GM's thread about nothing (18 Viewers)

[Bogart]

Made an emergency run to the grocery store last night for juice boxes with Little 'Zooks. Come out of the store to find I have a flat tire. Now I'm as handy with car stuff as GM is with Netflix or TRE is with running with a horse mask. I was still dressed from work and it was officially past Little 'Zooks bedtime and I've been dealing with some pulled muscle in my back and I have a sore throat (I'll just assume I'm not dying) I was trying to put the spare donut tire on, but he POS car jack I had was working very well (keep in mind I'm an idiot when it comes to this stuff) A girl comes walking by with her groceries and a stroller with 2 babies and she offers to have her husband help me when he gets there to pick her up. I told her no but she was insistent and then she asked to use my phone because her's wasn't charged. She calls the husband and I hear her say "we're ready, come get us, oh and when you get here get your jack out of the car and help this nice guy change his tire, he's in a suit and tie and he's getting dirty and he has his little son with him". So the husband pulls up and immediately gets his jack out tells me that he'll change the tire (I guess he could tell I was an idiot) He coudln't have been more than 25 years old. HIs car was a piece of junk and overall I was guessing this young family with one car was probably not doing great financially.

He mentioned that he just got out of work and I notice his shirt says a local cleaning company which I happen to know the owner. So I told him I was gonna call his boss and tell him what a great person he has working for him. At first he says, no don't do that, then he says, well ok my name is Justin. Meanwhile the wife is entertaining her babies and listening to Little 'Zooks tell her a story about how he won a fart contest in school today. I kinda stood there thinking about how nice these people were and if I would've done the same thing. I thought I wanted to do something else for them, and I thought "what would SLB do"... So I said to them "these are the times I wished I carred around Panera gift cards". They were shuked. I asked them where they like to go out to eat and the wife said they don't really ever go out to eat. I told them I was gonna get them a gift card to a nice restaurant. The husband said no and not to bother but the wife said "someplace nice? Like Olive Gardnen?" I said "I was thinking Arby's"... again they were shuked. I told them I was kidding but I'd get them something. The husband wouldn't give in at first, but finally he gave me his address. I just got off the phone with the kid's boss and told him what a great employee he has working for him and at lunch I'm gonna get an Olive Garden gift card for them and a Toys R Us gift card for their kids. This seems like something SLB would do, so I figure its the right thing to do.

This is really awesome.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

This seems like something SLB would do, so I figure its the right thing to do.

And a tasty way to do it.

 

[UOFI_316]

What is the name of the little electronic thingy people were putting above the ceiling tiles that talks??

 

[GAlmgren]

What is the name of the little electronic thingy people were putting above the ceiling tiles that talks??

Eviltron? Good not only for scaring your wife and kids, but also for seriously pissing your mother off.

 

[UOFI_316]

What is the name of the little electronic thingy people were putting above the ceiling tiles that talks??

Eviltron? Good not only for scaring your wife and kids, but also for seriously pissing your mother off.

Thanks, we have a loud talker who is coming back into the office next week and want to drive him crazy.

 

[Limp Ditka]

Made an emergency run to the grocery store last night for juice boxes with Little 'Zooks. Come out of the store to find I have a flat tire. Now I'm as handy with car stuff as GM is with Netflix or TRE is with running with a horse mask. I was still dressed from work and it was officially past Little 'Zooks bedtime and I've been dealing with some pulled muscle in my back and I have a sore throat (I'll just assume I'm not dying) I was trying to put the spare donut tire on, but he POS car jack I had was working very well (keep in mind I'm an idiot when it comes to this stuff) A girl comes walking by with her groceries and a stroller with 2 babies and she offers to have her husband help me when he gets there to pick her up. I told her no but she was insistent and then she asked to use my phone because her's wasn't charged. She calls the husband and I hear her say "we're ready, come get us, oh and when you get here get your jack out of the car and help this nice guy change his tire, he's in a suit and tie and he's getting dirty and he has his little son with him". So the husband pulls up and immediately gets his jack out tells me that he'll change the tire (I guess he could tell I was an idiot) He coudln't have been more than 25 years old. HIs car was a piece of junk and overall I was guessing this young family with one car was probably not doing great financially.

