off horse*We start walking out of the store and he goes:
KanilJr: You didn't do that
Me: Yeah I did... I have mind powers
KanilJr: No you don't, it just stopped on it's own
Me: Nope... Mind powers
KanilJr: *yells* FAKE NEWS
I about pissed myself laughing.
The Dweeze
Footballguy
Long time lurker in this thread, but now have 2 year old twins (B/G) and hopefully can contribute to this.
My son has been slower to speak. Nothing that should cause concern, but at a much slower rate than my daughter. One of the few words he spoke early on was "Apple." Anything red = apple. Any food = apple. The letter A and anything that started with the letter A = apple. So on and so forth.
One morning he was in the midst of an apple soliloquy and I responded to him "APPLE! APPLE! APPLE! We get it. You sound like ####ing Hodor!"
Son: "Hodor!" And grins.
My wife and I lost it.
My son has been slower to speak. Nothing that should cause concern, but at a much slower rate than my daughter. One of the few words he spoke early on was "Apple." Anything red = apple. Any food = apple. The letter A and anything that started with the letter A = apple. So on and so forth.
One morning he was in the midst of an apple soliloquy and I responded to him "APPLE! APPLE! APPLE! We get it. You sound like ####ing Hodor!"
Son: "Hodor!" And grins.
My wife and I lost it.
Joe Summer
Footballguy
At least your son didn't respond with "####ing Hodor".
mr. furley
Footballguy
my kid (8) is having a friend sleepover tonight. her mom is a junkie and has been in and out of jail most of her adult life. good kid, just a ####ty mom.the kids were gabbing about Minecraft something or other. my kid misunderstood what was said and replied "oh, i thought you said Obama".the other little girl says: oh, no. but i don't like Donald Trump. i call him Donald Dump.mine: i don't like him either. i wanted Hillary Clinton to win.other girl: NO! not her! she's a criminal!mine: uh, like your mom?(silence)
B Maverick
Footballguy
So my girl has a habit of going back to the same comment that got a big laugh. We were at the movies yesterday waiting for it to start and she smells my shirt and hits me again with the "You smell like yesterday." I reminded her I had just showered and put on a clean shirt (after getting home from a soccer game). She says "Oh, I guess that's just how you smell"
jhib
Footballguy
Clown Car
Footballguy
odin33
Footballguy
At 9 yo soccer practice last night, and 6 yo and I walked the track around the park to kill time. Came across a bench with two young boys sitting there probably 5 and 4 or so.
5 yo to 4 yo: "That's why your face looks so funny, it didn't generate right."
I assumed they were talking about some app/video game, but the look on the 4 yo's face said otherwise. I smiled the rest of the walk thinking about that one.
5 yo to 4 yo: "That's why your face looks so funny, it didn't generate right."
I assumed they were talking about some app/video game, but the look on the 4 yo's face said otherwise. I smiled the rest of the walk thinking about that one.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
I was laying in bed with my 4 year old last night and he wanted to look through my pictures, so I hand him the phone.
All of the sudden I hear sex coming from the phone, it was a quick vid I took of the wife & me - I grabbed the phone away and he asks "was mommy being bad?"
All of the sudden I hear sex coming from the phone, it was a quick vid I took of the wife & me - I grabbed the phone away and he asks "was mommy being bad?"
playin4beer
Footballguy
With four daughters, three of them on "cycles", I hear WAY more than I wish to... Some things, I'd love to un-hear..
14 year old daughter yesterday.. "Dad, our toilet is plugged again..it always plugs, can you fix it?".. I say as I'm walking towards the bathroom, "Maybe if you guys didn't use the whole roll of toilet paper each time, it wouldn't plug".. Just as I'm walking in she says, "Just to warn you, I'm on my period and it ain't pretty in there".. :X
Turned around quickly and yelled to my wife "You need to unplug the girl's toilet!!"
14 year old daughter yesterday.. "Dad, our toilet is plugged again..it always plugs, can you fix it?".. I say as I'm walking towards the bathroom, "Maybe if you guys didn't use the whole roll of toilet paper each time, it wouldn't plug".. Just as I'm walking in she says, "Just to warn you, I'm on my period and it ain't pretty in there".. :X
Turned around quickly and yelled to my wife "You need to unplug the girl's toilet!!"
