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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

3 year old goes to the potty, I monitor to make sure he's not soaking the walls/floor.  Finishes up, turns to me and casually comments that he can make his penis blink.

 
My 4-year old is really getting into football.  His vernacular could use some work though.

Fumble = Fun ball

Antonio Brown = Tony O. Brown

Seattle Seahawks = Seattle Peahawks (not intentional potty humor - just his recollection)

He also loves Booger McFarland and calls him his "Booger Buddy."

 
5 yr old nephew was staying over at the house one night.  He was throwing this little toy football in the house trying to get me to play catch with him, despite both me and the wife telling him "no playing ball in the house".   Of course, after the 3rd warning he knocks a picture frame off the little table behind the sofa and it breaks the glass.  Wife puts him in the back bedroom in Time Out.  After I get the glass shards picked up I go in the back to get him and he's kicked back in the chair, leaning it on the back two legs, arms crossed behind his head, with his feet propped up on the wall. 

Me:  Excuse me, what do you think you're doing in here? 

Him:  Just relaxin' in my business...

I had to dart out of the room and down the hall before I snorted out a laugh

 
My kids have been coming up with a fake TV show starring 2 original characters they've invented: Mr. Poopsoup and Dr. Dogpee.  I told them to draw pictures and we could make it into a little animated video.  Hop they follow through.

 
My high school sophomore daughter texted this to me from school today. 

The Lunch Ladies Have Spoken. Money Is Needed In The Foreseeable Future.

I thought it was funny. 

 
(HULK) said:
Mr. Poopsoup now has a co-worker, Tootie Fartle.

They've begun drawing them and coming up with a story.  My telling them that I'll put it on YouTube is a huge motivator (since I won't let them put themselves on YouTube).
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so dumb :lol:   and amazingly awesome.

 
The word fiancee came up yesterday in a family conversation ...

5 YO: What's fiancee?

6 YO: I know what fiancee is!  Fiancee is a person who's a really good singer.

Took my wife and I each about 30 seconds to figure out what she was talking about

 
Assembling a plate of carrots for the reindeer:
Nico (5 year old): How many reindeer are there?
Me: Don't think that really matters - it's bed time. Maybe we can just put a few carrots on the plate, and they can share?
Nico: No Dad! They might be aggressive.

 
My 19 month is n that stage where he only seems to have one word exclamations but will then surprise you with a complete sentence. Anyway, I rent an old house without bathrooms on the main floor, so we have a little portable potty for my three year old that the younger kid is fascinated with. I found him standing in it, so I said, “Nate. You can’t stand in the potty, silly.”

He looked at me and said, “For my butt!”

 
We walked out of a restaurant at a ski resort in VA and were greeted by a very cute cat begging (the wife, 7yo floppinha and I are all cat people, 11yo floppinho definitely isn't.) Cat is extremely skittish, so I pull floppinho and his cousin away to see if the girls can win the cat over.

Floppinho- it could be that the cat has diabetes.

Me- :confused:

F- you know the disease animals get...diabetes.

:confused: ... Diabetes? Animals...What?

Yeah, the disease animals get...you know, when they're rabid- foaming at the mouth...diabetes.

 
El Floppo said:
We walked out of a restaurant at a ski resort in VA and were greeted by a very cute cat begging (the wife, 7yo floppinha and I are all cat people, 11yo floppinho definitely isn't.) Cat is extremely skittish, so I pull floppinho and his cousin away to see if the girls can win the cat over.

Floppinho- it could be that the cat has diabetes.

Me- :confused:

F- you know the disease animals get...diabetes.

:confused: ... Diabetes? Animals...What?

Yeah, the disease animals get...you know, when they're rabid- foaming at the mouth...diabetes.
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That explains a lot about Mr R.

 
Took the 10yr old to see Aquaman last night. 

After the movie, he looked at me and said, "Dad.  Why do all of these superhero names have man in them?"

Me just egging him on: "Like what?  Give me an example."

10yrold: "You know.  Aqua-MAN.  Super-MAN.  Spider-MAN.  Bat-MAN.  Wonder Woah..........MAN!"

:lmao:   :lmao:   :lmao:   :lmao:   :lmao:   :lmao:

 
Peak said:
Took the 10yr old to see Aquaman last night. 

After the movie, he looked at me and said, "Dad.  Why do all of these superhero names have man in them?"

Me just egging him on: "Like what?  Give me an example."

10yrold: "You know.  Aqua-MAN.  Super-MAN.  Spider-MAN.  Bat-MAN.  Wonder Woah..........MAN!"

