What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

GM's thread about nothing (30 Viewers)

'RudiStein said:
So I'm pretty sure I just found the dumbest person on the face of the earth.They've been doing a lot of road work in the area around my school. They're putting in new gas or sewer lines or something. Everyday there's a new stretch of road that is closed off.I leave school on my lunch and come to this intersection about 1/4 mile from my school. I'm heading south and wanting to turn left/east. I get to the signal and there's one car ahead of me in the left turn lane. The green arrow comes up but the car doesn't move. I give it a second and then honk my horn assuming the person just isn't paying attention to the signal. The car still doesn't move so I honk again. This time I can see the driver lift up their hands like "what am I supposed to do?". Now the street we are both in line to turn on to is being worked on. There are two lanes in either direction and the construction guys have the 2 eastbound lanes blocked off. There's about 10 guys working with a big backhoe thing and one of those mini steamroller type deals. There's also a big "detour" sign directing people who want to head east to use one of the westbound lanes. The two westbound lands have been coned off so that one can be used for eastbound traffic for about 1/2 mile.So the green arrow turns red while the car in front of me just sits there. I'm not in a huge hurry and I just figure it's not a big deal to wait for the next cycle. So the green arrow comes up again and the car in front of me still doesn't move. I honk again only to have the driver ;) at me again. So now I'm thinking that the person in front of me might be having car trouble. I decide I'll be a good Samaritan and see if she needs any help. Besides she might be a parent of one of our students or something.I get out of my car and walk up to the driver side door. She sees me coming and rolls down her window. It's a woman about 30. She's driving a brand new white SUV. I ask her "Are you having some trouble with your car?"Her: (frustrated) No. I just can't go anywhere with those guys in the way.Me: The construction guys?Her: Yes! They've got half of the road taken up with their equipment!"Me: :unsure: Um...you know you can still head down that street you just have to use that lane on the left.Her: No I can't. That's the lane for the people coming the other way!Me: Oh...actually they've got one of those lanes sectioned off so that you can still head east down th...Her: THAT IS THE LANE FOR THE PEOPLE COMING THE OTHER WAY!Me: Yeaaahhhh. You see that detour sign and all of those cones? That means they set it up so you can use the 'other' lane to go that way.Her: BUT WHAT IF SOMEBODY IS COMING THE OTHER WAY! I DON'T WANT TO GET HIT! THIS IS A NEW CAR!"I think about saying something else but figure it's not going to do any good. And by that time the light had cycled back to red and almost back to the green arrow.I just walked back to my car. Then I waited for the light to change, swooped around her, and used the detour lane. She could still be sitting there for all I know.
Click to expand...
She's got a point ya know.I mean, what if someone was coming the other way???? :lol:
 
Is this the place where I can report some good news because I'm pretty excited? :unsure:

I didn't do enough diligence on the bonus plans before taking my job and only realized a month ago that there is no individual performance-based component to our bonuses. Because I am in "corporate", I get a % of my salary based on overall corporate EBITDA, revenue and a few other targets. Well, overall the company came in at 68% of target for 2010, which is not so good and is not insignificant $ to me in that my target bonus is 45% of my salary.

So I've spent a month totally pissed, and it turns out that our Board decided to set aside a special bonus pool just to reward certain individuals for superior performance and get them up to as much as 100% of their target. Found out today that they gave these bonuses to 32 people in the whole company, out of 27,000 employees. And guess who got one that took her to 100%? :pointstwothumbstowardmyself: This gal.

My boss also told me that in the recent succession planning that the company went through, I am the only person whom he identified as a successor, which is particularly cool since I'm the newest lawyer in the group.

