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GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing (5 Viewers)

If you have the sugars or want a low carb life-style, Amstel X-Light is the greatest beer in the world. Otherwise its tasteless swill.

2g carbs per can !!!1

 
mr. furley said:
who decides the arbitrary numbers used in these buzzfeed-style headlines?

looking for a good smoker recipe idea. something i can toss in the smoker on Sunday.

all the results are "137 TOP SMOKER RECIPES FOR DAD!". "53 SMOKER RECIPES YOU'LL LOVE!", "THE TOP 19 SMOKER RECIPES FOR SUMMER!"
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NUMBER 17 WILL SHOCK YOU!

 
Roverkid on way to the airport to go to Athens, Santorini, Mykonos and Crete for two weeks.  I, on the other hand, will be working 12-14 hour days through the end of June.

 
El Floppo said:
6yo Floppinha came into the living room as I watching some soccer game or another a couple weekends ago.

- did you hear that?

- huh?

- did you hear that? sounded like a crash.

- wait... what?

- it sounded like a crash.

- ok.. that's nice (watching game... so not really paying attention- but also live on a very busy NYC street where car crashes and all manner of loud onomoatapoeia are constant)

... 10 seconds later...

- did you hear that?

- the crash? no.

- yeah... sounds like something might have broken.

- that's nice (back to watching game)

... 5 seconds later

- that crash sounds like somethign might have broken?

- ... wait a second... are you talking about outside or inside?

- inside

- ahh... (lightbulb) ok. show me.

... glass pepper grinder knocked on the floor and broken, with pepper and small glass shards everywhere in the kitchen. 

- uh-huh... so how'd that happen? 

- (looking down)... did you hear it? sounds like a crash and something broke...

... etc. and then the same conversation as furley- you're not in trouble, it's an accident, it's fine- just tell me about it because there's broken glass and a cleanup needed... you don't have to lie about this stuff. accidents happen.

she was trying to get at a bag of marshmallows that we intentionally keep hidden behind our spices in an upper cabinet. "hidden". so a claim could be made that like furley, it's my fault anyways.
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Let her know she can find marshmallows roasting in the Crypto thread

 
the rover said:
Broke a glass in my kitchen.  Nobody else was home.  Blamed the cat anyway.
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The other day I heard my daughter giggling uncontrollably and yelling, "Fart!" repeatedly at the top of her lungs. 

Naturally, this caught my attention much faster than something stupid like the sound of a glass peppermill shattering on the floor.

When I walked in, she was watching Family Feud, and the question was, "Name something you do and then blame on the dog."

The best answer, of course, was the one she was screaming repeatedly.  The reason she was giggling was that the woman who buzzed in first said, "Pee on the couch."

 
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?  Do you suffer from shyness?  Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about tequila.

 
Got a frantic call from wife earlier saying she thinks somebody stole he left wallet out of her purse (sometimes she wears a backpack style purse, so definitely plausible)

me: are you sure?

wife:  it’s not in there.  OMG (frantic whining)

me: go to security and see if they can check the tapes and call the cops

wife: but I’m already late to go pick up the kids 

me: f it I’ll go (interrupted by shrieking / muffled background noise/talking   Phone hangs up)

me (via text):  WTF is going on

wife (calls back): I left it at the dollar store, somebody tracked me down.  I have it now

me:   :mellow:

 
IMAX 3D said:
Got a frantic call from wife earlier saying she thinks somebody stole he left wallet out of her purse (sometimes she wears a backpack style purse, so definitely plausible)

me: are you sure?

wife:  it’s not in there.  OMG (frantic whining)

me: go to security and see if they can check the tapes and call the cops

wife: but I’m already late to go pick up the kids 

me: f it I’ll go (interrupted by shrieking / muffled background noise/talking   Phone hangs up)

me (via text):  WTF is going on

wife (calls back): I left it at the dollar store, somebody tracked me down.  I have it now

me:   :mellow:
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does she have a right wallet?

 
Mr. Drinks On Me #FRA ??‏ @Mr_DrinksOnMe 3m3 minutes ago

*guy calls in on radio show*

Guy: Hey! I found this wallet with $2,000, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan.'

Host: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?

Guy: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan.

 
So my kid had his surgery yesterday to remove the lipoma from his leg.  Everything went A-OK.  He’s staying with us for a couple of nights because he’s got a drain tube/reservoir that we need to keep an eye on just in case.  I call it his “blood catheter” even though it isn’t coming from his Aretha.  

He’s yelling at his friends on the Xbox while playing Overskyrim or whatever. 

I’m enjoying a couple of my favorite cocktails (the Phil Lynott, which I invented).  Life is good.

 
Officer Pete Malloy said:
So my kid had his surgery yesterday to remove the lipoma from his leg.  Everything went A-OK.  He’s staying with us for a couple of nights because he’s got a drain tube/reservoir that we need to keep an eye on just in case.  I call it his “blood catheter” even though it isn’t coming from his Aretha.  

He’s yelling at his friends on the Xbox while playing Overskyrimjob or whatever. 

I’m enjoying a couple of my favorite cocktails (the Phil Lynott, which I invented).  Life is good.
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:lmao:

Whoa...games these days are different, huh?

 
psychobillies said:
Yeah.  Energy drinks are like sobriety to me.  They both make my hands shake.
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I’m not allowed to combine booze and energy drinks. I’m a ridiculously good drunk, but the outcomes each time I’ve tried to mix those.... let’s just say that the outcomes have been less than desirable. 

 
Love, Me‏ @Dear_Booze 4h4 hours ago

More

Drunk people are always drawn to #TacoBell , because you’re going to wake up with the ####s anyway....

 
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