He mentioned that he just got out of work and I notice his shirt says a local cleaning company which I happen to know the owner. So I told him I was gonna call his boss and tell him what a great person he has working for him. At first he says, no don't do that, then he says, well ok my name is Justin. Meanwhile the wife is entertaining her babies and listening to Little 'Zooks tell her a story about how he won a fart contest in school today. I kinda stood there thinking about how nice these people were and if I would've done the same thing. I thought I wanted to do something else for them, and I thought "what would SLB do"... So I said to them "these are the times I wished I carred around Panera gift cards". They were shuked. I asked them where they like to go out to eat and the wife said they don't really ever go out to eat. I told them I was gonna get them a gift card to a nice restaurant. The husband said no and not to bother but the wife said "someplace nice? Like Olive Gardnen?" I said "I was thinking Arby's"... again they were shuked. I told them I was kidding but I'd get them something. The husband wouldn't give in at first, but finally he gave me his address. I just got off the phone with the kid's boss and told him what a great employee he has working for him and at lunch I'm gonna get an Olive Garden gift card for them and a Toys R Us gift card for their kids. This seems like something SLB would do, so I figure its the right thing to do.

This is really awesome.

Missed this in my 'woe was me, I know dying people' moment of angst and despair

WWSLBD

 

[cosjobs]

I met with a tattoo artist recommended by a guy at my gym. Very intelligent and talented woman. After 20 minutes of conversation I knew she was the artist I wanted. We talked about me getting a half-sleeve on my right forearm of (guess) a phoenix. While I really want to get it, I learned two things that bummed me out -

1. It's going to take around 12 hours, broken up into 3 hour sessions. You have to wait 3 weeks between sessions for healing, so the whole thing would take around four months. So if I got it done now, I'd be unable to sun and swim all summer. No can do.

2. For full color work, she charges between $100-150 an hour, so realistically I'm looking at around $400 per session and $1200 total. We're tying to save for a downpayment on a house, so the prospects of me getting this are slim. :( I'm looking for a second job for some steady extra income, either bartending or working in a bookstore or library work. If I find something, maybe I can swing this, but it's looking doubtful.

Rob a liquor store

Use teh cash for the house down payment

Have your new roommate a the DoC do your tattoo

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I met with a tattoo artist recommended by a guy at my gym. Very intelligent and talented woman. After 20 minutes of conversation I knew she was the artist I wanted. We talked about me getting a half-sleeve on my right forearm of (guess) a phoenix. While I really want to get it, I learned two things that bummed me out -

1. It's going to take around 12 hours, broken up into 3 hour sessions. You have to wait 3 weeks between sessions for healing, so the whole thing would take around four months. So if I got it done now, I'd be unable to sun and swim all summer. No can do.

2. For full color work, she charges between $100-150 an hour, so realistically I'm looking at around $400 per session and $1200 total. We're tying to save for a downpayment on a house, so the prospects of me getting this are slim. :( I'm looking for a second job for some steady extra income, either bartending or working in a bookstore or library work. If I find something, maybe I can swing this, but it's looking doubtful.

Rob a liquor store

Use teh cash for the house down payment

Have your new roommate a the DoC do your tattoo

Legit prison tat's gotta pretty much be the pinnacle for a hipster, no?

 

[-fish-]

Used the phrase "give the baby its bottle" in a motion today, referring to opposing counsel. I never really expected to be quoting Homer Simpson in legal briefs when I went to law school.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Used the phrase "give the baby its bottle" in a motion today, referring to opposing counsel. I never really expected to be quoting Homer Simpson in legal briefs when I went to law school.

Unpack?

 

[Captain Quinoa]

Why do people put their email address in their email signature?

