GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing (10 Viewers)

[RedmondLonghorn]

My daughter, who is about to be 14, went to the urgent care clinic last night, then on to the ER because she was disoriented, twitchy and had an elevated heart rate after her mom (my ex-wife) picked her up at the local mall. She had been there with a friend for about 90 minutes to two hours.

My immediate thought was that she had taken something (I suspected a cannabis edible) and that she was having an adverse reaction. The initial drug screen came back negative. And the other tests they ran did too. My daughter has panic attacks, is in treatment for some kind of anxiety disorder, and is a bit of an all-around drama queen.

This didn't present as a classic panic attack, but given her other issues, I am suspicious that this was a psychosomatic episode. My daughter was only partially communicative during the episode and later said she had no recall of being at the urgent care clinic. My ex-wife is treating it like this is an episode of House and there is some kind of mystery ailment that we need to diagnose.

I can't totally rule out that there might be something real going on, but the docs at the ER sent her home and just told her mom to schedule a visit with her pediatrician for a check up and a second round of drug testing. That, to me, seems like the modern equivalent of "take two aspirin and call me in the morning".

The problem here is that I didn't rush down to the hospital last night. I didn't want to spend hours in the waiting room with my ex- and we are ten minutes from the hospital. I was ready to leave at a moment's notice if it had gotten more serious. Perhaps I should have, if for no other reason than to observe the situation first hand. But I didn't. 

I am really not anxious to spend thousands of dollars looking for rare maladies that aren't likely to be present. Especially since that kind of attention seems to be something that my daughter craves. On the other hand, I don't want to ignore something that has a slight chance of being something serious.

The problem is that if I even suggest that this might be psychosomatic, I expect to experience massive blow-back from my ex- for suggesting that my daughter is "faking it".

Does anybody have any thoughts on how to handle this?

 

[mr. furley]

Good stuff, furley.  Thanks for sharing. 

i've, unfortunately, got experience in dealing with misguided anger. PM if you want to just vent, chat, whatever.

 

[mr. furley]

Mainly out of the sheer terror of what our mother grandmother might do to us. 

 

[Sweet J]

Son's argument seems pretty reasonable IMO

Sure.  I get that.  I really do.  And I hate to be the old fogey, but, things that are ok as adults are just not the most healthy thing as kids.  In addition, the line between "fun blowing off steam" and "compulsion/addiction" is so so so incredibly hard to ascertain. It's not like I want to just clamp down on my kid having fun for his own sake.  At the end of the day, our kid growing into a healthy, well-rounded, thoughtful, generous, intellectual, kind, and assertive/strong man is all that we want, right? The question is how best to get him there.  What is the most healthy way to get there.

The only equivalent I can think of is pot.  Nothing wrong with blowing off steam and toking up a little bit.  And frankly, all the arguments that he made for playing video games could be made to smoke a bowl now and again (good kid, well liked, decent grades, athletics, etc).  But regardless of his success in those things, if he wanted to take a toke every morning before school and smoke up every night before bed, we'd have a problem -- mainly, aside from all those "on paper" successful things, I also want my kid to grow into a man who can successfully "live in the moment."  It's hard to explain.

The key is are you getting enjoyment out of the thing, or are you letting the thing drive your compulsion?  I've been keeping a keen eye on his gaming, and at this point, I haven't come to a clear conclusion.  So I've generally limited it to no weeknights (although I look the other way on wednesday nights when his mom and I both work late and I'm sure he sneaks in some gaming), and keeping it sane on weekends -- our definition of "sane" may be different, but generally less than 6 effing hours on a random saturday or sunday.  2-3 hours seems about right.  He could easily have a 2 hour session in the morning, another 2 hour in the afternoon, and a marothon session until 4 am at night.  I think that an occasional session like that when mom is out of town may work, but he's gotta get his sleep. So he can't do it on the regular.

but it's a work in progress.  Such a fine line to figure out. 

 

[RedmondLonghorn]

Sure.  I get that.  I really do.  And I hate to be the old fogey, but, things that are ok as adults are just not the most healthy thing as kids.  In addition, the line between "fun blowing off steam" and "compulsion/addiction" is so so so incredibly hard to ascertain. It's not like I want to just clamp down on my kid having fun for his own sake.  At the end of the day, our kid growing into a healthy, well-rounded, thoughtful, generous, intellectual, kind, and assertive/strong man is all that we want, right? The question is how best to get him there.  What is the most healthy way to get there.

