GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing (22 Viewers)

[Leeroy Jenkins]

I'm ready to light a match, collect insurance money, and move.

 

[heckmanm]

I'm ready to light a match, collect insurance money, and move.

I don't think insurance covers farts.

 

[Abraham]

On my flight to LA yesterday morning the ####### next to me insisted on reading the paper during the whole flight. And not in the "fold it over into 1/8 of the regular size to be courteous" way but in the "look at me spread this newspaper out as widely as possible to take it all in!" kind of way. And I was in the middle seat because I booked my flight at the last minute. Newspaper-on-plane guy is worse than almonds.

 

[RedmondLonghorn]

If only there was some sort of domesticated animal that is not only loveable and entertaining but kills mice for fun. If only.

3 nights or so ago I was cleaning up some of the stupid kids toys in the basement and then suddenly realized I was holding half of a dead mouse. I kind of screamed like a girl but after that I was like right on, Murray, right on.

I love Murray.

Our stupid cats have never caught a damn thing. One of them did eat half a cream-cheese brownie and drank a bunch of my wine last night, though.

When I was first dating Wife 2.0, picking her up at her house was creepy as ####. Her cats were into some serious Buffalo Bill #### back then. Along the walk way to her front door there would be these little displays: a tidy pile of entrails here, a shrew face there. The faces were the weirdest thing. They were always removed whole and placed facing up.

Now these psychos live in my garage. Obi (her skinny cat that weighs like five pounds) often brings back rabbits that are very close to his size. They usually aren't dead. Twice I have had to "humanely" put rabbits down. I'll just say this: wringing a rabbit's neck is harder than it sounds and must involve some technique I am not familiar with. And rabbits scream. :(

 

[Limp Ditka]

My train ride this morning consisted of a woman in the seat in front of me talking on the phone, for all to hear.

Conversation revolved around her deadbeat sister who apparently lives with her. Deadbeat sister also comes with a feline companion

Overheard, while she was pulling the collar of her shirt towards her nose....

'I'm not sure what it is but this shirt doesn't smell right. I think her cat pissed in the pile of clothes.....

....So anyway, I asked her when she's going to start paying me the money she owes me'

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Ooh, I have a mouse story too!

About a month ago I was down in my den drinking with most of the lights off (don't judge me) when I saw a tiny-### mouse run across my floor and right under my chair. In a rage I flipped that chair like the Hulk (hulk>hi) and somehow the ####er had disappeared.

The next day I went to the hardware store and bought about 52 traps. I bought the kind that is like little houses where they come in to eat some green stuff and apparently just chill out and die there and some others where they're were more like traditional traps, only more high functioning and flashier looking. These. I was not ####### around.

Anyway, the next morning my wife is cleaning up my kid's hot wheels cars in our den (he has hot wheels everywhere, they multiply or something) and unbeknownst to her she picks up the green and black flashy trap, which now has a dead mini-mouse in it, and throws that in the toy bin along with the cars. Then realizes it and freaks out a little. (probably not as much as Frosty) Good times.

I kept the traps out just in case, but all I've caught since then is my dumb dog.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

If only there was some sort of domesticated animal that is not only loveable and entertaining but kills mice for fun. If only.

3 nights or so ago I was cleaning up some of the stupid kids toys in the basement and then suddenly realized I was holding half of a dead mouse. I kind of screamed like a girl but after that I was like right on, Murray, right on.

I love Murray.

Our stupid cats have never caught a damn thing. One of them did eat half a cream-cheese brownie and drank a bunch of my wine last night, though.

When I was first dating Wife 2.0, picking her up at her house was creepy as ####. Her cats were into some serious Buffalo Bill #### back then. Along the walk way to her front door there would be these little displays: a tidy pile of entrails here, a shrew face there. The faces were the weirdest thing. They were always removed whole and placed facing up.

