GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing (9 Viewers)

[Idiot Boxer]

LOOK AT ME!  I'M NOT A FAT TUB OF GUANO LIKE THE REST OF YOU!!!#

I interpreted it completely the opposite way.

 

[Henry Ford]

LOOK AT ME!  I'M NOT A FAT TUB OF GUANO LIKE THE REST OF YOU!!!#

You should not infer from a lack of waist that I'm not a fat tub of guano.  Waists are a narrow part of the torso.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

LOOK AT ME!  I'M NOT A FAT TUB OF GUANO LIKE THE REST OF YOU!!!#

I'm pretty sure it's guado.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I'm pretty sure it's guado.

Even a belt system won't help

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Even a belt system won't help

http://www.history.army.mil/brochures/72-8/map2.jpg

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Where will you be when the nip kicks in?

 

[General Malaise]

uh oh....

 

Malawi: Albinos in Country Facing 'Extinction' After Attacks, United Nations Official Says

Malawian albinos are being attacked because their body parts are thought to bring wealth and good luck, Ikponwosa Ero said. There have been 65 recorded attacks on albinos since late 2014.

 

[Mr.Pack]

I'm virtually waist-less.  Belts of all kinds suck.

I've got plenty for both of us. I'll share

 

[Limp Ditka]

uh oh....

 

Malawi: Albinos in Country Facing 'Extinction' After Attacks, United Nations Official Says

Malawian albinos are being attacked because their body parts are thought to bring wealth and good luck, Ikponwosa Ero said. There have been 65 recorded attacks on albinos since late 2014.

Probably makes for a pretty good infertility drug too.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

I also am ordained.  Haven't done a wedding yet though.

Did one last fall.  Have been asked several times since, but turned down all of them so far.  So lazy.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Did one last fall.  Have been asked several times since, but turned down all of them so far.  So lazy.

They didn't have open bars, did they?

 

[cosjobs]

cats are dumb

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

They didn't have open bars, did they?

####, didn't even ask.

 

[Annyong]

https://imgur.com/a/u79vr

 

[Henry Ford]

https://imgur.com/a/u79vr

Probably named Shelby 

 

[Henry Ford]

I cooked a bunch of bacon yesterday and didn't even set off the smoke alarm.

Look at Jacques Pepin over here.  

 

[General Malaise]

Grilling up another tri-tip tonight.  Local grocer must have hit the mother lode recently as they are unloading them for a good price.  Marinating overnight in red wine, soy sauce, dijon, honey, wooooshtershire (sp?), herbs, spices, etc...
 

85 degrees here.  Pretty nice little Monday.

 

[Binky The Doormat]

wtf?

Always a bridesmaid never a bride round these parts Sideshow.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Did one last fall.  Have been asked several times since, but turned down all of them so far.  So lazy.

Because you sniff the brides.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

cats are dumb

Live reenactment of "Dream of the Fisherman's Wife"?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

, wooooshtershire
 

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Because you sniff the brides.

Is that frowned upon?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Is that frowned upon?

Well it's not in the International Brotherhood of Internet Ministers bylaws or anything.  I think it boils down to the fact that you got caught.

 

[General Malaise]

Channeling my inner Bentley, I'm serving as an auctioneer for a silent auction benefitting the Human Fund or some such.  They can't afford a real auctioneer, so my mom volunteered me for this.  I'm now watching Youtube videos on how to do this.  Man, this could be my real breakthrough in life.  

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

 an auctioneer for a silent auction

wat

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Well it's not in the International Brotherhood of Internet Ministers bylaws or anything.  I think it boils down to the fact that you got caught.

Shopped, imo

 

[General Malaise]

wat

Yeah, I don't know.  Whatever it is, I'm now ready to start selling livestock in DeMoins.

 

[RedmondLonghorn]

wat

Wonder if he is going to go with the trendy charades-style silent auctioneer technique or the more classic mime-style.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

 DeMoins.

 

[Limp Ditka]

Silent Auctioneers is the name of my Guided By Voices tribute band

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Next week I'm working the gasoline pumps at a BMX race.

 

[General Malaise]

Next week I'm working the gasoline pumps at a BMX race.

How about you work your mom's dildo, jerkwad.

 

[Limp Ditka]

Wonder if he is going to go with the trendy charades-style silent auctioneer technique or the more classic mime-style.

