GM's thread about nothing (24 Viewers)

[Good Posting Judge]

Wow, just had an amazing experience. My mother's cousin (maternal>>>grandfather's>>brother's>son) is always posting cool old photo's of family reunions from the '60s and early '70s on FB. So I sent him a friend request; don't actually know the guy, but I'm friendly with his sister. Naturally he accepts, and posts to my wall an invite to view his family photo albums.

He has 2,000 photos of our families posted.

I didn't even know this, but the guy is a retired photographer. So its not just cute poses of five siblings lined up. It's like candid shots of my mom and aunts and their husbands at parties and BBQs. Kind of freaky seeing photos of these chicks with big sunglasses and hot pants and mini skirts and then ewww oh nevermind.

He is also sort of like the family historian. Actually, his sister (the one I know) is as well - she handles the maternal grandmother line, and this guy has researched the maternal grandfather line. Anyway, he has all these amazing photos from the early 20th century on back to before the Civil War (when having a portrait photo was somewhat rare).

But what blew me away is the genealogy stuff. He scanned the entire family tree going back to the mid-18th Century. Now that is OK, cool, whatever...but then he has a narrative for every single person on the tree. One example that gives me chills about my Great-great-great grandfather:

In the year of 1854 in the town of Frinnaryd Sweden, 39 year old Jacob Anderson and his wife Charlotta and four children were preparing to leave for America. Jacob owned thoroughbred horses, which were sold to the King of Sweden to offset the cost of passage to America. The preparations were finished and they were set to sail, but when the ship came to port, Jacob inspected the ship [ASIDE - engineering background], and declared it was not seaworthy. They cancelled their passage, and waited for the next ship. The ship Jacob deemed not seaworthy, was not - that ship was never heard from again after it left port.

Man, that is some awesome traction to have with the wife.

 

[Gadzooks]

Over the last 2 days I've learned from the FFA that women sometimes lie, they sometimes cheat and sometimes they get fat. What an evil gender. I have now decided to remain single forever, unless one of the following women become available:

(in no particular order)

YSR

Krista

Ray Allen's Mom

Early

Desert Rose

Beyonce

Mrs. SLB

GM's sister (just so I'd have the coolest in-laws ever)

Mrs. BSR

Kelly Clarkson

 

[kevzilla]

I've decided to stay single as well.



OK, the women of Planet Earth spoke as one. The net effect is the same.

 

[Thorn]

No other place to put this but I think my wife has this rare disease called Prosopagnosia (a disorder of face perception where the ability to recognize faces is impaired, while the ability to recognize other objects may be relatively intact). Or some strange off-shoot of it. Maybe even the opposite but whatever it is she's pretty damn weird.

Example #1: SHE CONSTANTLY SEES PEOPLE WE KNOW BUT IT TURNS OUT NOT TO BE THEM.

Most recent example was when we were sitting in this hotel bar a few weeks ago.

Her: That guy over there...isn't that Daniel whatshisname?

Me: Who? What?

Her: You know, your old friend Daniel that I used to work with. He played drums in that salsa band?

Me: Daniel Torres? Where?

Her: Yeah. Over there in the blue shirt.

Me: No. That's not him.

Her: Are you sure?

Me: 100% positive.

10 minutes goes by

Her: Are you sure that's not Daniel? I looks just like him.

Me: Ehhh...sort of but not that much.

Her: I think it's him.

Me: OK, see how he's as tall or taller than the other 3 guys in that group he's with?

Her: Yeah

Me: Daniel is about 5'6" at the most. That dude in blue is almost 6 foot.

Her: I still think it could be him.

Me: It's not. Drink your wine and stop looking around.

Another recent example:

We're driving through a not-so-nice part of town.

Her: Oh! Is that Tony over there?

Me: Tony who?

Her: Tony Swanson

Me: Where?

Her: Over there at the bus stop.

Me: Yeah. That's not Tony.

Her: Are you sure?

