GM's thread about nothing (34 Viewers)

[Gadzooks]

I don't really get it either. She has talked about sex and would do it if the right guy entered the picture, but I guess it just has never materialized for her. She's picky, which is odd since her chin hairs are thicker than mine.**I realize I sad she wasn't the ugliest girl in the world, but if you get up close, you can see the chin hairs and maybe that's what's driving men away. Though I must confess, one night I made love to a woman with cat-like whiskers coming out of her cheeks. I almost booted when I went to lick her face. :X

Christ, the image in my head right now of my favorite albino licking the face of a cat-faced woman.

 

[General Malaise]

Woke up at 10am this morning.Yes, I'M ON VACATION.

Looking forward to your posts today.

lolz at this.FREE FLYSACK!

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

Speaking of being old...

That is horrid. Why would you sully the good name and hotness of Sheila E by connecting it to those hacks?

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

Though I must confess, one night I made love to a woman with cat-like whiskers coming out of her cheeks.

Keep going...

 

[Gadzooks]

Though I must confess, one night I made love to a woman with cat-like whiskers coming out of her cheeks.

Keep going...

Could see this coming a mile away but I still snorted.

 

[General Malaise]

She's not the ugliest girl in the world, but she's not trip to Holywood either.

So good.

God, I've turned into COjobs.

 

[Mitch Robbins]

Oh hello GMTAN.

 

[mr. furley]

Speaking of being old...

i'm gonna ban you from life

 

[Mitch Robbins]

Embarrassing story alert:My parents got new carpeting and redid the upstairs bathroom. The carpet was pretty thick so the bathroom door wouldn't close completely. My dad took the door off to sand the bottom of it down a bit so it would close. I tell you that to tell you this...I was in 8th grade. My mom would leave for work right around the time I got up to get in the shower. Usually she would knock on the door and say she was leaving and to remind me to lock the front door when I left. That day, I had brought my radio in so I didn't hear her knocking. She opened the door a crack to tell me she was heading out to work. Ok, bye mom, now GTFO.I got done getting ready and went to get dressed. Only the bathroom door was locked...from the outside. Apparently somehow my dad put the door on backwards/upside-down with the lock facing out. Unbeknownst to my mom, she had locked the door when she opened it. It was a tiny "push-button" lock that had a small opening on the other side to unlock it. I tried every bobby pin, Qtip and similarly shaped item I could find to try to get that door unlocked, but nothing worked. I tried kicking it down. I tried "tackling" it down. I tried breaking the door knob off. Old doors were made very very well, I can tell you that much.This was late May so it was rather warm out. We lived next to a park and right across the street to school. There were a few younger kids in my neighborhood that I walked with through the park to make sure they got there ok. They were walking through the park and I was screaming out the bathroom window "HELP! HELP! I'M LOCKED IN THE FREAKING BATHROOM" Those little SOBs kept skipping obliviously along on their way to multiplication tables and spelling bees.So I cleaned the bathroom. I may have made some crock pot chicken. I piled up some towels and took a nap. I flossed for the first time in a while. I read the first chapter of "Lake Wobegon Days". I took another nap. All in my underwear.My sister went to community college so she eventually came home from lunch. I heard her come in the front door and I started yelling and pounding on the bathroom door. "HELP! I'M UP HERE! GET ME OUTTA HERE!" She tells me that she hit the deck and army crawled her way through our living room behind a couch."Sara, its me Matt! Mom locked me in the bathroom""WTF?!""Just come unlock it please. NOW!"Long story even longer, we called my mom at work and explained everything. She went apedung and called the school from work. I guess there were some vulgarities that my nun principal had never heard before. I walked to school in time for afternoon classes. The principal greeted me at the door, took me to the cafeteria for my own personal free lunch (gee thanks). Since that day, the school has a policy to call both parents if a child does not show up without a parent calling in.I think this is why I drink.

 

[General Malaise]

GMs Thread About Novels

We need a side bet between you and GM for the Rose Bowl, don't we? Embarrassing picture variety?

I was thinking about offering up a side bet a week or so ago. Figured I'd let the game get a little closer.GM>Thoughts?

