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Funny things your kid has said (3 Viewers)

St. Louis Bob said:
When I put my 3.5 son to bed last night he said "Daddy, I want Rachel to come over and sleep with me."When he was 2.5 we were on a road trip to Chicago and stopped to use the bathroom. It was one of those joints with a Steak N Shake attached to a gas station.So we come out and this smoking hot gal, 24? walks by.He see her and says "DADDY! LOOK AT THAT! She's pretty." The gal obviously heard him. Then he follows up with "Do you like that? :yes:"
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That's so awesome. Wish I had a straight son. :cry:
 
When my little brother was 7 or so we were in the mall with my dad. The loudspeaker in Dilliards kept announcing "45298 please call 45299, 45298 please call 45299".

My brother says - Dad why do they keep saying numbers like that?

Dad - Well son, they assign people numbers then those announcments tell different people who to call.

Little brother - What's my number?

 
General Malaise said:
St. Louis Bob said:
When I put my 3.5 son to bed last night he said "Daddy, I want Rachel to come over and sleep with me."

When he was 2.5 we were on a road trip to Chicago and stopped to use the bathroom. It was one of those joints with a Steak N Shake attached to a gas station.

So we come out and this smoking hot gal, 24? walks by.

He see her and says "DADDY! LOOK AT THAT! She's pretty."

The gal obviously heard him.

Then he follows up with "Do you like that? :shrug:"
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That's so awesome. Wish I had a straight son. :lmao:
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Possibly bi.
 
St. Louis Bob said:
General Malaise said:
St. Louis Bob said:
When I put my 3.5 son to bed last night he said "Daddy, I want Rachel to come over and sleep with me."

When he was 2.5 we were on a road trip to Chicago and stopped to use the bathroom. It was one of those joints with a Steak N Shake attached to a gas station.

So we come out and this smoking hot gal, 24? walks by.

He see her and says "DADDY! LOOK AT THAT! She's pretty."

The gal obviously heard him.

Then he follows up with "Do you like that? :shrug:"
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That's so awesome. Wish I had a straight son. :lmao:
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Possibly bi.
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Congratulations. All the cool kids are bi these days.
 
My 5 y.o. singing in the car this morning:

"I love rock n'roll! Put another dime in the juicebox baby!"

 
Not my kid but my best friends...

So we go on vacation with our friends and my friends wife is pregnant and her boobs have gotten very big, so every chance we get we make a snide remark about them and how nice they are.

Well we are all going down to the pool and his little boy looks up to me and says "Uncle Buddy, nice boobies".

 
Buddy Ball 2K3 said:
Not my kid but my best friends...So we go on vacation with our friends and my friends wife is pregnant and her boobs have gotten very big, so every chance we get we make a snide remark about them and how nice they are. Well we are all going down to the pool and his little boy looks up to me and says "Uncle Buddy, nice boobies".
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:banned: ouch.
 
Well, I usually don't come on here, but this is right up my ally. I'm a first grade teacher, and have tons of great and hilarious things my students have said.

"Did God make us from playdough?" - my favorite

"My mom's not a woman, she's a mom!"

Then, a few weeks ago:

Here are 3 conversations with the same kid in one day. He is the biggest first grader and so funny and sweet. His name is L for this story.

Conversation 1

I'm giving a spelling test:

Me: Run, she can run fast.

L: You mean he.

Me. No...SHE can run fast

L: What? A girl?

Me: Yes, I was the fastest runner when I was your age. Even faster than all of the boys.

L: You're awesome, I want to be your friend.

Conversation 2 - In the middle of a math lesson

L: Mrs ____. Do you think I can beat you at teatherball?

Me: Probably not.

L: I think I can.

The class starts to laugh, and I remind them we're trying to learn here.

Conversation 3 - Reading a book on Blizzards

Me: When I was in 6th grade, the snow was higher than me. It took 2 days to shovel out.

L: Wow, are you in high school now?

Me: No, I'm actually done with college.

L: Really, where do you work?

The class answers for me that I'm a teacher. He still wasn't understanding.

L: But what do you do?

Class answers for him again.

Me: I'm your teacher. This is my job.

L: What would happen if you weren't my teacher.... (with a big smile and bright eyes) We could play all day!

Class laughs

Me: Then someone else would be your teacher, don't worry. Now back to Blizzards...

I love my job!

