GroveDiesel
Footballguy
Super glad you don't have cancer! Congrats!krista4 said:
And now I'll give some unsolicited advice (if this is stepping over the line, sorry not sorry): Knock that #### off. You see, here's the thing, it turns out that life is hard. I don't care who it is, royalty, celebrity, wealthy, a nobody, or someone with 8 naan ovens, life is hard. Sure, it's harder for some than others and what makes it hard varies from person to person, but nobody goes through life without struggles of some kind. We all like to pretend that it's easy, or supposed to be easy and that we have it all together, but let's just be real and admit that's a huge like and that we all put on the mask to make everyone think that we're all better than we are. Sometimes we do it out of pride, sometimes we do it out of self-preservation, and sometimes we do it because we think we're protecting others.
And here's the thing about putting on those masks: it's freaking exhausting and isolating. It's hard keeping that facade up and leaves us hollow and hurting inside as we build up those walls around us. It separates us from the rest of humanity.
It's not how we're designed to live (I can make the argument either from a religious/intelligent design or evolutionary side). We're communal. We truly do need each other.
And if you're lucky enough to have people in your life that truly care about it, then live like it. Look, I'm guessing that you probably didn't tell anyone because you didn't want the people you love being burdened with the thought that you could have cancer before you even knew. I'm guessing that because that would be my first inclination too. That FEELS like that strong, noble, and caring thing to do, right? Especially when you didn't even know anything for sure yet, right?
Wrong! The people in our lives that truly care about us WANT to share in both our joy and our burdens. That's part of community and truly living life together. Unless they're seriously emotionally/mentally damaged, people WANT to help each other through tough times. Yes, there may be some pain involved for them, but there is also joy and contentment in being there and helping carry the emotional burdens of those we care about. When we make the decision not to make others aware of our burdens, it is (at least I've found this to be true for me YMMV) actually rooted in mistrust or even almost condescension in that I don't think the other person can handle it. Rather than treating them as emotionally mature people who truly desire to love me, I feel that I need to hold it all inside to protect them because I don't want to feel guilty by putting some of my burden on them. But in reality, I am damaging that relationship by not trusting them with my hurts and not allowing them the opportunity/gift of being there to walk alongside me.
And when you do share those hurts with those you love, it's so freeing! It takes too much energy keeping up the facade. And when we share our hurts/burdens with others it brings BOTH of you out of isolation to live life together.
TLDR version: Stop hiding things from the people you love. You'll both be happier and more content if you don't.
/end unsolicited rant
Edit: Felt like I needed to add that this wasn't meant as an attack in any way. I think just about all of us do this. I think most of us have been in this particular community long enough to actually care about the people here and want to help each other. I've been journeying through a process of becoming more emotionally healthy and feel compelled to share what I've learned with others.
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we've had a friend of my daughters over at out house for the last two days, because her dad has the flu. This has only exacerbated my wife's certainty that death is upon us. Nice knowing ya kev, the rest of you as well. 
. I agree with you, to each his own on this type of thing. Have you pooped yet?