:lmao:   :lmao:   :lmao:   :lmao:   :lmao:   :lmao:
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My son asked me the same question this morning, exactly the same question.

 
My 6yo son has been running some great new year's shtick with lines like "do you remember when we went to Legoland last year" - which, of course, I do as it was less than a week ago. One of the first things he said on New Years was "I have not pooped all year".  

P.S. I am using similar shtick in the office today :unsure:

 
Mr. Ham said:
Was tasked the other day with changing my near 3yo’s pull-up.  I never know where things are, so instead of the Minnie Mouse ones, all I could find was the Hulk.  I don’t know why we even had this, but we did.  Daughter starts to freak out.  Not having it.  Wants Minnie Mouse.  

Thinking fast, I get her to agree she doesn’t like Hulk.  Then I said, “Good!  Don’t you want to poop on him!”

She mulled this over, then lit up and let out a three syllable, “Yeah!” and stepped in cooperatively.
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:lol:

How's it going with the Minnie Mouse ones now, though? Is she thinking of those differently?

 
El Floppo said:
We walked out of a restaurant at a ski resort in VA and were greeted by a very cute cat begging (the wife, 7yo floppinha and I are all cat people, 11yo floppinho definitely isn't.) Cat is extremely skittish, so I pull floppinho and his cousin away to see if the girls can win the cat over.

Floppinho- it could be that the cat has diabetes.

Me- :confused:

F- you know the disease animals get...diabetes.

:confused: ... Diabetes? Animals...What?

Yeah, the disease animals get...you know, when they're rabid- foaming at the mouth...diabetes.
Click to expand...
:lmao:

Without his use of this one word it would have been funny, but this makes it extra special.

 
Mr. Ham said:
2yo daughter is almost 3 and in an incredibly cute phase.  Doesn’t like me though.  Whenever I ask if I can hug her or kiss her head (as I’m apt to do), she answers, “Maybe in the morning.”  It can be morning at the time, mind you.

Hopefully a phase.  Right now it’s all about mommy.  

So imagine my heart swell when this happened...  We were split into separate beds at in-laws with one kid each.  (8yo really digs dad, thankfully)...  Near 10pm, door bursts open with daughter sucking her binky and dragging purple bunny.  An exasperated mom is in tow (looks like it’s been a slog to get her to settle), and daughter bursts into tears saying, “I want to sleep with daddy!”  After a hullabaloo, she ends up with her head on my chest and 8yo is with mom.  

Things are quiet for enough time that I fall asleep, and when I rouse and notice she’s opened the door and is dragging purple bunny, slurring through the binky as if she’d gone to a Metallica concept and Nickelback showed up instead.  

“I don’t want to sleep with daddy.”  Then the door slammed.

This is how little girls get ponies.

At least I got my 8yo back.
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My daughter did this too at that age.

And even now, at age 8, she picks her spots. At this point though I can fire back:

Her: Well, I want mommy to put me to bed. Stay out of my room.

Me: Ok. I'll remember that when you are 16 and want a sports car....

Her: Well....wait a minute....daddy? 

Me:  :lol:

 
another thread reminded me of this...

floppinho had to give a urine sample a year or so ago- he was 9 or 10. we sent him into the bathroom at the dr's office with his cup and waited a while. and waited. I finally knocked on the door and he came out sheepishly with just a few drops in the cup.

what happened? didn't you have to pee?

it was hard to aim.

yeah- that's true... but you didn't get much in there.

it was hard to aim!

(I walked into the bathroom- pee everywhere. he had put the cup on the ground and tried to hit it while standing like it was a toilet.)

 
ChiefD said:
My daughter did this too at that age.

And even now, at age 8, she picks her spots. At this point though I can fire back:

Her: Well, I want mommy to put me to bed. Stay out of my room.

Me: Ok. I'll remember that when you are 16 and want a sports car....

Her: Well....wait a minute....daddy? 

Me:  :lol:
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Both my kids flip-flop on the whole "mommy/daddy put me to bed" thing.  Well, usually just the almost-8-year-old daughter.  The 6-year-old son is all about mommy, but will occasionally let me read to him, etc.  

Going to totally use this schtick though.

 
My 3 yo daughter doesn't pronounce her "s" at the beginning of words.  Not uncommon, but still cracks me up when she says certain words like "wimming" and when she tells me she's going to put on her "neakers".

Well, one day she's about to eat and asks me for a "poon".  Here was the convo:

Her:  "Dad, can you get me a poon please"

Me:  "Yes, I can get you a poon"

Her:  "No, Dad, not a poon.  A POON!"