The only equivalent I can think of is pot.  Nothing wrong with blowing off steam and toking up a little bit.  And frankly, all the arguments that he made for playing video games could be made to smoke a bowl now and again (good kid, well liked, decent grades, athletics, etc).  But regardless of his success in those things, if he wanted to take a toke every morning before school and smoke up every night before bed, we'd have a problem -- mainly, aside from all those "on paper" successful things, I also want my kid to grow into a man who can successfully "live in the moment."  It's hard to explain.

The key is are you getting enjoyment out of the thing, or are you letting the thing drive your compulsion?  I've been keeping a keen eye on his gaming, and at this point, I haven't come to a clear conclusion.  So I've generally limited it to no weeknights (although I look the other way on wednesday nights when his mom and I both work late and I'm sure he sneaks in some gaming), and keeping it sane on weekends -- our definition of "sane" may be different, but generally less than 6 effing hours on a random saturday or sunday.  2-3 hours seems about right.  He could easily have a 2 hour session in the morning, another 2 hour in the afternoon, and a marothon session until 4 am at night.  I think that an occasional session like that when mom is out of town may work, but he's gotta get his sleep. So he can't do it on the regular.

but it's a work in progress.  Such a fine line to figure out. 

I think you are doing the right thing. Screen addiction is a real thing, especially for kids in that age group. 

We deal with the same thing here. Only it isn't just video games, it is also SnapChat, Instagram, YouTube, and a bunch of other things on the smart phones that I probably am not even aware of.

I actually think things like SnapChat are worse than the video games, because they can be a medium for bullying and also because it seems like kids get WAY, WAY TOO MUCH validation from how many followers they have, likes on their posts, etc.. That isn't healthy.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to log off of this internet message board and go check how many likes my picture of the Kung Pao Shrimp noodles we had for dinner last night has gotten.

 

[mr. furley]

Sure.  I get that.  I really do.  And I hate to be the old fogey, but, things that are ok as adults are just not the most healthy thing as kids.

what sorts of things were you in to as a kid?

iirc, we're about the same age. were you a big video game player? watch a lot of cartoons as a kid? play around with any mechanical things and/or play music a lot as a kid?

 

[Sweet J]

what sorts of things were you in to as a kid?

iirc, we're about the same age. were you a big video game player? watch a lot of cartoons as a kid? play around with any mechanical things and/or play music a lot as a kid?

I was a lot like my kid.  In some ways i was a little healthier, some ways not.  If I had access to the types of games he does, I might have NEVER come up for air.  But the fact that I did unhealthy things as a kid doesn't make it less unhealthy, it just means these types of things are survivable.  For instance, I wasn't a daily pot smoker in high school, but I have friends who were.  It was a bad idea for them, and it would be a bad idea for their kids, notwithstanding their own parents behaviors. 

But I digress.  I try to keep the same rules that I had as a kid - no screen time on weekdays, reasonable time on weekends. He actually (and genuinely) agrees with this concept.  Again, the devil is in the details.  What is "reasonable time"?

But yes, boy did I do unhealthy things as a teen.  I skipped school, I lied to my mom, I flunked out of more classes than I should have and blew off studies, watched too much tv (didn't have a nintendo like many of friends did, but we'd play all night when we went to their houses). Some of my mistakes I learned from and changed and even recovered from.  Some took years for me to recover from.  I do truly understand where he's coming from.  And I think he understand where I am coming from.  It's just learning to live with the limits I set (from his point of view), and learning to set more thoughtful limits (from my point of view).

 

[Hawks64]

I was a lot like my kid.  In some ways i was a little healthier, some ways not.  If I had access to the types of games he does, I might have NEVER come up for air.  But the fact that I did unhealthy things as a kid doesn't make it less unhealthy, it just means these types of things are survivable.  For instance, I wasn't a daily pot smoker in high school, but I have friends who were.  It was a bad idea for them, and it would be a bad idea for their kids, notwithstanding their own parents behaviors. 