It should be noted that GM is a known Big10 hater and thinks his Ducks will mop the floor with your Badgers.

FACT: GM Paid for his entire 2010 Rose Bowl trip by betting ON Ohio State +4 and ML. FACT: GM Thinks Wisconsin is the only Big-10 team worth a damn this year.

FACT: GM Has already wagered a tidy sum on Wisconsin +6.5

What was it you said in chat again? About Oregon and the championship and destroying a Big 10 team instead? (this of course was before dreamy McBarkley destroyed you)

Yeah, everytime I drink the Kelly Kool-Aid it tends to bite me in my giant white butt.

So that's a "no"?

Oh, I'll bet just to bet, but let's come up with something shticky. I really do have Wisconsin +6.5 and will probably add to that position if it moves to 7 (it's at 6 now, but I think the public will push it, we'll see) so I'm ****OFFICIALLY**** backing a Big-10 team over my Ducks (Tre - Suck it) but I'll bet the game if you want to do something fun.

 

[Gadzooks]

Last night as I was walking into a bar a black guy stopped me and asked if black people were allowed in there.

He wasn't talking about the bar. HTH

At the end of the year GMTAN awards, I am voting for this in the "wittiest comeback" category. I would also like to nominate Knuckles as best "supporting character in a funny story" category.

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

Speaking of being old...

From what? forums.beerguys.com?

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Speaking of being old...

This isn't Beer Spot, Sudsy.

 

[-fish-]

I went indoor skydiving for our firm Christmas party today. That was freaking cool!!!!

Saw one of these places in South Center. Must be a NW thing.

That's the one I went to. It was pretty awesome.

 

[Mitch Robbins]

Explain to me indoor skydiving.

I keep seeing a ridiculously tall building like those indoor skiiing joints in Dubai, except I'm betting they go cheap and just throw you on top of a giant fan and scroll some clouds by on a green screen.

 

[Fightin Donkey]

Awww kitty!

very very early stage of the Panzer division

My link

 

[Samuel L Bronkowitz]

Oh, I'll bet just to bet, but let's come up with something shticky. I really do have Wisconsin +6.5 and will probably add to that position if it moves to 7 (it's at 6 now, but I think the public will push it, we'll see) so I'm ****OFFICIALLY**** backing a Big-10 team over my Ducks (Tre - Suck it) but I'll bet the game if you want to do something fun.

I'm in for a good shtick bet

 

[desert rose]

What's an easy brunch food to bring to a potluck? No booze.

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

One of the 6th grade teachers sent out a school-wide email about an hour ago...

But first I should explain a little about the 6th grade teachers. They are a breed unto themselves. They are on the same campus with the 7th and 8th grade teachers but have more of a elementary school outlook on life. They are also led by a cadre of menopausal broads that turn molehills into mountains faster than you can say "barren uterus". Behind their backs we call them The Hen House. In all fairness there are about 4 fairly cool 6th grade teachers (3 guys and jockish chick in her mid-30s that doesn't get along with the older ladies).

I cringe every time we have school-wide meetings that include this group because you know the meeting is going to last about 20 minutes longer than it should because they need to ask multiple questions and/or complain about something. They are also notorious for sending out school-wide emails that don't need to be sent AND 'replying all' ad nauseum. "I don't know why we can't change the time of the Book Fair to 30 minutes earlier so the 6th graders..." "I agree with Cindy!" "I agree with Cindy too!" "I agree with Cindy three!" "Haha, you crack me up, Lynn!" "I agree with Cindy, Carol and Lynn".

So anyway the leader of the Hen House sent out an email, to the entire school, complaining that someone "stole" the space heater from the 6th grade ladies pisser. Apparently when the mercury drops to an unbearable 45 degrees here in Central CA taking a whiz requires a heated room. Of course the heater wasn't stolen. One of our VPs borrowed it because a group of teachers were busy creating tests in a little used meeting room that was without heat for some reason. Needless to say her email has been 'replied all' to 4 times so far "Yeah! where is out heater?"

