GM's thread about nothing (49 Viewers)

[Homer J Simpson]

Hey, look who's being productive!!!

 

[DA RAIDERS]

Hey, look who's being productive!!!

better take a break. And congrats.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Hey, look who's being productive!!!

better take a break. And congrats.

I need a nap.

 

[Gadzooks]

Kids are the worst.

Little Zooks wakes up at 230 and throws up. Did same thing a week ago. I wouldn't mind except he just seems to refuse to puke in the toilet and I end up cleaning #### all night. I'm not sure why he avoids the toilet, maybe he's just so exhausted and confused or he just might be an A hole. Last week he did it in my room and got it in and on a pair if my shoes. Tonight it was just in bathroom on floor, some towels and shower curtain.

I'm going to start wearing double condoms to avoi;d having anymore terrorist children. the #### warts don't scare me, but children do.

 

[El Floppo]

"Big Bad John" by Jimmy Dean.

Precinct cops were nice. Let my gf bring me dinner. Cobble Hill isn't exactly experiencing crime waves, I was the only transfer. Instead of sending me to Central Booking I went to some jail down in Sunset Park under the BQE so I could have my own cell. Got arraigned the next day, out by mid-morning. I remembered getting asked "what the #### did you do" by basically every cop I met during the 17 hours I was detained.

Couple months later I went to a community court in Red Hook to work out a plea. The WSJ reporters kept calling me, wanted me to fight it and sue the city. I just wanted it in the rear view mirror. Community service was cleaning a rec center for a couple hours on a Saturday. Record was sealed, then expunged.

Ah... so no Tombs for you... god thing.

 

[El Floppo]

Keep at it shuke. You're doing the best. Tpw with your daughter tomorrow.

Thanks. I don't know, I really didn't show a lot of patience today. Then he started freaking out when I told him we were going to try again tomorrow, and the day after that.

I really should have tried more when he was younger.

Taking the trainng wheels off next week (5 y.o.). Think we're going to practice on the bb court for awhile.GL w/ your girl tomorrow.

Gl w the daughter Shuke.

Sounds like we have similar kids. My almost 7yo son is a freaking genius, but terrified of trying new things and was always afraid or not interested in things with wheels. Trikes, scooters, push bikes... whatever. We'd buy them, and he'd actively ignore them. But yeah, we never pushed any of them too hard. Ride a bike? This kid can't even ride a trike. I keep calling him "moron", but that doesn't seem to help either.

Almost 3 yo daughter learned how to drive British stick shift over the weekend. (Not euphemism Homer )

 

[BobbyLayne]

"Big Bad John" by Jimmy Dean.

Precinct cops were nice. Let my gf bring me dinner. Cobble Hill isn't exactly experiencing crime waves, I was the only transfer. Instead of sending me to Central Booking I went to some jail down in Sunset Park under the BQE so I could have my own cell. Got arraigned the next day, out by mid-morning. I remembered getting asked "what the #### did you do" by basically every cop I met during the 17 hours I was detained.

Couple months later I went to a community court in Red Hook to work out a plea. The WSJ reporters kept calling me, wanted me to fight it and sue the city. I just wanted it in the rear view mirror. Community service was cleaning a rec center for a couple hours on a Saturday. Record was sealed, then expunged.

Ah... so no Tombs for you... god thing.

 

[Abraham]

 

[Henry Ford]

I went to my trash can to throw something away before the truck came to empty it, and someone had taken about half of my trash. Primarily scrap metal from an old grill I found and broke down and turned into a service bar for out back of my house.

 

[Guster]

Pretty sure this means we can spend today coming up with fictitious reasons -fish- got arrested...

 

[5-ish Finkle]

I went to my trash can to throw something away before the truck came to empty it, and someone had taken about half of my trash. Primarily scrap metal from an old grill I found and broke down and turned into a service bar for out back of my house.

One man's trash....is some hobo's new terlet.

 

[Guster]

Solicitation of an undercover officer

 

[Guster]

Unpaid parking tickets

 

[Guster]

Trespassing when trying to rescue a kitten stuck in a tree

 

[Guster]

Texting while driving

 

[Homer J Simpson]

One of his hobbies is falconry, and he took the opportunity the long weekend provided to begin training a new bird. It did not go well.

