GM's thread about nothing (28 Viewers)

[El Floppo]

Took little Zooks to the zoo today, which was Fun. However, it was very hot and the humidity was ridiculous. As we were walking around the zoo, we were probably in the section that was the most isolated and far from the main attractions. I was sweating like a fat guy walking around the zoo on a really hot day.

Little Zooks informs me that he has to go to potty VERY BADLY. I told him it would take a little while to get to a bathroom so he's gonna need to hold it. He grabs my hand and starts pulling me in the other direction saying he can use this bathroom over here, which was a port-a-potty (the devil's bathroom) I open the door and the stench was like the smell of finding poop in the pants of a man who had been dead for a few days, only it was worse. And it was HOT!!! I couldn't leave him alone in there because he's likely to stick his head in the toilet for fun. I'm just praying he goes quickly. But then I notice he's taking his shirt off which is step 1 of his dumping routine. I nearly starting crying. I grabbed him and told him that I would feed him to the Lions at the zoo before I'd let him poop in this stink box. He started crying and saying his belly really hurt and he really had to poop. So I gave in and allowed the pooping process to continue. I held on to all of his clothes (socks and sneakers have to come off as well) There was no way I would let his naked body touch anything in this torture chamber/stink box, so I held his body above the toilet seat (which was basically just a big hole) while I had his clothes hanging around my neck and arms. The stench was unbearable. He was crying. I couldn't breathe, I think I was starting to lose my vision. All I could think of was that I was going to vomit and pass out at the same while dropping him in the hole. I also wondered if this is how Baby Jessica felt when she was stuck in that well. Then, Little Zooks starting bellowing farts out of his bum and they were majestic. The farts actually made an echo in the torture chamber. We both started laughing and I think that distracted us from the cruel torture we were experiencing. Naturally, there was no toilet paper. Luckily I still had some napkins from Arby's in my pocket (yeah we went there for lunch with some coupons I still had, don't judge me) It was such a relief to get out of that thing.

Other than the port-a-potty incident, the zoo was great. I would pay anything to have my own my monkey. I could watch those wacky guys all day long.

The bolded part really made me laugh for some reason.

me too. I don't want to out anybody, but I got kind of a S&D vibe from that ... which is about as high praise as I could offer round here.

wait a sec. that's the second time tonight I've used "round" instead of "around".

 

[McJose]

Took little Zooks to the zoo today, which was Fun.

Those idiots spelled lllama wrong.

 

[BobbyLayne]

Taking the boys fishing this weekend on our camping trip.One question: Do I have to use that little bobber thing? These are trout and bass and maybe some other fish I don't really know how to catch, clean or cook...garr or maybe tuna.Tell you what, tell me everything you know about fishing and remember, I struggle to tie my shoes, so talk slow like.

Use a bobber and live bait. Otherwise your kids will drive you crazy. The bobber gives them something to stare at and the live bait gives them a chance of actually catching something. Also the bobber will prevent getting your hook snagged on the bottom about every other cast.There are better ways to fish, but not at this stage of development of the Nesbitt men.

if you're fishing from shore at a stocked lake, you can try the bobber thing, but I wouldn't. for one, the wind blows the bobber and you have to keep recasting. lots of work for a dad that just wants to hang out with the kids and drink a beer or two. most of the lakes are stocked with young rainbows. put some weight about 2 feet from the hook, use powerbait (it floats), and cast. the weight will sit on the bottom, the powerbait will float 2 feet off the bottom, and you just reel until the line has a slight bow, and then lean your pole against the back of a chair or a cooler. if the line straightens out, you have a fish on. kids only like fishing if they catch something. if you look at my facebook page, there's a video of my 6 year old girl learning to cast and holding a rainbow that she caught. she was totally into it all day, because we were catching a fish every 20-30 minutes. she would never have had the patience to stare at a bobber and keep recasting.

Like he's gonna trust a fish for fishing tips...

 

[bostonfred]

Took little Zooks to the zoo today, which was Fun. However, it was very hot and the humidity was ridiculous. As we were walking around the zoo, we were probably in the section that was the most isolated and far from the main attractions. I was sweating like a fat guy walking around the zoo on a really hot day.