Now these psychos live in my garage. Obi (her skinny cat that weighs like five pounds) often brings back rabbits that are very close to his size. They usually aren't dead. Twice I have had to "humanely" put rabbits down. I'll just say this: wringing a rabbit's neck is harder than it sounds and must involve some technique I am not familiar with. And rabbits scream. :(

Confirmed. Its actually kind of funny if they're trapped or something.

One got trapped in my parents' fenced in yard by the dog and we had to fling him over the fence because he was just sitting there screaming.

 

[RedmondLonghorn]

My train ride this morning consisted of a woman in the seat in front of me talking on the phone, for all to hear.

Conversation revolved around her deadbeat sister who apparently lives with her. Deadbeat sister also comes with a feline companion

Overheard, while she was pulling the collar of her shirt towards her nose....

'I'm not sure what it is but this shirt doesn't smell right. I think her cat pissed in the pile of clothes.....

....So anyway, I asked her when she's going to start paying me the money she owes me'

:X

 

[Sammy3469]

My train ride this morning consisted of a woman in the seat in front of me talking on the phone, for all to hear.

Conversation revolved around her deadbeat sister who apparently lives with her. Deadbeat sister also comes with a feline companion

Overheard, while she was pulling the collar of her shirt towards her nose....

'I'm not sure what it is but this shirt doesn't smell right. I think her cat pissed in the pile of clothes.....

....So anyway, I asked her when she's going to start paying me the money she owes me'

They both sound like keepers!

 

[Sammy3469]

The best part about biking to work is not having to deal with people anymore.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

The best part about biking to work is not having to deal with people anymore.

And the tight pants.

 

[Leeroy Jenkins]

I tried to coerce the guy into a bag, but he wouldn't cooperate. So I hit him with a broom after it scurried across my son's play mat and onto the carpet. He rolled into his back twitching. Swept it into the bag and hit it again to send a message. There are definitely more mice in the house which has me freaked out.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

MESSAGE SENT.

Should have kept him alive to scare away the others.

 

[tommyboy]

they're cannibals so if you just tied him up to a miniature post and waited, you could have bagged another 10 or 20 mice when they go all Walking Dead on his ###

 

[Leeroy Jenkins]

MESSAGE SENT.

Should have kept him alive to scare away the others.

It's sitting in the bag in a bucket outside my garage. I should have put its head on a pike.

 

[Limp Ditka]

The best part about biking to work is not having to deal with people anymore.

40 miles is a little much. Telecommuting is the way to go. Wish I could everyday.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

The best part about biking to work is not having to deal with people anymore.

40 miles is a little much.

Pansy.

 

[kevzilla]

Rabbits do, in fact, scream. Especially if they aren't quite dead, and they're hanging on a nail by their heel, and most of their skin is pulled over their heads like they've lost a hockey fight, and they wake up. Especially then.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Rabbits do, in fact, scream. Especially if they aren't quite dead, and they're hanging on a nail by their heel, and most of their skin is pulled over their heads like they've lost a hockey fight, and they wake up. Especially then.

lol @hockey fight

 

[Sammy3469]

The best part about biking to work is not having to deal with people anymore.

And the tight pants.

I wish!!!!....I only get to ride a Citibike in my business casual attire.

 

[Chaos Commish]

So cats protect our properties from mouses and dogs protect us from murdererses. Got it.

I'm walking mine this morning and my hot neighbor, Uselessw/opics, is walking hers that's bigger than mine and they really want to meet each other. Dogs have such nice social mores, greeting with smelling and wagging butts excitedly. I wanted to do that. So Useless fosters this big old mutt, a shorthaired shepherd great dane or something and she's 11 years old. The dog, not Useless. But she's returning her to the rescue because they work too much to give the dog attention and she's old and going to need more. I learn if you foster you basically have to answer ongoing ads trying to find the mutt a forever home, but also you get free vet care and vacation boarding. Maybe I just want to see more of Useless, but I've always thought a dog was best off with a companion, so I may take over this foster. I'll just give my land line for the ads. No one ever answers it.