The last thing I'm doing before I leave today is replying all with "First-World Problem". I'm also going to see if the heater is still in the meeting room. If it is I'm going to hide it.

 

[Fightin Donkey]

About to see an advance IMAX screening of the new Mission Impossible. I've never seen an IMAX. Am I going to get sick or something?

I sure do. We saw some sort of underwater IMAX show a few years ago and I had to close my eyes and curl up in the fetal position 15 minutes into the damn thing. I was queasy for at least an hour afterwards and had to give the car keys to my lady. Not my finest moment. But I'm sure you'll be fine.

We saw the Tornado movie on IMAX last year. I get motion sickness way too easy, but surprisingly I did OK. I did close my eyes a lot though.

 

[General Malaise]

So my son misses school yesterday.

Me and the Mrs had a miscommunication as to who was going to call school to let them know he wasn't going to be there. Lunch time rolls around and the Mrs calls me. During the convo, I ask her if she called school and she basically said "I thought you were going to".

So it's after 12:00, my kid's sitting next to me, not at school, and school hasn't called to inquire where my kid is.

I'm obviously in the wrong for not calling the school, but I should have a problem with them not hunting someone down when my kid doesn't show up at school and there was no notice, right?

You know sometimes when a kid is absent from my class it is kind of a blessing and I don't question why he/she is absent. I'm just saying.

But you report him/her as absent, right? And then the front office would knowSon's 11, still in grade school. I remember my High School calling when I did a no-show back in the day. Had the bruises to prove it. I'd like to think it's still done at the grade school level.

Jesus, am I the only person who wasn't beaten by my parents? This is horrible.

 

[urbanhack]

They are also led by a cadre of menopausal broads that turn molehills into mountains faster than you can say "barren uterus". Behind their backs we call them The Hen House.

 

[Fightin Donkey]

So, I'm told this is the thread to break into FFA with? Been hanging around since yellow board, haven't posted much. Looking for the drunk thread but can't find. Heard this is the next best thing?

Aquaman > Welcome.We are the online version of the SAE fraternity: Somebody, Anybody, Everybody. Our membership is diverse and ranges in age from wet behind the ears to gray hair growing out of the ears. Our participants live anywhere from urbane, hip cities like Manhattan to remote, desolate, isolated depots like Bakersfield. Though we all mean well, most of us have faceless moderator targets on our backs like the ******* child of Ndomakun (like Vaccuum and Diahereah, I have no idea how this is spelled) Suh and James Harrison. In fact, General Malaise is my 4th username since Yellow Board. You might better remember me back then as Lake City Gar. Booze courses through our veins like Homer through a junior high hallway. Our backgrounds are checkered like a NYC Cab, but we continue to float along and make it to the next day. Some of us even buy Central American Countries and log cabin homes. Once in a while, one of us will post a funny. We like fart jokes and football, pictures of cats and men in moustaches, stories of drunken debauchery and romantic mishaps but most of all, we just kill time until the next Gadzooks story. We don't like fantasy baseball or shower dingleberry jokes, Olive Garden or insipid posters and we sure as hell don't like being bored. Still here? Good. Stick around. I'm sure in a few more days, this thread will be 10 pages longer, our livers will be ever closer to abect failure and YSR will lose something of import. Got a story? Share it. But make us laugh. For christ's sake, now that Woz posts here, we gotta find a humorous ballast. Help us help you.

Deep man, deep.Brought a tear to my eye.....

 

[General Malaise]

So my son misses school yesterday. Me and the Mrs had a miscommunication as to who was going to call school to let them know he wasn't going to be there. Lunch time rolls around and the Mrs calls me. During the convo, I ask her if she called school and she basically said "I thought you were going to".So it's after 12:00, my kid's sitting next to me, not at school, and school hasn't called to inquire where my kid is.I'm obviously in the wrong for not calling the school, but I should have a problem with them not hunting someone down when my kid doesn't show up at school and there was no notice, right?

You know sometimes when a kid is absent from my class it is kind of a blessing and I don't question why he/she is absent. I'm just saying.