Rockin' it in Memphis,

k4

 
'-fish- said:
I'm officially too old for bachelor parties. This weekend the owner of a local bar sent a limo for 8 of us (he actually rode with us from my friend's house to the bar). Despite the owner escort, I got cut off at both the downstairs and upstairs bars at his establishment, spilled an entire table full of drinks on what was apparently a very expensive speaker, and fell UP a flight of stairs. Even though we were being given free drinks, I still ran up an impressive tab buying rounds for people whom I might have annoyed.* My online banking is still catching up with all of the charges from the night, and texts are trickling in from people who I barely know recounting my shenanigans. Without this information I wouldn't know exactly how much of a disaster I was, as all I really have a clear recollection of is dancing with an extremely pretty girl who turned out to be engaged to a guy with no sense of humor.*just about everyone, including the band
Click to expand...
NICE!
 
'krista4 said:
Is this the place where I can report some good news because I'm pretty excited? :pickle:I didn't do enough diligence on the bonus plans before taking my job and only realized a month ago that there is no individual performance-based component to our bonuses. Because I am in "corporate", I get a % of my salary based on overall corporate EBITDA, revenue and a few other targets. Well, overall the company came in at 68% of target for 2010, which is not so good and is not insignificant $ to me in that my target bonus is 45% of my salary.So I've spent a month totally pissed, and it turns out that our Board decided to set aside a special bonus pool just to reward certain individuals for superior performance and get them up to as much as 100% of their target. Found out today that they gave these bonuses to 32 people in the whole company, out of 27,000 employees. And guess who got one that took her to 100%? :pointstwothumbstowardmyself: This gal.My boss also told me that in the recent succession planning that the company went through, I am the only person whom he identified as a successor, which is particularly cool since I'm the newest lawyer in the group.Rockin' it in Memphis,k4
Click to expand...
Outstanding! You are flat out killing it.
 
'Gadzooks said:
Ever take a cold shower when you're really drunk? It's kind of a strange sensation. After a crappy day at work, I had to go to a business networking event last night. Due to the crappy day at work, I decided to use this networking event as an excuse to drink heavily. Plus, I knew almost everyone there so I figured it was ok to allow myself to be over-served since I wouldn't be embarrassing myself to anyone that didn't already know me. I wrote out "CatFish Bill" for my name tag and wore it proudly all night. (I did that for my own amusement, but it ended up being quite the conversation starter) I'm not if sure if people will remember me more because of the "CatFish Bill" name tag or because I ate enough appetizers to feed a small village. They had one appetizer which consisted of almonds and dates wrapped in bacon which tasted like heaven. I was an animal. It was like the booze and food were cocaine and hookers and I was Charlie Sheen.So I get home and realize that it is very cold in my house. Thermostat didn't seem to be working and there was no hot water. I check my oil tank and see that it reads "EMPTY". Luckily I didn't have my son last night so I didn't have to worry about him freezing to death. And luckily I was drunk, so I thought the whole ordeal kinda seemed cool and that maybe they would make a movie about me surviving the night with no heat. Despite being drunk, I did manage to think ahead and figured it would completely suck to take a cold shower in a freezing house first thing in the morning, so I decided to take my cold shower right now while I was drunk. It was interesting. I challenged myself to see if I could rub one out in these extreme conditions and I failed. The whiskey in my bloodstream and the cold water were too much for me. The shower actually seemed to be sobering me up. So I got out and immediately made myself a drink. I put extra blankets on my bed and turned on a space heater in my bedroom. However, after finishing my drink I then passed out on my couch. I woke up around 4am confused and freezing. Made to my bedroom and got 2 hours of warm sleep. Oil is being delivered this afternoon so everything should be back to normal. But if any of you ever need any life-survival tips in case you're drunk and run out of oil, just send me a PM, I'm here to help.
Click to expand...
:pickle: :thumbup: :stalker: I love this guy.
 
