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GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing (6 Viewers)

It sucks to be a Bills fan.  I guess the only positive is I always expect them to lose so I no longer get let down.  :kicksrock:

 
tl;dr:  don't read this dreck. pass over it. i just need to put it on paper before i do something rash at work.

only because this guy is currently wandering from cube to cube running his comedy act this morning and i'm about to stab him in the neck with a paper clip

imagine if you can a scenario similar to the one i'm about to lay out occurring every. single. day. not just at your desk but at the desk's of just about every single person in your entire office. only your office space is small enough that you can hear these scenarios play out loud and clear every... 30 minutes... and they go on for anywhere from 10-30 minutes at a time.

as has been well chronicled here and elsewhere i'm fairly sure my entire work life is being played on a television in Singapore.. or Japan.. something. it's the only explanation for the variety of weirdo's that work here. 

there's a guy here who laughs at every single thing he says. as he's talking. in meetings, when discussing the death of a family member, while detailing a work procedure, etc. everything. all the time. he says it's a nervous tick. but it's not just a chuckle. it's uproarious belly laughter. he runs out of breath. he laughtalks, making much of what he says unintelligible.

he has a penchant for creating wildly imaginary scenarios.. usually built off the back of some movie scene that already played out but sometimes wholly original creations. 

case in point: Pack v Vikings this week. Pack down to 3 corners. only have 2 defensive linemen that aren't rookies. how will they stop Peterson. offense is creaky and the Vikings defense is really really good.. how will they score. we can talk about a lot of things when the topic of the Packers comes up. lots.

instead i get: "CAN YOU IMAGINE! CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE IN MINNESOTA THIS WEEKEND! IN A NEW STADIUM! THOSE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GO CRAZY!! CAN YOU IMAGINE IF RODGERS RAN UP TO THAT HORN AND, LIKE, THREW DYNAMITE INSIDE OF IT TO BLOW IT UP SO THEY STOP PLAYING IT????? CAN YOU IMAGINE????? THOSE PEOPLE WOULD RIOT!! BUT WHAT IF REGGIE WHITE PARACHUTED IN FROM THE TOP OF THE STADIUM!! CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT??!??!? IF HE LIKE FLEW IN AND LANDED ON THE 50 AND FOUGHT OFF ALL THE PEOPLE TRYING TO KILL THE PACKERS!!!! CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT???? THAT CITY WOULD RIOT! THEY'D TEAR DOWN THAT NEW STADIUM!! CAN YOU IMAGINE!??? THEN THEY'D HAVE TO MOVE THE FRANCHISE TO LAS VEGAS!! CAN YOU IMAGINE?????!!!?!"

now you have to picture this guy leaning in about 3" from your face, laughing, roaring loud enough for the entire office to hear.. pacing, hopping, dancing, waving his hands like an out of control puppet and my favorite... the capper....constantly grabbing his crotch between hand waving motions. constantly. like he's trying to discretely jerk off because he gets off on telling these weird fantastical scenarios.

when not creating these wild imaginary scenarios, he's trying to relate everything to a scene from a movie. or replying to questions with one-liners from 80s films. 

"hey (guy), do you have a copy of that report (our boss) mentioned in today's meeting?"

"the TPS report? like in Office Space! you remember that scene, right??? the one where they're talking about TPS reports!! YOU REMEMBER THAT DON'T YOU!!?!???!"

all while bellowing a nervous laugh, gesticulating and patting you on the back/shoulder/poking his fingers at your face.

it's so overwhelming, like nazi shock troops in Poland, that there's no time to react or respond. any attempt to talk is interrupted by him SHOUTING over the top of of you. try to walk away.. he follows.  on the phone? he doesn't care.  i once got up, shoved him with two hands away from my chair because he was 6" from my face yelling a story at me while i was on the phone with a client and told him to shut the #### up (after hitting the mute button) so that i could work.... that held him at bay for a few hours. 

he's a nice enough guy. smart. capable. just.... jesus.

i realize i'm a bad person for caring, being annoyed and much worse.. telling the world about it but.... holy ####. i need to vent.

