Volume 1: The Characters
Unfortunately, there is no real way to capture this succinctly and do any justice, so I’m just going to guster it up. I’ve been trying to figure out the right/best way to do this writeup, but the weekend was just like one giant honeycomb – everything interconnected and full of sweet, sweet goodness. It had the feel of a family reunion, except with a family that you like.
I think I’ll start by profiling the characters in this story. These are merely my opinions based on 3+ days of drunken haziness, so my depictions may or may not be entirely accurate. ETA – of course, in the time it took me to write this all up, Bogart chimed in on his profiles of all the guests… so now you get two view points. This is volume 1 in my recap of coshole weekend… a mere 2200 words.
Cosjobs & the Missus
These poor, poor people probably had no idea what they were getting into at this point last week. What seemed like a fun weekend with a bunch of random people getting together turned into Austin’s version of hedonism. Well, except with no strangers… Cos slipped into stern Dad mode when lecturing the young’uns about his only rule – no bringing strangers back to Albert Oaks.
They were the constant consummate hosts – if anyone ever needed anything any time, they were on it. Keeping so many people with so many different needs happy and satisfied for a long weekend like this, especially when so many of us were drunk and needy so much of the time. Hell, Cos fed us so well, that I think YSR was the least pregnant looking one of the group staying at Albert Oaks by the end of the weekend.
Uruk-Hai
Great guy… the type of guy you’d want on your side if a bar fight were to break out. He’s laid back and quiet and unassuming but seems like he’d put the hurt on anyone that messed with any of his friends. I think he might have been the most amused by all the antics that were going on the whole weekend. Keeps farmer’s hours, but that helped us get round the clock coverage

Seemed more comfortable in smaller groups, but could just sit back and tell a story like a champ. I would be off doing something stupid and look over by the bar and Uruk would just be standing there, smiling, laughing, shaking his head. He’s the sort of guy that you could see a million times in passing and recognize him and probably coin him as “flattop guy” to your friends, but the one time to stop to say him, you realize that he’s genuinely a great guy and super nice and kind and then you wish you had said hi sooner. I’m rambling (shocker), but hopefully you get it
General Malaise
I had hung out with GM previously when I took a trip to Portland a couple summers ago, so I knew what to expect here and he delivered in spades. It’s almost like his approach was that because he was only there for 2 days, he was going to squeeze a full 4 days of craziness and fun into 2 days. Anytime he was around, the energy level got turned up to 11. Super nice guy, super fun and always seemed to be the center of attention. Shtick in spades. It was sad to see him go, but I’m glad he was able to visit with his friends in Dallas too while he was in the state.
Homer J Simpson
Just like GM, I had hung out with Homer before when we were in a Cincy area magic football league together. I’m not exaggerating when I say that he’s one of the smartest people that you’ll meet. He and Tanner would make for an invincible trivia team. He’s a super nice and caring guy and was probably the most helpful of the lot. Always willing to lend a hand and help Cos out. Playing bartender for the whole group. He missed a bit of time with not feeling well (not hungover, just sick) but rallied like a complete champ on Sunday to go out on top.
Thorn
The last of the guys I had previously met. We were roomies for the weekend, well, at least when he would let me in the room. Last time I saw him, I brought the girl I was dating at the time with me and he was nice enough to let us crash on his bed while he grabbed the couch. I figured I’d be a swell guy and let him have the bed in our room and I would crash on the couch to even the score. Yeah, that backfired. I always have the best time hanging out with him. Great drinker, fun and funny guy. If you’re hanging out with Thorn, I don’t care what you’re doing, you’re going to have fun. You’re going to end up with stories to tell.
Disco Stu
The magic man. I’ve been trying to think about how to describe him… as Bogart put it, he’s not one of the “loud” guys. He sits back smiling, sipping his drink and just generally having a good, chill time. While GM may have one speed and that is pedal to the metal, Stu also seems to have one speed…chillin’. This works to his advantage with the ladies. When he walks up to a girl he doesn’t get nervous, he doesn’t become a spaz, he’s just still chill. It’s like he’s walking up to his mother to ask her how her day was today. We were talking openers with girls on Saturday night and he says he has nothing planned when he walks up to a girl, he just says what comes to mind. I’m pretty sure his blood pressure is constant no matter what he’s doing. Oh, and he’s good at random things like bocce…shocker! I really had a blast hanging out with him because I tend to be a bit high strung energy, so hanging out with someone like Stu helps to balance me out a bit.
St Louis Bob and Pepper
Bob was a bit of a surprise to me, I don’t know why. I expected him to be more high energy, full motor, go go go like GM. He was much more laid back and super approachable. Great guy to just sit and chat with. Awesome story teller and I think he had a smile on his face and a drink in his hand just about the whole weekend. The Mrs was super nice and just a great compliment to Bob. The poor thing was a bit like a wounded three legged gazelle being thrust into a cage of lions. I think every couple of hours someone went up to her and said “Wait right there, let us take a picture of you to send to Zooks” Great sport.
YSR and Romo
They were sort of the steadying force between the chill and the crazy. They each were able to easily float in and out of whichever conversation they wanted to at the time with seamless transitions. YSR struck me as the person I would most want to impress but would be most likely to disappoint. She was sweet and kind and funny and helpful and fit right in amongst the group of hooligans. Since she has the bun in the oven, she got a rather sober view of the group that the rest of us wouldn’t have (I’ll take a PM with your opinion on whether I’m as immature as Bogart painted me to be). If I had to pick one person from the whole group to be able to master a skill, any skill…doesn’t matter, it would be Romo. That dude is hypercompetitive and ultra focused. Pretty sure while he was at Coshole, he perfected cornhole, bocce, Sanskrit, basketmaking and the ancient art of Chinese face reading. Just ignore him if he tells you a bet is the lock of a lifetime though