Little Zooks informs me that he has to go to potty VERY BADLY. I told him it would take a little while to get to a bathroom so he's gonna need to hold it. He grabs my hand and starts pulling me in the other direction saying he can use this bathroom over here, which was a port-a-potty (the devil's bathroom) I open the door and the stench was like the smell of finding poop in the pants of a man who had been dead for a few days, only it was worse. And it was HOT!!! I couldn't leave him alone in there because he's likely to stick his head in the toilet for fun. I'm just praying he goes quickly. But then I notice he's taking his shirt off which is step 1 of his dumping routine. I nearly starting crying. I grabbed him and told him that I would feed him to the Lions at the zoo before I'd let him poop in this stink box. He started crying and saying his belly really hurt and he really had to poop. So I gave in and allowed the pooping process to continue. I held on to all of his clothes (socks and sneakers have to come off as well) There was no way I would let his naked body touch anything in this torture chamber/stink box, so I held his body above the toilet seat (which was basically just a big hole) while I had his clothes hanging around my neck and arms. The stench was unbearable. He was crying. I couldn't breathe, I think I was starting to lose my vision. All I could think of was that I was going to vomit and pass out at the same while dropping him in the hole. I also wondered if this is how Baby Jessica felt when she was stuck in that well. Then, Little Zooks starting bellowing farts out of his bum and they were majestic. The farts actually made an echo in the torture chamber. We both started laughing and I think that distracted us from the cruel torture we were experiencing. Naturally, there was no toilet paper. Luckily I still had some napkins from Arby's in my pocket (yeah we went there for lunch with some coupons I still had, don't judge me) It was such a relief to get out of that thing.

Other than the port-a-potty incident, the zoo was great. I would pay anything to have my own my monkey. I could watch those wacky guys all day long.

 

[-fish-]

Taking the boys fishing this weekend on our camping trip.One question: Do I have to use that little bobber thing? These are trout and bass and maybe some other fish I don't really know how to catch, clean or cook...garr or maybe tuna.Tell you what, tell me everything you know about fishing and remember, I struggle to tie my shoes, so talk slow like.

Use a bobber and live bait. Otherwise your kids will drive you crazy. The bobber gives them something to stare at and the live bait gives them a chance of actually catching something. Also the bobber will prevent getting your hook snagged on the bottom about every other cast.There are better ways to fish, but not at this stage of development of the Nesbitt men.

if you're fishing from shore at a stocked lake, you can try the bobber thing, but I wouldn't. for one, the wind blows the bobber and you have to keep recasting. lots of work for a dad that just wants to hang out with the kids and drink a beer or two. most of the lakes are stocked with young rainbows. put some weight about 2 feet from the hook, use powerbait (it floats), and cast. the weight will sit on the bottom, the powerbait will float 2 feet off the bottom, and you just reel until the line has a slight bow, and then lean your pole against the back of a chair or a cooler. if the line straightens out, you have a fish on. kids only like fishing if they catch something. if you look at my facebook page, there's a video of my 6 year old girl learning to cast and holding a rainbow that she caught. she was totally into it all day, because we were catching a fish every 20-30 minutes. she would never have had the patience to stare at a bobber and keep recasting.

Like he's gonna trust a fish for fishing tips...

to be fair, fish wasn't the name at the beginning. it used to be smellslikefish, which was my name at a fishing board in san diego. then they decided that was offensive, so they changed that to smellslike. then someone else decided that name was unacceptable, and now it's fish. I'm guessing it will either be reduced to f or changed to fish fan eventually.

 

[Mrs. BSR]

me too. I don't want to out anybody, but I got kind of a S&D vibe from that ... which is about as high praise as I could offer round here.wait a sec. that's the second time tonight I've used "round" instead of "around".

Maybe I missed something somewhere but what does S&D vibe mean?

 

[-fish-]

have I mentioned how much I loathe my wife recently?

 

[-fish-]

me too. I don't want to out anybody, but I got kind of a S&D vibe from that ... which is about as high praise as I could offer round here.wait a sec. that's the second time tonight I've used "round" instead of "around".

Maybe I missed something somewhere but what does S&D vibe mean?

studs & duds.