Me: Yes. That guy has hair. Tony's been shaving his head since 1995.

Her: Hmmmm

Me: And what would Tony Swanson, who owns his own insurance agency and has a $800,000 house, be doing at a city bus stop wearing a t-shirt that says 'Hubba-Hubba' on it?

Her: Well I looks a lot like him.

Oh yeah. A HUGE PERCENTAGE OF THE AMERICAN MALE POPULATION LOOKS LIKE HER BROTHER.

Basically if you are a white dude, 20-40 years of age, at least 30 lbs too heavy and have a beard or goatee you look like my brother in law. And my wife will make sure she tells you AND me.

Not to play into her game but sort of like this guy from ER. At least once every 2 or 3 months my wife will say to me "Doesn't that guy look like my brother?" or "This new guy at work looks just like Jeremiah". The other day my son's friend came over. He started growing a beard. 10 seconds after he walks in the door the wife says "Wow Ken...you look just like my brother."

Ken says "Really? Is that a good thing?"

I wanted to say "No. She says that to every 15th guy she knows or meets. And her brother is a neo-hippy deadbeat that apparently grows medicinal marijuana for a 'job'."

THE IMDB AND I ARE A RAPEY DICKMITTEN

There are two related phenomenons going on here.

1. She constantly screws up who certain people are on TV shows and movies.

Her: Isn't that the guy that was in that baseball movie you like?

Me: Who? Which baseball movie?

Her: That one about Mickey Mantle. That guy playing the detective.

Me: Oh..."61". Wait, you mean that guy right there?

Her: Yeah.

Me: No. He wasn't in "61".

Her: Yeah he was. He played the other guy.

Me: You're thinking of Barry Pepper. He played Roger Maris. That guy right there isn't Barry Pepper.

Her: Yes it is!

Me: OK.

Her: I'm not wrong! Look it up.

Me: OK (clicky clickity click)

Me: Yeah. Barry Pepper didn't play a detective who had 3 lines on SVU in Jan 2011.

Her: I swear that's him.

2. She 'recognizes' people that are nobodies.

Her: Who is that actress?

Me: Which one?

Her: The blond one. The one playing the hotel manager.

Me: I have no idea.

Her: Oh it's bugging me. She's been in something else. I know it.

(repeat this a couple of times)

Me: I honestly don't recognize her.

Her: Look it up.

Me: Really?

Her: Yeah.

Me: (clicky click) Hit the info and tell me what the name of this episode is.

Her: 'Blue Friday'

Me: OH...ummmm here it is: 'Sharon the manager' (clicky click)

Me: She really hasn't been in anything.

Her: Tell me.

Me: She's been in this, 1 episode of 'Bones' (which we don't watch) and some Canadian educational/safety film.

Her: That's it?

Me: That's it.

Her: I know I've seen her in something.

Me: Did you ever see 'The Dangers of Huffing Syrup'?

Her: No

Me: Well I don't know then.

I'm not reading all that ####.

 

[Thorn]

Any of you dudes ever gotten naked for a bachelorette party?

Bachelorette? No.

Sitting at the bar after work, reading this on my phone, and burst out laughing like I was at a Gallagher show. Everyone looked at me like I had a third eye.

Not to split pubes or anything (since I know you're not a fan), but don't you work at a bar?

Ummmm, yeah. What do you think, that means I'm no longer gonna be a drunk?Finished my shift at 7 and immediately parked my backside on the good side of the bar to have a few pops. The main reason though, is to give the barflies that forgot to tip me as I was winding down a chance to remember. Made an extra $20 yesterday by not leaving immediately. Plus the bartenders take care of each other, so I got moderately hammered for about ten bucks.

wanna make out?

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Any of you dudes ever gotten naked for a bachelorette party?

Bachelorette? No.

Sitting at the bar after work, reading this on my phone, and burst out laughing like I was at a Gallagher show. Everyone looked at me like I had a third eye.

Not to split pubes or anything (since I know you're not a fan), but don't you work at a bar?

