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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

KanilJr is in 1st grade and just recently learned what a compound word is.  We went to a holiday party at a friends house this weekend where we ended up staying the night.  KanilJr was on his best behavior the entire time.  As we're getting ready to leave and everyone is gathered around to say goodbyes...

KanilJr: Mom, want to hear a compound word?

MrsKanil: *puffs up with pride because she teaches literacy and her kid is about to show how smart he is* "Yeah, sure KanilJr, let me hear it."

KanilJr: Butt.... hole!  ahahaaahahahaahahahaha...

MrsKanil: OK listen, even though I'm laughing really hard, that's not an OK thing to say at school!

KanilJr: ...aahahahahahahaha butthole, butthole, butthole!

 
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So me, the wife, the little guy (Connor - 3.5), and our baby (Claire 6 mos) were sitting around and I called Claire "Clerbee," which is a nickname I've been calling her lately. This exchange then happens:

Connor: "Daddy why you call baby Claire Cler...beeeeee"

My wife: "It's just a Nickname."

Connor:"Daddy's name is Nick.  Not Claire.  Only Daddy."  ...Obviously not understanding the difference between a nickname and my name being Nick.

Me: "No buddy, a nickname is just a name we call somebody that isn't their real name."

My wife:  "Like how we sometimes call you CJ, but your name is Connor John."

Connor: "Call me Connor Jesus McNugget."

Wife and I bust into laughter.  Connor runs around yelling Connor Jesus McNugget.

 
Clown Car said:
While I'm here I will tell this one. I'm not sure if I told it or not. #4 joined civil air patrol. The first night he went we met the other kids and I thought they were sweet, smart, cute, but the dorkiest kids I've ever met. That's saying something coming from a homeschooler. Anyway after the meeting I asked him what he thought. He says "mom I have found my people. They are just like me!"
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It's funny because it's true. When you've been ridiculed most of your life but then you find a group of people who share your interests and enjoy your company, it's a blessing. 

Kids don't realize there's a much bigger world out there until they're actually in it. The cool kids aren't cool their whole lives. 

 
Fat Nick said:
So me, the wife, the little guy (Connor - 3.5), and our baby (Claire 6 mos) were sitting around and I called Claire "Clerbee," which is a nickname I've been calling her lately. This exchange then happens:

Connor: "Daddy why you call baby Claire Cler...beeeeee"

My wife: "It's just a Nickname."

Connor:"Daddy's name is Nick.  Not Claire.  Only Daddy."  ...Obviously not understanding the difference between a nickname and my name being Nick.

Me: "No buddy, a nickname is just a name we call somebody that isn't their real name."

My wife:  "Like how we sometimes call you CJ, but your name is Connor John."

Connor: "Call me Connor Jesus McNugget."

Wife and I bust into laughter.  Connor runs around yelling Connor Jesus McNugget.
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You realize now that you have to call him that, right? Especially when he's in trouble? 

"Connor Jesus McNugget, get your butt up here NOW!" 

 
My sister is going through a divorce and our father has leukemia. So we may have gone a bit overboard with christmas lights this year. She sends me something every week and I keep getting lights and pvc from the hardware store. But the kids are into it. 

Tonight we drove around town and looked at other people's lights. We were looking at one that had a lot of the laser lights. #9 (5yo) says "that's nice but we have more stuff so we are better than them!"

 
I had to pee really bad so i was taking a long time. 

My son was waiting for me and in his best spongebob voice (you all know the voice) says "2 hours later...."

 
A few days ago my 7 year old son wanted to spend some allowance money on a Nerf gun at Target:

Son: "Dad, how much is this one?"

Me: "$9.99 plus tax."

Son: "What's "tax?"

Me: "It's extra money you have to pay to the government when you buy something."

(...a pause, then a look of consternation across his face...)

Son (yells): "THAT SUCKS!"

 
#2 works at a trampoline park and had sky camp last week. She says there are some kids you can have real conversations with and some you just say "oh yeah, that's nice, wow". She had this 9yo last week that she really liked. His name is Jacob. On Friday she was drawing with Jacob and a couple other kids and the other kids kept saying things like "santas gonna bring me this" and Jacob says to my daughter "I'm Jewish. I know all the secrets."

 
So at a Xmas Eve gathering at my daughter's tonight, my wife's cousin has a five year old boy. Sweet little kid. He comes up to me and in one long sentence, without pausing says, "It's so nice that all our families can get together tonight and tomorrow I'm going to get a fart gun!"

 
Grandparents are visiting for the holidays and my eight year old comes walking into the room carrying grandma's cell phone. She shows us she has the timer running and is timing how long Grandpa is in the bathroom. :lmao:

 
El Floppo said:
storming into room from kitchen- "whobody ate my cookie!?"
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The kids are sitting under Grandma's Christmas tree right now looking at the presents. 10yo Floppinho calls me over...

- Daddy, is who won a word?

(I know this is a trap of some kind to disprove something 6yo floppinha thinks, so I take her side)

- of course

floppinha, angrily- see!!! 