 
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mr. furley said:
only because this guy is currently wandering from cube to cube running his comedy act this morning and i'm about to stab him in the neck with a paper clip

imagine if you can a scenario similar to the one i'm about to lay out occurring every. single. day. not just at your desk but at the desk's of just about every single person in your entire office. only your office space is small enough that you can hear these scenarios play out loud and clear every... 30 minutes... and they go on for anywhere from 10-30 minutes at a time.

as has been well chronicled here and elsewhere i'm fairly sure my entire work life is being played on a television in Singapore.. or Japan.. something. it's the only explanation for the variety of weirdo's that work here. 

there's a guy here who laughs at every single thing he says. as he's talking. in meetings, when discussing the death of a family member, while detailing a work procedure, etc. everything. all the time. he says it's a nervous tick. but it's not just a chuckle. it's uproarious belly laughter. he runs out of breath. he laughtalks, making much of what he says unintelligible.

he has a penchant for creating wildly imaginary scenarios.. usually built off the back of some movie scene that already played out but sometimes wholly original creations. 

case in point: Pack v Vikings this week. Pack down to 3 corners. only have 2 defensive linemen that aren't rookies. how will they stop Peterson. offense is creaky and the Vikings defense is really really good.. how will they score. we can talk about a lot of things when the topic of the Packers comes up. lots.

instead i get: "CAN YOU IMAGINE! CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE IN MINNESOTA THIS WEEKEND! IN A NEW STADIUM! THOSE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GO CRAZY!! CAN YOU IMAGINE IF RODGERS RAN UP TO THAT HORN AND, LIKE, THREW DYNAMITE INSIDE OF IT TO BLOW IT UP SO THEY STOP PLAYING IT????? CAN YOU IMAGINE????? THOSE PEOPLE WOULD RIOT!! BUT WHAT IF REGGIE WHITE PARACHUTED IN FROM THE TOP OF THE STADIUM!! CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT??!??!? IF HE LIKE FLEW IN AND LANDED ON THE 50 AND FOUGHT OFF ALL THE PEOPLE TRYING TO KILL THE PACKERS!!!! CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT???? THAT CITY WOULD RIOT! THEY'D TEAR DOWN THAT NEW STADIUM!! CAN YOU IMAGINE!??? THEN THEY'D HAVE TO MOVE THE FRANCHISE TO LAS VEGAS!! CAN YOU IMAGINE?????!!!?!"

now you have to picture this guy leaning in about 3" from your face, laughing, roaring loud enough for the entire office to hear.. pacing, hopping, dancing, waving his hands like an out of control puppet and my favorite... the capper....constantly grabbing his crotch between hand waving motions. constantly. like he's trying to discretely jerk off because he gets off on telling these weird fantastical scenarios.

when not creating these wild imaginary scenarios, he's trying to relate everything to a scene from a movie. or replying to questions with one-liners from 80s films. 

"hey (guy), do you have a copy of that report (our boss) mentioned in today's meeting?"

"the TPS report? like in Office Space! you remember that scene, right??? the one where they're talking about TPS reports!! YOU REMEMBER THAT DON'T YOU!!?!???!"

all while bellowing a nervous laugh, gesticulating and patting you on the back/shoulder/poking his fingers at your face.

it's so overwhelming, like nazi shock troops in Poland, that there's no time to react or respond. any attempt to talk is interrupted by him SHOUTING over the top of of you. try to walk away.. he follows.  on the phone? he doesn't care.  i once got up, shoved him with two hands away from my chair because he was 6" from my face yelling a story at me while i was on the phone with a client and told him to shut the #### up (after hitting the mute button) so that i could work.... that held him at bay for a few hours. 

he's a nice enough guy. smart. capable. just.... jesus.

i realize i'm a bad person for caring, being annoyed and much worse.. telling the world about it but.... holy ####. i need to vent.
Click to expand...
...so you work in Arkham?

 
i would like to add that during a recent in-person client meeting with about 50 people in the room... we all got introduced individually and said a little something about our experience and role, etc. this is a very button down business, people tend to be pretty personally conservative and staid. especially the client executives in the room at the time.

when his turn came he did some ridiculous dance from Dumb and Dumber, yukked like an idiot cartoon character and threw in a couple yee-haw's. 

i've never been more ashamed and embarrassed to be witness to something as i was in that moment

 
I am in Austin for a conference in two weeks for a couple of days. I have the afternoon free on the day I arrive before having to get ready for a dinner etc. 

What should I do/see/eat in that few hour window?