'General Malaise said:
'krista4 said:
Is this the place where I can report some good news because I'm pretty excited? :pickle:I didn't do enough diligence on the bonus plans before taking my job and only realized a month ago that there is no individual performance-based component to our bonuses. Because I am in "corporate", I get a % of my salary based on overall corporate EBITDA, revenue and a few other targets. Well, overall the company came in at 68% of target for 2010, which is not so good and is not insignificant $ to me in that my target bonus is 45% of my salary.So I've spent a month totally pissed, and it turns out that our Board decided to set aside a special bonus pool just to reward certain individuals for superior performance and get them up to as much as 100% of their target. Found out today that they gave these bonuses to 32 people in the whole company, out of 27,000 employees. And guess who got one that took her to 100%? :pointstwothumbstowardmyself: This gal.My boss also told me that in the recent succession planning that the company went through, I am the only person whom he identified as a successor, which is particularly cool since I'm the newest lawyer in the group.Rockin' it in Memphis,k4
Click to expand...
Outstanding! You are flat out killing it.
Click to expand...
Thanks, GBGM!By the way, this would all be better news if I weren't about to be killed by a tornado.
 
'krista4 said:
Is this the place where I can report some good news because I'm pretty excited? ;)I didn't do enough diligence on the bonus plans before taking my job and only realized a month ago that there is no individual performance-based component to our bonuses. Because I am in "corporate", I get a % of my salary based on overall corporate EBITDA, revenue and a few other targets. Well, overall the company came in at 68% of target for 2010, which is not so good and is not insignificant $ to me in that my target bonus is 45% of my salary.So I've spent a month totally pissed, and it turns out that our Board decided to set aside a special bonus pool just to reward certain individuals for superior performance and get them up to as much as 100% of their target. Found out today that they gave these bonuses to 32 people in the whole company, out of 27,000 employees. And guess who got one that took her to 100%? :pointstwothumbstowardmyself: This gal.My boss also told me that in the recent succession planning that the company went through, I am the only person whom he identified as a successor, which is particularly cool since I'm the newest lawyer in the group.Rockin' it in Memphis,k4
Click to expand...
Awesome!!!!
 
'krista4 said:
Is this the place where I can report some good news because I'm pretty excited? ;)I didn't do enough diligence on the bonus plans before taking my job and only realized a month ago that there is no individual performance-based component to our bonuses. Because I am in "corporate", I get a % of my salary based on overall corporate EBITDA, revenue and a few other targets. Well, overall the company came in at 68% of target for 2010, which is not so good and is not insignificant $ to me in that my target bonus is 45% of my salary.So I've spent a month totally pissed, and it turns out that our Board decided to set aside a special bonus pool just to reward certain individuals for superior performance and get them up to as much as 100% of their target. Found out today that they gave these bonuses to 32 people in the whole company, out of 27,000 employees. And guess who got one that took her to 100%? :pointstwothumbstowardmyself: This gal.My boss also told me that in the recent succession planning that the company went through, I am the only person whom he identified as a successor, which is particularly cool since I'm the newest lawyer in the group.Rockin' it in Memphis,k4
Click to expand...
Congrats! Also, thanks for reaffirming how much I hate my job.
 
'krista4 said:
Is this the place where I can report some good news because I'm pretty excited? :thumbup:I didn't do enough diligence on the bonus plans before taking my job and only realized a month ago that there is no individual performance-based component to our bonuses. Because I am in "corporate", I get a % of my salary based on overall corporate EBITDA, revenue and a few other targets. Well, overall the company came in at 68% of target for 2010, which is not so good and is not insignificant $ to me in that my target bonus is 45% of my salary.So I've spent a month totally pissed, and it turns out that our Board decided to set aside a special bonus pool just to reward certain individuals for superior performance and get them up to as much as 100% of their target. Found out today that they gave these bonuses to 32 people in the whole company, out of 27,000 employees. And guess who got one that took her to 100%? :pointstwothumbstowardmyself: This gal.My boss also told me that in the recent succession planning that the company went through, I am the only person whom he identified as a successor, which is particularly cool since I'm the newest lawyer in the group.Rockin' it in Memphis,k4
Click to expand...
;)Way to go, K.
 
LOOK AT ME, I'M GOOD AT MY JOB!!!!!!!