Ummmm, yeah. What do you think, that means I'm no longer gonna be a drunk?Finished my shift at 7 and immediately parked my backside on the good side of the bar to have a few pops. The main reason though, is to give the barflies that forgot to tip me as I was winding down a chance to remember. Made an extra $20 yesterday by not leaving immediately. Plus the bartenders take care of each other, so I got moderately hammered for about ten bucks.

wanna make out?

Yes. Yes I do.

 

[Early_10]

Wow, just had an amazing experience. My mother's cousin (maternal>>>grandfather's>>brother's>son) is always posting cool old photo's of family reunions from the '60s and early '70s on FB. So I sent him a friend request; don't actually know the guy, but I'm friendly with his sister. Naturally he accepts, and posts to my wall an invite to view his family photo albums.

He has 2,000 photos of our families posted.

I didn't even know this, but the guy is a retired photographer. So its not just cute poses of five siblings lined up. It's like candid shots of my mom and aunts and their husbands at parties and BBQs. Kind of freaky seeing photos of these chicks with big sunglasses and hot pants and mini skirts and then ewww oh nevermind.

He is also sort of like the family historian. Actually, his sister (the one I know) is as well - she handles the maternal grandmother line, and this guy has researched the maternal grandfather line. Anyway, he has all these amazing photos from the early 20th century on back to before the Civil War (when having a portrait photo was somewhat rare).

But what blew me away is the genealogy stuff. He scanned the entire family tree going back to the mid-18th Century. Now that is OK, cool, whatever...but then he has a narrative for every single person on the tree. One example that gives me chills about my Great-great-great grandfather:

In the year of 1854 in the town of Frinnaryd Sweden, 39 year old Jacob Anderson and his wife Charlotta and four children were preparing to leave for America. Jacob owned thoroughbred horses, which were sold to the King of Sweden to offset the cost of passage to America. The preparations were finished and they were set to sail, but when the ship came to port, Jacob inspected the ship [ASIDE - engineering background], and declared it was not seaworthy. They cancelled their passage, and waited for the next ship. The ship Jacob deemed not seaworthy, was not - that ship was never heard from again after it left port.

Genealogy is addictive. Before I had my youngest son, I would spent about 4 hours a day at it. Going to the archives and touching where your ancestor signed their marriage record is extraordinary. When my divorce is final (YEAH MAN!!!) I plan on getting back to it. I have one of my lines going back to 1720 and another is full of police chiefs and army brass with news paper articles weekly about them. Finding a family member with photos like that would be the greatest. Be sure to copy every last picture. What a treasure for you and your generations to come!

 

[bostonfred]

When my divorce is final (YEAH MAN!!!)

 

[Early_10]

When my divorce is final (YEAH MAN!!!)

This past week has held both the best and worst days of my life. The worst wasn't even when I had to call the police to have him removed or when I packed his bags and told him that after 21 years together we were done. It was when the social worker told me the girls couldn't stay here until they completed an investigation. The best day was the next day when I kept the boys out of school and pipped off at the games arcade all day. PHEWWW!! It's going to be okay. It's going to be better than okay. I should have no issue getting the girls back in short order, I did nothing wrong and protected them, all my children, put them first at every turn. I was the one who told the police that I had children in care. I did everything right. I'm done hiding his problems, I'm ready to get it all out there. It's so freeing!!I was married to an alcoholic. I don't want to be anymore.

 

[Uruk-Hai]

When my divorce is final (YEAH MAN!!!)

This past week has held both the best and worst days of my life. The worst wasn't even when I had to call the police to have him removed or when I packed his bags and told him that after 21 years together we were done. It was when the social worker told me the girls couldn't stay here until they completed an investigation. The best day was the next day when I kept the boys out of school and pipped off at the games arcade all day. PHEWWW!! It's going to be okay. It's going to be better than okay. I should have no issue getting the girls back in short order, I did nothing wrong and protected them, all my children, put them first at every turn. I was the one who told the police that I had children in care. I did everything right. I'm done hiding his problems, I'm ready to get it all out there. It's so freeing!!I was married to an alcoholic. I don't want to be anymore.