Me- but I've forgotten what it means, can you use it in a sentence?

Floppinha- whoone of these presents is mine?

 
We're dummies and decided the 3 day weekend over xmas was a good time redo our floors.  Saturday we're tearing out carpet and KanilJr (6) is "helping" by playing with a prybar in the kitchen.  He goes to smack it into his hand threateningly like the bad guy in a movie does before he beats someone up.  As soon as it hits his hand:

KanilJr: Holy "C-Word" that hurt.   (He actually said C-Word).

Of course my wife and I both jump to the bad C word in our heads and look at each other with our eyes wide.  After a second we realize he meant "crap" and start laughing.

KanilJr:  Wait, is it OK to say Crap?

Me: Looks questioningly at MrsKanil

MrsKanil: Not at school!

 
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Kanil said:
We're dummies and decided the 3 day weekend over xmas was a good time redo our floors.  Saturday we're tearing out carpet and KanilJr (6) is "helping" by playing with a prybar in the kitchen.  He goes to smack it into his hand threateningly like the bad guy in a movie does before he beats someone up.  As soon as it hits his hand:

KanilJr: Holy "C-Word" that hurt.   (He actually said C-Word).

Of course my wife and I both jump to the bad C word in our heads and look at each other with our eyes wide.  After a second we realize he meant "crap" and start laughing.

KanilJr:  Wait, is it OK to say Crap?

Me: Looks questioningly at MrsKanil

MrsKanil: Not at school!
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man this brought back some memories of my daughter

As- 

D word was Darn

H word was Heck

F word was I think Frick - not sure if this was one

C word was Crap

S word was Shoot

:lmao:      

 
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So on the 23rd we went over to my husband's cousin's house. They are like brothers, work at the same company, I  get along with his wife and we have kids that are the same age. 

So we are over there and our daughter whose is 4 and their daughter is about to be 3 are dancing to the music. We both comment how much rythem that their daughter has and my daughter is dancing like she is having a seizure and she says "Well her moves aren't better than mine!" My husband jokingly says "They kind of are better, but she has a natural advantage"  They are a mixed couple and everyone had a good chuckle. My daughter then asks "What is my natural advantage?" So the wife says "Well, your credit score is probably already better than mine!" We all died laughing, even the little girls are laughing. As soon the laughing dies down my daughter says "What is a credit score?"

 
The boy was on fire over the holidays with witty sayings everywhere.  The best one was probably on Christmas day:

Connor Jesus McNugget (son, as per earlier post on what he wanted to be called): "Mom!  Mom!  I'm going to eat ALL the candy after I finish my lunch, OK?"

Wife: [Looking at a 1 cubic foot pile of candy from various people's stockings] "I think that's impossible without getting sick."

Connor: "Nothing's impossible in my world Mom." 

That was deep for a 3.5 year old.

 
Returning from family vacation to Florida over Christmas and I pointed out a vehicle on the highway that was totally covered in white salt from the wet roads during a cold December. 

9-1/2 yo Johnny Rock Jr. said, “Why so salty?”

Genius.

 
Our car rule is oldest kid present gets the front seat. Dropped 6,7,8 at 4H today. 9 (5yo) is so excited to sit in the front seat because she is never the oldest present. She asks to roll the window down. She puts her elbow on the door ledge and starts sort of bobbing her head. She turns to me and says "I'm one of those drug seller guys."

 
I know my 8 year son watches too much youTube when out of the blue the other day during an argument he yelled out "WORLDSTAR"

 
5 year old boy, asked him what he wanted for dinner:

”It’s a holiday, isn’t Chinese food the only thing that’s open?”

Craziest part is, we haven’t even had Chinese food on any holidays, I don’t know how he even picked that up, but :lmao:

 
fantasycurse42 said:
5 year old boy, asked him what he wanted for dinner:

”It’s a holiday, isn’t Chinese food the only thing that’s open?”

Craziest part is, we haven’t even had Chinese food on any holidays, I don’t know how he even picked that up, but :lmao:
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Jewish friends at school, maybe?

Classic.

 
In the past few years we have done family get togethers in Vegas.  Wife's family flys in from Detroit, we head out from CA, so my 8yo daughter has been there several times.  She loves Vegas.  So I was in Vegas this past weekend for a soccer tourney/boys weekend which meant the wife and daughter didn't go.

My 8 year old talking to someone about it (either her aunt or grandmother)

8yo " I didnt get to go to Vegas"

Other "Yeah me either."

8yo "Yeah, would have been nice to at least be invited!" 

*************

Was with my 8 yo somewhere and we were finishing up.  I asked her if she was ready to go.  Her reply: "Yeah, Lets Bounce"

 
Conversation with my 8 year old

Me: do you wanna goto an all inclusive resort in the DR this year? Pool, beach,  snacks whenever you want. Whatever you wanna eat whenever you want and it doesn't cost us anything extra. 

Son: can I get a Halloween eyeball?