 

[Chaos Commish]

When I had mice I used sticky traps because they're humane. I still can't figure out what's humane about having to bash a live mouse over the head with a shoe as compared to just crushing it with a sprung steel trap.

 

[Frostillicus]

So cats protect our properties from mouses and dogs protect us from murdererses. Got it.

I'm walking mine this morning and my hot neighbor, Uselessw/opics, is walking hers that's bigger than mine and they really want to meet each other. Dogs have such nice social mores, greeting with smelling and wagging butts excitedly. I wanted to do that. So Useless fosters this big old mutt, a shorthaired shepherd great dane or something and she's 11 years old. The dog, not Useless. But she's returning her to the rescue because they work too much to give the dog attention and she's old and going to need more. I learn if you foster you basically have to answer ongoing ads trying to find the mutt a forever home, but also you get free vet care and vacation boarding. Maybe I just want to see more of Useless, but I've always thought a dog was best off with a companion, so I may take over this foster. I'll just give my land line for the ads. No one ever answers it.

Bob?

 

[RedmondLonghorn]

When I had mice I used sticky traps because they're humane. I still can't figure out what's humane about having to bash a live mouse over the head with a shoe as compared to just crushing it with a sprung steel trap.

It makes you feel.

 

[Chaos Commish]

JFC, coolest kid my kid knows got in a fight with his best friend, not really a fight, just got beat up for spreading a rumor or some nonsesnse, took a bad fall, cracked his skull, brain swelled over night, in a coma, on a lifeflight to UCLA. Jeebus, super sweet kid, poor, black, wicked smart nerdy, total uncoordinated dork, called me dad. ####!!!

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Damn dude that's awful

 

[GroveDiesel]

When I had mice I used sticky traps because they're humane. I still can't figure out what's humane about having to bash a live mouse over the head with a shoe as compared to just crushing it with a sprung steel trap.

Think you have that backwards. The glue traps are considered inhumane.

 

[GroveDiesel]

JFC, coolest kid my kid knows got in a fight with his best friend, not really a fight, just got beat up for spreading a rumor or some nonsesnse, took a bad fall, cracked his skull, brain swelled over night, in a coma, on a lifeflight to UCLA. Jeebus, super sweet kid, poor, black, wicked smart nerdy, total uncoordinated dork, called me dad. ####!!!

Man that sucks. :(

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

When I had mice I used sticky traps because they're humane. I still can't figure out what's humane about having to bash a live mouse over the head with a shoe as compared to just crushing it with a sprung steel trap.

Think you have that backwards. The glue traps are considered inhumane.

Yeah, there are some house-type traps where you can open them up and let them outside (so they can sneak back in again later). Those are the humane ones.

 

[Chaos Commish]

Damn dude that's awful

Yeah I'm shaken. A good visual is the kid who made the clock in Texas, just curlier hair. We laughed at how much they look alike. He better make it and he better be whole.

 

[Frostillicus]

When I had mice I used sticky traps because they're humane. I still can't figure out what's humane about having to bash a live mouse over the head with a shoe as compared to just crushing it with a sprung steel trap.

Think you have that backwards. The glue traps are considered inhumane.

Yeah, there are some house-type traps where you can open them up and let them outside (so they can sneak back in again later). Those are the humane ones.

That really doesn't sound like a trap.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

:( Sorry to hear, CC. Thoprawishes

 

[Frostillicus]

:( Sorry to hear, CC. Thoprawishes

 

[Bob Sacamano]

When I had mice I used sticky traps because they're humane. I still can't figure out what's humane about having to bash a live mouse over the head with a shoe as compared to just crushing it with a sprung steel trap.

Think you have that backwards. The glue traps are considered inhumane.

Yeah, there are some house-type traps where you can open them up and let them outside (so they can sneak back in again later). Those are the humane ones.

That really doesn't sound like a trap.

It's a temporary trap, like when your wife gets you to admit you'd bang the neighbor.

