Sconch
Footballguy
Has he promised to repair an FBG's bike and then flaked on it yet?
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GM's thread about nothing (13 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
YSR
Footballguy
Actually, if memory serves me correctly, going through the nail will hurt like HELL when you're doing it. I slammed my finger in a car door and had to have a doctor do it for me - I'm guessing that doing it yourself (and thereby acknowledging your pain threshold) will be less painful, but it's still not a pleasant experience. It's absolutely what you need to do to get rid of the pain, though.through the nail will be way less painful.Wait, do I really need to go through the nail? Looks like there's access up top.Get sewing needle. Heat tip of needle until red hot. Burn hole in toenail, this may take 3-4 attempts. Be astonished by geyser of blood. Be more astonished that 85% of your pain is gone. Most of the pain is caused by the pressure of the trapped blood. I lost both big toenails, twice, in my hardcore skiing days.Probably shouldn't admit this, but I injured my toe playing a co-ed pick-up game of kickball Sunday. ####### kickball injury.
I was playing shortstop but covering 3B while the thirdbaseman was making a play at home. With a chance for a double play, he threw it to me but the runner slid in ahead of the tag and into my big toe. He managed to catch my toenail with the heel of his shoe while passing over my foot.
I thought it just bent the nail back a little and was fine. That is until after the game when it still didn't feel so good. Then I started thinking I'd lose the nail (again). Taking off my shoes before going to the pool confirmed the issue. Nail was a greenish color.
Here it is today. It didn't bother me much Monday, but I was barefoot or in flip-flops all day. Can't do that at work. Steady dull throb while sitting. More discomfort while walking. I imagine this will be annoying for quite awhile. Any upside in going to the doctor?
Jokes welcomed. Especially any that can work in Sergeant Hulka.
A paper clip works to.I had to do this with my son's fingernail...I used my Dremel though.
-fish-
Footballguy
your doctor did it wrong and just didn't tell you. a heated up paper clip will make a nice easy hole in the nail. blood will spurt everywhere, but it doesn't hurt a bit.Actually, if memory serves me correctly, going through the nail will hurt like HELL when you're doing it. I slammed my finger in a car door and had to have a doctor do it for me - I'm guessing that doing it yourself (and thereby acknowledging your pain threshold) will be less painful, but it's still not a pleasant experience. It's absolutely what you need to do to get rid of the pain, though.through the nail will be way less painful.Wait, do I really need to go through the nail? Looks like there's access up top.Get sewing needle. Heat tip of needle until red hot. Burn hole in toenail, this may take 3-4 attempts. Be astonished by geyser of blood. Be more astonished that 85% of your pain is gone. Most of the pain is caused by the pressure of the trapped blood. I lost both big toenails, twice, in my hardcore skiing days.Probably shouldn't admit this, but I injured my toe playing a co-ed pick-up game of kickball Sunday. ####### kickball injury.
I was playing shortstop but covering 3B while the thirdbaseman was making a play at home. With a chance for a double play, he threw it to me but the runner slid in ahead of the tag and into my big toe. He managed to catch my toenail with the heel of his shoe while passing over my foot.
I thought it just bent the nail back a little and was fine. That is until after the game when it still didn't feel so good. Then I started thinking I'd lose the nail (again). Taking off my shoes before going to the pool confirmed the issue. Nail was a greenish color.
Here it is today. It didn't bother me much Monday, but I was barefoot or in flip-flops all day. Can't do that at work. Steady dull throb while sitting. More discomfort while walking. I imagine this will be annoying for quite awhile. Any upside in going to the doctor?
Jokes welcomed. Especially any that can work in Sergeant Hulka.
Sarnoff
Footballguy
I think he really, really wanted to. He almost didn't want to let that one pass.I think this guy could give you a pretty good run for your money on "stupid questions I get at work." You work with kids, it's disturbing to me (on many levels) that everyone here is over 18 and a registered voter. Earlier, he was going over how to fill out the juror questionnaire on the back of the summons. "This is very important. On the back, in section F, is a question: 'My employer pays for ___(blank)___ days of Jury Service. On that line, please enter the number of days your job will pay your wages and benefits to be here. If your job only pays you for five days, write five. If you are a State or Federal employee, you will be paid for unlimited days of jury service, so write 'Unlimited'. If you are a student, write zero. If you are unemployed, write zero. If you are self-employed, write zero. If you are a homemaker, write zero."There is a very funny African-American guy running the jury waiting room. He's got solid shtick. Earlier he was going over the rules, and how to request a postponement or how to be excused from jury service. The only reasons for excuse they accept for automatic leave are medical (if you're over 70 and have trouble hearing or comprehending, or if you're the full-time stay-at-home caregiver for a child under 5 or an elderly adult). A woman raised her hand and asked if she could go home because her husband was sick. He said no. A second woman raised her hand and asked "There are some races of people I just don't like. Can I go home?" He gave a very solidfor a good 20 seconds before just saying "No."