Fat Nick
Footballguy
Not 100% because of the kid, but he triggered it. Last night, we were in the car driving to Pittsburgh, and my almost-3-year-old son was watching the "Secret Life of Pets" movie on the iPad in the back seat. This exchange happened between my wife, my son, and me.
Connor: "Max and Duke are going to the Hotdog Stand!"
Me: "What did he say?" [forgetting what movie he was watching]
Wife: "Max and Duke are going to the Hotdog Stand???"
Me: "What the heck does that mean?"
Wife: "I thought it was some slang phrase you taught him for when he has to poop."
Me: "Nope, but I'll add it to the repertoire."
Wife turns around and it's a scene from the movie where Max and Duke (dogs) are at a hotdog factory.
Connor: "Max and Duke are going to the Hotdog Stand!"
Me: "What did he say?" [forgetting what movie he was watching]
Wife: "Max and Duke are going to the Hotdog Stand???"
Me: "What the heck does that mean?"
Wife: "I thought it was some slang phrase you taught him for when he has to poop."
Me: "Nope, but I'll add it to the repertoire."
Wife turns around and it's a scene from the movie where Max and Duke (dogs) are at a hotdog factory.
Kanil
Footballguy
Eating lunch the other day:
KanilJr (6yo): Mom, can you get me more water in my cup?
MrsKanil: You can absolutely have more water in your cup but you can get it yourself.
KanilJr: *Gets a confused look on his face*
KanilJr: You misheard me
KanilJr: *tries to hand her his cup*
He was being 100% genuine and thought she misheard him but it sounded the same as a mob boss giving an order. Maybe not as funny typed out as it was in person but I about lost it. It obviously didn't fly with MrsKanil and KanilJr got his own water.
KanilJr (6yo): Mom, can you get me more water in my cup?
MrsKanil: You can absolutely have more water in your cup but you can get it yourself.
KanilJr: *Gets a confused look on his face*
KanilJr: You misheard me
KanilJr: *tries to hand her his cup*
He was being 100% genuine and thought she misheard him but it sounded the same as a mob boss giving an order. Maybe not as funny typed out as it was in person but I about lost it. It obviously didn't fly with MrsKanil and KanilJr got his own water.
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ChiefD
Footballguy
So my 6 year old daughter comes home from school today, and tells me that one of her best friends is moving to Texas at the end of the school year. About 2 hours later, my wife sends the mom a text saying something to the effect of: "Congrats. Sad to hear you are leaving. We and our daughter will miss you."
The mom replies back:
"Your daughter tried to do her part to get us to stay. She told my son that when he moved to Texas there would be a rattlesnake in the toilet."
The mom replies back:
"Your daughter tried to do her part to get us to stay. She told my son that when he moved to Texas there would be a rattlesnake in the toilet."
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dickey moe
Fingerpicker
Other day on the way to school:
Son (singing): "OHHHH THIS LAND IS MY LAND, THIS LAND IS MY LAND!FROM CALIFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK ISLAND! FROM THE REDWOOD FOREST TO THE GULF STREAM WATERS!THIS LAND WAS MADE FOR ONLY MEEEEEE!!!!!
Son (singing): "OHHHH THIS LAND IS MY LAND, THIS LAND IS MY LAND!FROM CALIFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK ISLAND! FROM THE REDWOOD FOREST TO THE GULF STREAM WATERS!THIS LAND WAS MADE FOR ONLY MEEEEEE!!!!!
B Maverick
Footballguy
7 year old daughter loves her Katy Perry, DNCE, Disney Singers, etc. Pop tarts basically. But she has taken a liking to Metallica's "Enter Sandman". So as this song was winding up (she was singing along too) the next song came on and I hear from the back seat in a low scratchy voice continuing to sing along...
"THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! AHHHH THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!"
Me: How do you know this song?
Her: "They sang it on Lip Sync Battle. I really should learn the lyrics"
Me: There are some really bad words in the song
Her: Oh, never-mind then
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypkv0HeUvTc
"THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! AHHHH THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!"
Me: How do you know this song?