But you report him/her as absent, right? And then the front office would knowSon's 11, still in grade school. I remember my High School calling when I did a no-show back in the day. Had the bruises to prove it. I'd like to think it's still done at the grade school level.

I know my kid's HS has an automated calling system for absences/cuts. I don't think we (middle school) actually call.

Embarrassing story alert:My parents got new carpeting and redid the upstairs bathroom. The carpet was pretty thick so the bathroom door wouldn't close completely. My dad took the door off to sand the bottom of it down a bit so it would close. I tell you that to tell you this...I was in 8th grade. My mom would leave for work right around the time I got up to get in the shower. Usually she would knock on the door and say she was leaving and to remind me to lock the front door when I left. That day, I had brought my radio in so I didn't hear her knocking. She opened the door a crack to tell me she was heading out to work. Ok, bye mom, now GTFO.I got done getting ready and went to get dressed. Only the bathroom door was locked...from the outside. Apparently somehow my dad put the door on backwards/upside-down with the lock facing out. Unbeknownst to my mom, she had locked the door when she opened it. It was a tiny "push-button" lock that had a small opening on the other side to unlock it. I tried every bobby pin, Qtip and similarly shaped item I could find to try to get that door unlocked, but nothing worked. I tried kicking it down. I tried "tackling" it down. I tried breaking the door knob off. Old doors were made very very well, I can tell you that much.This was late May so it was rather warm out. We lived next to a park and right across the street to school. There were a few younger kids in my neighborhood that I walked with through the park to make sure they got there ok. They were walking through the park and I was screaming out the bathroom window "HELP! HELP! I'M LOCKED IN THE FREAKING BATHROOM" Those little SOBs kept skipping obliviously along on their way to multiplication tables and spelling bees.So I cleaned the bathroom. I may have made some crock pot chicken. I piled up some towels and took a nap. I flossed for the first time in a while. I read the first chapter of "Lake Wobegon Days". I took another nap. All in my underwear.My sister went to community college so she eventually came home from lunch. I heard her come in the front door and I started yelling and pounding on the bathroom door. "HELP! I'M UP HERE! GET ME OUTTA HERE!" She tells me that she hit the deck and army crawled her way through our living room behind a couch."Sara, its me Matt! Mom locked me in the bathroom""WTF?!""Just come unlock it please. NOW!"Long story even longer, we called my mom at work and explained everything. She went apedung and called the school from work. I guess there were some vulgarities that my nun principal had never heard before. I walked to school in time for afternoon classes. The principal greeted me at the door, took me to the cafeteria for my own personal free lunch (gee thanks). Since that day, the school has a policy to call both parents if a child does not show up without a parent calling in.I think this is why I drink.

YES!

 

[General Malaise]

One of the 6th grade teachers sent out a school-wide email about an hour ago...

But first I should explain a little about the 6th grade teachers. They are a breed unto themselves. They are on the same campus with the 7th and 8th grade teachers but have more of a elementary school outlook on life. They are also led by a cadre of menopausal broads that turn molehills into mountains faster than you can say "barren uterus". Behind their backs we call them The Hen House. In all fairness there are about 4 fairly cool 6th grade teachers (3 guys and jockish chick in her mid-30s that doesn't get along with the older ladies).

I cringe every time we have school-wide meetings that include this group because you know the meeting is going to last about 20 minutes longer than it should because they need to ask multiple questions and/or complain about something. They are also notorious for sending out school-wide emails that don't need to be sent AND 'replying all' ad nauseum. "I don't know why we can't change the time of the Book Fair to 30 minutes earlier so the 6th graders..." "I agree with Cindy!" "I agree with Cindy too!" "I agree with Cindy three!" "Haha, you crack me up, Lynn!" "I agree with Cindy, Carol and Lynn".

So anyway the leader of the Hen House sent out an email, to the entire school, complaining that someone "stole" the space heater from the 6th grade ladies pisser. Apparently when the mercury drops to an unbearable 45 degrees here in Central CA taking a whiz requires a heated room. Of course the heater wasn't stolen. One of our VPs borrowed it because a group of teachers were busy creating tests in a little used meeting room that was without heat for some reason. Needless to say her email has been 'replied all' to 4 times so far "Yeah! where is out heater?"