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Used the phrase "give the baby its bottle" in a motion today, referring to opposing counsel. I never really expected to be quoting Homer Simpson in legal briefs when I went to law school.

 

[-fish-]

Why do people put their email address in their email signature?

Had this discussion a few weeks ago when I joined this firm and everyone had a different signature. I told them it looked like crap.

One of the things we ditched was the email address in the signature--but one paralegal said she liked them because if you were trying to pick one person out of an email string that involved a bunch of people, it was an easy way to do it. She lost.

 

[-fish-]

Used the phrase "give the baby its bottle" in a motion today, referring to opposing counsel. I never really expected to be quoting Homer Simpson in legal briefs when I went to law school.

Unpack?

Homer Simpson is a fictional character in an animated series. Sometimes he says funny things.

 

[General Malaise]

This seems like something SLB would do, so I figure its the right thing to do.

And a tasty way to do it.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Used the phrase "give the baby its bottle" in a motion today, referring to opposing counsel. I never really expected to be quoting Homer Simpson in legal briefs when I went to law school.

Unpack?

Homer Simpson is a fictional character in an animated series. Sometimes he says funny things.

And this was one of those funny things?

 

[General Malaise]

Made an emergency run to the grocery store last night for juice boxes with Little 'Zooks. Come out of the store to find I have a flat tire. Now I'm as handy with car stuff as GM is with Netflix or TRE is with running with a horse mask. I was still dressed from work and it was officially past Little 'Zooks bedtime and I've been dealing with some pulled muscle in my back and I have a sore throat (I'll just assume I'm not dying) I was trying to put the spare donut tire on, but he POS car jack I had was working very well (keep in mind I'm an idiot when it comes to this stuff) A girl comes walking by with her groceries and a stroller with 2 babies and she offers to have her husband help me when he gets there to pick her up. I told her no but she was insistent and then she asked to use my phone because her's wasn't charged. She calls the husband and I hear her say "we're ready, come get us, oh and when you get here get your jack out of the car and help this nice guy change his tire, he's in a suit and tie and he's getting dirty and he has his little son with him". So the husband pulls up and immediately gets his jack out tells me that he'll change the tire (I guess he could tell I was an idiot) He coudln't have been more than 25 years old. HIs car was a piece of junk and overall I was guessing this young family with one car was probably not doing great financially.

He mentioned that he just got out of work and I notice his shirt says a local cleaning company which I happen to know the owner. So I told him I was gonna call his boss and tell him what a great person he has working for him. At first he says, no don't do that, then he says, well ok my name is Justin. Meanwhile the wife is entertaining her babies and listening to Little 'Zooks tell her a story about how he won a fart contest in school today. I kinda stood there thinking about how nice these people were and if I would've done the same thing. I thought I wanted to do something else for them, and I thought "what would SLB do"... So I said to them "these are the times I wished I carred around Panera gift cards". They were shuked. I asked them where they like to go out to eat and the wife said they don't really ever go out to eat. I told them I was gonna get them a gift card to a nice restaurant. The husband said no and not to bother but the wife said "someplace nice? Like Olive Gardnen?" I said "I was thinking Arby's"... again they were shuked. I told them I was kidding but I'd get them something. The husband wouldn't give in at first, but finally he gave me his address. I just got off the phone with the kid's boss and told him what a great employee he has working for him and at lunch I'm gonna get an Olive Garden gift card for them and a Toys R Us gift card for their kids. This seems like something SLB would do, so I figure its the right thing to do.

This is really awesome.