What the hell?I would have asked her exactly what races she was talking about.
Guy in the back raises his hand. "My employer only pays for three days. What do I write?"
Marvin (that's the due in charge's name) just stared him down
. Shoulders fell, totally blank stare, didn't blink. Finally the guy in back says "Uh... 3?"
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
Can you invite Marvin to this thread?I think he really, really wanted to. He almost didn't want to let that one pass.I think this guy could give you a pretty good run for your money on "stupid questions I get at work." You work with kids, it's disturbing to me (on many levels) that everyone here is over 18 and a registered voter. Earlier, he was going over how to fill out the juror questionnaire on the back of the summons. "This is very important. On the back, in section F, is a question: 'My employer pays for ___(blank)___ days of Jury Service. On that line, please enter the number of days your job will pay your wages and benefits to be here. If your job only pays you for five days, write five. If you are a State or Federal employee, you will be paid for unlimited days of jury service, so write 'Unlimited'. If you are a student, write zero. If you are unemployed, write zero. If you are self-employed, write zero. If you are a homemaker, write zero."There is a very funny African-American guy running the jury waiting room. He's got solid shtick. Earlier he was going over the rules, and how to request a postponement or how to be excused from jury service. The only reasons for excuse they accept for automatic leave are medical (if you're over 70 and have trouble hearing or comprehending, or if you're the full-time stay-at-home caregiver for a child under 5 or an elderly adult). A woman raised her hand and asked if she could go home because her husband was sick. He said no. A second woman raised her hand and asked "There are some races of people I just don't like. Can I go home?" He gave a very solid
Guy in the back raises his hand. "My employer only pays for three days. What do I write?"
Marvin (that's the due in charge's name) just stared him down
Sarnoff
Footballguy
Seriously considering it. Dude has some great stories.Can you invite Marvin to this thread?I think he really, really wanted to. He almost didn't want to let that one pass.I think this guy could give you a pretty good run for your money on "stupid questions I get at work." You work with kids, it's disturbing to me (on many levels) that everyone here is over 18 and a registered voter. Earlier, he was going over how to fill out the juror questionnaire on the back of the summons. "This is very important. On the back, in section F, is a question: 'My employer pays for ___(blank)___ days of Jury Service. On that line, please enter the number of days your job will pay your wages and benefits to be here. If your job only pays you for five days, write five. If you are a State or Federal employee, you will be paid for unlimited days of jury service, so write 'Unlimited'. If you are a student, write zero. If you are unemployed, write zero. If you are self-employed, write zero. If you are a homemaker, write zero."There is a very funny African-American guy running the jury waiting room. He's got solid shtick. Earlier he was going over the rules, and how to request a postponement or how to be excused from jury service. The only reasons for excuse they accept for automatic leave are medical (if you're over 70 and have trouble hearing or comprehending, or if you're the full-time stay-at-home caregiver for a child under 5 or an elderly adult). A woman raised her hand and asked if she could go home because her husband was sick. He said no. A second woman raised her hand and asked "There are some races of people I just don't like. Can I go home?" He gave a very solid
Guy in the back raises his hand. "My employer only pays for three days. What do I write?"
Marvin (that's the due in charge's name) just stared him down
"Now, we're going to talk about dress code. The attire here is casual. Jeans are OK. T-shirts are OK. Shorts, sandals, and flip-flops are not OK. Tank tops are not OK. If you wear a t-shirt with a saying or slogan on it, please make sure it is appropriate for a court room. We had a guy show up in a t-shirt that said "#### tha Police". That was not appropriate. Last year a juror showed up for his third day of service on a trial in a black shirt that had big white letters on it saying 'GUILTY'. That was not appropriate."
"If you get selected for a jury, you will be paid $15 a day, plus mileage. Mileage is calculated by us from the address on your summons. Do not try and tell me you took the 'long way around' and want more money. Also, mileage is one way. I only care how you get here. I do not care how you get home. At the end of your jury service, you can choose to donate your pay instead of taking a check. We accept donations for several causes. One is the 'Jury Waiting Room Improvement Fund'. As you can tell, no one has given that any money for years. Another is the 'Jury Appreciation Week Fund'. Yes, there is a state-level Jury Appreciation Week. It is a thank you for all that jurors do. It's the one week we appreciate you.