Me:  :lmao:

 
gianmarco said:
My 3 yo daughter doesn't pronounce her "s" at the beginning of words.  Not uncommon, but still cracks me up when she says certain words like "wimming" and when she tells me she's going to put on her "neakers".

Well, one day she's about to eat and asks me for a "poon".  Here was the convo:

Her:  "Dad, can you get me a poon please"

Me:  "Yes, I can get you a poon"

Her:  "No, Dad, not a poon.  A POON!"

Me:  :lmao:
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😂

Reminds me of a recent conversation with my 4 year old. He's never had any issues making 'r' sounds but he's been hanging out with this new kid who pronounces his 'r' sound like 'ah.'  So for example 'monster' is pronounced 'mon-stah.' So my son has started parroting his pronunciation of r's. This has been going on for weeks now and he's really internalized it. Every 'r' is an 'ah.' I tried to ignore it but finally tried to have a talk with him:

Me: Hey buddy, can you say monster like 'monster' and not 'mon-stah' -- that's the right way to say it.

Him: I say mon-stah because that's how David says it and he's my best fwend .

Me: Can you just say monster once so I know you haven't forgotten how to say it the right way?

Him: I say mon- stah. I can't say it the otha way.

Me: I'll give you a piece of chocolate if you can

Him: monster

 
Not necessarily a funny thing they've said, but an action that made me laugh, but now is starting to drive me crazy.... the kids will pile up every pillow, stuffed animal and a few blankets on one of their beds (or ours) and call it "Soft Land".  I don't know if they've figured out they could probably get a good running start and jump into it.  They kinda just lounge around in it.

 
#6, 11yo, boy. 

Him: mom when I grow up I want to buy a house right here in town so I can take care of you when you’re old. 

Me: or you can go anywhere in the world and follow whatever dream you have and I can just come live with you when I’m old. 

Him: oh. No. I will move here in town so I can come to your house and make sure you’re ok. I don’t want some crazy old lady living with me. 

Why cant they stay sweet and honest forever?

 
gianmarco said:
My 3 yo daughter doesn't pronounce her "s" at the beginning of words.  Not uncommon, but still cracks me up when she says certain words like "wimming" and when she tells me she's going to put on her "neakers".

Well, one day she's about to eat and asks me for a "poon".  Here was the convo:

Her:  "Dad, can you get me a poon please"

Me:  "Yes, I can get you a poon"

Her:  "No, Dad, not a poon.  A POON!"

Me:  :lmao:
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I love when they mispronounce things, and you repeat exactly what they say (mispronounced) and they correct you by saying it wrong again - exactly as you said it.   :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

My son can't say "boobytrap."  He calls them "foomietraps."  I have no clue why he can't say it.  I joke with him setting "foomie traps," and he has the same dialogue you posted above.  "No Dad!  Not a foomietrap, a FOOMIETRAP!"  Hes often has an ear infection, and my hearing is horrible, so that probably doesn't help...

 
Speaking of mispronouncing things, I think it is a common thing, but my youngest used to say "ones if" instead of what if.  We let it go for a while, because I thought it was common, but then he got a little old so we would correct him.  He is pretty bull headed, so he resisted changing, so it turning into teasing him about it.  As a family, we like to give each other a hard time, and he's pretty good at pushing buttons.  Whenever he strikes someones nerve, they just say "ones if" to him and he goes from 0-60 is no time flat.  He's 15 now.  We've gotten decent mileage from it.

 
Not really anything funny that she said, more laughing at the activity.  We were at a team party/bday for her soccer team.  The family hosting it has converted their garage into a bar, with kegerator, dart board, foosball, tvs etc... Just inside their house they had a craps table.  So we had several of the girls (all around 9 yo) playing.

Nothing like them yelling "Easy Ways" or "Field Bet" or even "Craps pays double!"

Dad of the year, teaching his kid to play craps and beer pong.....

 
B Maverick said:
Not really anything funny that she said, more laughing at the activity.  We were at a team party/bday for her soccer team.  The family hosting it has converted their garage into a bar, with kegerator, dart board, foosball, tvs etc... Just inside their house they had a craps table.  So we had several of the girls (all around 9 yo) playing.

Nothing like them yelling "Easy Ways" or "Field Bet" or even "Craps pays double!"

Dad of the year, teaching his kid to play craps and beer pong.....
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as long as they weren't playing the don't pass line.. because #### that.

 
Clown Car said:
#6, 11yo, boy. 

Him: mom when I grow up I want to buy a house right here in town so I can take care of you when you’re old. 

Me: or you can go anywhere in the world and follow whatever dream you have and I can just come live with you when I’m old. 