But I digress.  I try to keep the same rules that I had as a kid - no screen time on weekdays, reasonable time on weekends. He actually (and genuinely) agrees with this concept.  Again, the devil is in the details.  What is "reasonable time"?

But yes, boy did I do unhealthy things as a teen.  I skipped school, I lied to my mom, I flunked out of more classes than I should have and blew off studies, watched too much tv (didn't have a nintendo like many of friends did, but we'd play all night when we went to their houses). Some of my mistakes I learned from and changed and even recovered from.  Some took years for me to recover from.  I do truly understand where he's coming from.  And I think he understand where I am coming from.  It's just learning to live with the limits I set (from his point of view), and learning to set more thoughtful limits (from my point of view).

You didn't comment on my comment but this is how our kids hang out with their friends, especially after school and on weekends or in the summer when they are home by themselves. A lot of their friends aren't allowed to leave the house if their parents aren't home or have anyone over, so they hang out via xbox and play MP games. This is really common and isn't much different than when I'd hang out with my buddies at their age. At 16 I think you have put serious restrictions on him for a kid that appears to be a great kid.

 

[El Floppo]

I think you are doing the right thing. Screen addiction is a real thing, especially for kids in that age group. 

We deal with the same thing here. Only it isn't just video games, it is also SnapChat, Instagram, YouTube, and a bunch of other things on the smart phones that I probably am not even aware of.

I actually think things like SnapChat are worse than the video games, because they can be a medium for bullying and also because it seems like kids get WAY, WAY TOO MUCH validation from how many followers they have, likes on their posts, etc.. That isn't healthy.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to log off of this internet message board and go check how many likes my picture of the Kung Pao Shrimp noodles we had for dinner last night has gotten.

you went a much different direction than I expected, given "here". for instance... HERE.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

i just applied for a grant from the city i live in, to help with transportation costs for my daughter's class to go on a 3 day science camp.  something i have never done.  

i really hope i get it so i can tell the foundation chairwoman to go home with shelby.  she has done exactly jack #### in making this event happen.  i sent her a text regarding all of this and got zero response.  so lame.

 

[mr. furley]

I was a lot like my kid.  In some ways i was a little healthier, some ways not.  If I had access to the types of games he does, I might have NEVER come up for air.  But the fact that I did unhealthy things as a kid doesn't make it less unhealthy, it just means these types of things are survivable.  For instance, I wasn't a daily pot smoker in high school, but I have friends who were.  It was a bad idea for them, and it would be a bad idea for their kids, notwithstanding their own parents behaviors. 

But I digress.  I try to keep the same rules that I had as a kid - no screen time on weekdays, reasonable time on weekends. He actually (and genuinely) agrees with this concept.  Again, the devil is in the details.  What is "reasonable time"?

But yes, boy did I do unhealthy things as a teen.  I skipped school, I lied to my mom, I flunked out of more classes than I should have and blew off studies, watched too much tv (didn't have a nintendo like many of friends did, but we'd play all night when we went to their houses). Some of my mistakes I learned from and changed and even recovered from.  Some took years for me to recover from.  I do truly understand where he's coming from.  And I think he understand where I am coming from.  It's just learning to live with the limits I set (from his point of view), and learning to set more thoughtful limits (from my point of view).

do you ever feel like you're projecting your failings on to him? 

i mean that to say "i did these things as a kid so he is/will, too" even if he isn't.. just because you fear he will wind up where you were and have to fight harder than he should if you "failed" by not preventing it?

i'm a parent. my kids are not 16 but i am looking at the horizon and see it coming at me like a truck. i worry all the time that they're going to make bonehead decisions and struggle in ways i did, or maybe didn't.  there's no right answer other than to just listen, be a decent human being, set a good example and admit when you're wrong.

 

[krista4]

i've, unfortunately, got experience in dealing with misguided anger. 

 

 

[cosjobs]

I'm sure we are facebook friends, and you've probably seen the pictures but just never noticed it.  My go to is that her aura is so engaging it's easy to overlook the fact that she doesn't have a hand.  There have been times when she meets people for the first time, and like an hour in, you can tell they all a sudden notice it, or even say something.  It's not like she tries to hide it.  I think people don't notice because she's so comfortable in her skin.  Thank the lord. 