It is not this week."
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
I say you test the limits of Marvin's patience.
Sarnoff
Footballguy
Marvin doesn't seem like he gets fazed easily, but neither does it seem like he puts up with much BS.
"Now, section E asks if you have any disabilities which might affect your service, such as being hard-of-hearing, or not being able to understand basic English. If that's the case, you may be excused. Is there anyone in here that has a problem with basic English?" One woman raised her hand. "Ma'am, if you understood my question, I'm sorry, but you understand basic English. It was a trick question."
That one came back on him later though. When he finally had us get up and put the questionnaires in the appropriate piles, one woman didn't budge. She just sat there, still, like she had been for the whole half hour he was talking. "Ma'am, do you have a question? Is there a problem?" She just stared right at him, didn't move. He walked up to her seat. "Ma'am, you ok?" She started rambling something in Chinese. Another woman said "She doesn't know what you're saying." "Oh, ok, um... tell her to come up to the help window and we'll take care of her there."
Talent in this room is weak. We started with about 160 people, so figure 80 women. One solid looker, a couple maybes, and a lot of below-average. Might need to adjust the offdee scale. Certainly reconsidering the 1 woman/5 sandwiches if this is the kind of pool we're drawing from. It'd be hard to find 5 women I'd want to even consider being stranded with here.
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
WTF is going on with my internet? I can't connect to google, foxsports, or a bunch of other pages. This forum is one of the few spots I can get to.
mr. furley
Footballguy
why do many of the ESPN talking heads who aren't athletes have the same sorta lockjaw/can't open their mouth/speaking with a jews harp/zzzzzzzhh quality to their speech?
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
I like Marvin.
Sconch
Footballguy
People that have to answer the same stupid questions over and over, without killing someone, are a special breed. Oh, my wife is on jury duty this week as well. Just texted me that she is on the jury. It's a murder case...involving bikers (yeah, she talked). We're talking SAMCRO not Lance Armstrong spandexy bikers.FML
Sconch
Footballguy
When I did it for my kid I told him to look it up on Youtube first. There are dozens of videos of people doing this. It's more gross than painful.your doctor did it wrong and just didn't tell you. a heated up paper clip will make a nice easy hole in the nail. blood will spurt everywhere, but it doesn't hurt a bit.Actually, if memory serves me correctly, going through the nail will hurt like HELL when you're doing it. I slammed my finger in a car door and had to have a doctor do it for me - I'm guessing that doing it yourself (and thereby acknowledging your pain threshold) will be less painful, but it's still not a pleasant experience. It's absolutely what you need to do to get rid of the pain, though.through the nail will be way less painful.Wait, do I really need to go through the nail? Looks like there's access up top.Get sewing needle. Heat tip of needle until red hot. Burn hole in toenail, this may take 3-4 attempts. Be astonished by geyser of blood. Be more astonished that 85% of your pain is gone. Most of the pain is caused by the pressure of the trapped blood. I lost both big toenails, twice, in my hardcore skiing days.Probably shouldn't admit this, but I injured my toe playing a co-ed pick-up game of kickball Sunday. ####### kickball injury.
I was playing shortstop but covering 3B while the thirdbaseman was making a play at home. With a chance for a double play, he threw it to me but the runner slid in ahead of the tag and into my big toe. He managed to catch my toenail with the heel of his shoe while passing over my foot.
I thought it just bent the nail back a little and was fine. That is until after the game when it still didn't feel so good. Then I started thinking I'd lose the nail (again). Taking off my shoes before going to the pool confirmed the issue. Nail was a greenish color.
Here it is today. It didn't bother me much Monday, but I was barefoot or in flip-flops all day. Can't do that at work. Steady dull throb while sitting. More discomfort while walking. I imagine this will be annoying for quite awhile. Any upside in going to the doctor?
Jokes welcomed. Especially any that can work in Sergeant Hulka.
YSR
Footballguy
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
AVOID
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
proninja or refinancing?
Sarnoff
Footballguy
Marvin told us if we weren't needed, the administrators would call between 4 and 5 o'clock to let us go for the day. He walks in the room at 3:50 and asks for attention. "How many y'all think I'm gonna let you go home? Yeah? No. OK, here's the deal. Once a month they make us run an Earthquake Drill. Since we had so much fun this morning, y'all the group that gets to do it with us. Now, first off, this is voluntary. Y'all adults and we can't make you do anything. If you don't want to participate, you don't have to. But if you don't, I'm gonna write your name down, and I'm not gonna tell you why."
