El Floppo
Footballguy
About to head to the first show.
I've got an intervention and rehab center on call, just in case. He turned 10 today!
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Funny things your kid has said (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter Sack-Religious.
- Start date
I've got an intervention and rehab center on call, just in case. He turned 10 today!
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
TobiasFunke
Footballguy
Wife just texted me with this one:
3YO and 4YO returned today from four days away with the in-laws. When they get back the dog is out getting his summer haircut. They're running around the house, checking on their toys, looking in the pantry for new treats, etc.
Wife: Is there someone missing from the house?
4YO: (mentions stuffed animal she hadn't seen yet)
Wife: No, someone else. He's a member of the family, and he's furry, and likes to sleep all the time ...
4YO: Grandpa?
3YO and 4YO returned today from four days away with the in-laws. When they get back the dog is out getting his summer haircut. They're running around the house, checking on their toys, looking in the pantry for new treats, etc.
Wife: Is there someone missing from the house?
4YO: (mentions stuffed animal she hadn't seen yet)
Wife: No, someone else. He's a member of the family, and he's furry, and likes to sleep all the time ...
4YO: Grandpa?
msudaisy26
Footballguy
Driving home from Iowa to Michigan and my husband is driving and my daughter says "Daddy look what I did to my Moana doll"
Daddy says " Sweetie, I am driving, I can't look at Moana"
Daughter " Daddy, I am taking off her skirt and think you would really like to see what is underneath"
Daddy looks at me and asks me what the #### are you teaching her!?!
So now we are all in the car and daddy is confused, I am
, and our daughter is upset because daddy said he is going to glue all of Moana's clothes on when we get home.
For the record she had taken a hair tie and made Moana a belt and put it on under her skirt and thought it was hiliraious.
Daddy says " Sweetie, I am driving, I can't look at Moana"
Daughter " Daddy, I am taking off her skirt and think you would really like to see what is underneath"
Daddy looks at me and asks me what the #### are you teaching her!?!
So now we are all in the car and daddy is confused, I am
, and our daughter is upset because daddy said he is going to glue all of Moana's clothes on when we get home. For the record she had taken a hair tie and made Moana a belt and put it on under her skirt and thought it was hiliraious.
Clown Car
Footballguy
A couple from our Washington DC trip:
1) we were at the national gallery of art. A couple of the boys were claiming to be uncomfortable with the nude art, which was mostly Jesuses and some breasts. My friends daughter, 11yo, says "it's art. They need to get over it." Then we turn a corner and there is a statue with a penis on it. Her face turns bringht red and she averts her eyes and utters some oath. I said "when it was boobs it was fine but penises are bad?" She says "boobs were better!"
2) on the bus tour some 6yo kid started hanging atound my 12yo son. My kid is funny and nice so just sort of hangs out with this kid. The kid is just jacked up and spazzy. At the end of the tour, spazzy kid's dad goes up to the lady my son is sitting next to and starts telling her how great my son was to entertain the kid and be cool to him and thanks her for letting him hang out. She goes on to tell the guy he's welcome and that my son is always like that and she's so proud of him. My son starts telling the guy it's because "his mom" is so great and wonderful and he says I love you mom and she replies I love you too. And they were all hugging.
1) we were at the national gallery of art. A couple of the boys were claiming to be uncomfortable with the nude art, which was mostly Jesuses and some breasts. My friends daughter, 11yo, says "it's art. They need to get over it." Then we turn a corner and there is a statue with a penis on it. Her face turns bringht red and she averts her eyes and utters some oath. I said "when it was boobs it was fine but penises are bad?" She says "boobs were better!"
2) on the bus tour some 6yo kid started hanging atound my 12yo son. My kid is funny and nice so just sort of hangs out with this kid. The kid is just jacked up and spazzy. At the end of the tour, spazzy kid's dad goes up to the lady my son is sitting next to and starts telling her how great my son was to entertain the kid and be cool to him and thanks her for letting him hang out. She goes on to tell the guy he's welcome and that my son is always like that and she's so proud of him. My son starts telling the guy it's because "his mom" is so great and wonderful and he says I love you mom and she replies I love you too. And they were all hugging.
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
Clown Car
Footballguy
No. Just some other tourist. It was an open spot on top of the bus so he sat there. The rule on the night tour is you keep your seat. So he was just sitting with her all night. This kid is pretty sociable and comfortable talking to anyone. Except really hot girls. He needs to up his game.
MikeIke
Footballguy
for growing pubes. 