Not to be confused with the permanent one, when she gets you to admit you'd bang her sister.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

When I had mice I used sticky traps because they're humane. I still can't figure out what's humane about having to bash a live mouse over the head with a shoe as compared to just crushing it with a sprung steel trap.

Think you have that backwards. The glue traps are considered inhumane.

Yeah, there are some house-type traps where you can open them up and let them outside (so they can sneak back in again later). Those are the humane ones.

That really doesn't sound like a trap.

It's a temporary trap, like when your wife gets you to admit you'd bang the neighbor.

Not to be confused with the permanent one, when she gets you to admit you'd bang her sister.

 

[Chaos Commish]

Thanks for the thoughts and stuff but mostly the chuckles. It helps.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

It's a subtle but important difference.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

While we're on the morbid, I really thought Piscotty broke his neck last night. That looked so damn bad when it happened.

 

[Limp Ditka]

:( Sorry to hear, CC. Thoprawishes

 

[Hawks64]

JFC, coolest kid my kid knows got in a fight with his best friend, not really a fight, just got beat up for spreading a rumor or some nonsesnse, took a bad fall, cracked his skull, brain swelled over night, in a coma, on a lifeflight to UCLA. Jeebus, super sweet kid, poor, black, wicked smart nerdy, total uncoordinated dork, called me dad. ####!!!

HFS man....hope he has a full and speedy recovery.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

At the DMV. I've been here for 20 minutes. I've seen two midgets.

 

[-fish-]

If only there was some sort of domesticated animal that is not only loveable and entertaining but kills mice for fun. If only.

3 nights or so ago I was cleaning up some of the stupid kids toys in the basement and then suddenly realized I was holding half of a dead mouse. I kind of screamed like a girl but after that I was like right on, Murray, right on.

I love Murray.

Our stupid cats have never caught a damn thing. One of them did eat half a cream-cheese brownie and drank a bunch of my wine last night, though.

When I was first dating Wife 2.0, picking her up at her house was creepy as ####. Her cats were into some serious Buffalo Bill #### back then. Along the walk way to her front door there would be these little displays: a tidy pile of entrails here, a shrew face there. The faces were the weirdest thing. They were always removed whole and placed facing up.

Now these psychos live in my garage. Obi (her skinny cat that weighs like five pounds) often brings back rabbits that are very close to his size. They usually aren't dead. Twice I have had to "humanely" put rabbits down. I'll just say this: wringing a rabbit's neck is harder than it sounds and must involve some technique I am not familiar with. And rabbits scream. :(

I think you're supposed to use a lawnmower.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Wait...I think they're actually just Filipino

 

[Aaron Rudnicki]

At the DMV. I've been here for 20 minutes. I've seen two midgets.

any day I see a midget is automatically a great day. seeing two in 20 minutes makes a strong case for the best day ever. congrats.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

At the DMV. I've been here for 20 minutes. I've seen two midgets.

any day I see a midget is automatically a great day. seeing two in 20 minutes makes a strong case for the best day ever. congrats.

ChemX and I send each other pics when we see them. That's ok, right? Celebrating them, really.

 

[tommyboy]

ask if they do carpets

 

[Chaos Commish]

At the DMV. I've been here for 20 minutes. I've seen two midgets.

any day I see a midget is automatically a great day. seeing two in 20 minutes makes a strong case for the best day ever. congrats.

Sheesh, just get yourself one already.

 

[Drifter]

At the DMV. I've been here for 20 minutes. I've seen two midgets.

wonder where he rest are today?

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Just made a couple of bacon cheeseburgers, enjoying the Diet Pepsi I somehow drunkenly remembered to get last night, watching The Walking Dead, then I'm gonna rub one out and take a nap.

Anyone else besides me and Tanner having the best Tuesday ever?

 

[Bob Sacamano]

At the DMV. I've been here for 20 minutes. I've seen two midgets.

wonder where he rest are today?

Probably practicing riding pigs.