Wow. Good luck to ya, E10.

 

[Thorn]

When my divorce is final (YEAH MAN!!!)

This past week has held both the best and worst days of my life. The worst wasn't even when I had to call the police to have him removed or when I packed his bags and told him that after 21 years together we were done. It was when the social worker told me the girls couldn't stay here until they completed an investigation. The best day was the next day when I kept the boys out of school and pipped off at the games arcade all day. PHEWWW!! It's going to be okay. It's going to be better than okay. I should have no issue getting the girls back in short order, I did nothing wrong and protected them, all my children, put them first at every turn. I was the one who told the police that I had children in care. I did everything right. I'm done hiding his problems, I'm ready to get it all out there. It's so freeing!!I was married to an alcoholic. I don't want to be anymore.

I did not see that coming. Only the best going forward, Betty.

 

[Osaurus]

Does anyone else consider themselves boring if they don't seem to suffer most of the ills of the FFA?

 

[bostonfred]

Over the last 2 days I've learned from the FFA that women sometimes lie, they sometimes cheat and sometimes they get fat. What an evil gender. I have now decided to remain single forever, unless one of the following women become available:(in no particular order)YSRKristaRay Allen's MomEarly Desert RoseBeyonceMrs. SLBGM's sister (just so I'd have the coolest in-laws ever)Mrs. BSRKelly Clarkson

hear that knockin? that's opportunity.

 

[Sinn Fein]

When my divorce is final (YEAH MAN!!!)

This past week has held both the best and worst days of my life. The worst wasn't even when I had to call the police to have him removed or when I packed his bags and told him that after 21 years together we were done. It was when the social worker told me the girls couldn't stay here until they completed an investigation. The best day was the next day when I kept the boys out of school and pipped off at the games arcade all day. PHEWWW!! It's going to be okay. It's going to be better than okay. I should have no issue getting the girls back in short order, I did nothing wrong and protected them, all my children, put them first at every turn. I was the one who told the police that I had children in care. I did everything right. I'm done hiding his problems, I'm ready to get it all out there. It's so freeing!!I was married to an alcoholic. I don't want to be anymore.

Stay strong Early.

 

[Early_10]

Does anyone else consider themselves boring if they don't seem to suffer most of the ills of the FFA?

I use to.

 

[Early_10]

Over the last 2 days I've learned from the FFA that women sometimes lie, they sometimes cheat and sometimes they get fat. What an evil gender. I have now decided to remain single forever, unless one of the following women become available:(in no particular order)YSRKristaRay Allen's MomEarly Desert RoseBeyonceMrs. SLBGM's sister (just so I'd have the coolest in-laws ever)Mrs. BSRKelly Clarkson

hear that knockin? that's opportunity.

It's a little early for me to accept resumes but putting in an early good word noted.

 

[Early_10]

When my divorce is final (YEAH MAN!!!)

This past week has held both the best and worst days of my life. The worst wasn't even when I had to call the police to have him removed or when I packed his bags and told him that after 21 years together we were done. It was when the social worker told me the girls couldn't stay here until they completed an investigation. The best day was the next day when I kept the boys out of school and pipped off at the games arcade all day. PHEWWW!! It's going to be okay. It's going to be better than okay. I should have no issue getting the girls back in short order, I did nothing wrong and protected them, all my children, put them first at every turn. I was the one who told the police that I had children in care. I did everything right. I'm done hiding his problems, I'm ready to get it all out there. It's so freeing!!I was married to an alcoholic. I don't want to be anymore.

Stay strong Early.

You know I will. Thorn > When I told my fdaughters psychologist who is here at the house all the time she said "you could knock me over with a feather, I never saw that coming!" When I've had enough, I've had enough. I can walk away with my head held high that I tried everything in my power to help him and help our marriage. He's not ready to accept the help. Thats on him. Time for me to move on. I've got great things waiting for me.