Peak
Footballguy
Took my kids to Kings Island the other night (daughter, son) to ride Mystic Timbers (new coaster). The son has already ridden it with a friend of his, and found the ride to be fun but the shed at the end to be rather....disappointing. It's the part of the ride where the coaster train enters the shed and you sit there for what feels like 5mins as they try to make you uncomfortable and scared (neither happens). The ride itself takes off quick and surprises you if you don't know what to expect. My daughter had never been on it before. My kids are sitting in front of me and we take off on the coaster that hurls us through turns and sideways and all the fun stuff. As we enter into the shed at the end, everyone is quiet and they start pumping in some awkward sounding music to get the tension rising in the shed. That's when my daughter turns around to look at me and starts yelling "I peed my pants!! I peed my pants!!"
Just like that, tension was cut like a knife.
Just like that, tension was cut like a knife.
El Floppo
Footballguy
dammit- I needed to video this.
10yo floppinho has been on a kick trying to imitate chewbacca. last night the wife and are groaning/laughing at how bad it was, so she plays him sound clips of actual chewbacca noises. he immediately tries to imitate each one, but each of his attempts sounds more and more like a spanish waiter with a cold trying to read you the daily specials. I can't explain it at all... but I was in tears.
10yo floppinho has been on a kick trying to imitate chewbacca. last night the wife and are groaning/laughing at how bad it was, so she plays him sound clips of actual chewbacca noises. he immediately tries to imitate each one, but each of his attempts sounds more and more like a spanish waiter with a cold trying to read you the daily specials. I can't explain it at all... but I was in tears.
Clown Car
Footballguy
Took some kids to the springs and there are two long rope swings hanging from this ancient oak or something. I have my friend"s kid with us and he swung from the platform behind the tree to give you more distance. But he doesn't drop into the water. He swings back around the tree and hits the back of the tree. I yelled over "where is he? Is he ok?"
#5 (13yo) yells back "he's fine. He hit the back of the tree. It's hilarious!"
i love having teen boys.
#5 (13yo) yells back "he's fine. He hit the back of the tree. It's hilarious!"
i love having teen boys.
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
msudaisy26
Footballguy
Our neighbors told us this story today. They just got back from vacation.
They have 3 kids and they stopped for ice cream, the parking lot of full, but they had an overflow lot across the street. The oldest, is a boy and he is 11. He is so excited about the ice cream that he literally started running through the parking lot and across this road as soon as he got out of the car. Luckily another family sees what is happening and the father of that family grabs him as his racing towards the street right as a car is coming. According to our neighbors their son would have been dead, there was no way this car could have stopped. Anyways after everything calms down they go over and get ice cream and their youngest, a girl that is 7 is sitting there eating her ice cream and asks her mom and dad "If Timmy would have died, when would we have his funeral?" The neighbors aren't sure how to answer this, so they are honest and tell her it wouldn't be until like next Wednesday or Thursday. Youngest daughter says "Phew, I thought we would have to leave vacation early!"
They have 3 kids and they stopped for ice cream, the parking lot of full, but they had an overflow lot across the street. The oldest, is a boy and he is 11. He is so excited about the ice cream that he literally started running through the parking lot and across this road as soon as he got out of the car. Luckily another family sees what is happening and the father of that family grabs him as his racing towards the street right as a car is coming. According to our neighbors their son would have been dead, there was no way this car could have stopped. Anyways after everything calms down they go over and get ice cream and their youngest, a girl that is 7 is sitting there eating her ice cream and asks her mom and dad "If Timmy would have died, when would we have his funeral?" The neighbors aren't sure how to answer this, so they are honest and tell her it wouldn't be until like next Wednesday or Thursday. Youngest daughter says "Phew, I thought we would have to leave vacation early!"
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msudaisy26
Footballguy
This one isn't so much funny, but it is super cute.
The in-laws came over today to go tubing and out on the boat. So we are out all day playing and having fun, our niece and nephew don't want to leave yet, but their parents are tired. So we tell them they can stay for a couple more hours and we will drive them home. So they play with my daughter, and with the neighbor kids (from the story above). It is time to take them home and my husband drives them home and our daughter rides along. Shortly after he drops them off and heads back to our house our daughter says "I wish Timmy, and Jennifer were my brother and sister so I could play with them everyday and they could sleep in my living room" My daughter is an only child. My husband explains that Aunt Michelle and Uncle Tim would miss their kids. My daughter says " No they could live without any kids and they would love it!"
The in-laws came over today to go tubing and out on the boat. So we are out all day playing and having fun, our niece and nephew don't want to leave yet, but their parents are tired. So we tell them they can stay for a couple more hours and we will drive them home. So they play with my daughter, and with the neighbor kids (from the story above). It is time to take them home and my husband drives them home and our daughter rides along. Shortly after he drops them off and heads back to our house our daughter says "I wish Timmy, and Jennifer were my brother and sister so I could play with them everyday and they could sleep in my living room" My daughter is an only child. My husband explains that Aunt Michelle and Uncle Tim would miss their kids. My daughter says " No they could live without any kids and they would love it!"
