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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

All the family is over for Easter dinner tonight. My father in law told some stories about some of the other parents when his kids were growing up, about how they would unintentionally embarrass their kids. My two boys were in the room, kind of hanging out but doing their own thing.

Me: I just hope when the kids get older that I don't do anything to embarrass the kids in front of their friends.

11 y.o: You're already there.

Me:  :lol:   :(

 
ChiefD said:
All the family is over for Easter dinner tonight. My father in law told some stories about some of the other parents when his kids were growing up, about how they would unintentionally embarrass their kids. My two boys were in the room, kind of hanging out but doing their own thing.

Me: I just hope when the kids get older that I don't do anything to embarrass the kids in front of their friends.

11 y.o: You're already there.

Me:  :lol:   :(
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Are you kidding?  That's the main bonus of having kids.

 
At Easter dinner last night at my brother's house. He's got a new GF that has become pretty serious. This is the first time we've met most of her extended family. Her nephew is 4 and immediately attached to my two boys. They're out back collecting sticks for a fire in the fire pit...

4yr old: here I got a big **** for you!  Here's another ****! 

Over and over and over again. It was hysterical. 

 
Clown Car said:
Poor thing. My 5yo did the same kind of thing when she was 3-4. I understand your frustration. What did help us was drowning her in apple juice. Keeping things soft. All the time. I believe mine hurt. It hurt to poop so she decided not anymore. So it hurt worse. She would push down on the couch arms to keep it in. Good luck. I'm sorry. Don't be tough on her. She feels worse about it than you do. 
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Seems a little extreme to me.  But when you have 27 extra kids I guess you can pick and choose which ones to keep.

 
At the Nats game with two of my kids on Friday, four year old says to me "daddy, daddy, that man has monster ears!"

I look around for horrified for like 30 seconds, thinking she's talking about someone sitting near us. Then I realize she's talking about the picture of Stephen Strasburg on the scoreboard.

 
My sister just got married. She's 42 and gay. Her wife is 60. My 9yo says "aunt terry probably won't have babies. Well how old is Marge? Wait. Jay and Gloria on modern family were those ages and still had a baby. It could happen."

 
Clown Car said:
My sister just got married. She's 42 and gay. Her wife is 60. My 9yo says "aunt terry probably won't have babies. Well how old is Marge? Wait. Jay and Gloria on modern family were those ages and still had a baby. It could happen."
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You may need to have a chat with your 9yo.

 
i was watching uncensored workaholics one night. kids are sleeping ive had a few so im just mellowed out melting into the couch.

son comes downstairs - couldn't sleep. passes out on the couch next to me. Okay no problem. i think i flipped it to the Caps game or somthn.

Game ends i put it back on workaholics, Totally forgot he was down there sleeping. 5 minutes later out of nowhere he says "Dad what's a dildo?"

:wall:

Nothing go to bed :lmao:

 
Clown Car said:
My daughter turns 16 Thursday. So I'm made it "#3 week" and I'm making all her favorite dinners. I made a big deal of putting the ham on the table tonight. #9 and 3 are super close. They were jumping up and down and #9 says "it's our week! It's our week!"
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#9?

 
SayWhat? said:
This is too much information, but also too funny not to offer up as my first post in this thread.  Our 5 year old daughter hates going #2.  This has been an issue as it relates to the bathroom ever since she was potty trained when she was 2 years old.  We've tried rewards, stern parenting, and stool softeners among other things.  Nothing works, she'll just hold it in for whatever reason.  It's a severe enough issue that it's been a medical concern on at least a couple occasions (doctor visits, x-rays showing her colon is jam packed with poop), including this past weekend.  Well the doctor is finally quasi-recommending that we have her speak with a child psychologist and see if they can't dig into the root cause and work towards a solution.  We're likely going to at least give this a shot.   

Wife:  "Daughter SayWhat, there is a special kind of doctor that helps people talk about big feelings.  Sad, angry, scared, all those things.  We're going to talk to that kind of doctor about going to the bathroom."

Daughter:  "But mom, I don't have big feelings about poop." 

:lmao:
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Not to hijack the thread but we had similar issues with my daughter though not as extreme.  I think the child psychologist has helped us as parents more than her, she's helped explain what's going on in my daughters head an how we can help.

back on topic, my 4yo son eating strawberries

son: dad guess what my favorite part of the strawberry is?

Me: I have no idea

son: the juice

(5 minutes passes)

son: dad do you know what my favorite part of the strawberry is?

Me(excited because i know this): the juice!(and i throw my hand up for a  :hifive: )

son: no dad its the strawberry, duhhhhh

 
On our way to soccer practice last night, my kids are having a conversation in the back seat about death....

8yr old son: I can't figure out how we switch bodies, like when someone dies and someone is born at the same time.  Do they switch bodies?

Me: There are some religions that believe in reincarnation; you come back as an animal though.  

10yr old son: I want to come back as a squirrel! (me, thinking wtf)

8yr old son: I want to come back as a bird so I can poop.......wait, no I want to come back as a goose so I can poop all over everyone's sidewalks.

