Funny things your kid has said (2 Viewers)

[fatness]

My kids were about 5 and 3 when I decided they were old enough that I could take them out to eat by myself, to give my wife a break.

Burger King. Friday dinner time. Packed. We're waiting in line to order and they're being good as gold. I order and ask the 5-year-old if he wants to get us a table and put some napkins on it. He does this just fine. 3-year-old is still good as gold as I get our order and we head over and sit down with 5-year-old. And I'm thinking "Done. All we have to do is eat and go, and they've been really good." We start unwrapping and chowing down and I see 5-year-old is just staring at me. Not eating his food, just staring. And the following conversation took place:

Me: Are you going to start eating your food?
5: Yes. (continues to just stare at me)
Me: Why are you staring at me?
5: Does your Whopper have onions on it?
Me: Yes, why?
5: Did you take the onions off?
Me: No, why?
5 (at a volume level heard by the entire Packed dining room): I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS. YOU KNOW ONIONS MAKE YOU FART AND YOU'RE EATING THEM AND I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS".
Dining room audience: *mass laughter*

I saw at least 3 people spit out food or drink. Laughing families pointed at me. Literally everyone in the dining room heard it, the most embarrassing moment of my life. I felt myself getting very redfaced and actually considered crawling under our table. Then I realized I'd have to come back out.

They're in their 40's now but both kids still remember this. Damn I was embarrassed. I really wanted to crawl under that table and find an entrance to Narnia.

 

[nirad3]

My 11-year old son and I were in the car together, and I don't know how the subject came up, but we started talking about what he wanted to major in at college. He told me "I want to study Business". I told him that was an excellent idea, but asked "why Business?". He told me "because I want to own a donut shop!".

I laughed and told him to not eat all the profits.

 

[B Maverick]

Driving along with my 15 year old the other day and a song comes on the radio. As most cars do, the band name and song title are displayed on the screen.

Kid looks at the screen and says "hmm Bowling for Soup. Do they sing that song that goes Nineteen, nineteen, nineteen..." and she notices me staring at her with a are you serious look. I look at the screen and back at her and she starts to die of laughter/embarrassment as the screen shows 1985 and the chorus of the song hits "Nineteen, nineteen, nineteeneightyfive"

So of course the next car ride and some Pink Floyd Comfortably Numb comes on and I ask her if they sing the song that goes "I've become....." She doesn't like me much.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

My kids were about 5 and 3 when I decided they were old enough that I could take them out to eat by myself, to give my wife a break.

Burger King. Friday dinner time. Packed. We're waiting in line to order and they're being good as gold. I order and ask the 5-year-old if he wants to get us a table and put some napkins on it. He does this just fine. 3-year-old is still good as gold as I get our order and we head over and sit down with 5-year-old. And I'm thinking "Done. All we have to do is eat and go, and they've been really good." We start unwrapping and chowing down and I see 5-year-old is just staring at me. Not eating his food, just staring. And the following conversation took place:

Me: Are you going to start eating your food?
5: Yes. (continues to just stare at me)
Me: Why are you staring at me?
5: Does your Whopper have onions on it?
Me: Yes, why?
5: Did you take the onions off?
Me: No, why?
5 (at a volume level heard by the entire Packed dining room): I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS. YOU KNOW ONIONS MAKE YOU FART AND YOU'RE EATING THEM AND I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS".
Dining room audience: *mass laughter*

I saw at least 3 people spit out food or drink. Laughing families pointed at me. Literally everyone in the dining room heard it, the most embarrassing moment of my life. I felt myself getting very redfaced and actually considered crawling under our table. Then I realized I'd have to come back out.

They're in their 40's now but both kids still remember this. Damn I was embarrassed. I really wanted to crawl under that table and find an entrance to Narnia.

Did you explain fart processing time?

 

[fatness]

My kids were about 5 and 3 when I decided they were old enough that I could take them out to eat by myself, to give my wife a break.

