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GM's thread about nothing (29 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Drifter
Footballguy
In college there was a dive basement bar on Pearl Street called the Sundown Saloon. It was the kind of place that if you went in there as a college student, possibly tripping on mushrooms, someone might approach you in the dingy bathroom and tell you that "we don't appreciate your kind here". Or so I heard. The only beer on tap was PBR - which in the early 90s added to the charm and would lead to many exclamations of, "Heineken!? #### that ####! Pabst! Blue! Ribbon!". Anyways, fast forward 20 years and the Sundowner is now a hip happening joint, with about 20 microbrews on tap. One of thsoe is still PBR but unlike the good ole' days, just about every trendy bar seems to have the PBR on tap.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
I just finished off a case of PBR tallboys purchased for 16.99I, too, have a case of PBR in my house right now that I purchased for $10.50Most Portland bars sell the 16 OZ for $2 or less. I love tall boys. And I love cheap prices. WIN/WIN.Also, there is a case of PBR in my house right now.
Tremendous Upside
Footballguy
commisholio
Come out with your pants down!
Jones Day
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
Leeroy Jenkins
Footballguy
I kind of feel like the ER doctors weren't going nuts because they had to give him a few shots for the bite, but it was because a live ####### copperhead was set loose in the hospital.
Sconch
Footballguy
mr. furley
Footballguy
you won't see me near water any time soon
Sconch
Footballguy
So I've got this wedding tonight. The bride is a woman I work with. About 3 weeks ago I did a wedding for one of her friends. Apparently I did a pretty good job judging by all the compliments I got. There will be a lot of the same people at this wedding. I can't do the same bad-### ceremony. So I'm trying to write new stuff. I've got writer's block.
The bride asked me to make it "sorta funny". I'm thinking of giving them a few pieces of advice but I don't want to do any of the old, cliche stuff.
Help me out.
The bride asked me to make it "sorta funny". I'm thinking of giving them a few pieces of advice but I don't want to do any of the old, cliche stuff.
Help me out.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Pretty sure any man can sustain a successful, happy marriage by learning three key phrases and using them early and often. They are:
1. I'm wrong.
2. You're right.
3. I'm sorry.
1. I'm wrong.
2. You're right.
3. I'm sorry.
he's an officiant
Sconch
Footballguy
Ordained minister from the Universal Life Church. Kiss my ring.
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
Tomorrow is dance recital day. I am very proud and enjoy myself for the 6? total minutes my daughter gets to dance to her 2 routines. I ####### hate the other 27 hours. And my blushing bride of course eats it up.
Last edited by a moderator:
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
It's only sustainable for so long.
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
whoa
Sconch
Footballguy
I like this.Oh, we have a pretty high level of difficulty...my wife will be there. I'm working in something like "This is usually where I give the bride and groom a little advice on having a happy marriage. But I'm a bit hesitant to so since my wife is here today. I'm not sure I can take the heckling."
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam... And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva... So tweasure your wuv.
Sconch
Footballguy
Sconch
Footballguy
I hate that movie.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Take my wife...Please!!
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Oh, and I'd work in that bit about not having sex on the couch because you're not negroes, too.
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
For Sconch (Second time ive used this quote in this thread I think)
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
I'll settle for High Life or PBR over bud lite, miller lite or coors light, but not sure I really appreciate it.
Gadzooks
Footballguy
IN. But only naked pics. Or if you snag a pic of anyone with a Kevzilla-like hair cut, I'll take that too.
Sconch
Footballguy
Just landed back in the good ole USA and had a buttery pretzel, coke icee, and followed up with a brownie/cookie hybrid from the Toll House stand in the harrport
Gadzooks
Footballguy
If you post a pic of her from the recital on FaceBook, can I make the following comment underneath: "Homer J. Simpson likes this" or would that be crossing the line?
mr. furley
Footballguy
General Malaise
Footballguy
Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
Sconch
Footballguy
A teenager asks his father "How much did it cost you when you got married?" The dad replies "I DON'T KNOW. I'M STILL PAYING FOR IT!"
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
Women-- if it weren't for what's between their legs, we'd hunt them down like coyotes.
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
Thats definitely a stays here thing IMO. Shes 7.Also, I actually think the HJS likes young girls meme is tired.
