shamwow!
Footballguy
People can mix coffee while they're driving. I'm just sayingI'm as big (if not bigger) an alkie as you, but damn the driving posts are pretty freaking scary and 100% not good.
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums
This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
GM's thread about nothing (28 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Josie Maran
Footballguy
No problem. I deserve whatever lashings I get. Like Jesus.
Josie Maran
Footballguy
I agree. On Monday night, I shouldn't have been allowed to even look at a car, let alone drive one. That was one of the dumbest things I've ever done. But today's escapades...think of it like a normal guy having a few beers at happy hour and then driving home. No big deal, happens every day. I just managed to hold that pose for nine hours.
Josie Maran
Footballguy
Homer>glad you're ok, gb. Maybe just red bull no vodka for the 9-hour road trips though?
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
New 9 Hour energy: Hours of hangover-free energy without that annoying sober feeling.
Josie Maran
Footballguy
Josie Maran
Footballguy
I don't mind driving. Plus, I brought luggage for my parents, my brother and SIL and their kids, plus 3 golf bags. Saved everyone a nice chunk of change in bag fees and I got nine hours of HomerTime before a week of nonstop familial interaction. Nieces and nephews, cousins, kids everywhere, lesbians, aunts and uncles, people offering me coffee 57 times after I've told them I DONT F###ING DRINK COFFEE. And no, I'd rather not have a sandwich considering I'M EATING ONE RIGHT NOW. Plus the nine hours of solo decompression time on the ride home, which obviously is even more important. I might actually switch to heroin for that drive.
Lieutenant Dan
Footballguy
I think you're great HJS, but I hope it's only you that dies in the accident, not the husband/wife/son/daughter/family you crash into
shamwow!
Footballguy
Relax Finless, I'm busting your balls.Do what you gotta do to get to see your family. That's admirable and ultimately is what's important. Just saying a hangover drive isn't the worst thing in the world, although it may feel like it. No need to hammer booze halfway through while steering the wheel with your knee at 75. If you gotta do it, pull over.
Josie Maran
Footballguy
Sorry, didn't mean to come across pissy in that post...didn't think I was pointing that in your direction, gb. And ftr, I made one drink during a whizz stop and one while gassing up. And whizzing.
went night golfing. no lights. ball glows in the dark and there were glow sticks and tiki torches everywhere.
was a bit like going to a golf rave I guess.
was a bit like going to a golf rave I guess.
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Ulnar nerve impingement in cubital tunnel.
remember when shuke quit this place?
sucked.
sucked.
shamwow!
Footballguy
Dude, you know I have your back and you would be the first person I would cornhole in all of the FFA and probably go drink for drink with....and then put you under the table
A road soda is fine. I'm not judging by any means because I've been there. Get as ####ed up as you possibly can once you get there. Send me pics of toilets, ####ty cabs, boobs, trannys, XRated graffiti, your schwantz, whatever you want.Please just keep the drinking and driving to a minimum. Or at least hide it from me/us. It isn't cool. I've got one (DUI) and I'm not proud. It only gets worse.
roadkill1292
Footballguy
Fred, you're a smart, funny guy. How can you not see that Finless is everything that's wrong with America?'bostonfred said:
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
cosjobs
Footballguy
Wedding day present for the wife?First I've heard of this.
May be why my last 25 years have been hell.
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
which course??
Billy Caldwell
gianmarco
Footballguy
gianmarco
Footballguy
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
My new boss is a golfer. I may have to start playing again. I used to play and I got spoiled, big time. I had mad connections in phx and played all the best courses out there. And I used to also have the hook up here in socal, but they fell by the wayside. So here's the ##### of it, I suck at golf. I have a lot of fun playing, but never took the time to practice and get better. I just don't care enough. So I struggle big time to justify paying the exorbitant green fees on the courses I'm "used" to playing. Hopefully we will get dialed in and get to play for free.
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
I got my wife a sweet ### sewing machine. Set the tone boys, set the tone.
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
check out ezlinks.com (tee time specials). they have lot's of great courses at great prices.
Thorn
Footballguy
Burlington's on the Canadian border, so, not implausible."Drug deal gone wrong..........in Burlington, Vermont"'Finless said:Drift let it go. Now you're naming names and starting drama. I'd never say anything bad about DW. And I have no idea who Clark is so I'm not sure how I insulted him. You speak like you know me. You were in a bar room with me for two hours 5 years ago and you know who I am? You don't know ####. You're creating drama. I don't act like a tough guy. I rally like DW and it bothers me you'd run around saying I badmouthed him. So I forgot about people who were at the draft. Why make a big story about it? Seriously. You created this. And Im plenty charismatic. Im as type A as they come. I walk into people houses and walk out with $20K checks. I from the northeast, we're a different breed. Now whoever you were just saying look at your posts you've been lying for years, that's the thing. I haven't been lying. People just have a hard time believing strange stories.guys like pickles and hack and truck have been saying what I say isn't shtick like everyone likes to believe. I can provide photos of a gunshot wound and a stab wound. Every one thinks that's a lie. I was stabbed in a scuffle in Worcester Mass and I was shot in a drug deal gone wrong in Burlington Vermont...dismissed as shtick. I've provided photos here for years. Women, large fish, clothing, celebrities, all sorts of strange weirdness. The pictures are ignored and Im constantly fished by the same idiots calling me a liar.Drifter, let it gland stop trying to create a problem. Im out.I called -4- a d-bag once. One of my few bannings.I don't doubt that Finless is a junkie and I don't doubt that he makes decent coin and spends it like a 16 year old girl at the mall. However, he is in no way some charismatic, type A with a bad boy/tough guy side and if he's going to insult my friends and guys like DW and Clark Griswold, I'm not going to let that sit.getting all kinds of crazy in thereI don't think I've ever seen Drifter say a bad word about anyone......opened up a little can of hurt in there.