Burger King. Friday dinner time. Packed. We're waiting in line to order and they're being good as gold. I order and ask the 5-year-old if he wants to get us a table and put some napkins on it. He does this just fine. 3-year-old is still good as gold as I get our order and we head over and sit down with 5-year-old. And I'm thinking "Done. All we have to do is eat and go, and they've been really good." We start unwrapping and chowing down and I see 5-year-old is just staring at me. Not eating his food, just staring. And the following conversation took place:

Me: Are you going to start eating your food?
5: Yes. (continues to just stare at me)
Me: Why are you staring at me?
5: Does your Whopper have onions on it?
Me: Yes, why?
5: Did you take the onions off?
Me: No, why?
5 (at a volume level heard by the entire Packed dining room): I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS. YOU KNOW ONIONS MAKE YOU FART AND YOU'RE EATING THEM AND I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS".
Dining room audience: *mass laughter*

I saw at least 3 people spit out food or drink. Laughing families pointed at me. Literally everyone in the dining room heard it, the most embarrassing moment of my life. I felt myself getting very redfaced and actually considered crawling under our table. Then I realized I'd have to come back out.

They're in their 40's now but both kids still remember this. Damn I was embarrassed. I really wanted to crawl under that table and find an entrance to Narnia.

Did you explain fart processing time?

5 year old was familiar my processing time and his expectation was not off base. I didn't expect it to be ANNOUNCED TO THE WORLD, though.

 

[nirad3]

I assume this'll be appropriate here.... but yeah, yet another doozie from my boy at bedtime.

As y'all know from a couple other of my posts here, I lay with my 11-year old boy while he drifts off to sleep. He's getting to the size (and age) where I can probably only do it for another few months, but I digress.

We're laying there completely silent the other night and I'm thinking he's probably about ready to fall asleep, and heck, I may have dozed off myself... but out of nowhere he says (in a rather loud, laughing type of way):

MY BALLS HAVE HAIR ON THEM HAHAHAHHA

 

[glvsav37]

from the mouth of my very smart, but blissfully ignorant 18 year old daughter. If you saw the thread about us starting a lemonade stand, we would use the 32oz deli cups that you normally get wonton soup in—We have a bunch saved and use for food storage form time to time.

So I made a sample using one of those leftover containers and my daughter tried it. When I told her the plan, she looked at the drink (in the repurposed Chinese food container) then looked back at me and said "Well... we're going to have start ordering a lot more Chinese food!"

 

[El Floppo]

16yo floppinho went on a school trip for a week with a small group of 15 or so students and a couple teacher chaperones. He was friends with most of the people, including the girl part of the only couple on the trip.

I asked how everybody got along and if the couple were a bit much for people. He shrugged and rolled his eyes... The couple- it was oral sex ALL THE TIME.

What!?- in public?!!

Yeah- all the time- oral sex all over the place!

Wife and I look at each other knowing already where this was going... The wife- by oral sex, do you mean they were kissing?

Yeah- ALL THE TIME!

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

16yo floppinho went on a school trip for a week with a small group of 15 or so students and a couple teacher chaperones. He was friends with most of the people, including the girl part of the only couple on the trip.

I asked how everybody got along and if the couple were a bit much for people. He shrugged and rolled his eyes... The couple- it was oral sex ALL THE TIME.

What!?- in public?!!

Yeah- all the time- oral sex all over the place!

Wife and I look at each other knowing already where this was going... The wife- by oral sex, do you mean they were kissing?

Yeah- ALL THE TIME!

Can I watch while you explain this? Or is that just weird?

 

[Clown Car]

I have to preface this story with the fact that I was diagnosed with cancer last December. I have gone through treatment and I’m fine now. Just have to monitor for the rest of my life.

This weekend was my husband’s birthday. All but one adult child came home and family dinner night was a packed house with my 10, 1 son in law, and 2 significant others. Everyone is laughing and having fun. Two of my boys are sick, headache fever stuffy noses.

#2 (24yo, f): these kids are always sick when I come up. What’s up with that?

Me: I don’t know. I’m never sick.

#3 (23yo,f): ok cancer!