I've started recruiting within the last year, been doing it for the last year or so. This week I got to call a friend and tell her that I was pulling her out of the dying company that we worked at together, and was moving her to another company where one of her best friends works. It was awesome. And :lmao:

 
'krista4 said:
Is this the place where I can report some good news because I'm pretty excited? :kicksrock:

I didn't do enough diligence on the bonus plans before taking my job and only realized a month ago that there is no individual performance-based component to our bonuses. Because I am in "corporate", I get a % of my salary based on overall corporate EBITDA, revenue and a few other targets. Well, overall the company came in at 68% of target for 2010, which is not so good and is not insignificant $ to me in that my target bonus is 45% of my salary.

So I've spent a month totally pissed, and it turns out that our Board decided to set aside a special bonus pool just to reward certain individuals for superior performance and get them up to as much as 100% of their target. Found out today that they gave these bonuses to 32 people in the whole company, out of 27,000 employees. And guess who got one that took her to 100%? :pointstwothumbstowardmyself: This gal.

My boss also told me that in the recent succession planning that the company went through, I am the only person whom he identified as a successor, which is particularly cool since I'm the newest lawyer in the group.

Rockin' it in Memphis,

k4
Click to expand...
'grats!1) We are now expecting a bigger SB party next year

2) Is any of this being set aside for the Oliver Humanzee restaurant fund?

:lmao:

Seriously, though - awesome news, keep killing it!

 
'SofaKings said:
'Samuel L Bronkowitz said:
'RudiStein said:
'Samuel L Bronkowitz said:
En route to Detroit. FML
Click to expand...
Did you lose a bet or something?
Click to expand...
I kinda wish, would make for a better story. Stupid work trip. Lol @kev
Click to expand...
And i get no call??
Click to expand...
Sorry GB. Just got in, have training at 9am tomorrow, and then flying back out right away tomorrow evening. I would have put out an APB for all DTWGuys like GM did if I were staying longer.Congrats K4! :kicksrock:
 
'Good said:
LOOK AT ME, I'M GOOD AT MY JOB!!!!!!!I've started recruiting within the last year, been doing it for the last year or so. This week I got to call a friend and tell her that I was pulling her out of the dying company that we worked at together, and was moving her to another company where one of her best friends works. It was awesome. And :goodposting:
Click to expand...
Very cool. That must be a great feeling. And thanks, all. :lmao:On the more good news front (and related to BobbyLayne's post), yesterday OH was offered a job at one of Memphis's best restaurants. Now he gets to go to school from 6 a.m.-noon Monday-Thursday and then a job from 2:30-11 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday. Yay...?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
'krista4 said:
Is this the place where I can report some good news because I'm pretty excited? :lmao:I didn't do enough diligence on the bonus plans before taking my job and only realized a month ago that there is no individual performance-based component to our bonuses. Because I am in "corporate", I get a % of my salary based on overall corporate EBITDA, revenue and a few other targets. Well, overall the company came in at 68% of target for 2010, which is not so good and is not insignificant $ to me in that my target bonus is 45% of my salary.So I've spent a month totally pissed, and it turns out that our Board decided to set aside a special bonus pool just to reward certain individuals for superior performance and get them up to as much as 100% of their target. Found out today that they gave these bonuses to 32 people in the whole company, out of 27,000 employees. And guess who got one that took her to 100%? :pointstwothumbstowardmyself: This gal.My boss also told me that in the recent succession planning that the company went through, I am the only person whom he identified as a successor, which is particularly cool since I'm the newest lawyer in the group.Rockin' it in Memphis,k4
Click to expand...
:goodposting:Thorn settled his first six figure plaintiff's case this week. About a third of my goal for the year already in the pot. ;)
 