 

[BobbyLayne]

to be fair, fish wasn't the name at the beginning. it used to be smellslikefish, which was my name at a fishing board in san diego. then they decided that was offensive, so they changed that to smellslike. then someone else decided that name was unacceptable, and now it's fish. I'm guessing it will either be reduced to f or changed to fish fan eventually.

HFS Yeah, hard to believe they have been letting me slide for years. Back when we had the DrJamesAndrewsFan thing going down, every day I checked in expecting to have become BLFan.

 

[Mrs. BSR]

me too. I don't want to out anybody, but I got kind of a S&D vibe from that ... which is about as high praise as I could offer round here.wait a sec. that's the second time tonight I've used "round" instead of "around".

Maybe I missed something somewhere but what does S&D vibe mean?

studs & duds.

Damn, I should have known that.

 

[Thorn]

to be fair, fish wasn't the name at the beginning. it used to be smellslikefish, which was my name at a fishing board in san diego. then they decided that was offensive, so they changed that to smellslike. then someone else decided that name was unacceptable, and now it's fish. I'm guessing it will either be reduced to f or changed to fish fan eventually.

HFS Yeah, hard to believe they have been letting me slide for years. Back when we had the DrJamesAndrewsFan thing going down, every day I checked in expecting to have become BLFan.

are you suggesting that you are not actually bobby lane?

 

[BobbyLayne]

to be fair, fish wasn't the name at the beginning. it used to be smellslikefish, which was my name at a fishing board in san diego. then they decided that was offensive, so they changed that to smellslike. then someone else decided that name was unacceptable, and now it's fish. I'm guessing it will either be reduced to f or changed to fish fan eventually.

HFS Yeah, hard to believe they have been letting me slide for years. Back when we had the DrJamesAndrewsFan thing going down, every day I checked in expecting to have become BLFan.

are you suggesting that you are not actually bobby lane?

I am suggesting I am not a zombie.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

My wife asked me what was so funny and I almost let her read this, but I'm trying like hell to avoid the combining of worlds that worked out so peach swell with wife 1.0.

P and S, love the picture by the llamas' sign that says 'we bite'.

My wife reading this site would, well, speed things up I guess. She actually had a login over at RotoJunkie years ago and that about ended the Internet for me.

That's because RotoJunkie sucks.

 

[Tremendous Upside]

What's the worst thing a girl can hear as she's orally pleasuring Willie Nelson?

"I'm not Willie Nelson."

 

[shamwow!]

Honestly, I still think I want Gadzooks to be my dad. I'll poop with you any day

***BEST READ IN NORM MCDONALD'S VOICE***

A doctor walks into his office and is surprised to see a new patient sitting on the examination table with a gigantic, round orange head.

"How did this happen?" the doctor says.

"Well, I was on an island beach a few months ago and I found a lamp," the patient said. "I rubbed it and a genie came out, and he said I could have three wishes. So for my first wish, I ask for $30 million dollars. Sure enough, the money appears right there and I'm ecstatic. I'm set for life. Then for my second wish, I ask for the perfect woman, and right then appeared the most beautiful woman you've ever seen. And everything's been great with her, she's perfect in every regard."

The man pauses before continuing. "I think the problem is my third wish, when I asked the genie for a gigantic orange head."

What's the worst thing a girl can hear as she's orally pleasuring Willie Nelson?

"I'm not Willie Nelson."

So we got our marriage license today. I guess there's no turning back now. Unless I get drunk and destroy an offdee 9 Anyways, I hate all of the "clinking glasses so you kiss" and "sing a love song so you kiss" at weddings.

So for my reception, I came up with the idea that you have to tell a joke. If I don't laugh, I'm not kissing my wife and you have to kiss the person of my choosing (more than likely your date). If I/we laugh then we'll kiss. I think this could be good shtick because 85% of the people should be good and hammered by that point. I expect some really dirty, dirty jokes. PS...no kids, except for immediate family.

Thoughts?

FTR the two above would make me laugh

 

[Bogart]

What is the name of that site where you can put in the name of a band, and the site draws a funky flow chart showing other similar-sounding bands?

liveplasma.commusicplasma.com

 

[Bogart]

My first night with the family gone...I get some work done for an important meeting, eat some nachos and watch this.

Do I know how to party or what?