Their fascination with poop knows no bounds.

 
Playing disc golf with my kids.

5 y.o.: Daddy, I'm the only one helping.  I'm the only one picking up dics.  I mean... discs.

 
lumpy19 said:
Not to hijack the thread but we had similar issues with my daughter though not as extreme.  I think the child psychologist has helped us as parents more than her, she's helped explain what's going on in my daughters head an how we can help.
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i once heard it explained something like "imagine you're 2,3,4 years old and you sit down on this gaping maw that sucks everything in to a hole, never to return. now imagine that when you sit down you, essentially, shed a part of your body in to this hole.  will it suck you in with it? will you come out the other side? if you don't sit on it you never have to find out."

terribly stressful stuff

when i thought about it, i remembered dropping acid one night at school then having to take a ####.  was in that stall, freaking right the #### out, for about 39 hours (probably like 15 minutes). so many questions that i could not in that moment possibly rationally handle. i imagine that's somewhat how i feels to be 2 - 4 years old.

 
mr. furley said:
#9?
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Where have you been? There are 11. Everyone knows this. Thus my user name. 

This funny thing happened yesterday while taking #11 to his well check. This super old lady at the doctors office asked if I was His grandmother. I said no I'm his mom, he's my baby. She said how many kids do you have. I said 11. After I showed her their pictures and she believed me she said how great I looked. I said a minute ago you thought I was too old to be his mom. Now you're saying I look great. Pick one!!

 
Clown Car said:
Where have you been? There are 11. Everyone knows this. Thus my user name. 

This funny thing happened yesterday while taking #11 to his well check. This super old lady at the doctors office asked if I was His grandmother. I said no I'm his mom, he's my baby. She said how many kids do you have. I said 11. After I showed her their pictures and she believed me she said how great I looked. I said a minute ago you thought I was too old to be his mom. Now you're saying I look great. Pick one!!
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huh, last i remembered you had 6. shows what i know.

also, phenomenal attempt at a backpedal by the old lady at the doctors office. unfortunately, unpossible to put the genie back in the bottle.

 
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Clown Car said:
Where have you been? There are 11. Everyone knows this. Thus my user name. 

This funny thing happened yesterday while taking #11 to his well check. This super old lady at the doctors office asked if I was His grandmother. I said no I'm his mom, he's my baby. She said how many kids do you have. I said 11. After I showed her their pictures and she believed me she said how great I looked. I said a minute ago you thought I was too old to be his mom. Now you're saying I look great. Pick one!!
Click to expand...


To be fair, she was probably more impressed with how good you looked after popping out 11 kids than she would have been if you were just the grandmother. 

 
jhib said:
To be fair, she was probably more impressed with how good you looked after popping out 11 kids than she would have been if you were just the grandmother. 
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We had a good laugh about it. She is 86. We decided I look too old to be the mother of a 1yo but look too young to have 11 kids.  It's a good thing I have a great sense of humor, can laugh at myself,and find little old ladies adorable. 

Another funny happened last night. There is a ministry my friends do providing food for food insecure kids on fridays for the weekend. They get a bag of food and an encouraging note. Many different groups do the notes. We do them once quarterly. I have the kids write them. There are 60 families receiving the food  

My 7yo who is scary smart, not terribly empathetic, and a little lazy says "it's not that I don't like the poor kids, but I just don't want to write them notes."

 
Ned said:
On our way to soccer practice last night, my kids are having a conversation in the back seat about death....

8yr old son: I can't figure out how we switch bodies, like when someone dies and someone is born at the same time.  Do they switch bodies?

Me: There are some religions that believe in reincarnation; you come back as an animal though.  

10yr old son: I want to come back as a squirrel! (me, thinking wtf)

8yr old son: I want to come back as a bird so I can poop.......wait, no I want to come back as a goose so I can poop all over everyone's sidewalks.

Their fascination with poop knows no bounds.
Click to expand...
Reincarnation is making a comeback.

 
Today I was walking with 8 of them to the flower shop to order a corsage for my sons date to prom. We were talking about grades and ages and being freshman or seniors etc. the 14yo says "when Reid is a freshman I will be a senor."  Reid is 9 and replies "are you going to turn into a Mexican?"

 
This morning, son and daughter arguing:

Son: "LEAVE ME ALONE OR I'LL WIGGLE MY DINGUS AT YOU AND KNOCK YOU DOWN WITH ITS SOUND WAVES!"

 
So my 11 year old son had a project at school called "Wax Museum." The kids pick a hero or icon from American history, and then they do an oral biography, dress up like that icon, and then "be" that person at the school open house. Pretty cool thing. So anyway, my son chooses Muhammed Ali (which I was actually proud of, mainly because we are white and the topic of how he could play a black man never came up. I could damn near cry.)

Anyway, we are all riding to the school the day of the presentations, and we are all talking:

Mom: Are you getting nervous about doing your project today or your costume?

11 yo son: No, I'm ready.

6 yo daughter: What are you gonna do about the brown skin?

11 yo son (flustered): I don't need the brown skin to do my report.