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
I'd go with this.
Sconch
Footballguy
The only reason we get married is because sheep can't cook.
Our neighborhood grocery store has a little patio bar in it that has $1 PBR cansMost Portland bars sell the 16 OZ for $2 or less. I love tall boys. And I love cheap prices. WIN/WIN.Also, there is a case of PBR in my house right now.
Sconch
Footballguy
Rough draft:
This is usually the part of the ceremony where I like to give the bride and groom a little advice on how to have a happy marriage. But I’m a little hesitant to do so for a couple of reasons. First of all Tara and Nick already have a strong relationship. Secondly my wife is here today and I’m not sure if she would start laughing in the middle of this. I won’t point her out but she’ll be the pretty red-head rolling her eyes.
Never bring up his or her past mistakes. They will make plenty of new ones you can use against them.
Never argue over whose job is hardest or who does the most work. I think between drilling a hole several thousand feet into the ground and keeping 35 13 year olds in their seats it’s pretty much a tie. (he's a petroleum engineer, she's a teacher0
Nothing is more important than really listening to what your spouse is saying. At least I think that’s what my wife was going on about the other day.
Never argue about money. There will never be enough of it anyway.
Men should always take their wife’s advice when it comes to fashion. Back when we were shooting each other with BB guns and trying to jump our bikes over trashcans they were playing dress-up.
For women: Do not expect your husband to change after marriage.
For men: Do not expect your wife to not change.
Just remember that there really is no secret to a successful marriage. Probably the only real piece of advice I can give you is no matter what challenges you face in the upcoming years that you love each other and that should conquer all. In every situation you two face as husband and wife just remember the immortal words of Lenny Kravitz: “You’ve got to let love rule.”
Not sure about the Lenny Kravitz thing. I put that in for another couple where the groom was a guitarist. Hell Kravitz was big before these guys were born.
This is usually the part of the ceremony where I like to give the bride and groom a little advice on how to have a happy marriage. But I’m a little hesitant to do so for a couple of reasons. First of all Tara and Nick already have a strong relationship. Secondly my wife is here today and I’m not sure if she would start laughing in the middle of this. I won’t point her out but she’ll be the pretty red-head rolling her eyes.
Never bring up his or her past mistakes. They will make plenty of new ones you can use against them.
Never argue over whose job is hardest or who does the most work. I think between drilling a hole several thousand feet into the ground and keeping 35 13 year olds in their seats it’s pretty much a tie. (he's a petroleum engineer, she's a teacher0
Nothing is more important than really listening to what your spouse is saying. At least I think that’s what my wife was going on about the other day.
Never argue about money. There will never be enough of it anyway.
Men should always take their wife’s advice when it comes to fashion. Back when we were shooting each other with BB guns and trying to jump our bikes over trashcans they were playing dress-up.
For women: Do not expect your husband to change after marriage.
For men: Do not expect your wife to not change.
Just remember that there really is no secret to a successful marriage. Probably the only real piece of advice I can give you is no matter what challenges you face in the upcoming years that you love each other and that should conquer all. In every situation you two face as husband and wife just remember the immortal words of Lenny Kravitz: “You’ve got to let love rule.”
Not sure about the Lenny Kravitz thing. I put that in for another couple where the groom was a guitarist. Hell Kravitz was big before these guys were born.
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
but you have to pronounce it 'KAI-oats'
Lieutenant Dan
Footballguy
sounds better with the heckling part.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Lieutenant Dan
Footballguy
fixed it for ya
fixed
General Malaise
Footballguy
This is reason number 3 why I'm glad I have boys only. My co-worker has a daughter who is almost 7. He goes to recitals that are - not making this up - 10 hours long. And his daughter is on stage for maybe 30 minutes total. I don't know how in the hell you guys do this. I'd contemplate another divorce if ever faced with this. I'm not joking. No way I could do this. 10 hours? Watching other kids dance? Nope. Not a chance.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Thats definitely a stays here thing IMO. Shes 7.Also, I actually think the HJS likes young girls meme is tired.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Make it more relevant by replacing with a Stubs quote. Or misquote.
General Malaise
Footballguy
How are you still skinny?
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