 
As for what to see in Austin, a non-stop river of whiskey and beer being poured into my gullet seemed to be a fun thing to see last weekend, but I won't be there when you are.

 
mr. furley said:
i would like to add that during a recent in-person client meeting with about 50 people in the room... we all got introduced individually and said a little something about our experience and role, etc. this is a very button down business, people tend to be pretty personally conservative and staid. especially the client executives in the room at the time.

when his turn came he did some ridiculous dance from Dumb and Dumber, yukked like an idiot cartoon character and threw in a couple yee-haw's. 

i've never been more ashamed and embarrassed to be witness to something as i was in that moment
Click to expand...
:lmao:

Sounds like a chilled out entertainer.

 
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Yesterday I watched a homeless guy pick up a brown paper bag he found and dump its contents on the sidewalk. He didn't find anything he wanted and walked off. Really tough to have compassion for these people when I see things like that. 

 
@Sconch

Finally listened to that Mike Rowe story on his podcast last night. Very cool story about your childhood buddies. Though I am disturbed you are friends with a die-hard Dodgers fan.

 ​


 
RedmondLonghorn said:
@Sconch

Finally listened to that Mike Rowe story on his podcast last night. Very cool story about your childhood buddies. Though I am disturbed you are friends with a die-hard Dodgers fan.

 ​
Click to expand...
link?  i meant to listen to this but i was awash with NoLa debauchery and could barely function.

 
CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU CAME OVER HERE ONE MORNING TO TELL ME A STORY, AND I JUST JAMMED THIS BIC INTO YOUR JUGULAR.  AND THEN WHILE YOU WERE BLEEDING ON THE FLOOR, INSTEAD OF LETTING PEOPLE COME HELP, I BOXED THEM OUT LIKE DENNIS RODMAN, WHIPPED OUT MY SHVANTZ, AND PEED ON YOUR BLOOD-SOAKED BODY AND LAUGHED A RIDICULOUS BELLY-LAUGH UNTIL YOU COMPLETELY BLED OUT?  CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?  I'D JUST SAY, "IT WAS A NERVOUS TICK" AND EVERY ONE OF THESE PEOPLE WOULD SHOW UP TO MY TRIAL TO BACK UP MY ACTIONS, AND NO JURY IN THE WORLD WOULD CONVICT ME.  CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?!?!?!?  BECAUSE I DO EVERY EFFING DAY, TODD!!!!

 
Bob Sacamano said:
CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU CAME OVER HERE ONE MORNING TO TELL ME A STORY, AND I JUST JAMMED THIS BIC INTO YOUR JUGULAR.  AND THEN WHILE YOU WERE BLEEDING ON THE FLOOR, INSTEAD OF LETTING PEOPLE COME HELP, I BOXED THEM OUT LIKE DENNIS RODMAN, WHIPPED OUT MY SHVANTZ, AND PEED ON YOUR BLOOD-SOAKED BODY AND LAUGHED A RIDICULOUS BELLY-LAUGH UNTIL YOU COMPLETELY BLED OUT?  CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?  I'D JUST SAY, "IT WAS A NERVOUS TICK" AND EVERY ONE OF THESE PEOPLE WOULD SHOW UP TO MY TRIAL TO BACK UP MY ACTIONS, AND NO JURY IN THE WORLD WOULD CONVICT ME.  CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?!?!?!?  BECAUSE I DO EVERY EFFING DAY, TODD!!!!
Click to expand...
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 
cstu said:
Yesterday I watched a homeless guy pick up a brown paper bag he found and dump its contents on the sidewalk. He didn't find anything he wanted and walked off. Really tough to have compassion for these people when I see things like that. 
Click to expand...
Maybe he just needed the brown paper bag.

 
cstu said:
Yesterday I watched a homeless guy pick up a brown paper bag he found and dump its contents on the sidewalk. He didn't find anything he wanted and walked off. Really tough to have compassion for these people when I see things like that. 
Click to expand...
My sympathy for homeless people lessens every day.  The majority of them around her are tweakers that aren't actually homeless.  They just rove the city like scabby tumbleweeds looking for recyclables.   We've had them go through our can/dumpster and just toss #### on the ground.  I make sure that I dump the cat litter box right on top.

 
Back to my Austin trip and the homeless. We decided it would be a good idea to walk 6 blocks from 5th street to a food truck on 11th st. Then we got to 7th. It was like a refugee village over there and I'm pretty sure I was within 20 feet of Uni at some point.

 
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