Him: oh. No. I will move here in town so I can come to your house and make sure you’re ok. I don’t want some crazy old lady living with me. 

Why cant they stay sweet and honest forever?
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Usually I most enjoy the ones from the preschool-aged crowd, but this might be my favorite one in the thread.  10/10.  Please give your 11 year old my regards.

 
Bull Dozier said:
Speaking of mispronouncing things, I think it is a common thing, but my youngest used to say "ones if" instead of what if.  We let it go for a while, because I thought it was common, but then he got a little old so we would correct him.  He is pretty bull headed, so he resisted changing, so it turning into teasing him about it.  As a family, we like to give each other a hard time, and he's pretty good at pushing buttons.  Whenever he strikes someones nerve, they just say "ones if" to him and he goes from 0-60 is no time flat.  He's 15 now.  We've gotten decent mileage from it.
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My sister was 14 and frustrated at one of my friends for teasing her.  She tried to tell him, "You're so annoying", but in her frustration told him, "You're so erotic".  She's 35 now and we're still getting mileage out of that one.

 
So my brother and his wife are expecting their first child.... 

Me and the wife/kids are out camping and the wife made pancakes.  One of the pancakes had a little dribbled batter off to the side (looked like a Q).  Of course the boys say the pancake had a little ****.  My 10yr old goes "this means Uncle's baby is going to be a boy!"

Fast forward a few weeks - my brother announces that they are indeed having a boy.  My wife and the kids were out with the grandparents, so I texted my wife with the news.  My wife relay's back...

"the boys are screaming in the van "its a boy!".... 10yr old just said "pancakes never lie" 

:lmao:

 
Ned said:
So my brother and his wife are expecting their first child.... 

Me and the wife/kids are out camping and the wife made pancakes.  One of the pancakes had a little dribbled batter off to the side (looked like a Q).  Of course the boys say the pancake had a little ****.  My 10yr old goes "this means Uncle's baby is going to be a boy!"

Fast forward a few weeks - my brother announces that they are indeed having a boy.  My wife and the kids were out with the grandparents, so I texted my wife with the news.  My wife relay's back...

"the boys are screaming in the van "its a boy!".... 10yr old just said "pancakes never lie" 

:lmao:
Click to expand...
Well he's not wrong...

 
My 7-year old daughter said it when she was 4-6ish and now I'm hearing the 6-year old boy say it... instead of "it's MINE", it's said "it's MINES".  Sounds like something Gollum from Lord of the Rings would say.  He'll grow out of it just like the almost-8 year old has.  Still funny.

 
nirad3 said:
My 7-year old daughter said it when she was 4-6ish and now I'm hearing the 6-year old boy say it... instead of "it's MINE", it's said "it's MINES".  Sounds like something Gollum from Lord of the Rings would say.  He'll grow out of it just like the almost-8 year old has.  Still funny.
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my mom tells me I used to say "meinz" (sounds like "heinz"). every single time I see her.

 
If you read my teen boy problem thread you will find this hilarious!

#10 (3yo,m) has an obsession with paper money. Has a wallet and gets dollars from #4 all the time. But today he took $35 out of 4’s wallet and put in his own. 

4: 10, you can’t take money from my wallet. That’s stealing and it’s wrong and bad! 

 
nirad3 said:
My 7-year old daughter said it when she was 4-6ish and now I'm hearing the 6-year old boy say it... instead of "it's MINE", it's said "it's MINES".  Sounds like something Gollum from Lord of the Rings would say.  He'll grow out of it just like the almost-8 year old has.  Still funny.
Click to expand...
So I, apparently, have hairy feet.  My wife's taught KanilJr (7yo) to say, "Filthy Hobitses" is his best Gollum voice anytime I put my feet on the coffee table (usually while I'm playing a video game).

 
Clown Car said:
If you read my teen boy problem thread you will find this hilarious!

#10 (3yo,m) has an obsession with paper money. Has a wallet and gets dollars from #4 all the time. But today he took $35 out of 4’s wallet and put in his own. 

4: 10, you can’t take money from my wallet. That’s stealing and it’s wrong and bad! 
Click to expand...
Give #10 some headphones to sell 4.

 
Took #10&11 (they will be 4&3 next month) our to dinner tonight. They got steak and French fries. 10 took a couple bites of his fries and says he doesn’t want them anymore. I asked why.

He said: they have steak water on them. 

 
I pulled in the driveway after work and finished listening to a talk radio segment for a few minutes before I went in.

14-yo daughter had seen me drive up and asked what took so long. 

I said, “I was listening to the radio.”

16-yo daughter replied, “You were listening to your ego?”

No, not that time!

 
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