I'm perhaps moderately better at fixing flat tires than I am installing Netflix (though that doesn't stop me from calling AAA whenever I do encounter a flat) so when I happened upon a mother at my sons' school who had a flat with no AAA, no idea how to fix it and a deadline to pick her young child up from daycare, it was GMs turn at bat for hero. In my very best George Costanza as Marine Biologist manner, I pulled out all the necessary parts from her trunk (non euphemism) and began putting on the spare. Now this was an unusually hot September day for Portland and since everybody knows one another at this school, a rather good sized crowd of other mothers gathered to watch the fat, white guy dressed in slacks struggle with the jack, sweating like Michael Jordan in the 4th Q of a playoff game. It was pick-up time at school, so my sons, their sons and other kids began to join the crowd and suddenly, I felt all eyes upon me. And when I realized that i was jacking up her Honda in the wrong spot (again, no euphemism), slightly bending her car's frame in the process, I quickly and quietly tried to adjust the jack to the right spot before anybody could notice. Of course, it took all of 2 seconds before my know-it-all son said "Hey dad, did you just dent her car with that thing?"

Fortunately, the damage to her car was very minimal and she didn't really even care/notice. Was just relieved to get her spare tire on so she could get on her way. She even dropped a bottle of nice wine off to me later that week. All the other moms told my wife about it, so that was good too. It was, perhaps, my finest hour.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

HOW DO YOU GUYS NOT KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A TIRE???

 

[UOFI_316]

Made an emergency run to the grocery store last night for juice boxes with Little 'Zooks. Come out of the store to find I have a flat tire. Now I'm as handy with car stuff as GM is with Netflix or TRE is with running with a horse mask. I was still dressed from work and it was officially past Little 'Zooks bedtime and I've been dealing with some pulled muscle in my back and I have a sore throat (I'll just assume I'm not dying) I was trying to put the spare donut tire on, but he POS car jack I had was working very well (keep in mind I'm an idiot when it comes to this stuff) A girl comes walking by with her groceries and a stroller with 2 babies and she offers to have her husband help me when he gets there to pick her up. I told her no but she was insistent and then she asked to use my phone because her's wasn't charged. She calls the husband and I hear her say "we're ready, come get us, oh and when you get here get your jack out of the car and help this nice guy change his tire, he's in a suit and tie and he's getting dirty and he has his little son with him". So the husband pulls up and immediately gets his jack out tells me that he'll change the tire (I guess he could tell I was an idiot) He coudln't have been more than 25 years old. HIs car was a piece of junk and overall I was guessing this young family with one car was probably not doing great financially.

He mentioned that he just got out of work and I notice his shirt says a local cleaning company which I happen to know the owner. So I told him I was gonna call his boss and tell him what a great person he has working for him. At first he says, no don't do that, then he says, well ok my name is Justin. Meanwhile the wife is entertaining her babies and listening to Little 'Zooks tell her a story about how he won a fart contest in school today. I kinda stood there thinking about how nice these people were and if I would've done the same thing. I thought I wanted to do something else for them, and I thought "what would SLB do"... So I said to them "these are the times I wished I carred around Panera gift cards". They were shuked. I asked them where they like to go out to eat and the wife said they don't really ever go out to eat. I told them I was gonna get them a gift card to a nice restaurant. The husband said no and not to bother but the wife said "someplace nice? Like Olive Gardnen?" I said "I was thinking Arby's"... again they were shuked. I told them I was kidding but I'd get them something. The husband wouldn't give in at first, but finally he gave me his address. I just got off the phone with the kid's boss and told him what a great employee he has working for him and at lunch I'm gonna get an Olive Garden gift card for them and a Toys R Us gift card for their kids. This seems like something SLB would do, so I figure its the right thing to do.

This is really awesome.

I'm perhaps moderately better at fixing flat tires than I am installing Netflix (though that doesn't stop me from calling AAA whenever I do encounter a flat) so when I happened upon a mother at my sons' school who had a flat with no AAA, no idea how to fix it and a deadline to pick her young child up from daycare, it was GMs turn at bat for hero. In my very best George Costanza as Marine Biologist manner, I pulled out all the necessary parts from her trunk (non euphemism) and began putting on the spare. Now this was an unusually hot September day for Portland and since everybody knows one another at this school, a rather good sized crowd of other mothers gathered to watch the fat, white guy dressed in slacks struggle with the jack, sweating like Michael Jordan in the 4th Q of a playoff game. It was pick-up time at school, so my sons, their sons and other kids began to join the crowd and suddenly, I felt all eyes upon me. And when I realized that i was jacking up her Honda in the wrong spot (again, no euphemism), slightly bending her car's frame in the process, I quickly and quietly tried to adjust the jack to the right spot before anybody could notice. Of course, it took all of 2 seconds before my know-it-all son said "Hey dad, did you just dent her car with that thing?"