 

[Good Posting Judge]

I really, really, really want Rescue Me to be a good show. But it just isn't.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

What's the worst thing a girl can hear as she's orally pleasuring Willie Nelson?"I'm not Willie Nelson."

On this radio show I listen to, the host knows just about every joke. Part of his shtick is for people to call in and tell a joke and he always stops them way short with the punch line. BTW Riddles aren't jokes.So this guy calls in and says "Do you know how many keyboard players it takes to screw in a light bulb?" Of course the host says, this isn't a joke.

Spoiler

11, 1 to screw the light bulb in and 10 to scratch their chin wondering if they'll ever be as good as Rick Wakeman.

 

[Sergeant Spelt]

Took little Zooks to the zoo today, which was Fun. However, it was very hot and the humidity was ridiculous. As we were walking around the zoo, we were probably in the section that was the most isolated and far from the main attractions. I was sweating like a fat guy walking around the zoo on a really hot day.

Little Zooks informs me that he has to go to potty VERY BADLY. I told him it would take a little while to get to a bathroom so he's gonna need to hold it. He grabs my hand and starts pulling me in the other direction saying he can use this bathroom over here, which was a port-a-potty (the devil's bathroom) I open the door and the stench was like the smell of finding poop in the pants of a man who had been dead for a few days, only it was worse. And it was HOT!!! I couldn't leave him alone in there because he's likely to stick his head in the toilet for fun. I'm just praying he goes quickly. But then I notice he's taking his shirt off which is step 1 of his dumping routine. I nearly starting crying. I grabbed him and told him that I would feed him to the Lions at the zoo before I'd let him poop in this stink box. He started crying and saying his belly really hurt and he really had to poop. So I gave in and allowed the pooping process to continue. I held on to all of his clothes (socks and sneakers have to come off as well) There was no way I would let his naked body touch anything in this torture chamber/stink box, so I held his body above the toilet seat (which was basically just a big hole) while I had his clothes hanging around my neck and arms. The stench was unbearable. He was crying. I couldn't breathe, I think I was starting to lose my vision. All I could think of was that I was going to vomit and pass out at the same while dropping him in the hole. I also wondered if this is how Baby Jessica felt when she was stuck in that well. Then, Little Zooks starting bellowing farts out of his bum and they were majestic. The farts actually made an echo in the torture chamber. We both started laughing and I think that distracted us from the cruel torture we were experiencing. Naturally, there was no toilet paper. Luckily I still had some napkins from Arby's in my pocket (yeah we went there for lunch with some coupons I still had, don't judge me) It was such a relief to get out of that thing.

Other than the port-a-potty incident, the zoo was great. I would pay anything to have my own my monkey. I could watch those wacky guys all day long.

I'm crying I'm laughing so hard.

My wife asked me what was so funny and I almost let her read this, but I'm trying like hell to avoid the combining of worlds that worked out so peach swell with wife 1.0.P and S, love the picture by the llamas' sign that says 'we bite'.

Wait, are those capris?

 

[Osaurus]

I have walked past this Dutch pancake place the last 3 days. I am thinking today is the day.

ETA: Tried to go in, but naturally the day I pick to go there is a line out the door. Man that place smells good. I have 1 more shot at it tomorrow

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

We need to find Little Zooks a youth medium Cat Shirt.

 

[Hawks64]

Taking the boys fishing this weekend on our camping trip.

One question: Do I have to use that little bobber thing? These are trout and bass and maybe some other fish I don't really know how to catch, clean or cook...garr or maybe tuna.

Tell you what, tell me everything you know about fishing and remember, I struggle to tie my shoes, so talk slow like.

Depends on how old they are. Mine are 7 and 6 and aren't quite ready for lure fishing yet, so it's bobber and bait for them. Both bass and trout can be caught on bait but I don't have a lot of experience with trout so I can't really help with how to fish for them. For Bass you should have the kids cast their bobber to the edge of weed beds or top cover (lilly pads and other water plants). Depending on the depth of the water I would put the bobber about 1-2 feet up on the line. Make sure to put a weight or two on the line close to the hook this helps get the bait down and keep the line straight from the bobber.If your boys are able to lure fish then you can you use buzz baits, texas rigs or carolina rigs. You can also use a number of different top water lures like hula poppers, torpedos, crazy crawlers, moss boss, etc. I have had the most success catching bass with texas rigs with double hooks (just add a second hook to the back of the worm) using Berkly power baits. If they are just learning how to use lures buzz baits or some of the top water lures would be best since they don't require a ton of finesse to use. The Moss Boss (weedless frog) is a great lure for kids IMO since you cast on top of the lilly pads/weed beds and just kind of jerk it around so it looks like a frog jumping around. Pretty easy to use and it's weedless so you shouldn't get to many snags.