"So here's what you're gonna do. The earthquake drill is 3 steps. Step 1, duck your head. Step 2, take your left hand and cover your neck. Step 3, take your right hand and cover the back of your head. Then I count to ten. That's it. You don't have to hide under your seat or anything like that." A couple of laughs. "I'm serious. I went to training for this, this is the drill. It took two days. Alright? And don't mess it up, you have to go left hand neck, right hand head. You do it backwards in a real earthquake, you'll die. Do it right and a freeway can fall on you and you'll live. Here we go... earthquake starts now."
Marvin counts to 10. "OK, you can raise your heads up. We're done. That was it. Now, if there had been a real earthquake, the search and rescue team I was training with told me here in downtown L.A. would be the last place they'd look for survivors. Seriously. There'd be too much damage to even bother. Now, they did tell me if something does happen, there's seven days of food and water supplies in this room. They did not tell me where."
"OK, so that was the earthquake drill. It wasn't the real earthquake drill I'm supposed to do, there's like a lot more steps, but my supervisor ain't here today and that's what he gets for putting me in charge. And now it's 4 o'clock so I can let you go home. So I'm going to do a last roll call, and just say "here" and you'll get credit for serving the full day. If you have any problems, or have any more questions, keep 'em to yourself. I don't care anymore. Really, just go home. What questions could you possibly have now? Just get out and get on with your lives, OK? See y'all in 12 months."
"So here's what you're gonna do. The earthquake drill is 3 steps. Step 1, duck your head. Step 2, take your left hand and cover your neck. Step 3, take your right hand and cover the back of your head. Then I count to ten. That's it. You don't have to hide under your seat or anything like that." A couple of laughs. "I'm serious. I went to training for this, this is the drill. It took two days. Alright? And don't mess it up, you have to go left hand neck, right hand head. You do it backwards in a real earthquake, you'll die. Do it right and a freeway can fall on you and you'll live. Here we go... earthquake starts now."
Marvin counts to 10. "OK, you can raise your heads up. We're done. That was it. Now, if there had been a real earthquake, the search and rescue team I was training with told me here in downtown L.A. would be the last place they'd look for survivors. Seriously. There'd be too much damage to even bother. Now, they did tell me if something does happen, there's seven days of food and water supplies in this room. They did not tell me where."
"OK, so that was the earthquake drill. It wasn't the real earthquake drill I'm supposed to do, there's like a lot more steps, but my supervisor ain't here today and that's what he gets for putting me in charge. And now it's 4 o'clock so I can let you go home. So I'm going to do a last roll call, and just say "here" and you'll get credit for serving the full day. If you have any problems, or have any more questions, keep 'em to yourself. I don't care anymore. Really, just go home. What questions could you possibly have now? Just get out and get on with your lives, OK? See y'all in 12 months."
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
Marvin is my hero.
KGB
Footballguy
2nd knuckle?
krista4
Footballguy
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
Marvin/Clyde 2012!
people should pay for jury duty when Marvin is running things.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
I have to do jury duty in a week, though I doubt I could remember anything the guy says in this much detail.
Skeptical.
Skeptical.
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
The only way burning a hole in your nail hurts, is if you go too far and stab/burn the virgin skin under the nail. Proceed with caution. 
General Malaise
Footballguy
Maybe it's because Sarnoff IS Marvin!?!?!?!111
General Malaise
Footballguy
You, uh....you ever read your own Bachelorette blog, buddy? Nathanial Hawthorne would admire your level of detail.
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
:staresatKGBinbestMarvinface:
Thread Killer
Footballguy
When I see "members", I think of penises.
Navin R Johnson
Footballguy
KGB
Footballguy
<_< or
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Stop seeing members.
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
Thanks jaa.
pricklypete
Footballguy
What in the world would bring anyone to Jefferson, WI?I have some good friends that live there, so if you have any questions let me know.
heckmanm
Footballguy
I'm visualizing Mac from "Night Court" here.
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
There's an ethanol plant there. Apologies for the subsidies everyone.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Great success!The only way burning a hole in your nail hurts, is if you go too far and stab/burn the virgin skin under the nail. Proceed with caution.
It took several attempts, but I eventually got it. The safety pin and paper clip were cooling off too quickly, and my big toenails are pretty damn thick. Feels much better now.
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
people still watch ESPN?
mr. furley
Footballguy
stiffer than Homer J at a mixer for Chinese gymnasts this morning
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
Bison stop by last night?
mr. furley
Footballguy
everything is a little cloudy after the roofie
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