But on the bright side, most of the injured nuns are expected to make a full recovery.

 

[Henry Ford]

I went to my trash can to throw something away before the truck came to empty it, and someone had taken about half of my trash. Primarily scrap metal from an old grill I found and broke down and turned into a service bar for out back of my house.

One man's trash....is some hobo's new terlet.

I live on a dead end street. In a rural area. Pretty sure the crazy neighbor down the street rooted through dog feces and vomitto steal the rusted out lid of an old gas grill

 

[Henry Ford]

practicing law without a license

 

[kevzilla]

Would be even more awesome if Knuckles was involved.

 

[heckmanm]

"Telstar" by The Tornadoes for me

 

[BobbyLayne]

Fishing without a license

The DNR is SeriousBusiness®

 

[GroveDiesel]

Defiling a corpse

 

[Annyong]

Farting in a mason jar and throwing it at someone.

 

[Henry Ford]

Defiling a corpse

Weekend At Bernie's 3: Memorial Day Weekend

 

[Captain Quinoa]

Urinating in public.

On a corpse.

 

[Captain Quinoa]

Or on a campfire.

 

[GroveDiesel]

Illegally importing baby elephants...in his pants.

 

[Captain Quinoa]

Discharging a firearm within city limits

 

[Henry Ford]

Illegally importing baby elephants...in his pants.

"And what is your defense, Mr. fish?"

"Your honor, that wasn't a baby elephant. I was just happy to see him."

 

[Henry Ford]

Theft of a sexual device costing more than $500.00

 

[Captain Quinoa]

A salt with a deadly pepa

 

[Henry Ford]

Littering.

With the body of a dead hooker.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Mr. krista used his BGE for the first time yesterday. I think if it were legal in this state he would leave me and marry it.

Stupid laws.

 

[-fish-]

Illegal marriage to smoker

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Illegal marriage to smoker

 

[-fish-]

Jail served cake for breakfast.

Another tip: since you can only make collect calls, memorize a phone number of someone other than your ex wife.

 

[Henry Ford]

Jail served cake for breakfast.

Another tip: since you can only make collect calls, memorize a phone number of someone other than your ex wife.

That does seem like a good tip. I'd love to hear the story of how you figured that out.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Keep at it shuke. You're doing the best. Tpw with your daughter tomorrow.

Thanks. I don't know, I really didn't show a lot of patience today. Then he started freaking out when I told him we were going to try again tomorrow, and the day after that.

I really should have tried more when he was younger.

http://www.bhg.com/health-family/activities/games/how-to-learn-to-ride-a-bike-in-15-minutes/

 

[-fish-]

Jail served cake for breakfast.

Another tip: since you can only make collect calls, memorize a phone number of someone other than your ex wife.

That does seem like a good tip. I'd love to hear the story of how you figured that out.

Not a very interesting story. My ex-wife used all of my allotted phone time yelling at me when I called her from jail.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

One of his hobbies is falconry, and he took the opportunity the long weekend provided to begin training a new bird. It did not go well.

But on the bright side, most of the injured nuns are expected to make a full recovery.

Would be even more awesome if Knuckles was involved.

Fishing without a license

The DNR is SeriousBusiness®

Defiling a corpse

Farting in a mason jar and throwing it at someone.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Jail served cake for breakfast.

Another tip: since you can only make collect calls, memorize a phone number of someone other than your ex wife.

That does seem like a good tip. I'd love to hear the story of how you figured that out.

Not a very interesting story. My ex-wife used all of my allotted phone time yelling at me when I called her from jail.

STOP PLAYING PET RESCUE AND JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED, ASHLEIGH!

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Kids are the worst.

Little Zooks wakes up at 230 and throws up. Did same thing a week ago. I wouldn't mind except he just seems to refuse to puke in the toilet and I end up cleaning #### all night. I'm not sure why he avoids the toilet, maybe he's just so exhausted and confused or he just might be an A hole. Last week he did it in my room and got it in and on a pair if my shoes. Tonight it was just in bathroom on floor, some towels and shower curtain.