Her: "They sang it on Lip Sync Battle. I really should learn the lyrics"
Me: There are some really bad words in the song
Her: Oh, never-mind then
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypkv0HeUvTc
Kanil
Footballguy
Hah... My 6yo has been quoting Macklemore quite a bit lately.. "Lick that, stick that, break her off, kit-kat" and "Let's burn down the Vatican" have provided a couple of uncomfortable situations.
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shadyridr
Footballguy
B Maverick
Footballguy
Luckily she has only heard the clean version of Thrift Shop...
I'm gonna pop some tags
Only got twenty dollars in my pocket
I - I - I'm hunting, looking for a come-up
This is ___________ awesome
How about this one:
"You're gone and I gotta stay
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
High all the time
To keep you off my mind
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Spend my days locked in a haze
Trying to forget you babe
I fall back down
Gotta stay high all my life
To forget I'm missing you
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh"
El Floppo
Footballguy
9yo floppinho is doing music at School of Rock... this term his group is doing AC/DC vs Sabbath. he's singing on Shook me all night long and a couple others. he walks around the apt singing stuff like "knocking me out with those american thighs". fortunately, we haven't gotten into what any of the lyrics or song title means. here's him on drums and his band-mates over the weekend doing dirty deeds at their midseason show.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Maybe they used the clean version from the movie Burlesque. Let's hope so.B Maverick said:
B Maverick
Footballguy
Keerock
Footballguy
El Floppo
Footballguy
B Maverick
Footballguy
not so much what my kid said thats funny but what her comments led to...
Mid 20s female soccer trainer: What do you want for your birthday?
my 7 yo girl: crafts, cooking, gardening
Trainer: What? Are you married?
Mid 20s female soccer trainer: What do you want for your birthday?
my 7 yo girl: crafts, cooking, gardening
Trainer: What? Are you married?
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
shadyridr
Footballguy
Ned
Footballguy
FreeBaGeL
Footballguy
A few from this morning with my 2.5 year old.
After my wife had put some items for our kid in our Amazon cart.
Wife (to me): Here you can look at the stuff I picked out for Ty in my cart.
Ty: Daddy I want the stuff out of my cart.
Me: I can't get it out of the cart, it's a digital cart.
Ty: No it's not a digital cart! Where is the cart! I want my stuff!
And then another one. When my son was trying to get my wife's breast pump down off the shelf.
Me: What are you doing over there buddy?
Ty: I'm making you some milk daddy.
After my wife had put some items for our kid in our Amazon cart.
Wife (to me): Here you can look at the stuff I picked out for Ty in my cart.
Ty: Daddy I want the stuff out of my cart.
Me: I can't get it out of the cart, it's a digital cart.
Ty: No it's not a digital cart! Where is the cart! I want my stuff!
And then another one. When my son was trying to get my wife's breast pump down off the shelf.
Me: What are you doing over there buddy?
Ty: I'm making you some milk daddy.
Chaos Commish
Footballguy
Probably a you had to be there thing, but my nephew, his wife, and their very little one were visiting. The little guy has been talking for about two months, so he's just too cute. He is the center of attention, entertaining us with a dramatic battle between two toy dinosaurs when one falls between the sofa and end table and gets stuck. Trying to rescue it he says:
"What the world?"
We laugh. He frowns at us. The stuck dino isn't funny. His mom says:
"Sweety, it's what in the world, not what the world."
He frowns, ponders this, and says:
"Noooo. It's WTF!"
So I say what the world all the time now.
"What the world?"
We laugh. He frowns at us. The stuck dino isn't funny. His mom says:
"Sweety, it's what in the world, not what the world."
He frowns, ponders this, and says:
"Noooo. It's WTF!"
So I say what the world all the time now.
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
Great! Did he say the letters "W T F" or "What the f?"Probably a you had to be there thing, but my nephew, his wife, and their very little one were visiting. The little guy has been talking for about two months, so he's just too cute. He is the center of attention, entertaining us with a dramatic battle between two toy dinosaurs when one falls between the sofa and end table and gets stuck. Trying to rescue it he says:
"What the world?"
We laugh. He frowns at us. The stuck dino isn't funny. His mom says:
"Sweety, it's what in the world, not what the world."
He frowns, ponders this, and says:
"Noooo. It's WTF!"
So I say what the world all the time now.