 

[Gadzooks]

When my divorce is final (YEAH MAN!!!)

This past week has held both the best and worst days of my life. The worst wasn't even when I had to call the police to have him removed or when I packed his bags and told him that after 21 years together we were done. It was when the social worker told me the girls couldn't stay here until they completed an investigation. The best day was the next day when I kept the boys out of school and pipped off at the games arcade all day. PHEWWW!! It's going to be okay. It's going to be better than okay. I should have no issue getting the girls back in short order, I did nothing wrong and protected them, all my children, put them first at every turn. I was the one who told the police that I had children in care. I did everything right. I'm done hiding his problems, I'm ready to get it all out there. It's so freeing!!

I was married to an alcoholic. I don't want to be anymore.

Stay strong Early.

You know I will. Thorn > When I told my fdaughters psychologist who is here at the house all the time she said "you could knock me over with a feather, I never saw that coming!" When I've had enough, I've had enough. I can walk away with my head held high that I tried everything in my power to help him and help our marriage. He's not ready to accept the help. Thats on him. Time for me to move on. I've got great thingsGadzooks waiting for me.

 

[Gadzooks]

When my divorce is final (YEAH MAN!!!)

This past week has held both the best and worst days of my life. The worst wasn't even when I had to call the police to have him removed or when I packed his bags and told him that after 21 years together we were done. It was when the social worker told me the girls couldn't stay here until they completed an investigation. The best day was the next day when I kept the boys out of school and pipped off at the games arcade all day. PHEWWW!! It's going to be okay. It's going to be better than okay. I should have no issue getting the girls back in short order, I did nothing wrong and protected them, all my children, put them first at every turn. I was the one who told the police that I had children in care. I did everything right. I'm done hiding his problems, I'm ready to get it all out there. It's so freeing!!I was married to an alcoholic. I don't want to be anymore.

Stay strong Early.

Seriously, best of luck to you and the kids.

 

[mr. furley]

Does anyone else consider themselves boring if they don't seem to suffer most of the ills of the FFA?

 

[bostonfred]

Thorn > When I told my fdaughters psychologist who is here at the house all the time she said "you could knock me over with a feather, I never saw that coming!" When I've had enough, I've had enough. I can walk away with my head held high that I tried everything in my power to help him and help our marriage. He's not ready to accept the help. Thats on him. Time for me to move on. I've got great things waiting for me.

Good for you.

 

[Aaron Rudnicki]

Good luck Early. Hope things work out for the best.

 

[NorvilleBarnes]

No other place to put this but I think my wife has this rare disease called Prosopagnosia

Her: Are you sure that's not Daniel? I looks just like him.

Her: Well I looks a lot like him.

Maybe she just forgets what she looks like.

 

[NorvilleBarnes]

I don't want to make light, Tanner, but that sounds like an SNL skit waiting to happen.

Meh I'm kidding about the disease. What is really is is that she externalizes something that most people keep to themselves. Yeah, for a split second that guy over there does semi-kinda-sorta look like Tony but not enough to say "Hey! Is that Tony?"It's like when you're walking in the grass at a park or something and you see something shiny. For a brief moment it looks like a coin but then you realize what it is and keep walking. My wife would probably go "OH MY GOD IT'S A QUARTER! A WHOLE QUA...oh, it's a piece of foil."

So awesome - this may become a criteria for ms right.Her: "Is that my brother?"Norville: "I think so, go say hi."Her: "Is that a quarter!?"Norville: "Go get it girl!"

 

[krista4]

Damn, Early. Good luck. Good on you for being strong and getting out of a bad situation.

 

[NorvilleBarnes]

Thorn > When I told my fdaughters psychologist who is here at the house all the time she said "you could knock me over with a feather, I never saw that coming!" When I've had enough, I've had enough. I can walk away with my head held high that I tried everything in my power to help him and help our marriage. He's not ready to accept the help. Thats on him. Time for me to move on. I've got great things waiting for me.