#2’s boyfriend was a little surprised. He said he wasn’t sure if we were allowed to talk about it let alone joke about it. I said we joke about everything. Nothing is off limits.

 

[ChiefD]

I have to preface this story with the fact that I was diagnosed with cancer last December. I have gone through treatment and I’m fine now. Just have to monitor for the rest of my life.

This weekend was my husband’s birthday. All but one adult child came home and family dinner night was a packed house with my 10, 1 son in law, and 2 significant others. Everyone is laughing and having fun. Two of my boys are sick, headache fever stuffy noses.

#2 (24yo, f): these kids are always sick when I come up. What’s up with that?

Me: I don’t know. I’m never sick.

#3 (23yo,f): ok cancer!

#2’s boyfriend was a little surprised. He said he wasn’t sure if we were allowed to talk about it let alone joke about it. I said we joke about everything. Nothing is off limits.

sorry to hear about the cancer and glad to hear you are doing ok. And I love that your family has the spirit to laugh at anything.

 

[eighsse2]

My kids were about 5 and 3 when I decided they were old enough that I could take them out to eat by myself, to give my wife a break.

Burger King. Friday dinner time. Packed. We're waiting in line to order and they're being good as gold. I order and ask the 5-year-old if he wants to get us a table and put some napkins on it. He does this just fine. 3-year-old is still good as gold as I get our order and we head over and sit down with 5-year-old. And I'm thinking "Done. All we have to do is eat and go, and they've been really good." We start unwrapping and chowing down and I see 5-year-old is just staring at me. Not eating his food, just staring. And the following conversation took place:

Me: Are you going to start eating your food?
5: Yes. (continues to just stare at me)
Me: Why are you staring at me?
5: Does your Whopper have onions on it?
Me: Yes, why?
5: Did you take the onions off?
Me: No, why?
5 (at a volume level heard by the entire Packed dining room): I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS. YOU KNOW ONIONS MAKE YOU FART AND YOU'RE EATING THEM AND I'M JUST WAITING TO SMELL YOUR FARTS".
Dining room audience: *mass laughter*

I saw at least 3 people spit out food or drink. Laughing families pointed at me. Literally everyone in the dining room heard it, the most embarrassing moment of my life. I felt myself getting very redfaced and actually considered crawling under our table. Then I realized I'd have to come back out.

They're in their 40's now but both kids still remember this. Damn I was embarrassed. I really wanted to crawl under that table and find an entrance to Narnia.

Did you explain fart processing time?

5 year old was familiar my processing time and his expectation was not off base. I didn't expect it to be ANNOUNCED TO THE WORLD, though.

The disturbing part is that he was explicitly choosing not to eat until he could smell your farts.

 

[eighsse2]

Do young adult nephews count? I always thought this was clever and it has stuck with me. My nephew (he's only about 8 years younger than me, he was probably a young adult already at the time, not a kid, but whatever). He was talking about how Nintendo, at any time they want, can crank out a new Pokemon video game, knowing that they have a fanbase of millions all of whom will practically have no choice but to buy it -- it's a well they can go back to again, and again, and again, etc. And in saying this he referred to Pokemon as a "money pit" for Nintendo. He quickly realized that means the opposite of what he intended, and said "I mean ... a money ... tower."

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

I have to preface this story with the fact that I was diagnosed with cancer last December. I have gone through treatment and I’m fine now. Just have to monitor for the rest of my life.

Many hugs coming your way. Of course, you are likely smothered by your kids. They sound fun. Glad you are doing well.

 

[Gawain]

I’m sneaking some macarons after dinner. 4 year old wanders over.

4YO: ooo, macarons can I have one?
Me: sure bud, here you go (hand him chocolate macaron)
4YO: what? I only get one chocolate?
Me: ok, here you go (give him a second, vanilla one)
4YO: what? Now I have one chocolate and one of…this color. You have four. Why do you get four?
Me: well, I’m bigger than you buddy.
4YO: yeah, bigger. But keep eating macarons and you’ll get fatter and then die soon.

Fairly sure he’s hoping it’s before the macarons are gone.