 
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St. Louis Bob said:
When I put my 3.5 son to bed last night he said "Daddy, I want Rachel to come over and sleep with me."When he was 2.5 we were on a road trip to Chicago and stopped to use the bathroom. It was one of those joints with a Steak N Shake attached to a gas station.So we come out and this smoking hot gal, 24? walks by.He see her and says "DADDY! LOOK AT THAT! She's pretty." The gal obviously heard him. Then he follows up with "Do you like that? :shrug:"
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The wife and I were pushing our kids (4 and 2 at the time) in a stroller through the mall. We passed by a Victoria's Secret, and my son yells "Whoa, Daddy, stop the engines! There's a naked girl!" I dutifully obeyed my son, and my wife (luckily) and everyone around were dying laughing.
 
Bob Sacamano said:
My sister's sister-in-law was trying to convey to her young son (Under 2 at the time) that he needed to communicate things by speaking rather than just grunting at them. For instance, when he wanted to remove his jacket, he used to partially remove one arm and start flailing towards them while grunting. One day they dropped him off at day care. It was a pretty cool morning, so when they left him there he wanted to keep his jacket on. A few hours into the day, she got a phone call from a woman at daycare who was curious what they had been teaching this boy at home.Apparently he got warm as the day went on, and trying to follow-through on what his mother was teaching him, he proceeded to repeat to the ladies over and over again, "Jack off. Jack off. Jack off."They call it a coat now.
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:hophead:
 
Boot said:
volleyballer said:
Conversation 2 - In the middle of a math lessonL: Mrs ____. Do you think I can beat you at teatherball?Me: Probably not.L: I think I can.The class starts to laugh, and I remind them we're trying to learn here.
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Only one way to settle this one.
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The other day he told me that he could run faster than me. I told him that he couldn't. I think there might be a little race in the future. It'll be his first taste of defeat. He's a head taller, much faster, and more athletic than any of the other kids in first grade. I really think I'll see him playing in the NFL in about 15 years. That would be awesome.
 
My 5 yo when asked for an item to be placed on a bulletin board at nursery school, what was something that he wished for, he responded:

"My wish is that I like my family"

 
Yesterday: We are at the dinner table, which is always a battle with my 4 year old. I have a migraine, and he's doing he's usual playing with the food. Finally I slam my hand down on the table to let him know I mean business. I just say "Eat" He say "alright, alright... eeeasy" I try to stare him down for a second, and then I hear my wife giggling off to the side. I look over and she is beet red trying to supress her laughter. I then lose it and bust out laughing, and all of us laugh uncontrollable for the next 5 minutes. Lucky little bastage.

A couple months ago I was wrestling on the floor with both boys. I got my 4 year old and starting tickling him. In between laughs he says "Daddy, leave me alone" I say "Why?" He says "Because you're driving me crazy" It become a running joke ever since.

 
Verbal Kint said:
Yesterday: We are at the dinner table, which is always a battle with my 4 year old. I have a migraine, and he's doing he's usual playing with the food. Finally I slam my hand down on the table to let him know I mean business. I just say "Eat" He say "alright, alright... eeeasy" I try to stare him down for a second, and then I hear my wife giggling off to the side. I look over and she is beet red trying to supress her laughter. I then lose it and bust out laughing, and all of us laugh uncontrollable for the next 5 minutes. Lucky little bastage.

A couple months ago I was wrestling on the floor with both boys. I got my 4 year old and starting tickling him. In between laughs he says "Daddy, leave me alone" I say "Why?" He says "Because you're driving me crazy" It become a running joke ever since.
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Mine can barely speak, and the dinner table already seems to be the best place for stuff like this. When she's finished eating altogether, she does a great job of letting you know with an "All done" waving of the hands. When she's just finished with one particular food item, however, she likes to let you know by throwing a piece of it on the floor. This of course leads to the corrective, "We don't throw food on the floor." The other night she threw a carrot on the floor, and before I could move a muscle, she turned around and started shaking her finger at me like she was correcting me. I couldn't choke back the laughter long enough to correct her again. Needless to say, I gotta' come up with a different way to let her know that doesn't fly.

 
According to my 3-year-old son, we had "roast beast" for lunch yesterday.

 
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We're in the shoe store yesterday getting dance shoes for my daughter. As we're leaving, my son is off in his own world looking at shoes or something in the back of the store. I tell him "C'mon, we're going!!" and he comes running up the aisle. Somehow the elastic cinch thing - that elastic rope that goes around the middle of your coat with the little black retainer thing on the end - gets caught in one of the shoe try-on benches. So he's running up the aisle and the bench spins around and is now following along behind him. He stops and I get him untangled. We head out to the car and he says "I call that trick the Snag And Drag!" :unsure:

 
My 3 year old neice was over this weekend playing with my daughter.

She was watching Backyardigans and they were in the jungle singing, "into the thick of it".

Thick-of-it is said really fast though, so she couldnt understand what they were saying.