The last thing I'm doing before I leave today is replying all with "First-World Problem". I'm also going to see if the heater is still in the meeting room. If it is I'm going to hide it.

Man, did I ever need this thread today.

 

[Fightin Donkey]

I thought Tanner was a teacher not a paralegal?

OK, I just reread that and think I read it wrong the first time. She's just proposing that the cat would come live with us, not both of them, right? Sometimes it's hard to understand a cat when they e-mail.

That's how I read it.

 

[General Malaise]

@ "Lick her face"Is this a standard part of the GM lovemaking experience or is that a part of the upgraded package?

After I flossed my front teeth with Feline Fran's cheek whiskers, I gave up on the move altogether.

 

[-fish-]

Explain to me indoor skydiving.

I keep seeing a ridiculously tall building like those indoor skiiing joints in Dubai, except I'm betting they go cheap and just throw you on top of a giant fan and scroll some clouds by on a green screen.

linkariffic

 

[Senor Schmutzig]

So I'm sitting in the local Supercuts waiting for my special $15 haircut and reading through the GMTAN thread. And reading. And reading. Wtf is this guy before me getting done to his hair? He's probably close to fifty and barely has any left. What does "frosting the tips" mean? I mean other than something thatch or may not be said in your favorite porno?

 

[Tecumseh]

What's an easy brunch food to bring to a potluck? No booze.

Sausage balls:Jimmy Dean sausageBisquickShredded cheeseMilkMix. Bake. Juan La!

 

[Sarnoff]

Hockey + poop

 

[KGB]

I went indoor skydiving for our firm Christmas party today. That was freaking cool!!!!

Gotta say I went to the best Christmas party ever for Go Daddy. On the field at bank one ballpark, free booze, food, taxis, for 5000 people.It was an american theme, Statue of Liberty in the middle of the place, a new orleans area, mini Vegas with free blackjack, poker, Craps. Live music from 2 country guys (not my style), cheerleaders, godaddy girls, etc.Throughout the night they gave away so much money. He started with $500 named off about 30-40 people, $1000 another 30-40, then more live music, $2500 more people, $5000 more people, more music. $10000! more people. It was incredible. They slowed down at $10,000 how fast they were reading them off. Usually throughout the night it was a new name every second or 2.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GectGB5srsA&feature=relatedToward the end of the night there were rumors about a secret tourbus outside.All of the sudden BAMhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcvaYqw_H5Y&feature=related20 feet away from the stage you could sit at a table with a drink and enjy your almost private concert. IncredibleEnd of the night bussed to the hotel, tons of people, ton of fun, found secret pool on the 4th floor, yada yada Back at the room around 4am for a bunch of I was blown away

 

[Mr. Pickles]

One of the 6th grade teachers sent out a school-wide email about an hour ago...

But first I should explain a little about the 6th grade teachers. They are a breed unto themselves. They are on the same campus with the 7th and 8th grade teachers but have more of a elementary school outlook on life. They are also led by a cadre of menopausal broads that turn molehills into mountains faster than you can say "barren uterus". Behind their backs we call them The Hen House. In all fairness there are about 4 fairly cool 6th grade teachers (3 guys and jockish chick in her mid-30s that doesn't get along with the older ladies).

I cringe every time we have school-wide meetings that include this group because you know the meeting is going to last about 20 minutes longer than it should because they need to ask multiple questions and/or complain about something. They are also notorious for sending out school-wide emails that don't need to be sent AND 'replying all' ad nauseum. "I don't know why we can't change the time of the Book Fair to 30 minutes earlier so the 6th graders..." "I agree with Cindy!" "I agree with Cindy too!" "I agree with Cindy three!" "Haha, you crack me up, Lynn!" "I agree with Cindy, Carol and Lynn".

So anyway the leader of the Hen House sent out an email, to the entire school, complaining that someone "stole" the space heater from the 6th grade ladies pisser. Apparently when the mercury drops to an unbearable 45 degrees here in Central CA taking a whiz requires a heated room. Of course the heater wasn't stolen. One of our VPs borrowed it because a group of teachers were busy creating tests in a little used meeting room that was without heat for some reason. Needless to say her email has been 'replied all' to 4 times so far "Yeah! where is out heater?"