Does she always carry a clipboard like Radar O'Riley?

 

[cosjobs]

I'm now hoping that you walk around with a caged spider in your pocket at all times.

Along those lines, I always keep a bullet in my front pocket, in case someone throws a Bible at me.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

Along those lines, I always keep a bullet in my front pocket, in case someone throws a Bible at me.

I carried a bullet in my pocket for years. No clue why I did. 

 

[cosjobs]

I carried a bullet in my pocket for years. No clue why I did. 

To protect against someone throwing a Bible at you

 

[krista4]

Along those lines, I always keep a bullet in my front pocket, in case someone throws a Bible at me.

I can't find a clip; this will have to do.

Bobby Blane: Sometimes adrenaline gives people the shakes, some might think it's cowardice, so maybe you'd want to pray about it. 

Jimmy: I'm not a religious man. 

Bobby Blane: There's nothing wrong with prayer. We knew this firefighter, this trooper, who always caried a bible next to his heart. We used to mock him, but that bible stopped a bullet. 

Jimmy: No ####. 

Bobby Blane: Hand of God, that bible stopped a bullet, would of ruined that ####er's heart. And had he had another bible in front of his face, that man would be alive today.

 

[mr. furley]

 

heh, yeah, sorry about that   like a recovering addict. one day at a time.

 

[Sweet J]

If he plays online with his buddies you're not just limiting gaming but limiting his ability to socialize with his friends. I know if either of my kids buddies aren't online they self limit their playing time since they get bored quickly.  If their buddies are online it's a different story.

It's suuuuch a tough calculation.  I'm convinced it's a whole new game/situation for every single kid.  What I mean:  I'm convinced some kids could play 4 hours a day and have NO problem with it.  They enjoy games, but could really take or leave them.  It's a way to socialize, have fun, and then move on to other things.  And some kids . . . can turn it into an unhealthy compulsion.  If my kid is in the former category, it will all shake out in the wash.  If he's in the latter, this is something that could give him difficulty. I'm not quite sure where he is yet, but I'm keeping an eye out.

But I agree with you re: the socialization thing.  He has fun interacting with his buddies on the game.  Which is one reason I've given him fairly wide latitude (compared to what his mother wants to do -- he has NO idea the battles I go through with her on his behalf so I can get her to a place that I think is reasonable for everybody involved).

 

[krista4]

heh, yeah, sorry about that   like a recovering addict. one day at a time.

  You know we're cool.  I think serious furley brings a lot of good wisdom, by the way.

 

[Osaurus]

I don't have kids, but if I did, they could probably kick my ###.

 

[mr. furley]

  You know we're cool.  I think serious furley brings a lot of good wisdom, by the way.

i'm actually seriously ####### hammered right now

 

[mr. furley]

http://draftmag.com/sessionable-beer-bar-portland-oregon/

@General Malaise @urbanhack

 

[mr. furley]

It's suuuuch a tough calculation.  I'm convinced it's a whole new game/situation for every single kid.  What I mean:  I'm convinced some kids could play 4 hours a day and have NO problem with it.  They enjoy games, but could really take or leave them.  It's a way to socialize, have fun, and then move on to other things.  And some kids . . . can turn it into an unhealthy compulsion.  If my kid is in the former category, it will all shake out in the wash.  If he's in the latter, this is something that could give him difficulty. I'm not quite sure where he is yet, but I'm keeping an eye out.

But I agree with you re: the socialization thing.  He has fun interacting with his buddies on the game.  Which is one reason I've given him fairly wide latitude (compared to what his mother wants to do -- he has NO idea the battles I go through with her on his behalf so I can get her to a place that I think is reasonable for everybody involved).

how much do you guys hang out one on one?  is there something you both like?

do you ever drag him along on "road trips" to do dumb #### together?

 

[Limp Ditka]

I don't have kids, but if I did, they could probably kick my ###.

I'd offer to lend you mine, but since I only have one, I'll let someone who can spare a child offer one of his up..

@General Malaise

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

Speaking of getting help when it comes to raising children

 

[RedmondLonghorn]

Speaking of getting help when it comes to raising children

Robot fail videos are da bess.

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

Fail?

