What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing (18 Viewers)

General Malaise said:
What's the best way to open a pistachio that's clamped all the way shut?  God I hate that.  
Click to expand...
If there is any ridge/seam sometimes you can use a half-shell to get enough traction to open it.  

If it's completed sealed I smash the #### out of it, because I'm not going to let it live after denying me like that.  

 
krista4 said:
I wasn't pooping!
Click to expand...
in college,  i was in a fraternity.   this would have been my sr year, so i was living in an apartment at the time, but I'd go over to the fraternity house for parties and whatnot.  I was over there it was like a thursday and hey ohh  looks like we're having some pretty big "room" parties.  Some cheerleaders from Boise State had shown up for whatever reason along with the usual groups of hangers on  and the beer started flowing.

we had a freshman who was thin, tan, blonde and good looking guy.   Unfortunately for him he had been drinking a little too fast.   I walked into one room party and here he was slurring his words and drooling all over one of the Boise St cheerleaders.    Being sober and wiser, I pulled him aside and said hey buddy, you should probably go to the bathroom and clean yourself up a bit.  He dutifully trodded off to the bathroom.    
 

Our bathroom was 2 open urinals, 3 toilets with no doors and a group shower with no compartments.   Not a good place if you liked privacy.   Anyhow the cheerleader he had been sputtering all over a minute prior was now thanking me for intervening.  I was just being cool and played it off, i had a serious girlfriend (now my wife) and wasn't interested in this gal.   After a couple minutes I need to take a leak so I head off to the bathroom.

I get there and freshman is sitting on the first toilet.   No door, remember?   I don't think much of it and take a leak and i'm washing my hands when all of a sudden i hear this terrible noise.    This freshman all of a sudden had to puke.   Unfortunately for me and him, but mostly me because i can't unremember it, guy starts praying to the porcelain altar with a giant turd hanging out his butt, which also happens to pointed in my general direction.    then WHAMMO  first wave of puke convulsions comes and blasts his poop out onto his trousers around his ankles.    Then the 2nd wave, same result.    I left at that point, couldn't take it any longer.    

His new frat name was "Poopy"

 
krista4 said:
If you learn one other thing from the thread today, let it be that I wasn't pooping.
Click to expand...
your denial speaks volumes.  volumes of poop :excited:   [annoyingsingsongvoice]she who denied it, supplied it! [/annoyingsingsongvoice]

I've had two 10 year olds and a 9 year at my house all week.  poop humor is strong in that demographic.

 
General Malaise said:
Speaking of.....I, uh, stumbled upon an interview with one of my favorite starlets from the pr0n days of yore who decided to come (heh) out of retirement recently and shoot some more videos, this time under a certain genre of films that rhymes with DILF, given her age in the industry.  So I felt compelled to search out some of the newer works and boy, I kind of wish I hadn't for the noises that Briana Banks makes when, uh, acting sound exactly what I think a goose would sound like being suffocated by a boa constrictor.  The drugs, years and weight gain notwithstanding, her auditory tones have left me wondering if I can unmasturbate to somebody.  
Click to expand...
It's your own fault for jerking to a German woman. 

 
General Malaise said:
Speaking of.....I, uh, stumbled upon an interview with one of my favorite starlets from the pr0n days of yore who decided to come (heh) out of retirement recently and shoot some more videos, this time under a certain genre of films that rhymes with DILF, given her age in the industry.  So I felt compelled to search out some of the newer works and boy, I kind of wish I hadn't for the noises that Briana Banks makes when, uh, acting sound exactly what I think a goose would sound like being suffocated by a boa constrictor.  The drugs, years and weight gain notwithstanding, her auditory tones have left me wondering if I can unmasturbate to somebody.  
Click to expand...
why did I just do that to myself? GM is as trustworthy a chap as there is out there and I couldn't just listen to him, I had to listen to her too.

 
El Floppo said:
What kind of work?
Click to expand...
I have a variety of experiences and in a number of different industries, which has been kind of a problem since most companies want a specialist and not a generalist.  I have an undergrad in Accounting and MBA in Marketing and Entrepreneurship (double major).  I have primarily done sales strategy, sales operations, RFP writing and managing, and project management work.  I have also worked with CRM systems, mainly as an end user but I am considering getting certified as an admin for SalesForce.  That costs about $5,000 so I am reluctant to spend that money at this point.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
kevzilla said:
I was under the impression that we pay the bands that play at our airport. I've never actually seen one.
Click to expand...
Maybe.  I just remember AUS as being one of the first to promote live music.  I'm just bitter because it seems to have the worst airport bars in the world.  Yes, I'm lookin' at you, Ray Benson.

 
Roverkid and I saw 47 Meters Down tonight. 

Here's a critic's review from Rotten Tomatoes:

Any incremental gains civilization may have made have been wiped out, obliterated without a trace by the fact of this film's existence. It's an affront. An atrocity.
Click to expand...

 
Dan Lambskin said:
I think that's some sort of animal house reference?   All I remember is hearing how funny that movie was my whole life then finally seeing it and being disappointed 
Click to expand...
:shock:

How old are you? I don't mean that in a condescending way. I was 16 and had just started driving when Animal House came out. Between having my own car and this film, it was like the shackles had come off.

 
Uruk-Hai said:
:shock:

How old are you? I don't mean that in a condescending way. I was 16 and had just started driving when Animal House came out. Between having my own car and this film, it was like the shackles had come off.
Click to expand...
I'm 37.  Probably didn't see it until my late 20's/early 30's.  

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

General Malaise
GM's thread about nothing
4998 4999 5000
Replies
250K
Views
6M
rockaction
rockaction

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 14 (members: 0, guests: 14)
Back
Top