GM's thread about nothing (31 Viewers)

[shuke]

Just got the following joke emailed to me by my father:

A man goes into a Barnes and Noble and asks the young female clerk, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises? I can't remember the title. " She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." The man said, "That's the one. I'll take a copy."

I laughed.

 

[Early_10]

We're looking at dogs, and I have this sinking feeling my worst fear is going to be realized. I thought my wife and daughter were all sold on the idea of adopting a boxer, but it seems my daughter didn't quite grasp the idea that the puppies she's looking at now aren't going to stay anywhere near that size. She wants something smaller that can sit in her lap. Or at least come close to it. Is there a halfway decent dog that qualifies and won't make me want to dropkick it into the pool? Yappy and hyper is unacceptable.

Lab or lab mix.

Best of the Newfoundland breeds. 11 days and I'm legally separated.

 

[EYLive]

I just bit into the sourest plum I've ever tasted in my life. It's like a lemon with a sunburn.

 

[EYLive]

Just got the following joke emailed to me by my father:

A man goes into a Barnes and Noble and asks the young female clerk, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises? I can't remember the title. " She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." The man said, "That's the one. I'll take a copy."

 

[Early_10]

Say this for cats: They don't give you much, but they also don't require much effort.

And you can leave them for a week without a sitter.

 

[Early_10]

My project for this week:

Before 1

Before 2

The stuff on the sides is the muck I've already scooped out and am letting bake in the sun to make it easier to bag and therefore more likely for the trash guys to pick up on Thursday.

Stop letting people shiit in it? Thats amazingly dirty.

 

[Early_10]

I'm gonna write an update from the perspective of one of my sperm

"OK, here we go. I feel the momentum of the thrusting carrying me to a place to fulfill my destiny. Oh, what will that egg look like? Will she be attractive? Will she accept my advances and allow me into her sweet embrace? So many thoughts swimming in my mind. Getting closer, now loaded up in the dream cannon, ready and able to be fired off into a wonderful adventure. An adventure that will surely mean the joining of two souls. THE TIME IS NOW!! The speed of the launch is indescribable. OK, clearing the head now, time to go to work. This, this is the time I've been dreaming about for my entire life. But ... wait. Something isn't right. What is this? Fabric? HOLY ####, IT IS A SOCK! A ####ING sock!!!! You MOTHER ####ERS!!! :shakesfist: I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!"

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Just got the following joke emailed to me by my father:

A man goes into a Barnes and Noble and asks the young female clerk, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises? I can't remember the title. " She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." The man said, "That's the one. I'll take a copy."

And the sequel, "How about now?"

 

[General Malaise]

Hey GM is the forrestmail officially dead or have I been purged from the list?

I killed it. Too many people on smart phones now, so when I send it out, people are getting swamped with smut on their smart phones and it can lead to some awkwardness.Plus, Gmail and its family are a balloon knot. Gmail sucks worse than Rebecca Black flavored New Coke sold on People's Express. It restriced the amount of emails I could send out. Worthless.

 

[cosjobs]

I've never had ketchup in my life.

Oh stop it.

not sure why you'd think I'd lie about this, but 100% truth. I don't eat hamburgers either

My oldest son has tried ketchup but doesn't care for it. I don't even remember him ever asking for it. He went through a Ranch Dressin phase, but that ended years ago. He likes a little mayo on his sandwich, but he might very well live the rest of his life without eating ketchup. He just doesn't like it.He will eat tomatoes plain, however and enjoys tomato soup. I'm not much for mayo, but I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip.

Miracle Whip is mayo that has added corn starch and sweetener. You might even call it the pancake of the condiment world.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I'm gonna write an update from the perspective of one of my sperm

"OK, here we go. I feel the momentum of the thrusting carrying me to a place to fulfill my destiny. Oh, what will that egg look like? Will she be attractive? Will she accept my advances and allow me into her sweet embrace? So many thoughts swimming in my mind. Getting closer, now loaded up in the dream cannon, ready and able to be fired off into a wonderful adventure. An adventure that will surely mean the joining of two souls. THE TIME IS NOW!! The speed of the launch is indescribable. OK, clearing the head now, time to go to work. This, this is the time I've been dreaming about for my entire life. But ... wait. Something isn't right. What is this? Fabric? HOLY ####, IT IS A SOCK! A ####ING sock!!!! You MOTHER ####ERS!!! :shakesfist: I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!"

Just got the following joke emailed to me by my father:

A man goes into a Barnes and Noble and asks the young female clerk, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises? I can't remember the title. " She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." The man said, "That's the one. I'll take a copy."

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Anybody with a foot fetish that also likes nip?

link

 

[General Malaise]

Anybody with a foot fetish that also likes nip?

link

You know...that can't be unseen. I'm sending you my therapy bills.