6 yo daughter: Well, what are you gonna do about the muscles?

Me: :lmao:

11 yo son: :rant:

 
Papa BL: Did you have a good day?

8 y.o. Daughter: Nope.

(pause for effect)

I had a STUPENDOUS day!

After getting home she wanted me to measure her height

"Awesome! 50 inches."

She walks by & pats my stomach

"You're getting bigger, too, Papa!"

 
This morning my 5yo came in and said something happened when I was gone. She complained that her brother pushed her into a pointy thing by the back steps. I asked "when did this happened?" She said "tomorrow."

 
ran into a good parent friend at school drop-off this morning- both of us are sick, so we spend a sad moment commiserating. 

after he walks off, 5 yo floppinha motions to me that she wants to whisper something. I lean in... "does he have drunken-throat"? I think I said yes and then looked away to laugh. no idea what that even begins to mean.

 
I'm giving out chores after dinner. I tell 6,7,8 to feed the dogs. 6 starts lambasting 8 about "did you hear that? You have to actually help. Not ride your bike like last time". I get on 6 and say "you want him to help or do you want yell at him til he cries and doesn't help again?"  

6 says "I gotta tell you, I'm about 50/50 on that right now."

 
7 year old daughter on the ride home from school, singing a song...

Me: that sounds familiar

Her: yeah dad, you know where it's from

Me: oh, from your concert the other day

Her: yes. Go with your first instinct.

 
My 2.5 year old daughter two days ago, the day before I headed to Cozumel on a scuba trip, to my wife: "I want to go with Daddy and look at the Pu**ies!"

Wife: "What?"

Daughter: "I want to go with Daddy and look at the Pu**ies!'

Me: "Baby, do you mean fishies?"

Daughter: "Yeah!"

Me and the wife: :lmao:

Me: :whistle:

 
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Clown Car said:
I'm giving out chores after dinner. I tell 6,7,8 to feed the dogs. 6 starts lambasting 8 about "did you hear that? You have to actually help. Not ride your bike like last time". I get on 6 and say "you want him to help or do you want yell at him til he cries and doesn't help again?"  

6 says "I gotta tell you, I'm about 50/50 on that right now."
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And then 7 8 9

 
Walking Boot said:
I honestly can't tell if those are the kids' ages, or, she just gave up on names and refers to them by number. Like a football coach.
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It's their numbers. You don't know their names. You wouldn't know their number if I gave a name. And years from now when I'm old and alone re reading this thread I wouldn't know which one it was because ages change. And I won't remember their names. But their number is forever. 

 
El Floppo said:
here's him on drums and his band-mates over the weekend doing dirty deeds at their midseason show.
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I can't stand AC/DC. 

But your kid is ####### awesome! 

ETA : I watched it a second time, that's the most AC/DC I've listened to in the past 3 years combined. Your kid is good, and he looks like he's having a lot of fun. 

 
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Clown Car said:
I'm giving out chores after dinner. I tell 6,7,8 to feed the dogs. 6 starts lambasting 8 about "did you hear that? You have to actually help. Not ride your bike like last time". I get on 6 and say "you want him to help or do you want yell at him til he cries and doesn't help again?"  

6 says "I gotta tell you, I'm about 50/50 on that right now."
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I think I've gotta go with 6 on this.  If 8 is just going to punt, yelling at him until he cries seems like a good option to me.

 
MikeIke said:
I can't stand AC/DC. 

But your kid is ####### awesome! 

ETA : I watched it a second time, that's the most AC/DC I've listened to in the past 3 years combined. Your kid is good, and he looks like he's having a lot of fun. 
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Thanks GB. I honestly don't know from drumming skills, but you nailed it- he loves performing.

 
El Floppo said:
ran into a good parent friend at school drop-off this morning- both of us are sick, so we spend a sad moment commiserating. 

after he walks off, 5 yo floppinha motions to me that she wants to whisper something. I lean in... "does he have drunken-throat"? I think I said yes and then looked away to laugh. no idea what that even begins to mean.
Click to expand...
Yes you do.

 
MikeIke said:
Teach that boy to twirl the drumsticks in his fingers and we could be looking at the next Keith Moon.
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Tbh, I'm working on having him tie his shoes and not piss himself. After that I'll push the stick twirling. Or maybe I'll just give up and move right to the stick twirling.

 
El Floppo said:
Tbh, I'm working on having him tie his shoes and not piss himself. After that I'll push the stick twirling. Or maybe I'll just give up and move right to the stick twirling.
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Keith Moon may not have known how to tie his shoes, and here we are talking about him 40 years later

 
So my 17 year old daughter wanted us to do something that I'd already decided to do (go to game 7 in Staples today). But because she's seventeen and fun to mess with and I'm her dad, I annoyed her to no end negotiating things I wanted if we were to do the thing she wanted. I was being stupid but enjoying the banter when she said:

"Oh my god Dad! You're the reason I don't want to have children!" :)

 
My friends husband is Nicaraguan but they live here in very north, rural Florida. Her kid said today that he's "hickspanic". 

 
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