These crazy people spent a day and a half driving to and from coshole in a 4 day span just to be there…huge props to them in my book.
UniAlias
So, I think UniAlias and I were the two youngest ones there. I had no clue about him coming in – didn’t know if he would be tall, short, skinny, fat, old, young, etc. Right off the bat I took a liking to him and he reminded me of my best friend growing up. He’s always a part of things, but never the boisterous center of attention. He’s an absolute ton of fun and I hope this isn’t the last time that we can hang out and make memories we won’t remember the next morning (nohomo). The two of us were sitting at the dining room table together on Saturday morning after a combined 6 hours of sleep, trying to force water into our systems as everyone that walked by laughed and told us how great we looked. Oh, one other Uni fact: He doesn’t smoke, except for when he drinks… he went through 3 packs of cigarettes the first night
Bogart
I feel like I should say it was a disappointment meeting Bogart after the writeup he gave me

but he’s a seriously great guy. Poor dumb ******* kept volunteering to be designated driver though. He’s another one that was a bit on the quiet side, but always seemed to be in the mix of things. He’s the sort of friend that you always want to have around because you know that they’ll help make sure you don’t do half of the dumb things you’re thinking of doing. I’m really looking forward to hearing his stories of going out because he seems like the sort of guy where the more practice he gets, the more lethal he’ll be. He might not be Bill Laimbeer or Disco Stu, but next year at this time I’m certain that Bogart will have a full arsenal of awesome lady killing stories to tell.
Kevzilla
Kev came in and walked around introduced himself as Kevin and I think everyone paused for about 30 seconds, thinking to themselves “that’s nice, why are you here? Why did you just introduce yourself to me” and then… “oh wait a sec… Kevzilla!!!” He apologized for not having the same magical space hair from earlier pictures, but if it’s not exactly like it was, it’s not terribly far behind. He was a bit older than I expected but that didn’t stop him from fitting right in with the group. He seemed to like to find his little group to fit in with and slide right in and fit with the conversation.
Bentley
My mental image of Bentley coming in was of the guy posing in the picture with his one black friend. That hasn’t really changed. He’s a bit taller and a lot skinnier than I expected, but just seemed like a great guy all around. He fit in with any group at any time and was just a funny ******* with some of his comments. He’s like every positive stereotype I had of Texans rolled into one. It was cool seeing him in “dad mode” as he brought his kids around to see all the hungover fools and they were just really respectful, well behaved kids.
Brad Buckcanon
Showed up on Saturday after some of us had already bonded on Friday, but fit right in. As Bogey mentioned, he was pure shtick personified. Was just on the ball with everything and brought lots of funny. Said he hadn’t been out partying in Austin in like 10+ years, but still somehow manage to steer us to all the right spots. Either he was exaggerating or he’s got a good memory because it sure made for a good night.
Abraham
Poor *******…pretty much everyone said “hey, you’re alright… you’re way nicer than I thought you’d be”

I was impressed that he came out, given what he’s said about his introversion and all that’s going on in his life. I’m really glad he did because he was a lot of fun. The scrip club story is a bit odd, but somehow perfect too. I think I get it if he’s anything like some of my friends that are introverted… they get to a point where they have just done enough and they’re over the social interaction and need to split.
Krista4
The best surprise of the weekend in my book. We had all seen her post about going to Atlanta for Louis CK and talked a little crap about how she could go there, but couldn't come here... wtf? A couple of us had confidence that she would still show up and put some money on it

, so when we got word from YSR that Krista was sending a surprise, my hopes were up. Needless to say, she did not disapoint. I mean, she showed up with a bottle of Pappy van Winkle...that's a hell of a way to make a first impression. As Bogart mentioned, she's as nice as can be and was super easy to talk to. Too bad she didn't make it for the whole weekend to witness all the ridiculousness... but then she would have needed to bring more Pappy
Stoner Poodle
The CosDogs were pretty cool. Two standard poodles – one beige and one black – and a tiny ankle biter of a dog that kept trying to pick a fight with the poodles. Good dogs that enjoyed the attention and I think were amused by the crowd.
Michael? And Kim
The staff at Albert Oaks. Kim was the adorable girl with short, curly brown hair. Cute little thing that was always super sweet and helpful. Michael?, her partner, had arms the size of tree trunks… just to make sure that no one had any bad ideas. They were both super nice, really accommodating and seemed to be amused by all of us for the most part.