RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
Lead Baseball Dork?
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GM's thread about nothing (35 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
boilerdave
Footballguy
RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
No, that's Pickles' title.
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
Gadzooks has been rocketing up my FBGs I Have to Party With bucket list.
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
So our PTA is asking the kids to sell gourmet popcorn for a fundraiser. They gave out little sample bags to boost interest. The spicy cheddar flavor is outstanding. We're selling a one gallon bag for $16. I just checked the companies website and it goes for $13 a gallon.
How big of a #### would I be if I ordered it online instead of through the school?
How big of a #### would I be if I ordered it online instead of through the school?
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
I wanted to go with something like:When you fart is loud enough to make a bickering couple curious you know probably gonna win burritos.
But I like yours better
Tiny Dancer
Footballguy
You should buy a whole bunch of bags and sell'em at school for $14. "Suck it PTA!"
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
It would be a good way to teach them about capitalism
RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
Thorn
Footballguy
I had a few different ones kicking around."but could you have won burritos?"
"does your buddy have any animals and was their curiosity raised?"
Oliver Humanzee
Footballguy
Text exchange between Krista4 and Oliver Humanzee this morning.
Krista4 is in her office, buried in vital, high-level meetings that will affect the future of her company. She is unable to leave her office.
Oliver Humanzee is the office of the maxillofacial surgeon who just drilled two metal dowel's into OH's face. Massive amounts of anesthesia and painkillers were involved. OH will not be allowed to drive himself home.
OH@8:41 Im done and way high. Love you. Smileface.
OH@8:45 I could totally drive a pickup unironicaly right now.
OH@8:48 One word: chaw.
K4@8:50 Are they letting you take a cab home?
OH@8:50 Not yet.
K4@8:51 But they will at some point?
OH@8:52 These people only care about muppets.
OH@8:53 I hope.
OH@8:55 Earlier i meant Money. not muppet.
OH@8:57 I'm not sure how they feel about muppets.
K4@8:58 You should find out.
OH@9:03 (after asking a few nurses their opinion of Muppets) Varied but generally positive responses.
OH@9:17 They dont wanna kdt me take a cab. Any chance you could find a minute to pick me up and take me to a restaurant or something?
K4@9:26 Not until 11:30. Would you be embarrassed if I asked [D] or [E] (Krista's coworkers) to take you home?
K4@9:27 Also just got a call that the alarm went off.
K4@9:27 Or I could get [D] to pick you up and then put you in a cab.
OH@9:27 [bLANK PAGE]
K4@9:27 That was not responsive.
OH@9:29 Anything that is easiest for you.
K4@9:30 Will you be okay in a cab?
OH@9:30 Yes.
OH@9:32 I'd be okay in a dunebuggy
OH@9:32 Better even
K4@9:33 He said he'd take you home. I'll leave it to you guys to work it out. What is the address again? 16something?
OH@9:34 Gimmie [D] in a dunebuggy.
K4@9:34 Give me the address!!!!
OH@9:34 [bLANK PAGE]
K4@9:36 Stop ####ing around and give me the address!
OH@9:36 [sERIES OF LETTERS AND NUMBERS THAT PRETTY MUCH RESEMBLE AN ADDRESS]
OH@9:41 Whence commeth mine Dunebuddy?
K4@9:48 Any minute. he's not a fast driver, tho
OH@9:52 Cool. Lets give him a kitten so he can name it Dr. Pepper.
OH@10:08 Percocet! Score!
OH@10:29 [TO TOTAL STRANGER WITH PHONE NUMBER SIMILAR TO KRISTA4'S] Id describe his driving as 'mormonly'.
[TOTAL STRANGER WITH # SIMILAR TO K4] Who is this?
OH@10:36 [TO TOTAL STRANGER WITH PHONE NUMBER SIMILAR TO KRISTA4'S]Wrong number! Sorry!
OH@10:36 Id describe the driving as 'mormonly'.
FIN
Krista4 is in her office, buried in vital, high-level meetings that will affect the future of her company. She is unable to leave her office.
Oliver Humanzee is the office of the maxillofacial surgeon who just drilled two metal dowel's into OH's face. Massive amounts of anesthesia and painkillers were involved. OH will not be allowed to drive himself home.
OH@8:41 Im done and way high. Love you. Smileface.
OH@8:45 I could totally drive a pickup unironicaly right now.
OH@8:48 One word: chaw.
K4@8:50 Are they letting you take a cab home?
OH@8:50 Not yet.
K4@8:51 But they will at some point?
OH@8:52 These people only care about muppets.
OH@8:53 I hope.
OH@8:55 Earlier i meant Money. not muppet.
OH@8:57 I'm not sure how they feel about muppets.
K4@8:58 You should find out.
OH@9:03 (after asking a few nurses their opinion of Muppets) Varied but generally positive responses.
OH@9:17 They dont wanna kdt me take a cab. Any chance you could find a minute to pick me up and take me to a restaurant or something?
K4@9:26 Not until 11:30. Would you be embarrassed if I asked [D] or [E] (Krista's coworkers) to take you home?
K4@9:27 Also just got a call that the alarm went off.
K4@9:27 Or I could get [D] to pick you up and then put you in a cab.