She was singing, "Into the cigawette (cigarette), into the cigawette (cigarette).

hilarious.

 
bakes said:
We're in the shoe store yesterday getting dance shoes for my daughter. As we're leaving, my son is off in his own world looking at shoes or something in the back of the store. I tell him "C'mon, we're going!!" and he comes running up the aisle. Somehow the elastic cinch thing - that elastic rope that goes around the middle of your coat with the little black retainer thing on the end - gets caught in one of the shoe try-on benches. So he's running up the aisle and the bench spins around and is now following along behind him. He stops and I get him untangled. We head out to the car and he says "I call that trick the Snag And Drag!" :lmao:
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:lmao:
 
My little girl is in kindergarten. We have two younger boys (3 and 10 mos.), so on mornings that my wife works, getting ready is a chore. I had to be at the office early this morning, so my wife had to get everyone ready.

I went into my daughter's room to wake her up and tell her "bye" before I left.

Me: Wake up...I have to go to work early, so give me a kiss

Her: ........

Me: Come on, wake up.

Her (eyes still closed, raspy voice): But whose going to get me ready?

Me: I'm leaving for work, but mom is going to get you and your brothers ready.

Her (eyes still closed, raspy voice): ........Daddy, do you think mommy can handle all that?

Mommy: :blackdot:

 
My brothers daughters are crazy, out of control, messed up hair, running a million miles / hour crazy. In the room are my son 9, His cousin Bella 4, and her sister Mia, 2.5.

My son is wearing a Detroit Lions shirt and asks his 4 yr old cousin, "Bella can you read my shirt? It says Lions."

Bella: Snotty voice says, "I don't like Lions, I like platypuses."

Mia: Running from around the corner, and from the looks of it not even in the conversation takes out her passafire and says... "Yea, and I Like dough nuts!"

Guess you had to be there but it sure made me laugh for a day :angry:

 
WainiacS said:
My brothers daughters are crazy, out of control, messed up hair, running a million miles / hour crazy. In the room are my son 9, His cousin Bella 4, and her sister Mia, 2.5.My son is wearing a Detroit Lions shirt and asks his 4 yr old cousin, "Bella can you read my shirt? It says Lions."Bella: Snotty voice says, "I don't like Lions, I like platypuses." Mia: Running from around the corner, and from the looks of it not even in the conversation takes out her passafire and says... "Yea, and I Like dough nuts!"Guess you had to be there but it sure made me laugh for a day :D
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Sometimes the "Guess you had to be there" moments are the funniest.
 
I have a 6 week old, 4 year old, and a 6 year old.

At 6 year old's x-mas concert there was a little skit about some mobsters trying to strong arm Santa... pretty harmless we thought.

Part 2... my 4 year old and 6 year old were selling 50/50 tickets for their hockey team...and my 4 year old tells his great aunt..."If you don't pay me I'lla breaka your knees" in his best italian accent...which was actually pretty good for a 4 year old Canadian kid

 
A few days ago my 4 year old accidentally killed his goldfish by feeding it too much. He comes over to me and says "Dad, George died, and I have to tell the truth... We have to get a new fish"

 
My son's on a roll of late. I come home from work and he's reading a book. Aside: As part of his spelling homework, he has to come up with 10 words per week and spell them, use them in a sentence, write the definition, etc. Him being, well, him, he gets words out of Calvin and Hobbes and science books, so while other kids are choosing words like "duck" he's choosing words like "sanctimonious." Yes really. So anyway, he comes running out to me as I'm unloading stuff in the kitchen and says "Dad! Dad! I just found the best word for spelling class next week!" and thrusts the book proudly out towards me and announces in a VERY loud voice:

"PHLEGM!!!"

"See? It's pronounced 'flem.' And just look at this picture - isn't it gross?" :fishing: :goodposting:

 
I have a 3 year old little girl. She was in the bathroom for a little longer than normal. I peeked in at her and she said "scram Daddy, I need privacy to do my business"

 
During bathtime the other night my 3.5 year old is getting washed up. I guess he rubbed the soap a little too vigorously over his butt or got a little soap in there.

Him: Daddy, I think I washed my butt too hard.

Me: Why, what does it feel like?

Him: **Thinks for a second** It feels like my butt is about to explode!!!

Me :football:

 
Going through a Steak and Shake drive-thru and I ask my 4 year old what she wants.

Her: A hamburger

Me: What do you want on it?

Her: Lettuce, pickles.........and chicken.

Priceless.

 
My daughter gets a schedule from school that shows which extra activity (Music, PE, Computer, ETC.) they will be doing for each school day. She follows it daily and marks off each day as it passes. I was looking at the schedule yesterday, and for today it said No School. Above that, my daughter had written "cool".