Fortunately, the damage to her car was very minimal and she didn't really even care/notice. Was just relieved to get her spare tire on so she could get on her way. She even dropped a bottle of nice wine off to me later that week. All the other moms told my wife about it, so that was good too. It was, perhaps, my finest hour.

No offense, but I don't think you bent the frame of the car with a jack. Not that I am doubting the super strength that must come when one lacks any skin pigment. Perhaps you bent the quarter panel because you were not jacking on the frame.

I always thought replacing a tire was something that was just part of our DNA, like breathing.

 

[Limp Ditka]

. Not that I am doubting the super strength that must come when one lacks any skin pigment.

 

[General Malaise]

Made an emergency run to the grocery store last night for juice boxes with Little 'Zooks. Come out of the store to find I have a flat tire. Now I'm as handy with car stuff as GM is with Netflix or TRE is with running with a horse mask. I was still dressed from work and it was officially past Little 'Zooks bedtime and I've been dealing with some pulled muscle in my back and I have a sore throat (I'll just assume I'm not dying) I was trying to put the spare donut tire on, but he POS car jack I had was working very well (keep in mind I'm an idiot when it comes to this stuff) A girl comes walking by with her groceries and a stroller with 2 babies and she offers to have her husband help me when he gets there to pick her up. I told her no but she was insistent and then she asked to use my phone because her's wasn't charged. She calls the husband and I hear her say "we're ready, come get us, oh and when you get here get your jack out of the car and help this nice guy change his tire, he's in a suit and tie and he's getting dirty and he has his little son with him". So the husband pulls up and immediately gets his jack out tells me that he'll change the tire (I guess he could tell I was an idiot) He coudln't have been more than 25 years old. HIs car was a piece of junk and overall I was guessing this young family with one car was probably not doing great financially.

He mentioned that he just got out of work and I notice his shirt says a local cleaning company which I happen to know the owner. So I told him I was gonna call his boss and tell him what a great person he has working for him. At first he says, no don't do that, then he says, well ok my name is Justin. Meanwhile the wife is entertaining her babies and listening to Little 'Zooks tell her a story about how he won a fart contest in school today. I kinda stood there thinking about how nice these people were and if I would've done the same thing. I thought I wanted to do something else for them, and I thought "what would SLB do"... So I said to them "these are the times I wished I carred around Panera gift cards". They were shuked. I asked them where they like to go out to eat and the wife said they don't really ever go out to eat. I told them I was gonna get them a gift card to a nice restaurant. The husband said no and not to bother but the wife said "someplace nice? Like Olive Gardnen?" I said "I was thinking Arby's"... again they were shuked. I told them I was kidding but I'd get them something. The husband wouldn't give in at first, but finally he gave me his address. I just got off the phone with the kid's boss and told him what a great employee he has working for him and at lunch I'm gonna get an Olive Garden gift card for them and a Toys R Us gift card for their kids. This seems like something SLB would do, so I figure its the right thing to do.

This is really awesome.

I'm perhaps moderately better at fixing flat tires than I am installing Netflix (though that doesn't stop me from calling AAA whenever I do encounter a flat) so when I happened upon a mother at my sons' school who had a flat with no AAA, no idea how to fix it and a deadline to pick her young child up from daycare, it was GMs turn at bat for hero. In my very best George Costanza as Marine Biologist manner, I pulled out all the necessary parts from her trunk (non euphemism) and began putting on the spare. Now this was an unusually hot September day for Portland and since everybody knows one another at this school, a rather good sized crowd of other mothers gathered to watch the fat, white guy dressed in slacks struggle with the jack, sweating like Michael Jordan in the 4th Q of a playoff game. It was pick-up time at school, so my sons, their sons and other kids began to join the crowd and suddenly, I felt all eyes upon me. And when I realized that i was jacking up her Honda in the wrong spot (again, no euphemism), slightly bending her car's frame in the process, I quickly and quietly tried to adjust the jack to the right spot before anybody could notice. Of course, it took all of 2 seconds before my know-it-all son said "Hey dad, did you just dent her car with that thing?"