The last thing I'm doing before I leave today is replying all with "First-World Problem". I'm also going to see if the heater is still in the meeting room. If it is I'm going to hide it.

Man, did I ever need this thread today.

Circa 1994, the concerns of internetters was that Al Gore's Information Superhighway was going to collapse into a singularity of links to other links. I think the current threat is that all content will be a meme of some sort. The telling time scale is how long it takes to get from 4chan to your mom. Once that lag is measured in hours, we should probably fold up shop, kiss our wives, and call it a life.

 

[wadegarrett]

 

[Tecumseh]

For those of you with ratrugs, here's a really cool site where you can make a personalized message from Santa. http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/watch/mHfd1HH7uP-e-sMJiBznrsw

 

[Fightin Donkey]

Oh, and I'm watching TLC waiting for the virgins. I'm now 15 minutes in to a show called "Toddlers & Tiaras". I want a cruel and horrible death to befall every single parent, coach and MC invovled with this turd show. I'm not kidding. I want Dexter to break in and murder them all.

Hate everything about this show and the people in it.

 

[Aaron Rudnicki]

I got a very generous secret santa gift from Memphis.



Thanks to K4 I assume.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

I'm grading finals, conservatively over 100 of them (about 8 pages each), and it's funny to read the little comments they throw down on paper, usually in a state of horror or resignation. I'll post a few.

"My favorite quote from Hamlet: 'Words, words, words.'" The rest of this page was left blank. Oops.

On one of the exams, the students have to write a program in Visual Basic. Here is the name of his function: "Sub Not_Cool()" Another student named his function "Sub Winner()" which I thought was a little more optimistic.

He continued to rant elsewhere: "I'm not familiar with Euler's method and don't exactly know when to stop, whether it's at equation 1 or 2. Either way, the method is either perfect or way off." How true that is.

Later, he responded to the question "What will [the matrix] U look like at each step?" with :(

In the same section, another kid wrote of this problem "I understand. Not really."

A girl in the class invoked a higher power and wrote the Latin "Soli Deo Gloria" in frilly script with an accompanying bland starburst reminiscent of a 6-pointed version you'd find standard in PowerPoint document. God can't help you here, Megan.

I got a "Yo Dawg" on the front of another's cover page where this phrase was pointing to the word "Final." Apparently he was excited to be rid of this class. Previously, this semester, we had a five-ish minute discussion of the "Yo Dawg" Xzibit meme which these 18 year olds were shocked that someone twice their age was even aware of. The discussion morphed into some light 4-chan/Anonymous talk, and I think it was that day when they discovered I was deeply entrenched in the Matrix and probably shouldn't be messed with.

The oddest thing I've seen (to this point, I'm about 1/3 of the way done) was someone who wrote "5% ≠ 20%" next to a problem which was declared to be worth 20%. He wrote this once, erased it, and re-wrote it. Is there some niche Occupy movement I'm not currently aware of?

More to come, probably..

 

[mr. furley]

Speaking of being old...

COlin is in my back pocket, professor

 

[mr. furley]

I think it was that day when they discovered I was deeply entrenched in the Matrix and probably shouldn't be messed with.

 

[Gadzooks]

Update on the 22 year old:

Sorry Lou Gehrig, but "today I consider myself, the luckiest man on the face of this earth"

The only bad things about her is her lack of pretty much any knowledge about 80s/90s pop culture and that her favorite actor is a tie between Ryan Reynolds or Mark Wahlberg.

She's actually quite intelligent (she's in Grad school) and she's funny and has a lot of witty comebacks which are usually about me being old (which is funny because unlike Tanner, I'm not old) She's also ridiculously flexable. She is also majorly concerned with keeping our "relationship" a secret. I completely feel like I'm playing with house money right now. At some point, she's going to wake up and wonder why she wasting her time with me. I'm completely fine with this. I've already gotten more out of this than I deserve. Did I mention she's ridiculously flexable? Anyways, I feel like I need to share the following story, though it obviously has to be PG rated and it's probably not that entertaining, but everything with this girl has to remain a secret in real life so I need an outlet to share something about her.