I'm going to start wearing double condoms to avoi;d having anymore terrorist children. the #### warts don't scare me, but children do.

My wife woke up at 2:30 this morning.

"Did you hear that?"

"Shnfdgfpijgbdgte"

"You didn't hear that?"

"What was your first clue? What should I have heard?"

"Sounded like the floor creaking, like somebody walking around."

So, I got up and did my husbandly duty and checked the whole effin house over. Nothing, of course. Probably the dog downstairs. She, of course, went right back to sleep. I could not get to sleep again for anything. So I finally got up and worked out at 4:15. My daughter had my back, though. She came in at 5:00 with a sore throat, headache, and stuffy nose. I know the woman didn't get a wink of sleep after that.

The lesson here is that sometimes kids ARE awesome.

 

[-fish-]

Jail served cake for breakfast.

Another tip: since you can only make collect calls, memorize a phone number of someone other than your ex wife.

That does seem like a good tip. I'd love to hear the story of how you figured that out.

Not a very interesting story. My ex-wife used all of my allotted phone time yelling at me when I called her from jail.

STOP PLAYING PET RESCUE AND JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED, ASHLEIGH!

I don't understand either of these references

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Shtick stealing

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Kids are the worst.

Little Zooks wakes up at 230 and throws up. Did same thing a week ago. I wouldn't mind except he just seems to refuse to puke in the toilet and I end up cleaning #### all night. I'm not sure why he avoids the toilet, maybe he's just so exhausted and confused or he just might be an A hole. Last week he did it in my room and got it in and on a pair if my shoes. Tonight it was just in bathroom on floor, some towels and shower curtain.

I'm going to start wearing double condoms to avoi;d having anymore terrorist children. the #### warts don't scare me, but children do.

My wife woke up at 2:30 this morning.

"Did you hear that?"

"Shnfdgfpijgbdgte"

"You didn't hear that?"

"What was your first clue? What should I have heard?"

"Sounded like the floor creaking, like somebody walking around."

So, I got up and did my husbandly duty and checked the whole effin house over. Nothing, of course. Probably the dog downstairs. She, of course, went right back to sleep. I could not get to sleep again for anything. So I finally got up and worked out at 4:15. My daughter had my back, though. She came in at 5:00 with a sore throat, headache, and stuffy nose. I know the woman didn't get a wink of sleep after that.

The lesson here is that sometimes kids ARE awesome.

This sounds familiar.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Was smart enough to kill Knuckles after she woke him up at 2:30 in the morning to investigate a fictitious noise.

 

[BobbyLayne]

Keep at it shuke. You're doing the best. Tpw with your daughter tomorrow.

Thanks. I don't know, I really didn't show a lot of patience today. Then he started freaking out when I told him we were going to try again tomorrow, and the day after that.

I really should have tried more when he was younger.

http://www.bhg.com/health-family/activities/games/how-to-learn-to-ride-a-bike-in-15-minutes/

All you need is a grassy hill with about 20 feet of slope.

 

[BobbyLayne]

Jail served cake for breakfast.

Another tip: since you can only make collect calls, memorize a phone number of someone other than your ex wife.

That does seem like a good tip. I'd love to hear the story of how you figured that out.

Not a very interesting story. My ex-wife used all of my allotted phone time yelling at me when I called her from jail.

STOP PLAYING PET RESCUE AND JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED, ASHLEIGH!

I don't understand either of these references

We haven't understood any of your references, so even steven.

WTF happened?

 

[GroveDiesel]

Was smart enough to kill Knuckles after she woke him up at 2:30 in the morning to investigate a fictitious noise.

That would certainly make his story of his one phone call a lot more interesting.

 

[BobbyLayne]

Turned around this morning after buying my morning bagel and nearly ran over Mother Theresa. Four foot six tops, walker with tennis ball feet, and a gouter about the size of a softball (note to shuke - this is not like hail, it may have been closer to a soccer ball).

What made the moment extraordinary is I managed to flash a smile at the exact moment I was throwing up in my mouth. Fine start to the week.