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Cold Dead Hands
Footballguy
My 5 year old daughter got a backpack full of school supplies from church yesterday. She is rummaging through the bag on our way home and excitedly starts announcing her finds, " Erasers! Pencils! Notebooks!" That sort of thing. She calls silent for a minute the very proudly exclaims. "Wow! There is a whole junk of stuff in here!"
B Maverick
Footballguy
Last year my then 7 year old is meeting her soccer team before the season. First time she didnt already know most or all of them. When asked what she thought of the girls..
"Well, they won't be life long friends or anything"
"Well, they won't be life long friends or anything"
Nathan R. Jessep
Footballguy
12yo son, when I asked him if his teachers were nice this year, because they seemed pretty nice when I met them: "Every teacher has a dark side"
Nathan R. Jessep
Footballguy
Also my 12yo... we got into a heated discussion over homework, and he wouldn't let me finish what I was trying to explain without interrupting, so I kinda had to raise my voice to shush him. So getting him into bed a little later, I was going to apologize for raising my voice at him earlier, and I said "I'm sorry I raised you" and before I could correct myself, this kid jumps up out of bed clutching his chest and stumbles out into the hallway and says "shots fired! goodbye family"
B Maverick
Footballguy
Well its back to school time. My 8 year old starts Wed or Thursday but today she had to get up at regular school time and go with the wife to work (she works at the school so our daughter can go with her for planning days today and tomorrow.)
Me: Time to get up. Mommy says you can watch tv while she is in the shower.
Her: "ok" Then she rolls over and pulls the covers over her head.
Me: Its not time to go back to sleep, time to get up!
Her: Mommy said I could watch TV, she didnt say I couldn't go back to sleep!
My Wife and I:
Me: Time to get up. Mommy says you can watch tv while she is in the shower.
Her: "ok" Then she rolls over and pulls the covers over her head.
Me: Its not time to go back to sleep, time to get up!
Her: Mommy said I could watch TV, she didnt say I couldn't go back to sleep!
My Wife and I:
pantagrapher
Footballguy
Edith runs into the room: "Daddy! Sam [our 6-month-old] said his first word!"
Me: "Really?! What did he say?"
Edith: "'New backpack.'"
(Edith wants a new backpack.)
Me: "Really?! What did he say?"
Edith: "'New backpack.'"
(Edith wants a new backpack.)
Zegras11
Footballguy
2.5 year old grand daughter last week when we had a freak 10-minute massive down pour with thunder and lightning...
She went out to the back window and was looking in the back yard.... The have a dog named Charlie.
"Shovel, you ok?"
"Chair, you ok?"
(Charlie's) "poop is scared!"
She went out to the back window and was looking in the back yard.... The have a dog named Charlie.
"Shovel, you ok?"
"Chair, you ok?"
(Charlie's) "poop is scared!"
ChiefD
Footballguy
I raised my voice to my 21 month old son for the first time the other day.
He was in his high chair eating dinner, and started throwing his food on the floor. I told him "no" and he did it again. So I raised my voice and said "NO!" again.
He just looked at my surprised, and I just looked at him with a serious face for 10-15 seconds trying to get my point across.
He ended the stare down by signing "row, row, row your boat", and I just started cracking up. Maybe you had to be there, but it was too funny.
He was in his high chair eating dinner, and started throwing his food on the floor. I told him "no" and he did it again. So I raised my voice and said "NO!" again.
He just looked at my surprised, and I just looked at him with a serious face for 10-15 seconds trying to get my point across.
He ended the stare down by signing "row, row, row your boat", and I just started cracking up. Maybe you had to be there, but it was too funny.
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Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
B Maverick
Footballguy
My daughter has an ipad and is allowed to text with my wife and i. So this past weekend the kid was at grandmas while the wife and I were out on separate trips (Wife had a girls night for her bday and I had a FF draft weekend with the boys). And more background: the license plate game has been popular whenever we drive around.
I had a group text going with them both and was calling out the license plates I was seeing on my 5.5 hour drive. After send a few I finally get a response:
Kid: Board Much?
A little time goes by, I send two more state plates to her
Kid: Thanks? ( followed by a board Minion picture)
Me: I miss you both!
Kid: You're just talking to mean Mommy is at the place
Kid: Silly AutoCorrect
Kid: You're just talking to me Mommy is at the place
A day goes bye and the wife finally texts: License Plate Hog
(5.5 hours each way I ended up with about 28 different plates)
I had a group text going with them both and was calling out the license plates I was seeing on my 5.5 hour drive. After send a few I finally get a response:
Kid: Board Much?