 

[Thorn]

What is the name of that site where you can put in the name of a band, and the site draws a funky flow chart showing other similar-sounding bands?

liveplasma.commusicplasma.com

YES! Thanks GB

 

[guru_007]

anyone happen to see Jonah Hill on the Espy's last night? Unrecognizable, other than that voice.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

anyone happen to see Jonah Hill on the Espy's last night? Unrecognizable, other than that voice.

I heard that Jimmer Freddettee won "Best Male College Player" for going nowhere in the tournament, chucking up 30 shots a game, and not playing any defense.Now pretend that he's black.

 

[Bogart]

File under things that annoy the #### out of me about people:

Wife just called. They made it about halfway last night to Florida, and they just found out this morning, that her uncle passed away. And he JUST passed away, I'm talking within the last hour. I give my condolences to her and her mom, we talk a few seconds on how the drive and the hotel were last night. Before we hang up, she tell me check out Facebook, she took some cute pictures of the kids in the car.

So I log on to Facebook and her family has flooded my news stream with RIPs and sad stories about their uncle. If you want to pay your respect that is fine, but racing each other to be the "first" to spread the news about the death and how much this uncle they never saw meant to THEM, just annoys me to the bone. I know FB, twitter and G+ are all just one big "Hey, look at me!!" and I'm fine with that most of the time. I guess I just can't stand people who have to show how much they are mourning when the guy hasn't even left the hospital yet.

Stupid Rant by me now over.

 

[Leeroy Jenkins]

anyone happen to see Jonah Hill on the Espy's last night? Unrecognizable, other than that voice.

Moneyball looks like a really bad movie to me.

 

[guru_007]

anyone happen to see Jonah Hill on the Espy's last night? Unrecognizable, other than that voice.

I heard that Jimmer Freddettee won "Best Male College Player" for going nowhere in the tournament, chucking up 30 shots a game, and not playing any defense.Now pretend that he's black.

obviously this whole "award" show is a farce, I just happened to pass by and saw a giant with a midget standing next to him, and I thought the voice sounded real familiar...and was like wtf, did the dude get stricken by disease or somethingyeah, outstanding play of the year was the girl header in the soccer game that happened 2 days ago. riiiiiiight.

 

[bostonfred]

anyone happen to see Jonah Hill on the Espy's last night? Unrecognizable, other than that voice.

He looks like he like he won Biggest Loser. Unbelievable transformation. Good for him.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

File under things that annoy the #### out of me about people:Wife just called. They made it about halfway last night to Florida, and they just found out this morning, that her uncle passed away. And he JUST passed away, I'm talking within the last hour. I give my condolences to her and her mom, we talk a few seconds on how the drive and the hotel were last night. Before we hang up, she tell me check out Facebook, she took some cute pictures of the kids in the car.So I log on to Facebook and her family has flooded my news stream with RIPs and sad stories about their uncle. If you want to pay your respect that is fine, but racing each other to be the "first" to spread the news about the death and how much this uncle they never saw meant to THEM, just annoys me to the bone. I know FB, twitter and G+ are all just one big "Hey, look at me!!" and I'm fine with that most of the time. I guess I just can't stand people who have to show how much they are mourning when the guy hasn't even left the hospital yet.Stupid Rant by me now over.