Probably easier to do the mime thing since he wouldn't need makeup.

 

[Limp Ditka]

Local silent auctioneer attacked for his body parts, film at 11.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Next week I'm working the gasoline pumps at a BMX race.

Funny, I'm dealing video poker at a charity event this weekend.

 

[mr. furley]

Next week I'm working the gasoline pumps at a BMX race.

i don't get it

eta: ohhhhhhhhhhh, bicycles

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Not to brag but I just signed a contract to be the sole distributor of Magnum condoms in the greater Portland OR area.

 

[tommyboy]

Look at Jacques Pepin over here.  

watched one of his shows when i was home sick, years ago.   he made an omelette, the classic french way.

i learned how to make an omelette that day, and i still use his technique.   Its not like the flat iron paper thin wrapper you get at most diners.   The guy is an amazing chef.

 

[mr. furley]

@shuke shuke

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I thought he was in banking?

 

[Drifter]

I bought a camel and billions of strippers.     

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9GBuciv20A

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Wife was cleaning out a desk and found the framed photo that SLB sent me in a secret Santa box.  She asked me "where should I put this picture of Sideshow Bob?"

Bedroom? 

 

[Tecumseh]

Wife asked me this morning if she should make crockpot chicken tonight. I just giggled. She was quite confused.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

One of my hard partying friends had some couples, including me and the Mrs Limp, over for dinner last night. The friend is 47 years old and closing in on 30 years of steady cocaine use/abuse. Nowadays, Id call it use. Probably a daily bump or two and maybe an all nighter once every two weeks. Back in his 20s and 30s, when it was multiple day runs per week, it was abuse.

Throw in the fact that he drinks a bunch and everyone's always assumed that he's not long for this world. He's divorced, no kids, currently has a live in girlfriend and has always been the guy that just lives life the way he wants. Knows the risks of what he does, and chooses to continue doing it. And while there have been countless offhand comments and jokes about him dropping one day, most have been by him, last night it became a little too real.

its about 1:15 AM, still 6 of us there. Hard partying friend is standing there in the living room, talking to me and one other guy, one second and flat on the ground the next. No effort to catch himself. His whole body just stopped, mid sentence, and to the floor it went, hitting his head on the coffee table to boot. My perspective was cliche, 'it happened in slow motion', but Oh ####, he's dead! raced through my mind before he hit the floor. It was arguably the scariest moment of my life.

Then the SOB springs right up, says that he's ok, shoos us all away from him and goes right to the kitchen. He's in there, a trickle of blood coming from the scrape on his forehead, fixing himself another drink, because he had spilled the one he had when he fell and proclaims that he'll outlive us all. 

cocaine, it's a hell of a drug

I've done this WITHOUT cocaine AND I  didn't spill my drink. Rookie

wtf?

Wonder if he is going to go with the trendy charades-style silent auctioneer technique or the more classic mime-style.

 

[Doctor Detroit]

 

Vmartthongsong ‏@DrDetroit19


I got a #Fitbit for my birthday and I turned it on and it said, "Don't bother, you'll be dead soon." That's not a good start IMO.

 

Fitbit Support ‏@FitbitSupport 12h12 hours ago
@DrDetroit19 That's odd. What's your Fitbit tracker? Were you able to see that message again? Keep us posted.

 

Vmartthongsong ‏@DrDetroit19 8h8 hours ago Washington, DC
@FitbitSupport thanks, ok now. It gave me credit for 27 steps during masturbation but not sure how many calories. Where to find that info?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

This was about a block from one of our elementary schools.  The accused was a student of mine about 15 years ago.  I remember the name but don't really remember him as a kid.  I need to check old yearbooks tomorrow.

 

[cstu]

Stop praying!

 

[Annyong]

This was about a block from one of our elementary schools.  The accused was a student of mine about 15 years ago.  I remember the name but don't really remember him as a kid.  I need to check old yearbooks tomorrow.

I'm a fan of that news reader chick. Looks a little like my female. Of yeah I'm Asian. Ching Chong. 

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

wtf

 

[St. Louis Bob]

This was about a block from one of our elementary schools.  The accused was a student of mine about 15 years ago.  I remember the name but don't really remember him as a kid.  I need to check old yearbooks tomorrow.

JFC :(