Best of luck Early.

 

[Gadzooks]

I getting ready to go the circus with my son, my brother, my other brother, his wife and son. Apparently if we get there early they have some kind of pre-show event where we can go down and have pictures taken with the animals. I'm gonna try to get a pic of me attempting to mount a tiger or maybe feeling up a female clown.

 

[kevzilla]

I recognize where you are, Early. Didn't happen to me, but at pretty close range. Wishing the best for you, the kids...and the ex.

 

[Early_10]

I recognize where you are, Early. Didn't happen to me, but at pretty close range. Wishing the best for you, the kids...and the ex.

Thanks for this. Me too. He needs help and I hope he gets it. He's capable of being a so much better father than he's being. I want my boys to know him at his best. I've offered to go to AA with him but he's still not there. I paid a visit to his uncles house this morning. While his uncle, a recovered alcoholic, wasn't home, his aunt and I talked. She said she'd get his uncle to call him. They're VERY close and so much alike in personality. I hope he can get him to go to a meeting.

 

[Steve Tasker]

Sorry to hear it, Early. Bowling night will never be the same

 

[Mrs. BSR]

Early, add me to the list that never saw that coming! Good luck to you and you know I'm always here if you ever need someone to talk to or vent.

Oh, and Zooks, thanks.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I was married to an alcoholic. I don't want to be anymore.

Congratulations on insulting every person in this thread.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

You know I will.

Thorn > When I told my fdaughters psychologist who is here at the house all the time she said "you could knock me over with a feather, I never saw that coming!" When I've had enough, I've had enough. I can walk away with my head held high that I tried everything in my power to help him and help our marriage. He's not ready to accept the help. Thats on him. Time for me to move on. I've got great thingsGadzooks waiting for me.

I getting ready to go the circus with my son, my brother, my other brother, his wife and son. Apparently if we get there early they have some kind of pre-show event where we can go down and have pictures taken with the animals. I'm gonna try to get a pic of me attempting to mount a tiger or maybe feeling up a female clown.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

House is on FB.

 

[Drifter]

Early - I'm not one for being overly sentimental about people from the internet but you are one of the few who has always struck me as just "good people". Good luck to you. I have no doubt that you have the strength to get through what will no doubt be some tough times ahead and get to the real good stuff.

 

[Early_10]

Silver lining - my BiL whom I've previously wished would fall off the planet has stepped it up big time. He's been by and said to call him if I need anything. He changed over my tires last week when I mentioned I had to get it done. Then he stopped over to my sons work and passed him a card with his cell and his wifes cell numbers on it telling him to call if he needs anything or if I need anything that I won't ask for help with. Today he called and asked if he could take the younger two boys out to buy fishing poles for next weekend when trouting season opens.

I've never had a good word to say about him. He's impressing me.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Early - I'm not one for being overly sentimental about people from the internet but you are one of the few who has always struck me as just "good people". Good luck to you. I have no doubt that you have the strength to get through what will no doubt be some tough times ahead and get to the real good stuff.

True dat. Also, sorry about your housing situation but a mere 200k to be closer to GM is nothing.

 

[dharmapunk]

I'm sitting outside at a cafe, doing some work. Three hipsters are at the next table (a guy and 2 girls).

Girl #1, lighting up a cig: "I never used to smoke. I started because my boyfriend smoked and he'd shotgun me all the time."

(note, there is zero irony to this - she's deadpan serious)

LATER -

Girl #1: "I slept with a guy twice my age once. It was awesome, but, like, I wouldn't really do all the time. He totally didn't look 40, but, like, he has a twelve year old daughter."

Guy: "I totally want to sleep with someone twice my age. I want to sleep with someone twice my age and someone half my age."

(this guy is no older than 22)

The Girls get really quiet. The guy doesn't know how to respond. Begin two minutes of awkward silence.