 

[Josie Maran]

Alive and well and up a couple hundy.

 

[shamwow!]

Screw it, you guys win. I'm leaving work early today and am ordering a large stack of hot pancakes with gobs of butter and will smother it all in syrup.Film at 3:30pm PST

 

[commisholio]

Alive and well and up a couple hundy.

Glad you're OK GB. Please don't drink and drive.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Whoa

 

[gamera]

Whoa

You must have done something really, really bad.

 

[SofaKings]

Ok, a boat I've raced against in Lake Huron suffered a tragedy when two of its crew drowned early sunday morning during the Chicago to Mackinac. Of course I'm headed off to a race in northern lake huron on Thursday. Wife is flipping out a bit. Ah well, she'll get over it right?

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Whoa

You must have done something really, really bad.

Nah, I only send Mrs. SLB flowers completely out of the blue. I was looking for something for a sick client/friend. FTD Gold= You get free shipping which can be 30-40% of the total cost.Actually, I just bought her this for our upcoming 16th wedding anniversary: http://www.wholesalepoint.com/pc-Massage-Therapy-2/Core-3400.html

The chiropractor at the MS walk and she really like it. It did work wonders. I know it isn't all that romantic but I'm a hopeless romantic so this will catch her completely by surprise.

 

[-fish-]

Whoa

You must have done something really, really bad.

Those aren't "I'm sorry" roses. Those are "congratulations on coming out of the closet" roses.

 

[gamera]

Whoa

You must have done something really, really bad.

Those aren't "I'm sorry" roses. Those are "congratulations on coming out of the closet" roses.

But why would SLB need...OH MY GOD

 

[tommyboy]

tell me about your camping. I've been in idaho for a long friggin time missed the last week

 

[General Malaise]

tell me about your camping. I've been in idaho for a long friggin time missed the last week

It's a few pages back, posted yesterday. It was lost in a horrible conversation about breakfast foods that never ended.

 

[General Malaise]

Ok, a boat I've raced against in Lake Huron suffered a tragedy when two of its crew drowned early sunday morning during the Chicago to Mackinac. Of course I'm headed off to a race in northern lake huron on Thursday. Wife is flipping out a bit. Ah well, she'll get over it right?

Sorry for your loss? Or gain?

 

[General Malaise]

Screw it, you guys win. I'm leaving work early today and am ordering a large stack of hot pancakes with gobs of butter and will smother it all in syrup.Film at 3:30pm PST

I wussed out. Pancakes at 3:30pm just seems wrong. I'm going to have to get really baked and be very very hungry. And then I'll film it.

 

[General Malaise]

Whoa, check out the contestants on Jeopardy tonight. That hipster-emo look is horrendous.

 

[Sergeant Spelt]

Anybody with a foot fetish that also likes nip?

link

The hairs almost kept me from finishing

 

[SofaKings]

Ok, a boat I've raced against in Lake Huron suffered a tragedy when two of its crew drowned early sunday morning during the Chicago to Mackinac. Of course I'm headed off to a race in northern lake huron on Thursday. Wife is flipping out a bit. Ah well, she'll get over it right?

Sorry for your loss? Or gain?

It's odd, I knew the boat well but didn't know anyone onboard. However I have probably 35 facebook friends who knew one of the victims. I guess we were just never in the same room together. By all accounts he was a pretty good guy.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

I want to be careful not to verge into politics in this thread, but I just want to say that I find it loathsome that someone would throw a foam pie at somebody instead of using real whip cream.

 

[EYLive]

I've never had ketchup in my life.

Oh stop it.

not sure why you'd think I'd lie about this, but 100% truth. I don't eat hamburgers either

My oldest son has tried ketchup but doesn't care for it. I don't even remember him ever asking for it. He went through a Ranch Dressin phase, but that ended years ago. He likes a little mayo on his sandwich, but he might very well live the rest of his life without eating ketchup. He just doesn't like it.He will eat tomatoes plain, however and enjoys tomato soup. I'm not much for mayo, but I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip.

Miracle Whip is mayo that has added corn starch and sweetener. You might even call it the pancake of the condiment world.

I can't tell the difference. If ranch dressing wasn't thinner and have lil green specs in it, I'd confuse it with the other 2 as well.

 

[shuke]

I want to be careful not to verge into politics in this thread, but I just want to say that I find it loathsome that someone would throw a foam pie at somebody instead of using real whip cream.

I'm gonna need some context or flat out explanation here.

 

[Aaron Rudnicki]

I want to be careful not to verge into politics in this thread, but I just want to say that I find it loathsome that someone would throw a foam pie at somebody instead of using real whip cream.

I'm gonna need some context or flat out explanation here.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/19/rupert-murdoch-pie-video_n_903508.html

 

[gamera]

I want to be careful not to verge into politics in this thread, but I just want to say that I find it loathsome that someone would throw a foam pie at somebody instead of using real whip cream.