ChiefD
Footballguy
So I walk in from the garage. The kids are playing in the family room, and there are a bunch of pillows laying on the couch and my 6 year old daughter is laying on them
Me: What are you guys doing?
11 year old boy and 9 year old boy: Playing in the woods.
Me: Why is your sister laying on the couch?
11 year old boy and 9 year old boy: She is the pig we caught and we are roasting her over an open fire!
Me: YOU DON'T ROAST YOUR SISTER OVER AN OPEN FIRE!!!!!
11 year old boy and 9 year old boy, as they run off: OK daddy!
Me: What the mutherfook.
Me: What are you guys doing?
11 year old boy and 9 year old boy: Playing in the woods.
Me: Why is your sister laying on the couch?
11 year old boy and 9 year old boy: She is the pig we caught and we are roasting her over an open fire!
Me: YOU DON'T ROAST YOUR SISTER OVER AN OPEN FIRE!!!!!
11 year old boy and 9 year old boy, as they run off: OK daddy!
Me: What the mutherfook.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
I've programmed my older one to blame my wife anytime there is a fart. Whenever there is the sound or smell of a fart he instantly says "that was my mom."
She does not like this, but I can basically fart whenever I want, wherever we are and my wife will be blamed.
She does not like this, but I can basically fart whenever I want, wherever we are and my wife will be blamed.
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
Wife text me, said she took the kids to the park. Older one is 4, she tells me he approaches a group of girls that were like 11 or 12 years-old. He goes up them and asks "do you like the ninja turtles? we can watch them at my house?"
I love this kid!
I love this kid!
This is too much information, but also too funny not to offer up as my first post in this thread. Our 5 year old daughter hates going #2. This has been an issue as it relates to the bathroom ever since she was potty trained when she was 2 years old. We've tried rewards, stern parenting, and stool softeners among other things. Nothing works, she'll just hold it in for whatever reason. It's a severe enough issue that it's been a medical concern on at least a couple occasions (doctor visits, x-rays showing her colon is jam packed with poop), including this past weekend. Well the doctor is finally quasi-recommending that we have her speak with a child psychologist and see if they can't dig into the root cause and work towards a solution. We're likely going to at least give this a shot.
Wife: "Daughter SayWhat, there is a special kind of doctor that helps people talk about big feelings. Sad, angry, scared, all those things. We're going to talk to that kind of doctor about going to the bathroom."
Daughter: "But mom, I don't have big feelings about poop."
Wife: "Daughter SayWhat, there is a special kind of doctor that helps people talk about big feelings. Sad, angry, scared, all those things. We're going to talk to that kind of doctor about going to the bathroom."
Daughter: "But mom, I don't have big feelings about poop."
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
8-yo Johnny Rock Jr. is playing by my sister M's pool and they have a blowup raft in the shape of the Poop Emoji.
JR Jr. said, "It's the majestic poop in its native habitat."
I can't wait until he's old enough to enjoy Caddyshack.
JR Jr. said, "It's the majestic poop in its native habitat."
I can't wait until he's old enough to enjoy Caddyshack.
Clown Car
Footballguy
Poor thing. My 5yo did the same kind of thing when she was 3-4. I understand your frustration. What did help us was drowning her in apple juice. Keeping things soft. All the time. I believe mine hurt. It hurt to poop so she decided not anymore. So it hurt worse. She would push down on the couch arms to keep it in. Good luck. I'm sorry. Don't be tough on her. She feels worse about it than you do.This is too much information, but also too funny not to offer up as my first post in this thread. Our 5 year old daughter hates going #2. This has been an issue as it relates to the bathroom ever since she was potty trained when she was 2 years old. We've tried rewards, stern parenting, and stool softeners among other things. Nothing works, she'll just hold it in for whatever reason. It's a severe enough issue that it's been a medical concern on at least a couple occasions (doctor visits, x-rays showing her colon is jam packed with poop), including this past weekend. Well the doctor is finally quasi-recommending that we have her speak with a child psychologist and see if they can't dig into the root cause and work towards a solution. We're likely going to at least give this a shot.
Wife: "Daughter SayWhat, there is a special kind of doctor that helps people talk about big feelings. Sad, angry, scared, all those things. We're going to talk to that kind of doctor about going to the bathroom."
Daughter: "But mom, I don't have big feelings about poop."
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