Tend to agree GB. I like FB. I also hate FB. Friend me and you can at least be the first to learn of my untimely demise. Or celebrate it. #nofuneral

 

[YSR]

File under things that annoy the #### out of me about people:Wife just called. They made it about halfway last night to Florida, and they just found out this morning, that her uncle passed away. And he JUST passed away, I'm talking within the last hour. I give my condolences to her and her mom, we talk a few seconds on how the drive and the hotel were last night. Before we hang up, she tell me check out Facebook, she took some cute pictures of the kids in the car.So I log on to Facebook and her family has flooded my news stream with RIPs and sad stories about their uncle. If you want to pay your respect that is fine, but racing each other to be the "first" to spread the news about the death and how much this uncle they never saw meant to THEM, just annoys me to the bone. I know FB, twitter and G+ are all just one big "Hey, look at me!!" and I'm fine with that most of the time. I guess I just can't stand people who have to show how much they are mourning when the guy hasn't even left the hospital yet.Stupid Rant by me now over.

I saw something similar happen in the last week. A classmate of my brother's (7 years older than me) passed away in his sleep last Thursday morning (age 40). We grew up on the same street, etc., but I wasn't close with him at all. I am FB friends with his younger sister, and started to see people post things along the lines of "you and your family are in our prayers", "so sorry to hear about Chris", etc.The kicker, though, was the people who POSTED ON HER WALL, "Did something happen to your brother Chris?" and "What happened to Chris?". There were several of these types of posts, and I was a little floored by it. Just seemed tacky to me. Am I wrong to have wanted a little more discretion from people?

 

[Idiot Boxer]

Gonna need to see the body. Still could be an elaborate setup.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

anyone happen to see Jonah Hill on the Espy's last night? Unrecognizable, other than that voice.

Moneyball looks like a really bad movie to me.

I loathe Aaron Sorkin. Loathe. I wish he'd leave the Bay Area alone and go back to ruining Washington DC.The entire movie's out-of-date, anyway. Athletic guys who can field and not hit are the new fat guys who can hit and not field.

 

[McJose]

So we got our marriage license today. I guess there's no turning back now. Unless I get drunk and destroy an offdee 9

Sure you can. The license doesn't mean jack until the actual ceremony.

Anyways, I hate all of the "clinking glasses so you kiss" and "sing a love song so you kiss" at weddings.

Who does what now?

 

[YSR]

Anyways, I hate all of the "clinking glasses so you kiss" and "sing a love song so you kiss" at weddings.

Who does what now?

One of us is going to the wrong weddings. I'm tempted to say it's you, stryperkiss.

 

[McJose]

anyone happen to see Jonah Hill on the Espy's last night? Unrecognizable, other than that voice.

I heard that Jimmer Freddettee won "Best Male College Player" for going nowhere in the tournament, chucking up 30 shots a game, and not playing any defense.Now pretend that he's black.

obviously this whole "award" show is a farce, I just happened to pass by and saw a giant with a midget standing next to him, and I thought the voice sounded real familiar...and was like wtf, did the dude get stricken by disease or somethingyeah, outstanding play of the year was the girl header in the soccer game that happened 2 days ago. riiiiiiight.

And what was with those stupid animated intros to each award? Horrible.Seth Meyers killed though. They should just scrap the awards and make some annual sports-wide roast.

Oh, the fake commercial with Blake Davis was pretty good too.

 

[shamwow!]

Anyways, I hate all of the "clinking glasses so you kiss" and "sing a love song so you kiss" at weddings.

Who does what now?

One of us is going to the wrong weddings. I'm tempted to say it's you, stryperkiss.

Really? The glass clinking thing isn't universal? Essentially during the dinner, some loser at Table 9 will start clinking his glass. Everyone joins in until the bride and groom kiss. Repeat every 5-10 minutes (inversely proportional to the amount of alcohol consumed) until the end of dinner.

I honestly thought this was standard wedding protocol for the past 100 years.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Anyways, I hate all of the "clinking glasses so you kiss" and "sing a love song so you kiss" at weddings.

Who does what now?

One of us is going to the wrong weddings. I'm tempted to say it's you, stryperkiss.

Really? The glass clinking thing isn't universal? Essentially during the dinner, some loser at Table 9 will start clinking his glass. Everyone joins in until the bride and groom kiss. Repeat every 5-10 minutes (inversely proportional to the amount of alcohol consumed) until the end of dinner.

I honestly thought this was standard wedding protocol for the past 100 years.

I've seen this before. It's a loathsome tradition.

 

[Raider Nation]

Woke up with a nice little gift from God this morning....