 

[Thorn]

I getting ready to go the circus with my son, my brother, my other brother, his wife and son. Apparently if we get there early they have some kind of pre-show event where we can go down and have pictures taken with the animals. I'm gonna try to get a pic of me attempting to mount a tiger or maybe feeling up a female clown.

One time at the San Diego Zoo they had a zoologist with microphone taking questions from the public about the pandas, one of which had just had a baby. But the audience didn't have a microphone, so you had to go up and ask the question, most people couldn't hear it, then he would repeat it over the PA and answer it. So I went up and asked, 'if you were a male panda, would you have sex with that female panda after she'd had a kid?' And said into the microphone without missing a beat, 'that's a really good question, he just asked if pandas have any predators in the wild, and the answer strictly speaking, is no, because really their only predator is man.'I told him that that was a really impressive performance. He said thanks, then he asked me to leave.

 

[Mrs. BSR]

So, I had a dream about GM.

I had made him this sandwich for some reason and he was doing some sort of radio show or something. The sandwich was about a foot and a half long and about 6 inches wide, with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, bacon and sausage. GM was reading a letter or something about FBGals but with their real names. I remember him lifting up the top part of the bread and noticed I had forgotten to put mayonaise on it. He looked at me and I ran over laughing, apologized and while he was going into some commercial break and spread the mayonaise on the bread and took the wrapper off some of the cheese slices.

 

[mr. furley]

Silver lining - my BiL whom I've previously wished would fall off the planet has stepped it up big time. He's been by and said to call him if I need anything. He changed over my tires last week when I mentioned I had to get it done. Then he stopped over to my sons work and passed him a card with his cell and his wifes cell numbers on it telling him to call if he needs anything or if I need anything that I won't ask for help with. Today he called and asked if he could take the younger two boys out to buy fishing poles for next weekend when trouting season opens. I've never had a good word to say about him. He's impressing me.

now that he knows you're available he's playing sweet?

 

[mr. furley]

I getting ready to go the circus with my son, my brother, my other brother, his wife and son. Apparently if we get there early they have some kind of pre-show event where we can go down and have pictures taken with the animals. I'm gonna try to get a pic of me attempting to mount a tiger or maybe feeling up a female clown.

One time at the San Diego Zoo they had a zoologist with microphone taking questions from the public about the pandas, one of which had just had a baby. But the audience didn't have a microphone, so you had to go up and ask the question, most people couldn't hear it, then he would repeat it over the PA and answer it. So I went up and asked, 'if you were a male panda, would you have sex with that female panda after she'd had a kid?' And said into the microphone without missing a beat, 'that's a really good question, he just asked if pandas have any predators in the wild, and the answer strictly speaking, is no, because really their only predator is man.'I told him that that was a really impressive performance. He said thanks, then he asked me to leave.

outstanding

 

[Tiger Fan]

I'm sitting outside at a cafe, doing some work. Three hipsters are at the next table (a guy and 2 girls).Girl #1, lighting up a cig: "I never used to smoke. I started because my boyfriend smoked and he'd shotgun me all the time."(note, there is zero irony to this - she's deadpan serious)LATER -Girl #1: "I slept with a guy twice my age once. It was awesome, but, like, I wouldn't really do all the time. He totally didn't look 40, but, like, he has a twelve year old daughter."Guy: "I totally want to sleep with someone twice my age. I want to sleep with someone twice my age and someone half my age."(this guy is no older than 22)The Girls get really quiet. The guy doesn't know how to respond. Begin two minutes of awkward silence.

update?

 

[Early_10]

Silver lining - my BiL whom I've previously wished would fall off the planet has stepped it up big time. He's been by and said to call him if I need anything. He changed over my tires last week when I mentioned I had to get it done. Then he stopped over to my sons work and passed him a card with his cell and his wifes cell numbers on it telling him to call if he needs anything or if I need anything that I won't ask for help with. Today he called and asked if he could take the younger two boys out to buy fishing poles for next weekend when trouting season opens. I've never had a good word to say about him. He's impressing me.

now that he knows you're available he's playing sweet?