Wtmf?

 
shadyridr said:
I know my 8 year son watches too much youTube when out of the blue the other day during an argument he yelled out "WORLDSTAR"
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:lmao:  my daughter has been watching YouTube too much when she ends every sentence or question with the phrase "Leave your comment in the section below"

 
So we are driving the other day and my husband calls my daughter by her nickname and asks her what she wants for dinner. 

Daughter says "I don't want to be called _____ anymore!"

Husband says " What do you want to be called?"

Daughter says " Call me Sun Rock"

Husband says " I don't want to call you Sun Rock"

Daughter says " You have to that is my new nickname."

Husband says " You don't get to make up your own nickname, That isn't how the world works"

Daughter says " That is how my world works!" 

 
dickey moe said:
One of my best friends started making short films in junior high. One of his best efforts was a horror series entitled The Foot Long Crap. Got his sisters to run through the house screaming and everything. Zoom shot to the toilet bowl of one of his huge log craps and then fade. He made a sequel and then another.
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Holy crap!

 
Nathan R. Jessep said:
Also my 12yo... we got into a heated discussion over homework, and he wouldn't let me finish what I was trying to explain without interrupting, so I kinda had to raise my voice to shush him. So getting him into bed a little later, I was going to apologize for raising my voice at him earlier, and I said "I'm sorry I raised you" and before I could correct myself, this kid jumps up out of bed clutching his chest and stumbles out into the hallway and says "shots fired! goodbye family" :lmao:  
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:lmao:  

 
As I pulled into a convenient store the other day a man with two prosthetic arms walks out

8 year old daughter "Daddy is that a transformer?"

10 year old son  "No, it's a terminator."

Daughter" Yeah, definitely a terminator, wish I had robot arms."

 
I made a lamb shaped cake and all that was left was the head.  #7 asked if she could have some cake and starts chanting "I want head I want head".

 
This one wasn't what was said but a funny thing that happened this morning to remind me we are getting old. 

This morning our dogs started barking like crazy. #5 (13yo) opens the back door and I hear "murmurmurmur" in this deep grown man voice. I figure it's someone we know because he came to the back door. A few minutes later 5 comes and tells us he is going to the track with Matthew and micheal. When did it happen that the strange men coming to the door are my kids friends?

 
Had an amazing experience this morning when my 2 YO and I reenacted the bees/beads scene from Arrested Development. She was trying to tell me which video she wanted on Youtube Kids and there was one with animated bees and another with piles of colorful beads. Went back and forth with her like 5 times until I realized what we were doing and just started laughing. She didn't get it.

Also had a great one from the 4 YO this weekend. We decided to celebrate our dog's birthday on Saturday to help break up the winter doldrums, leading to this early morning conversation:

4 YO: Daddy we should hide behind the couch, and then when he comes down we can jump out and yell surprise!

Me: That will just scare him. He doesn't know people words so he won't know what "surprise" means.

4YO, after thinking hard: "What if we jump out and yell "woof woof"?

 
My family just finished our first game of Catan, a board game where you collect cards representing wheat, wood, bricks, ore and sheep to build settlements, roads and the like. There’s one move in the game where you have to lose half of your cards if you have eight or more.

9-yo son has it happen to him. As he’s laying down his five cards he starts singing, "Hello darkness my old friend..."

 
Kids like to paint after school, 7 year old comes over after he is done and says my teacher says some paintings go for a thousand dollars.(emphasizes how much money it is)

He then says since your my dad make me an offer for my painting.  I said I wasn't an art appraiser, so I ask him how much he wanted for it.  He shouts out $90 and that's a good deal.  I just laugh and say go get it from your mom.  Daughter who is 6 comes over gives me her painting which was  quite good and says I only want a kiss and a hug.  I said sold.

 
bucksoh said:
Kids like to paint after school, 7 year old comes over after he is done and says my teacher says some paintings go for a thousand dollars.(emphasizes how much money it is)

He then says since your my dad make me an offer for my painting.  I said I wasn't an art appraiser, so I ask him how much he wanted for it.  He shouts out $90 and that's a good deal.  I just laugh and say go get it from your mom.  Daughter who is 6 comes over gives me her painting which was  quite good and says I only want a kiss and a hug.  I said sold.
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I apologize in advance for even asking but if the kid has this kind of moxy is it possible to see the painting in question?

 
3 y.o. on the toilet last night. I walk by the bathroom door to see her sitting there, with her head between her legs, looking into the potty. She looks up with a grin, ""I'm watching the poop come out of my butt!" Head goes back down to continue.

 
RokNRole said:
I apologize in advance for even asking but if the kid has this kind of moxy is it possible to see the painting in question?
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If i knew how to post pics i would.  Not very computer friendly. I'll  have to ask my teenager if he knows how.

 
RokNRole said:
I’m curious to see if he’s really talented. Even more interesting if he’s good and knows his work is worth $90.
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No his looked like shi t, my daughter's I thought looked good.  Sorry for confusing post.

 
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