 

[Hawks64]

It's suuuuch a tough calculation.  I'm convinced it's a whole new game/situation for every single kid.  What I mean:  I'm convinced some kids could play 4 hours a day and have NO problem with it.  They enjoy games, but could really take or leave them.  It's a way to socialize, have fun, and then move on to other things.  And some kids . . . can turn it into an unhealthy compulsion.  If my kid is in the former category, it will all shake out in the wash.  If he's in the latter, this is something that could give him difficulty. I'm not quite sure where he is yet, but I'm keeping an eye out.

But I agree with you re: the socialization thing.  He has fun interacting with his buddies on the game.  Which is one reason I've given him fairly wide latitude (compared to what his mother wants to do -- he has NO idea the battles I go through with her on his behalf so I can get her to a place that I think is reasonable for everybody involved).

I guess my approach is different, I give them the benefit of the doubt in which category they fall. If I see issues (grades slipping, getting in trouble, ignoring chores, not wanting to go anywhere or go hang out with buddies when they can) that's when I'd start regulation. He's already likely complaining heavily to his friends about it and I'm sure they are pushing him along the his parents suck line. By your own words he's a great kid and doing well in school, his job and doesn't seem to have any behavioral issues. If it were me I'd give him a longer leash and see what happens. Good luck in sorting through this, it's not easy I'm sure.

 

[RedmondLonghorn]

I guess my approach is different, I give them the benefit of the doubt in which category they fall. If I see issues (grades slipping, getting in trouble, ignoring chores, not wanting to go anywhere or go hang out with buddies when they can) that's when I'd start regulation. He's already likely complaining heavily to his friends about it and I'm sure they are pushing him along the his parents suck line. By your own words he's a great kid and doing well in school, his job and doesn't seem to have any behavioral issues. If it were me I'd give him a longer leash and see what happens. Good luck in sorting through this, it's not easy I'm sure.

Every kid is different. Within our household, my 16 year old is a 4.0 student and is heavily involved in baseball (high school team + select club team) and he has a job bagging groceries at the local supermarket. And a girlfriend. He doesn't have time to log heavy duty Xbox hours any more and he knows it. So he doesn't.

My 15-year old step son is a lot less busy and is less good at managing his time on his own. He is in driver's ed and is involved in Boy Scouts, but without supervision and monitoring, he will play video games and let everything else slip. So Wife 2.0 is on top of him like a drill sergeant. 

The other kids are more like the 15 year old, but they are also younger and I have less expectation of them being responsible.

 

[urbanhack]

http://draftmag.com/sessionable-beer-bar-portland-oregon/

@General Malaise @urbanhack

Hey GM >  my lady is out of the country for two weeks starting thursday.

 

[krista4]

While we're on family time in the GMTAN today, could I rant for a minute?

My wonderful grandfather will turn 97 on Wednesday.  He's as kind and good a man as you could meet.  Hasn't had a super-easy life, lost two wives under tragic circumstances in each case, didn't go to college but worked hard and has amassed a decent amount of money, considering.  I hope he lives to be 120 and spends every dime of it somehow, but it's likely that he'll leave behind maybe half a million assuming he lives a few more years.

We have a small family - my mom is an only child, and I only have one brother, who has one son who is 17 years old and could probably take Sweet J, though he wouldn't because he's a sweetheart (my nephew, not Sweet J).  My brother, sister-in-law and nephew live in the same town as my Grandpa, and until 18 months ago my mom and stepfather did as well.  Despite living in the same town, my brother and his family almost never see my grandpa - at most a couple of times a year when they begrudgingly invite him to a holiday celebration.  When grandpa's second wife died a little over a year ago, my mom and I both made numerous trips there to take care of everything, including the joy of going through a 90-something-year-old lady's underwear drawer, and to get my grandpa's house sold and get him into assisted living, which we toured with him, made all arrangements, etc.  During all this time, my brother and family were not seen at all.