OH@9:27 [bLANK PAGE]
K4@9:27 That was not responsive.
OH@9:29 Anything that is easiest for you.
K4@9:30 Will you be okay in a cab?
OH@9:30 Yes.
OH@9:32 I'd be okay in a dunebuggy
OH@9:32 Better even
K4@9:33 He said he'd take you home. I'll leave it to you guys to work it out. What is the address again? 16something?
OH@9:34 Gimmie [D] in a dunebuggy.
K4@9:34 Give me the address!!!!
OH@9:34 [bLANK PAGE]
K4@9:36 Stop ####ing around and give me the address!
OH@9:36 [sERIES OF LETTERS AND NUMBERS THAT PRETTY MUCH RESEMBLE AN ADDRESS]
OH@9:41 Whence commeth mine Dunebuddy?
K4@9:48 Any minute. he's not a fast driver, tho
OH@9:52 Cool. Lets give him a kitten so he can name it Dr. Pepper.
OH@10:08 Percocet! Score!
OH@10:29 [TO TOTAL STRANGER WITH PHONE NUMBER SIMILAR TO KRISTA4'S] Id describe his driving as 'mormonly'.
[TOTAL STRANGER WITH # SIMILAR TO K4] Who is this?
OH@10:36 [TO TOTAL STRANGER WITH PHONE NUMBER SIMILAR TO KRISTA4'S]Wrong number! Sorry!
OH@10:36 Id describe the driving as 'mormonly'.
FIN
Thorn
Footballguy
RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
Last edited by a moderator:
Thorn
Footballguy
Someone who is good at photoshop should change the "Ray Allen Breaks 3-Point Record" to "Here's to the Gas That Saves Relationships!"
-fish-
Footballguy
Otis' entertainment value is negligible at this point. The best he's got is claiming furry slippers are some kind of fashion statement. It's time to move on, and if that means fresh, entertaining posters dabbling in old shtick, I'm all for it.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Visit My WebsiteSomeone who is good at photoshop should change the "Ray Allen Breaks 3-Point Record" to "Here's to the Gas That Saves Relationships!"
RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
Visit My WebsiteSomeone who is good at photoshop should change the "Ray Allen Breaks 3-Point Record" to "Here's to the Gas That Saves Relationships!"
so stupid
Dr. Watson
the unknown soldier
FYI
Gadzooks
Footballguy
Visit My WebsiteSomeone who is good at photoshop should change the "Ray Allen Breaks 3-Point Record" to "Here's to the Gas That Saves Relationships!"Buffoons. The guy on the left is my GB who got into the fight with his girlfriend and the drunken moron on the right is me: the guy with the magical gas that saves relationships.
When you say "stupid", do you mean "completely brilliant"?
RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
So much awesome today. 
Shtaym Syek
Footballguy
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
Zooks. Awesome.
Idiot Boxer
Footballguy
Start hiding muppets
Thorn
Footballguy
#### yes!! :(Disco Stu said:Visit My WebsiteThorn said:Someone who is good at photoshop should change the "Ray Allen Breaks 3-Point Record" to "Here's to the Gas That Saves Relationships!"Gadzooks said:Thorn said:Buffoons. The guy on the left is my GB who got into the fight with his girlfriend and the drunken moron on the right is me: the guy with the magical gas that saves relationships.
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
Cant match the greatness in this thread.. but I get to go to Texas de Brazil Sunday. Thats as good as it gets for me.
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Weekly? He'll be in here in less than 2 hours.
Sonny Lubick Blowup Doll
Footballguy
Sorry. All systems go.Next time this happens (tomorrow), could you send me that JJ Grey stuff? TIA!I can't remember the last time I've slept through the night.Your inbox is still full, btw.
Oliver Humanzee
Footballguy
I didn't go to the dentist for 15 years and a couple of my molars grew abscessed and broke and had to be removed from my face and replaced with implants. Also:Thorn said:
Using the 3rd person POV to describe a 1st person event is a technique as old as the language, and is employed primarily to create an authorial distance from the narrative. When the narrator uses this technique self-mockingly, it implies self-awareness and greater objectivity, thus greater credibility, thus a funnier, more truthful joke (ie Puck's narration in A Midsummer Night's Dream, Mike Royko's essays, various Oscar Wilde quips). When used in self-aggrandizement, it implies the utterances of a barely hinged psyche (Ricky Henderson, Richard Nixon). I'm sure Otis is a fine writer, but he didn't claim this any more that I "claimed" the use of capital letters or smugness.
kevzilla
Footballguy
Good thing you didn't claim smugness. The line is pretty long for that one around here.
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
Otis' head just exploded.
kevzilla
Footballguy
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Did they just shake their head with disdain? Dentists love that condescending shtick more than gas.
Thorn
Footballguy
Alrighty thenAnd sorry about your face. I've had two maxillofacial procedures. Unfun.
Last edited by a moderator:
CGRdrJoe
Footballguy
It gets better, he ran over a little girl during itHFS
AhrnCityPahnder
Yinz-o-riffic
sweet jeebris, there better be video of that somewhere.
Limp Ditka
Footballguy
It gets better, he ran over a little girl during itHFS
RudiStein
*Not really a bail bondsman
It gets better, he ran over a little girl during itHFS
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