Fortunately, the damage to her car was very minimal and she didn't really even care/notice. Was just relieved to get her spare tire on so she could get on her way. She even dropped a bottle of nice wine off to me later that week. All the other moms told my wife about it, so that was good too. It was, perhaps, my finest hour.

No offense, but I don't think you bent the frame of the car with a jack. Not that I am doubting the super strength that must come when one lacks any skin pigment. Perhaps you bent the quarter panel because you were not jacking on the frame.

I always thought replacing a tire was something that was just part of our DNA, like breathing.

Yeah, I, uh....I think that's what I meant.

 

[General Malaise]

. Not that I am doubting the super strength that must come when one lacks any skin pigment.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

HAY FULLAR: YA BEEN HERE YET?

 

[General Malaise]

Hey, how come when I try to quote Disco Stu's post about the crazy chick that FB messaged him it says: "you have posted more than your allotment of images" or some such. It won't let me quote his post. That's weird. What's the deal with that?

Also, fabulous skin, Stu.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Damn. So sorry GBLD. :(

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Hey, how come when I try to quote Disco Stu's post about the crazy chick that FB messaged him it says: "you have posted more than your allotment of images" or some such. It won't let me quote his post. That's weird. What's the deal with that?

Also, fabulous skin, Stu.

It did that to me the other day too and there were zero images in the post.

 

[Crazy Canuck]

I met with a tattoo artist recommended by a guy at my gym. Very intelligent and talented woman. After 20 minutes of conversation I knew she was the artist I wanted. We talked about me getting a half-sleeve on my right forearm of (guess) a phoenix. While I really want to get it, I learned two things that bummed me out -

1. It's going to take around 12 hours, broken up into 3 hour sessions. You have to wait 3 weeks between sessions for healing, so the whole thing would take around four months. So if I got it done now, I'd be unable to sun and swim all summer. No can do.

2. For full color work, she charges between $100-150 an hour, so realistically I'm looking at around $400 per session and $1200 total. We're tying to save for a downpayment on a house, so the prospects of me getting this are slim. :( I'm looking for a second job for some steady extra income, either bartending or working in a bookstore or library work. If I find something, maybe I can swing this, but it's looking doubtful.

Rob a liquor store

Use teh cash for the house down payment

Have your new roommate a the DoC do your tattoo

GENIUS!@##

 

[Crazy Canuck]

I've said it before, I'm saying it again: this new software is going to implode the board in August.

 

[Aaron Rudnicki]

I've said it before, I'm saying it again: this new software is going to implode the board in August.

I didn't realize you were an IT expert.

 

[General Malaise]

I've said it before, I'm saying it again: this new software is going to implode the board in August.

I didn't realize you were an IT expert.

He puts the IT in lit.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

I met with a tattoo artist recommended by a guy at my gym. Very intelligent and talented woman. After 20 minutes of conversation I knew she was the artist I wanted. We talked about me getting a half-sleeve on my right forearm of (guess) a phoenix. While I really want to get it, I learned two things that bummed me out - 1. It's going to take around 12 hours, broken up into 3 hour sessions. You have to wait 3 weeks between sessions for healing, so the whole thing would take around four months. So if I got it done now, I'd be unable to sun and swim all summer. No can do. 2. For full color work, she charges between $100-150 an hour, so realistically I'm looking at around $400 per session and $1200 total. We're tying to save for a downpayment on a house, so the prospects of me getting this are slim. :( I'm looking for a second job for some steady extra income, either bartending or working in a bookstore or library work. If I find something, maybe I can swing this, but it's looking doubtful.