My mom and I would be perfectly happy if my grandpa left some money for my adored nephew's college fund (though he is well funded already by my mom and my stepmother) and left the rest to his church or another charity.  But we found out a couple of weeks ago that, within days of our last visit, my sister-in-law (second wife, who's been married to my brother 7-8 years), who volunteered to "help" my grandpa by taking him to the lawyers' office to work through some paperwork relating to his wife's accident, also managed while there to have him change his will so that (1) she is now the executor of his estate (despite knowing him for about eight years and being generally useless), and (2) half his estate is going to my nephew, with my sister-in-law as trustee until he turns 21, and another 1/4 to my brother.  

Sigh.  

My mom is down there now for grandpa's birthday, and talked to him today about this.  Apparently he doesn't remember any of it and is not sure how it got set up that way.  He's ninety-#######-seven and will sign whatever you tell him.  Un-#######-believable.  Or perfectly believable, I guess.  I've just never dealt with this kind of greed in my own family before, despite seeing other people talk about it.  What is it about a little money that makes people so, so awful?

 

[the rover]

 What is it about a little money that makes people so, so awful?

Most people are awful to begin with.  Money just magnifies how awful they are.

 

[krista4]

Most people are awful to begin with.  Money just magnifies how awful they are.

Oh.  Well I certainly feel better now.

 

[Binky The Doormat]

Most people are awful to begin with.  Money just magnifies how awful they are.

Oh.  Well I certainly feel better now.




 

Rover is a helper.  

 

[Binky The Doormat]

Krista - tough call, but this needs to be changed.  

 

[Judge Smails]

While we're on family time in the GMTAN today, could I rant for a minute?

My wonderful grandfather will turn 97 on Wednesday.  He's as kind and good a man as you could meet.  Hasn't had a super-easy life, lost two wives under tragic circumstances in each case, didn't go to college but worked hard and has amassed a decent amount of money, considering.  I hope he lives to be 120 and spends every dime of it somehow, but it's likely that he'll leave behind maybe half a million assuming he lives a few more years.

We have a small family - my mom is an only child, and I only have one brother, who has one son who is 17 years old and could probably take Sweet J, though he wouldn't because he's a sweetheart (my nephew, not Sweet J).  My brother, sister-in-law and nephew live in the same town as my Grandpa, and until 18 months ago my mom and stepfather did as well.  Despite living in the same town, my brother and his family almost never see my grandpa - at most a couple of times a year when they begrudgingly invite him to a holiday celebration.  When grandpa's second wife died a little over a year ago, my mom and I both made numerous trips there to take care of everything, including the joy of going through a 90-something-year-old lady's underwear drawer, and to get my grandpa's house sold and get him into assisted living, which we toured with him, made all arrangements, etc.  During all this time, my brother and family were not seen at all.

My mom and I would be perfectly happy if my grandpa left some money for my adored nephew's college fund (though he is well funded already by my mom and my stepmother) and left the rest to his church or another charity.  But we found out a couple of weeks ago that, within days of our last visit, my sister-in-law (second wife, who's been married to my brother 7-8 years), who volunteered to "help" my grandpa by taking him to the lawyers' office to work through some paperwork relating to his wife's accident, also managed while there to have him change his will so that (1) she is now the executor of his estate (despite knowing him for about eight years and being generally useless), and (2) half his estate is going to my nephew, with my sister-in-law as trustee until he turns 21, and another 1/4 to my brother.  

Sigh.  

My mom is down there now for grandpa's birthday, and talked to him today about this.  Apparently he doesn't remember any of it and is not sure how it got set up that way.  He's ninety-#######-seven and will sign whatever you tell him.  Un-#######-believable.  Or perfectly believable, I guess.  I've just never dealt with this kind of greed in my own family before, despite seeing other people talk about it.  What is it about a little money that makes people so, so awful?

Leaches. Despicable. Oh - aren't you an attorney?

 

[krista4]

Leaches. Despicable. Oh - aren't you an attorney?

Neither a trust & estates attorney nor admitted/practicing in Indiana, but otherwise, yeah.  On the case through a dear friend there, though.   

 

[krista4]

Rover is a helper.  

"Look for the helpers."

 

[cosjobs]

Hey GM >  my lady is out of the country for two weeks starting thursday.

Look on the back page of the local entertainment paper

 

[Binky The Doormat]

"Look for the helpers."

Mr. Rogers is never wrong. 

 

[krista4]

Mr. Rogers is never wrong. 

If there's anything the entire GMTAN can agree on, I think it might be this.