He's 4 years my junior and we have NOTHING in common. He married his perfect match (egotistical and thinks the dogs are her children) last fall. Just good to see he cares about his nephews. He's their only uncle, no aunts. They've been craving a male role model and while he's not exactly it, he's still nice to see him spending time with them.

 

[Early_10]

I getting ready to go the circus with my son, my brother, my other brother, his wife and son. Apparently if we get there early they have some kind of pre-show event where we can go down and have pictures taken with the animals. I'm gonna try to get a pic of me attempting to mount a tiger or maybe feeling up a female clown.

One time at the San Diego Zoo they had a zoologist with microphone taking questions from the public about the pandas, one of which had just had a baby. But the audience didn't have a microphone, so you had to go up and ask the question, most people couldn't hear it, then he would repeat it over the PA and answer it. So I went up and asked, 'if you were a male panda, would you have sex with that female panda after she'd had a kid?' And said into the microphone without missing a beat, 'that's a really good question, he just asked if pandas have any predators in the wild, and the answer strictly speaking, is no, because really their only predator is man.'I told him that that was a really impressive performance. He said thanks, then he asked me to leave.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

So, I had a dream about GM.

I had made him this sandwich for some reason and he was doing some sort of radio show or something. The sandwich was about a foot and a half long and about 6 inches wide, with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, bacon and sausage. GM was reading a letter or something about FBGals but with their real names. I remember him lifting up the top part of the bread and noticed I had forgotten to put mayonaise on it. He looked at me and I ran over laughing, apologized and while he was going into some commercial break and spread the mayonaise on the bread and took the wrapper off some of the cheese slices.

GM's kids?

I getting ready to go the circus with my son, my brother, my other brother, his wife and son. Apparently if we get there early they have some kind of pre-show event where we can go down and have pictures taken with the animals. I'm gonna try to get a pic of me attempting to mount a tiger or maybe feeling up a female clown.

One time at the San Diego Zoo they had a zoologist with microphone taking questions from the public about the pandas, one of which had just had a baby. But the audience didn't have a microphone, so you had to go up and ask the question, most people couldn't hear it, then he would repeat it over the PA and answer it. So I went up and asked, 'if you were a male panda, would you have sex with that female panda after she'd had a kid?' And said into the microphone without missing a beat, 'that's a really good question, he just asked if pandas have any predators in the wild, and the answer strictly speaking, is no, because really their only predator is man.'

I told him that that was a really impressive performance. He said thanks, then he asked me to leave.

BTW, the St. Louis Zoo is awesome and free.

 

[NorvilleBarnes]

I told him that that was a really impressive performance. He said thanks, then he asked me to leave.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Oh yeah, at carnival today I was watching Cal go down the slide and some gal taps me on the shoulder and says "remember me"? I look at her looked obviously because she took her sunglasses off and smile really big. I'm completely shuked so I say "Woodstock, 69?". She looks at me like and says "sorry, I thought you were someone else." Then she walked away.

 

[krista4]

Oh yeah, at carnival today I was watching Cal go down the slide and some gal taps me on the shoulder and says "remember me"? I look at her looked obviously because she took her sunglasses off and smile really big. I'm completely shuked so I say "Woodstock, 69?". She looks at me like and says "sorry, I thought you were someone else." Then she walked away.

RudiStein and his wife went to St. Louis without telling you?

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Oh yeah, at carnival today I was watching Cal go down the slide and some gal taps me on the shoulder and says "remember me"? I look at her looked obviously because she took her sunglasses off and smile really big. I'm completely shuked so I say "Woodstock, 69?". She looks at me like and says "sorry, I thought you were someone else." Then she walked away.

RudiStein and his wife went to St. Louis without telling you?

Exactly. I took everything I had to not bust out laughing.