 
My wife's ex is a total loser. He shows up at a softball game and asks Kaden who is 4, "Whose boy are you" Kaden loudly exclaims " I am Kelly's boy, he never goes to jail" The look on ole dad's face was priceless

 
bakes said:
We're in the shoe store yesterday getting dance shoes for my daughter. As we're leaving, my son is off in his own world looking at shoes or something in the back of the store. I tell him "C'mon, we're going!!" and he comes running up the aisle. Somehow the elastic cinch thing - that elastic rope that goes around the middle of your coat with the little black retainer thing on the end - gets caught in one of the shoe try-on benches. So he's running up the aisle and the bench spins around and is now following along behind him. He stops and I get him untangled. We head out to the car and he says "I call that trick the Snag And Drag!" :goodposting:
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:lmao:
 
Verbal Kint said:
Yesterday: We are at the dinner table, which is always a battle with my 4 year old. I have a migraine, and he's doing he's usual playing with the food. Finally I slam my hand down on the table to let him know I mean business. I just say "Eat" He say "alright, alright... eeeasy" I try to stare him down for a second, and then I hear my wife giggling off to the side. I look over and she is beet red trying to supress her laughter. I then lose it and bust out laughing, and all of us laugh uncontrollable for the next 5 minutes. Lucky little bastage.

A couple months ago I was wrestling on the floor with both boys. I got my 4 year old and starting tickling him. In between laughs he says "Daddy, leave me alone" I say "Why?" He says "Because you're driving me crazy" It become a running joke ever since.
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Incidentally, ever since this incident, at dinner my 2 year old will now slam his hand down on his high chair tray, furrow his brow and give the rest of us the look of death. he holds it for a couple seconds and them busts out laughing. I've got to get that on video, although I don't know about being so openly mocked by my kids. :unsure:
 
Verbal Kint said:
Verbal Kint said:
Yesterday: We are at the dinner table, which is always a battle with my 4 year old. I have a migraine, and he's doing he's usual playing with the food. Finally I slam my hand down on the table to let him know I mean business. I just say "Eat" He say "alright, alright... eeeasy" I try to stare him down for a second, and then I hear my wife giggling off to the side. I look over and she is beet red trying to supress her laughter. I then lose it and bust out laughing, and all of us laugh uncontrollable for the next 5 minutes. Lucky little bastage.

A couple months ago I was wrestling on the floor with both boys. I got my 4 year old and starting tickling him. In between laughs he says "Daddy, leave me alone" I say "Why?" He says "Because you're driving me crazy" It become a running joke ever since.
Click to expand...
Incidentally, ever since this incident, at dinner my 2 year old will now slam his hand down on his high chair tray, furrow his brow and give the rest of us the look of death. he holds it for a couple seconds and them busts out laughing. I've got to get that on video, although I don't know about being so openly mocked by my kids. :thumbup:
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:bag: Similar mocking/copying happened to me recently. My 2.5 yeer old likes to play with the broom so one of the grandmothers bought him his own little broom. Well, one day we're all in the living room, and he says he needs to go potty. So, i get up out of my chair to go help him and about trip over the big broom that he'd been playing with and left in the floor. Here comes my Irish temper as I pick up the broom and sling it along the floor through the dining room and into the kitchen. Well, the boy stops in his tracks on his way to the bathroom, goes and finds his little broom, and throws it as hard as he could. :bag: :lmao:

 
Verbal Kint said:
caabeel said:
Going through a Steak and Shake drive-thru and I ask my 4 year old what she wants.Her: A hamburgerMe: What do you want on it?Her: Lettuce, pickles.........and chicken.Priceless.
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Does he look anything like Shuke? I'm just sayin...
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:confused:
 
My daughter is in FULL REPEAT mode. She is 2 (27 months). So knowing that we have her repeat us on purpose.

I know it's just because she has trouble pronouncing words but this was kind of funny. Last night we were playing.

Me: Dadda is the coolest.

Her: Dadda is the coolest.

Wife: Momma is the best.

Her: Momma is a pest.

 
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At 18 months, my daughter obviously has a limited vocabulary. There are the few words we get regularly, like "daddy", "more", "up", "book", "uh-oh" (anytime she drops something), etc.

Saturday she walks into my closet, grabs a baseball cap, brings it over to me and says, "hat". I said, "Very good sweetheart. That's a hat."

She proceeds to try putting it on my head, so I ask her, "Does daddy's hair look THAT bad?"

"YEAH!"

:thumbdown:

 
Me talking to my 2 1/2 year old son last night...

Me: Hey buddy, do have poop in your pants?

Him: Nope, no poop.

Me: Oh, that's good.

Him: It's diarrhea.

:popcorn:

 
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