 

[cosjobs]

While we're on family time in the GMTAN today, could I rant for a minute?

My wonderful grandfather will turn 97 on Wednesday.  He's as kind and good a man as you could meet.  Hasn't had a super-easy life, lost two wives under tragic circumstances in each case, didn't go to college but worked hard and has amassed a decent amount of money, considering.  I hope he lives to be 120 and spends every dime of it somehow, but it's likely that he'll leave behind maybe half a million assuming he lives a few more years.

We have a small family - my mom is an only child, and I only have one brother, who has one son who is 17 years old and could probably take Sweet J, though he wouldn't because he's a sweetheart (my nephew, not Sweet J).  My brother, sister-in-law and nephew live in the same town as my Grandpa, and until 18 months ago my mom and stepfather did as well.  Despite living in the same town, my brother and his family almost never see my grandpa - at most a couple of times a year when they begrudgingly invite him to a holiday celebration.  When grandpa's second wife died a little over a year ago, my mom and I both made numerous trips there to take care of everything, including the joy of going through a 90-something-year-old lady's underwear drawer, and to get my grandpa's house sold and get him into assisted living, which we toured with him, made all arrangements, etc.  During all this time, my brother and family were not seen at all.

My mom and I would be perfectly happy if my grandpa left some money for my adored nephew's college fund (though he is well funded already by my mom and my stepmother) and left the rest to his church or another charity.  But we found out a couple of weeks ago that, within days of our last visit, my sister-in-law (second wife, who's been married to my brother 7-8 years), who volunteered to "help" my grandpa by taking him to the lawyers' office to work through some paperwork relating to his wife's accident, also managed while there to have him change his will so that (1) she is now the executor of his estate (despite knowing him for about eight years and being generally useless), and (2) half his estate is going to my nephew, with my sister-in-law as trustee until he turns 21, and another 1/4 to my brother.  

Sigh.  

My mom is down there now for grandpa's birthday, and talked to him today about this.  Apparently he doesn't remember any of it and is not sure how it got set up that way.  He's ninety-#######-seven and will sign whatever you tell him.  Un-#######-believable.  Or perfectly believable, I guess.  I've just never dealt with this kind of greed in my own family before, despite seeing other people talk about it.  What is it about a little money that makes people so, so awful?

Wasn't some male relative living with him and cajoling (sorry for legal terminology) to get the house or something? Sorry, no notebooks, just a syphilitic brain.

 

[the rover]

Oh.  Well I certainly feel better now.

Oh, ####.  This is that empathy thing again?   Sorry, I should have passed. 

 

[krista4]

Wasn't some male relative living with him and cajoling (sorry for legal terminology) to get the house or something? Sorry, no notebooks, just a syphilitic brain.

Yeah, his now-deceased wife's 50something-year-old unemployed son lived with them for years.  Grandpa gave the guy $80,000 just to go away after the wife died, and the one good thing in the will is that it is explicit in that that guy has no claim on anything ever ever ever.

 

[krista4]

Oh, ####.  This is that empathy thing again?   Sorry, I should have passed. 

No, it was the not-hating-humanity thing, but I get where you're coming from.

Did you see my earlier post re trip to Portland?  I can't find it now.

 

[cosjobs]

Yeah, his now-deceased wife's 50something-year-old unemployed son lived with them for years.  Grandpa gave the guy $80,000 just to go away after the wife died, and the one good thing in the will is that it is explicit in that that guy has no claim on anything ever ever ever.

If I stayed with him a couple weeks, think I could get a 25K cut?

asking for a friend

 

[RedmondLonghorn]

Yeah, his now-deceased wife's 50something-year-old unemployed son lived with them for years.  Grandpa gave the guy $80,000 just to go away after the wife died, and the one good thing in the will is that it is explicit in that that guy has no claim on anything ever ever ever.

This is like reading plot lines from Shameless right here in GMTAN. So depressing.

On the plus side, it is more interesting than shopping for and buying a utility sink and laundry room faucet set.

 

[cosjobs]

You and Rover need to come down and see me in Socal mid-month

 

[krista4]

You and Rover need to come down and see me in Socal mid-month

I was thinking about your trip to SD.  What are your dates?  I really need to get away.