My very first hemorrhoid. A bulbous, blood-filled beauty with a head on it, located just inside my anal cavity.

Thoughts & prayers please.

 

[Dr. Watson]

Anyways, I hate all of the "clinking glasses so you kiss" and "sing a love song so you kiss" at weddings.

Who does what now?

One of us is going to the wrong weddings. I'm tempted to say it's you, stryperkiss.

I honestly thought this was standard wedding protocol for the past 100 years.

It is where I come from...I just mostly ignored it after the first couple of times.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

Woke up with a nice little gift from God this morning....My very first hemorrhoid. A bulbous, blood-filled beauty with a head on it, located just inside my anal cavity.Thoughts & prayers please.

What does one do to avoid this? I eat a lot of granola bars and salad, that helps right?

 

[shamwow!]

I've seen this before. It's a loathsome tradition.

It is where I come from...I just mostly ignored it after the first couple of times.

 

[Raider Nation]

Woke up with a nice little gift from God this morning....My very first hemorrhoid. A bulbous, blood-filled beauty with a head on it, located just inside my anal cavity.Thoughts & prayers please.

What does one do to avoid this? I eat a lot of granola bars and salad, that helps right?

Per my limited research this morning, yes.High fiber diets help keep you regular, which avoids constipation. My diet is so effed up (lots of red meat and protein -- very little fiber) that I often strain to get the job done on the toilet. I'm gonna go take a sitz bath. Any idea if it should be warm or cold?

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I've seen this before. It's a loathsome tradition.

My cousin is getting married tomorrow night. I'll probably do this or gauge my ears out. Haven't decided yet. Also if his fiance's friends are even close to as good looking as she is, it will be neat. Considering she is 21, I'm guessing all signs point to yes.

Woke up with a nice little gift from God this morning....My very first hemorrhoid. A bulbous, blood-filled beauty with a head on it, located just inside my anal cavity.Thoughts & prayers please.

What does one do to avoid this? I eat a lot of granola bars and salad, that helps right?

No, I can assure you it doesn't.

 

[Raider Nation]

Woke up with a nice little gift from God this morning....My very first hemorrhoid. A bulbous, blood-filled beauty with a head on it, located just inside my anal cavity.Thoughts & prayers please.

What does one do to avoid this? I eat a lot of granola bars and salad, that helps right?

No, I can assure you it doesn't.

I just read the opposite. If you have had any success shrinking or eliminating the little suckers, please share some tips.

 

[McJose]

Anyways, I hate all of the "clinking glasses so you kiss" and "sing a love song so you kiss" at weddings.

Who does what now?

One of us is going to the wrong weddings. I'm tempted to say it's you, stryperkiss.

Really? The glass clinking thing isn't universal? Essentially during the dinner, some loser at Table 9 will start clinking his glass. Everyone joins in until the bride and groom kiss. Repeat every 5-10 minutes (inversely proportional to the amount of alcohol consumed) until the end of dinner.

I honestly thought this was standard wedding protocol for the past 100 years.

I've seen this before. It's a loathsome tradition.

I just asked my wife about this. She says that she's seen it happen. She added they did it at the last wedding we attended. I guess I need to pay more attention.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

So we got our marriage license today. I guess there's no turning back now.

I hope you didn't sign your real name to that thing.

 

[McJose]

Woke up with a nice little gift from God this morning....My very first hemorrhoid. A bulbous, blood-filled beauty with a head on it, located just inside my anal cavity.Thoughts & prayers please.

[wetdream] We call those 'speed bumps' [/wetdream]

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Woke up with a nice little gift from God this morning....My very first hemorrhoid. A bulbous, blood-filled beauty with a head on it, located just inside my anal cavity.Thoughts & prayers please.

What does one do to avoid this? I eat a lot of granola bars and salad, that helps right?

Per my limited research this morning, yes.High fiber diets help keep you regular, which avoids constipation. My diet is so effed up (lots of red meat and protein -- very little fiber) that I often strain to get the job done on the toilet. I'm gonna go take a sitz bath. Any idea if it should be warm or cold?

I've always had a high fiber diet and exercise a lot. I don't know. I guess everybody is different. Sometimes, usually after drinking heavily, it looks like you murdered a midget after you wipe. So you have that to look forward too.