I'm gonna need some context or flat out explanation here.

Someone made a run at Rupert Murdoch today. His wife went Chuck Norris on the guy.

 

[krista4]

This thread has become a shadow of its former self.

A bad element arrived.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I blame Lomez. Guy's a jackhole.

 

[krista4]

I blame Lomez. Guy's a jackhole.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

What's happening in the quest to introduce carbs to Nicaragua and plunge the U.S. to 1 in 5 living in poverty?

 

[bostonfred]

The last couple pages of this thread had some greatness.

 

[bostonfred]

Nicaragua

This would have been a good name for those water vapor cigarettes.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Nicaragua

This would have been a good name for those water vapor cigarettes.

H2Blow imo

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Nicoteen

Truth in advertising

 

[gamera]

This thread has become a shadow of its former self.

A bad element arrived.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

"Nicoteen. Hey, compared to the other things your teenage daughter could be putting in her mouth, we're not so bad."

 

[gmbacm]

But Coop and I were determined to sit out there and fish, despite multiple lost lures and several snags.

What's all this casting and lures stuff? Pretty sure you were advised against all that.Very glad to hear y'all stuck it out. Something about fishing and boys- you really should try and take him at least 2-3 times a year. You have learned you do not need to catch much to thrill him. And you should not have to drive very far from home to find a place where you can't catch much.

I took Cooper fishing off the coast last year for his birthday. It was a charter trip, but it was a blast. Caught a bunch of rockfish and cabazon. Delicious. We've gone a few times before and after and bring the rod to all camping trips. His brother just doesn't care for it much, but that's fine.I just wish I knew more about it than I do. My dad never really took me and I don't know much about it...I still can't tie the hooks or bobbers very well. I tried one of those San Diego knots, but stabbed myself and went back to about 15 square knots.

And what do you mean not to cast? How the hell am I supposed to get the bobber/hook/worm/lure over the shallow water? No dock here, no boat.

This knot is really easy and very dependable. I use this knot for attaching a swivel, leader or lure and have had very few problems with it.

Thank you, Citizen.

If that one is too much for you try this - easiest fishing knot out there. Basically put line through eye, twist in your hand 6-7 times, pass end of line through loop created at eye end, pull tight.http://www.netknots.com/html/improved_clinch_knot.html

 

[bostonfred]

Nicaragua

This would have been a good name for those water vapor cigarettes.

H2Blow imo

Camelflage.

 

[krista4]

What's happening in the quest to introduce carbs to Nicaragua and plunge the U.S. to 1 in 5 living in poverty?

House: secured. Restaurant: Not yet secured. We have the place we love (ATTENTION: FBGs I like are always welcome to stay for free) but will take 1-1/2 to three years to move down there full time. Restaurant concept still to come, as we get to know the need.

 

[bostonfred]

How are you planning to pronounce the r in Nicaragua while you're there? Roll it, or no? And are you going to say the "c" or is it going to be more like knee-ha-rrrrrr-og-wa?

 

[krista4]

How are you planning to pronounce the r in Nicaragua while you're there? Roll it, or no? And are you going to say the "c" or is it going to be more like knee-ha-rrrrrr-og-wa?

I'm physically unable to roll my "r"s due to my German heritage and GM-like pale skin. The "kneeeeeeeeeeee-ha-rrrr-og-wa" is a good compromise, though.

 

[Drifter]

But Coop and I were determined to sit out there and fish, despite multiple lost lures and several snags.

What's all this casting and lures stuff? Pretty sure you were advised against all that.Very glad to hear y'all stuck it out. Something about fishing and boys- you really should try and take him at least 2-3 times a year. You have learned you do not need to catch much to thrill him. And you should not have to drive very far from home to find a place where you can't catch much.

I took Cooper fishing off the coast last year for his birthday. It was a charter trip, but it was a blast. Caught a bunch of rockfish and cabazon. Delicious. We've gone a few times before and after and bring the rod to all camping trips. His brother just doesn't care for it much, but that's fine.I just wish I knew more about it than I do. My dad never really took me and I don't know much about it...I still can't tie the hooks or bobbers very well. I tried one of those San Diego knots, but stabbed myself and went back to about 15 square knots.

And what do you mean not to cast? How the hell am I supposed to get the bobber/hook/worm/lure over the shallow water? No dock here, no boat.

This knot is really easy and very dependable. I use this knot for attaching a swivel, leader or lure and have had very few problems with it.

Thank you, Citizen.

If that one is too much for you try this - easiest fishing knot out there. Basically put line through eye, twist in your hand 6-7 times, pass end of line through loop created at eye end, pull tight.http://www.netknots.com/html/improved_clinch_knot.html

This is the one I grew up on.