Rob a liquor storeUse teh cash for the house down paymentHave your new roommate a the DoC do your tattoo

GENIUS!@##

And while you're in the pokey, I'll swing upstate every once in a while and, ummmm...you know, "check in" on the missus. Make sure she's ok.

 

[Crazy Canuck]

I've said it before, I'm saying it again: this new software is going to implode the board in August.

I didn't realize you were an IT expert.

Oh well now you do.

 

[Disco Stu]

Hey, how come when I try to quote Disco Stu's post about the crazy chick that FB messaged him it says: "you have posted more than your allotment of images" or some such. It won't let me quote his post. That's weird. What's the deal with that?

Also, fabulous skin, Stu.

Most tried to reply but couldn't because it was a boring story. So I appreciate the effort GBGM.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I don't know if we have rankings for Stadium DJs (Urbanhack - little help?) or not, but I've never suffered through more obnoxious audio pollution than I did tonight trying to watch Spurs/Warriors. The place is pretty loud with an OT game; is it really necessary to crank up the sound system to 11, especially when the song rotation includes "La Vida Loca"?

The PA guy in D.C. the other night was playing King Diamond between face-offs."Let me help you, out of the chair.... G-G-Grandmaaaaa !!!!"

I fapped.

Also, I had 8 Krystals with cheese for lunch, just farted, and my entire office reeks like a sulfur spring. It smells like my wife jammed a half-dozen hard boiled eggs up my #ss a week ago. I'm sitting here praying no female employees need me for the next 10-15 minutes. So there's that.

Bye.

Seems like you could use this, gb.

 

[General Malaise]

I don't know if we have rankings for Stadium DJs (Urbanhack - little help?) or not, but I've never suffered through more obnoxious audio pollution than I did tonight trying to watch Spurs/Warriors. The place is pretty loud with an OT game; is it really necessary to crank up the sound system to 11, especially when the song rotation includes "La Vida Loca"?

The PA guy in D.C. the other night was playing King Diamond between face-offs."Let me help you, out of the chair.... G-G-Grandmaaaaa !!!!"

I fapped.

Also, I had 8 Krystals with cheese for lunch, just farted, and my entire office reeks like a sulfur spring. It smells like my wife jammed a half-dozen hard boiled eggs up my #ss a week ago. I'm sitting here praying no female employees need me for the next 10-15 minutes. So there's that.

Bye.

Seems like you could use this, gb.

Oh holy f'n ship, we HAVE that.

My sons were given $20 to buy whatever they wanted in Maui before leaving to go back home. This was 2008. One son bought a shark tooth necklace and something else Hawaii related. The other? He bought the Fart Alert Construction Sign. I wonder where that is? I took it into work once and hid it in the bathroom.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I don't know if we have rankings for Stadium DJs (Urbanhack - little help?) or not, but I've never suffered through more obnoxious audio pollution than I did tonight trying to watch Spurs/Warriors. The place is pretty loud with an OT game; is it really necessary to crank up the sound system to 11, especially when the song rotation includes "La Vida Loca"?

The PA guy in D.C. the other night was playing King Diamond between face-offs."Let me help you, out of the chair.... G-G-Grandmaaaaa !!!!"

I fapped.

Also, I had 8 Krystals with cheese for lunch, just farted, and my entire office reeks like a sulfur spring. It smells like my wife jammed a half-dozen hard boiled eggs up my #ss a week ago. I'm sitting here praying no female employees need me for the next 10-15 minutes. So there's that.

Bye.

Seems like you could use this, gb.

Oh holy f'n ship, we HAVE that.

My sons were given $20 to buy whatever they wanted in Maui before leaving to go back home. This was 2008. One son bought a shark tooth necklace and something else Hawaii related. The other? He bought the Fart Alert Construction Sign. I wonder where that is? I took it into work once and hid it in the bathroom.