A little time goes by, I send two more state plates to her
Kid: Thanks? ( followed by a board Minion picture)
Me: I miss you both!
Kid: You're just talking to mean Mommy is at the place
Kid: Silly AutoCorrect
Kid: You're just talking to me Mommy is at the place
A day goes bye and the wife finally texts: License Plate Hog
(5.5 hours each way I ended up with about 28 different plates)
Tecumseh
Footballguy
ChiefD
Footballguy
MikeIke
Footballguy
msudaisy26
Footballguy
This is a repeat of something she said before, but she seems to use it in the perfect spots.
The neighbor girl had her birthday last week and on Sunday they had a little party and we were all over there. The 3 girls are playing in the sand and one of the girls keeps asking my daughter to go get some water to make mud. Well my daughter is playing in the sand and doesn't want to get water, but the other girl keeps asking. Finally my daughter yells, "Quit saying the damn thing!!!" All the parents are sitting on the deck and just start laughing. The other girl comes up to the deck and says "Did you guys hear her? She sworn at me" We are are all still laughing though and the girl repeats herself a couple more times and then you hear my daughter yell over " Tina, I said quit saying the damn thing!!!" The whole deck erupted with laughter after that and even the kids starting laughing.
The neighbor girl had her birthday last week and on Sunday they had a little party and we were all over there. The 3 girls are playing in the sand and one of the girls keeps asking my daughter to go get some water to make mud. Well my daughter is playing in the sand and doesn't want to get water, but the other girl keeps asking. Finally my daughter yells, "Quit saying the damn thing!!!" All the parents are sitting on the deck and just start laughing. The other girl comes up to the deck and says "Did you guys hear her? She sworn at me" We are are all still laughing though and the girl repeats herself a couple more times and then you hear my daughter yell over " Tina, I said quit saying the damn thing!!!" The whole deck erupted with laughter after that and even the kids starting laughing.
Clown Car
Footballguy
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
Last night at dinner, my 12-yo daughter H was talking about having discovered the TV show "Survivor" and how great it is. She said the last episode of the season she was watching was SO intense.
With perfect timing, my 9-yo son C said, "You know what's 100 times more intense than that? World War I."
With perfect timing, my 9-yo son C said, "You know what's 100 times more intense than that? World War I."
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
Ned
Footballguy
Ned
Footballguy
So we bought a camper a few weeks ago and finally got it on Saturday. This is our first big camper, so the dealer was going through all of the stuff in it and how to use it. He's showing us the emergency exit window that it in the bunks where the kids will sleep. My 8yr old is laying in one of the beds....
Dealer: Here you can open the window and press this level so you can get out in case of emergency.
8yr old: Oooooooh I can use that for all of my farts and dutch ovens!
Dealer: Here you can open the window and press this level so you can get out in case of emergency.
8yr old: Oooooooh I can use that for all of my farts and dutch ovens!
El Floppo
Footballguy
I left him there to sort it out on his own. it was one of those life lessons that he'll hopefully take and grow from. before you say that's mean or anything- I do still bring him out food and drink every day. but the bathroom thing... that's on him. he's gotten used to it finally.
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
fantasycurse42
Footballguy Jr.
Sitting in the park right now, a girl from my son's class that ended in June is in here - they're holding hands, playing, & having fun... My son tries to show off, even though at 4.5 he can't do anything all that impressive.
Anyways, he goes to the girl; "I can run super fast and jump super high"
girls response was solid; "do it, let me see"
Son looks confused for a second, then goes for it, runs across the playground & then jumps 9 inches off the ground.
Girl responds; "that wasn't that high or fast"
son responds; "I'm not in the mood right now"
i found the whole thing
Anyways, he goes to the girl; "I can run super fast and jump super high"
girls response was solid; "do it, let me see"
Son looks confused for a second, then goes for it, runs across the playground & then jumps 9 inches off the ground.
Girl responds; "that wasn't that high or fast"
son responds; "I'm not in the mood right now"
i found the whole thing
msudaisy26
Footballguy
In about 12 years those roles are going to be reversed.Sitting in the park right now, a girl from my son's class that ended in June is in here - they're holding hands, playing, & having fun... My son tries to show off, even though at 4.5 he can't do anything all that impressive.
Anyways, he goes to the girl; "I can run super fast and jump super high"
girls response was solid; "do it, let me see"
Son looks confused for a second, then goes for it, runs across the playground & then jumps 9 inches off the ground.
Girl responds; "that wasn't that high or fast"
son responds; "I'm not in the mood right now"
i found the whole thing
OrtonToOlsen
Footballguy
OrtonToOlsen
Footballguy
El Floppo
Footballguy
His youngest son keeps his #### shiny and clean. It's tacitly understood from the post that the older son and Dad do not.