On Tuesday night we both attended a Chamber of Commerce Holiday themed Fun at 5 networking event. She texted me earlier in the day saying how nervous she was about going because she would be the youngest person there and she would have to act like she didn't really know me. I usually get completely hammered at these things and a wear a self made "Cat Fish Bill" name tag to amuse myself. But this time I didn't really drink alot and spent the first hour chit chatting with people and occasionally exchanging some glances with the 22 year old from across the room. She kept sending dirty texts to me. The secret flirting was fun. She seemed a little uncomfortable as she kinda clung to her co-workers on one side of the room. I know her co-workers so I made my way over to talk to them figuring it would add to the excitement of our secret flirting. Her co-workers introduced me to her since they assumed we didn't know each other. For some foolish reason I felt like I had some kind of cool George Clooney thing going on, I said "oh yeah, I think I know you, you do the marketing over there right? That christmas ad you ran last week was really good" She was kind of blushing and would not make eye contact with me. I was thinking that I liked the fact that I was making her nervous, it was like she was purposely not engaging me so no one would know about us.

Now earlier in the day I told her that I was wearing a kind of funny xmas tie and she said something like "of course you are, that what old people do". So as we're standing there with her co-workers, I felt like this super cool older guy making funny and witty comments as this young girl was all nervous and excited by my charm. Then she suddenly stepped closer to me and gently grabbed the bottom of my tie and said "I really like your tie". For some reason this completely threw me off. I'm not sure if it was the sudden change in her demeanor where she went from quiet and nervous to suddenly confident or the fact that she did the sexiest thing with her eyes as she slowly raised them from looking at my tie to looking me dead in the eyes while she displayed a boner-inducing sexy smile with just the corner of her mouth. I completely melted. It was the strangest thing, I suddenly went from George Clooney to George Costanza. Her co-workers also looked and complimented the tie. I stood there speechless, knowing that I should at least say thank you or something somewhat cool, but all I could do was make some sort of Beavis and Butthead grunt/laugh. After another awkward minute of me making weird noises, my boss called me over to introduce me to someone so I was able to get away before I did or said anything else stupid.

After a couple minutes the 22 year old walked by and said good night to me. I kinda walked away from my boss and the client he introduced me to and tried to say something charming to her but I think I said something like "yeah, have a happy christmas and stuff". She then quickly walked up close to me and whispered "I'm so horny right now, meet me at your place in 10 minutes" So I went back to my boss and said I had to leave. I then got in my car and said a little prayer thanking God and or Tebow for the kindness he has bestowed upon me. Got home and in the middle of sexy time, she got a text message from her mom telling her that there was a plate from dinner in the fridge ready for her to re-heat when she got home. I love that she appreciates the humor in that. So after finishing, I laid there smiling and exhausted as she left to go home to mommy and daddy's house.

I really think this is all a true Christmas miracle.

 

[guru_007]

1-it's flexible

2-you're teetering on old, not quite tanner old, but getting there

3-I hate you

j/k I love you

 

[-fish-]

:standingovation:

 

[Fightin Donkey]

What's an easy brunch food to bring to a potluck? No booze.

Sausage balls:Jimmy Dean sausageBisquickShredded cheeseMilkMix. Bake. Juan La!

Absolutely LOVE these balls.

 

[Doctor Detroit]

Update on the 22 year old:

Sorry Lou Gehrig, but "today I consider myself, the luckiest man on the face of this earth"

The only bad things about her is her lack of pretty much any knowledge about 80s/90s pop culture and that her favorite actor is a tie between Ryan Reynolds or Mark Wahlberg.