'krista4 said:
Is this the place where I can report some good news because I'm pretty excited? :goodposting:I didn't do enough diligence on the bonus plans before taking my job and only realized a month ago that there is no individual performance-based component to our bonuses. Because I am in "corporate", I get a % of my salary based on overall corporate EBITDA, revenue and a few other targets. Well, overall the company came in at 68% of target for 2010, which is not so good and is not insignificant $ to me in that my target bonus is 45% of my salary.So I've spent a month totally pissed, and it turns out that our Board decided to set aside a special bonus pool just to reward certain individuals for superior performance and get them up to as much as 100% of their target. Found out today that they gave these bonuses to 32 people in the whole company, out of 27,000 employees. And guess who got one that took her to 100%? :pointstwothumbstowardmyself: This gal.My boss also told me that in the recent succession planning that the company went through, I am the only person whom he identified as a successor, which is particularly cool since I'm the newest lawyer in the group.Rockin' it in Memphis,k4
Click to expand...
Cool. When you taking me to McEwans.
 
'krista4 said:
yesterday OH was offered a job at one of Memphis's best restaurants. Now he gets to go to school from 6 a.m.-noon Monday-Thursday and then a job from 2:30-11 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday. Yay...?
Click to expand...
Chef? Where?!May have to drop in as long as it's not Cappricios. I ####### that place.
 
'krista4 said:
'Good said:
LOOK AT ME, I'M GOOD AT MY JOB!!!!!!!I've started recruiting within the last year, been doing it for the last year or so. This week I got to call a friend and tell her that I was pulling her out of the dying company that we worked at together, and was moving her to another company where one of her best friends works. It was awesome. And :moneybag:
Click to expand...
Very cool. That must be a great feeling. And thanks, all. :)On the more good news front (and related to BobbyLayne's post), yesterday OH was offered a job at one of Memphis's best restaurants. Now he gets to go to school from 6 a.m.-noon Monday-Thursday and then a job from 2:30-11 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday. Yay...?
Click to expand...
Great news! Tell him congrats (since it sounds like he'll be too busy to be checking in here). How much longer until he graduates?
 
Donnie Baker (recurring character on the Bob and Tom Show) was talking about Jennifer Coolidge (Stifler's Mom). He said something like "She made me dip into the spank-bank so many times my pork was writing bad checks."

 
'[icon] said:
'krista4 said:
yesterday OH was offered a job at one of Memphis's best restaurants. Now he gets to go to school from 6 a.m.-noon Monday-Thursday and then a job from 2:30-11 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday. Yay...?
Click to expand...
Chef? Where?!May have to drop in as long as it's not Cappricios. I ####### that place.
Click to expand...
PM sent. I've never even heard anyone mention going to Capriccio. Can't imagine it's very good. :football:
 
'BobbyLayne said:
'krista4 said:
'Good said:
LOOK AT ME, I'M GOOD AT MY JOB!!!!!!!I've started recruiting within the last year, been doing it for the last year or so. This week I got to call a friend and tell her that I was pulling her out of the dying company that we worked at together, and was moving her to another company where one of her best friends works. It was awesome. And :football:
Click to expand...
Very cool. That must be a great feeling. And thanks, all. :)On the more good news front (and related to BobbyLayne's post), yesterday OH was offered a job at one of Memphis's best restaurants. Now he gets to go to school from 6 a.m.-noon Monday-Thursday and then a job from 2:30-11 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday. Yay...?
Click to expand...
Great news! Tell him congrats (since it sounds like he'll be too busy to be checking in here). How much longer until he graduates?
Click to expand...
He still has about a year if he does the full degree program. And I misspoke; he'll be working Monday-Saturday, not just Tuesday-Saturday. I think it might be in our interest just to separate for the next year. :(
 
This is slightly less exciting than most of the other news on this page (congrats, all), but last night I made tacos, only noticing after everything was done that the only shredded cheese we had was parmesan and we had no block cheese to shred. We did, however, have slices of colby jack for sandwiches, so I took a few of those, a cutting board, and a pizza cutter and made my own shredded cheese that way. Go me.