The straight one, I assume.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Last night after our dinner sunset cruise I decided to make a half assed attempt to locate my sister. So we headed down to the beach and started talking to some locals. These guys are sitting at a park bench and I tell them why we are there. Older all jacked up guy says he knows her, give him a hundred and he'll tell me where she is. Yeah, okay. I offered him two smokes instead which he happily accepted. He then repeated my description of her back verbatim as if he knew her. He then claims to get this superior knowledge because he was an MP in the air Force. I ask him what division and he goes ballastic. "GET THE MOTHER#### OUT OF HERE!! WE DONT WANT YOU HERE!!!" Mrs. SLB starts squeezeing my hand hard I look at him, smile, and say "nah, I plan on staying awhile." Then I sat down and stretched out. Told him to calm the #### down. Which he did. Smoked a cig and finally left. Crazy.

 

[phishphan]

HAY FULLAR: YA BEEN HERE YET?

No. I usually go to funny, aww, bostonterrier, pics and all the rest are NSFW. reddit consumes about 4-5 hours of every workday it seems.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I really hope CYP finds his bio-family.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I really hope CYP finds his bio-family.

Nobody needs a positive role model more than him.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

HOW DO YOU GUYS NOT KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A TIRE???

x1,000,000

 

[Frostillicus]

One time I came out of a store and this young woman was crying and had a flat tire and seemed pretty upset. I offered to change her tire and did so without incident in about fifteen minutes. THE END.

TPW to Limpy. I still hope the White Sox lose every game.

 

[Gadzooks]

HOW DO YOU GUYS NOT KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A TIRE???

x1,000,000

I can't really do Netflix either. Mother of God, I'm like a dark skinned GM!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I really hope CYP finds his bio-family.

Nobody needs a positive role model more than him.

I don't really have a notebook on this guy.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

I really hope CYP finds his bio-family.

Nobody needs a positive role model more than him.

I don't really have a notebook on this guy.

I haven't been in that thread, but didn't he have another thread about a meeting where he got fired?

 

[Idiot Boxer]

I really hope CYP finds his bio-family.

Nobody needs a positive role model more than him.

I don't really have a notebook on this guy.

Play more werewolf.

 

[BRONG]

Last night after our dinner sunset cruise I decided to make a half assed attempt to locate my sister. So we headed down to the beach and started talking to some locals. These guys are sitting at a park bench and I tell them why we are there. Older all jacked up guy says he knows her, give him a hundred and he'll tell me where she is. Yeah, okay. I offered him two smokes instead which he happily accepted. He then repeated my description of her back verbatim as if he knew her. He then claims to get this superior knowledge because he was an MP in the air Force. I ask him what division and he goes ballastic. "GET THE MOTHER#### OUT OF HERE!! WE DONT WANT YOU HERE!!!" Mrs. SLB starts squeezeing my hand hard I look at him, smile, and say "nah, I plan on staying awhile." Then I sat down and stretched out. Told him to calm the #### down. Which he did. Smoked a cig and finally left. Crazy.

I bet I could find her.

 

[Thorn]

One time I came out of a store and this young woman was crying and had a flat tire and seemed pretty upset. I offered to change her tire and did so without incident in about fifteen minutes. THE END.

TPW to Limpy. I still hope the White Sox lose every game.

One time a senior lawyer called me into his office and shut the door, which is uncommon practice around here unless there's a firing or a bonus. He proceeded to ask me to accompany him to the parking garage and change his tire for him since he didn't know how and didn't want anyone else to know. I changed the tire without incident in fourteen minutes. BOOM.

And sorry to LD :(

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I really hope CYP finds his bio-family.

Nobody needs a positive role model more than him.

I don't really have a notebook on this guy.

Play more werewolf.

Go crap in your hat.

 

[-fish-]

I had my wisdom teeth removed when I was about 21-22. They had me in a recovery room after, but apparently not long enough as when I was exiting to the parking garage I fell down a flight of stairs because I was still out of it. My mom was driving me home and got a flat. I changed her tire on the side of a freeway, drugged up and bloody.

What the hell is wrong with you people?