She's actually quite intelligent (she's in Grad school) and she's funny and has a lot of witty comebacks which are usually about me being old (which is funny because unlike Tanner, I'm not old) She's also ridiculously flexable. She is also majorly concerned with keeping our "relationship" a secret. I completely feel like I'm playing with house money right now. At some point, she's going to wake up and wonder why she wasting her time with me. I'm completely fine with this. I've already gotten more out of this than I deserve. Did I mention she's ridiculously flexable? Anyways, I feel like I need to share the following story, though it obviously has to be PG rated and it's probably not that entertaining, but everything with this girl has to remain a secret in real life so I need an outlet to share something about her.

On Tuesday night we both attended a Chamber of Commerce Holiday themed Fun at 5 networking event. She texted me earlier in the day saying how nervous she was about going because she would be the youngest person there and she would have to act like she didn't really know me. I usually get completely hammered at these things and a wear a self made "Cat Fish Bill" name tag to amuse myself. But this time I didn't really drink alot and spent the first hour chit chatting with people and occasionally exchanging some glances with the 22 year old from across the room. She kept sending dirty texts to me. The secret flirting was fun. She seemed a little uncomfortable as she kinda clung to her co-workers on one side of the room. I know her co-workers so I made my way over to talk to them figuring it would add to the excitement of our secret flirting. Her co-workers introduced me to her since they assumed we didn't know each other. For some foolish reason I felt like I had some kind of cool George Clooney thing going on, I said "oh yeah, I think I know you, you do the marketing over there right? That christmas ad you ran last week was really good" She was kind of blushing and would not make eye contact with me. I was thinking that I liked the fact that I was making her nervous, it was like she was purposely not engaging me so no one would know about us.

Now earlier in the day I told her that I was wearing a kind of funny xmas tie and she said something like "of course you are, that what old people do". So as we're standing there with her co-workers, I felt like this super cool older guy making funny and witty comments as this young girl was all nervous and excited by my charm. Then she suddenly stepped closer to me and gently grabbed the bottom of my tie and said "I really like your tie". For some reason this completely threw me off. I'm not sure if it was the sudden change in her demeanor where she went from quiet and nervous to suddenly confident or the fact that she did the sexiest thing with her eyes as she slowly raised them from looking at my tie to looking me dead in the eyes while she displayed a boner-inducing sexy smile with just the corner of her mouth. I completely melted. It was the strangest thing, I suddenly went from George Clooney to George Costanza. Her co-workers also looked and complimented the tie. I stood there speechless, knowing that I should at least say thank you or something somewhat cool, but all I could do was make some sort of Beavis and Butthead grunt/laugh. After another awkward minute of me making weird noises, my boss called me over to introduce me to someone so I was able to get away before I did or said anything else stupid.

After a couple minutes the 22 year old walked by and said good night to me. I kinda walked away from my boss and the client he introduced me to and tried to say something charming to her but I think I said something like "yeah, have a happy christmas and stuff". She then quickly walked up close to me and whispered "I'm so horny right now, meet me at your place in 10 minutes" So I went back to my boss and said I had to leave. I then got in my car and said a little prayer thanking God and or Tebow for the kindness he has bestowed upon me. Got home and in the middle of sexy time, she got a text message from her mom telling her that there was a plate from dinner in the fridge ready for her to re-heat when she got home. I love that she appreciates the humor in that. So after finishing, I laid there smiling and exhausted as she left to go home to mommy and daddy's house.

I really think this is all a true Christmas miracle.

This would make a good episode of Parks&Recreation.

 

[kevzilla]

Zooks is living the dream. For reals.

 

[-fish-]

Had my lackey send my SS package out today. Sorry, GB, but it isn't complete.

Last part looks like it will be late.

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

I think it was that day when they discovered I was deeply entrenched in the Matrix and probably shouldn't be messed with.

I like to freak my students out by throwing out random youth-oriented pop culture references. Me: So what are you guys talking about?Kid: MW3Me: Is that like a video game or something?Kid: Yeah. Have you heard of it?Me: Not really. But I do rock the Type 95 with Silencer and Rapid Fire. Use that with Assassin Pro and Steady Aim Pro and my KDR is beast.Kid: Me: You jelly, brah?

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

I hate Zooks for thousands of billions of reasons.

 

[Samuel L Bronkowitz]

Wait, so she read the text during sexy time?