 
'krista4 said:
'BobbyLayne said:
'krista4 said:
'Good said:
LOOK AT ME, I'M GOOD AT MY JOB!!!!!!!I've started recruiting within the last year, been doing it for the last year or so. This week I got to call a friend and tell her that I was pulling her out of the dying company that we worked at together, and was moving her to another company where one of her best friends works. It was awesome. And :nerd:
Click to expand...
Very cool. That must be a great feeling. And thanks, all. :lmao:On the more good news front (and related to BobbyLayne's post), yesterday OH was offered a job at one of Memphis's best restaurants. Now he gets to go to school from 6 a.m.-noon Monday-Thursday and then a job from 2:30-11 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday. Yay...?
Click to expand...
Great news! Tell him congrats (since it sounds like he'll be too busy to be checking in here). How much longer until he graduates?
Click to expand...
He still has about a year if he does the full degree program. And I misspoke; he'll be working Monday-Saturday, not just Tuesday-Saturday. I think it might be in our interest just to separate for the next year. :eek:
Click to expand...
Is this where the line to keep Krista entertained over the next year begins?
 
'Frostillicus said:
This is slightly less exciting than most of the other news on this page (congrats, all), but last night I made tacos, only noticing after everything was done that the only shredded cheese we had was parmesan and we had no block cheese to shred. We did, however, have slices of colby jack for sandwiches, so I took a few of those, a cutting board, and a pizza cutter and made my own shredded cheese that way. Go me.
Click to expand...
:shrug:
 
'Guster said:
'krista4 said:
'BobbyLayne said:
'krista4 said:
'Good said:
LOOK AT ME, I'M GOOD AT MY JOB!!!!!!!I've started recruiting within the last year, been doing it for the last year or so. This week I got to call a friend and tell her that I was pulling her out of the dying company that we worked at together, and was moving her to another company where one of her best friends works. It was awesome. And :hey:
Click to expand...
Very cool. That must be a great feeling. And thanks, all. :)On the more good news front (and related to BobbyLayne's post), yesterday OH was offered a job at one of Memphis's best restaurants. Now he gets to go to school from 6 a.m.-noon Monday-Thursday and then a job from 2:30-11 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday. Yay...?
Click to expand...
Great news! Tell him congrats (since it sounds like he'll be too busy to be checking in here). How much longer until he graduates?
Click to expand...
He still has about a year if he does the full degree program. And I misspoke; he'll be working Monday-Saturday, not just Tuesday-Saturday. I think it might be in our interest just to separate for the next year. :hey:
Click to expand...
Is this where the line to keep Krista entertained over the next year begins?
Click to expand...
If by "entertained" you mean I move forward with my plans to move in with Mr. & Mrs. Krista, yes, get in line.
 
BTW, my E-Bay item?

The other night we are trying to get the boys to bed, now Cal is easy & Dylan is a PIA. Dylan is putting money in his bank instead of going to bed. I'm finally fed up and grab the bank, Dylan has a penny in his hand I tell him to give it to me. At that precise moment, as I'm looking at the bank and penny in my hand, Mrs. SLB says "how about stew for dinner tomorrow night" as some show she had on TV mentioned something about having teh secs with a bunch of women. It was pretty surreal and funny. Being committed to try and bring a little levity to people's lives, the E-Bay item was born.

Zero bids though. :hey:

 
Mrs. SLB wants to go to a bed n' breakfast in one of the surrounding wine countries this year. I'm weirded out by the thought of being in a house full of strangers. Thoughts?

 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

General Malaise
GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing
1856 1857 1858
Replies
93K
Views
3M
-fish-
-fish-
T
***Official 2014 GMTAN Draft Thread***
34 35 36
Replies
2K
Views
45K
El Floppo
El Floppo
Early_10
***Official*** Seinfeld draft thread
25 26 27
Replies
1K
Views
36K
The Dreaded Marco
The Dreaded Marco

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 29 (members: 0, guests: 29)
Back
Top