Mrs. BSR
Footballguy
Suck it Furley!!
not quite.
Guster
Footballguy
Canada's not exactly full of black people either...
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
Drake down?
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
So I kind of went MOP talking to my real estate agent today..... 
We had the house inspected by a guy my Dad knows, who was super cool BTW, and he had nothing but good things to say. His exact words "if every house I inspected was built & wired with the quality this house is, I would be out of business." Cool. Right? Well, there were a couple little things. Four of the windows had broken seals and need to be replaced. The valve on the cold water handle on the jacuzzi tub in the master bath was busted and need to be replaced. It worked but it spun 360 degrees. The aforementioned dishwasher is loud as hell. I don't know **** about fixing stuff and the inspector said the windows would be $75-$100 a piece and the valve around $150 or so. The dishwasher of course could be just about any amount depending on how nice a model. I hate doing dishes, it will be a nice model. So I figure $550 for the windows and the valve and another $200 for the dishwasher. They come back and offered me $300. It was probably the lack of sleep or the tectonic like pressure I've been under but I lost it. I told my agent that they could go blank themselves for trying to nickle and dime me at the last minute. I think I said something about them getting on their knees and blowing me for the other $450 along with some other colorful remarks.
I told her, I'll walk away right now. I'm stubborn that way.
My agent just called. I apologized profusely and she just laughed and said it was no biggie since I've been so cool and funny before this and she knew I was just stressed out.
They agreed to $750.
We had the house inspected by a guy my Dad knows, who was super cool BTW, and he had nothing but good things to say. His exact words "if every house I inspected was built & wired with the quality this house is, I would be out of business." Cool. Right? Well, there were a couple little things. Four of the windows had broken seals and need to be replaced. The valve on the cold water handle on the jacuzzi tub in the master bath was busted and need to be replaced. It worked but it spun 360 degrees. The aforementioned dishwasher is loud as hell. I don't know **** about fixing stuff and the inspector said the windows would be $75-$100 a piece and the valve around $150 or so. The dishwasher of course could be just about any amount depending on how nice a model. I hate doing dishes, it will be a nice model. So I figure $550 for the windows and the valve and another $200 for the dishwasher. They come back and offered me $300. It was probably the lack of sleep or the tectonic like pressure I've been under but I lost it. I told my agent that they could go blank themselves for trying to nickle and dime me at the last minute. I think I said something about them getting on their knees and blowing me for the other $450 along with some other colorful remarks.
I told her, I'll walk away right now. I'm stubborn that way.My agent just called. I apologized profusely and she just laughed and said it was no biggie since I've been so cool and funny before this and she knew I was just stressed out.
They agreed to $750.
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
Good for you. Your agent should have had the stones to suggest it to you without you having to go MOP. These real estate negotiations are a joke. Good realtors are hard to find. Most of them are more concerned with their bottom line and will only work as hard as you "make" them.
facook
Footballguy
No, waiter, your staring at me while I order my meal and "memorizing" our order does not fill me with admiration for you and confidence in the preciseness of the meal. It fills me with all sorts of anxiety-ridden angst that my $10 hamburger is going to arrive with both mayo AND onions attached even though I emphasized I wanted zero molecules of either anywhere near it. In fact, when the mayo and onions are both present, it makes me want to find one of those light-green waiter-order-pad thingies and cram it down your overfriendly, no-short-term-memory gullet. 
Love, fac
Also: does anyone here know how to get rid of rockchucks without shooting them? I tried to sneak up on him all Native American In The Forest like (if the Native American used a pellet gun), but apparently I sounded like a herd of wildebeests stampeding the Serengeti...that sucker was back under the deck before I was within 25 yards.
Love, facAlso: does anyone here know how to get rid of rockchucks without shooting them? I tried to sneak up on him all Native American In The Forest like (if the Native American used a pellet gun), but apparently I sounded like a herd of wildebeests stampeding the Serengeti...that sucker was back under the deck before I was within 25 yards.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
You gotta get onions on a burger.
YSR
Footballguy
My husband is walking through our house with a realtor as I type. We want to FSBO, but figure we need to get on MLS if we can. This guy is a complete hack. My husband is asking for input on paint colors, staging and even where this guy thinks we should list and he's got nothin'.
Chaos Commish
Footballguy
I'm home safe. I survived family reunion vacationing despite the post menstrual menopausing four headed sister monster. I can't even begin to describe what a nightmare it can be. I had four awesome sisters each phenomenal in their own unique and wonderful ways. Now I have an angry mob of incoherent irrational human females. Getting old... ugh.
Here's some highlights. I caught a decent aliboot (halibut) Monday at sundown. Me, my kid and her friend had 2 cheap rooms that night as the big house we rent annually wasn't ours til noon Tuesday. I wanted to be first to the house to claim my favorite room and set up the garage for sleeping 8-10 kids. I did that and by 1 started making fish tacos for me and the girls knowing several fellow vacationers were due to start arriving. How nice I thought it would be to greet them with fresh caught fish tacos. I had a peach microbrew on ice with a couple bottles of nice pink champagne in case we were in the mood for a kickoff toast. It was beautiful, clear, 67 degrees, soft salty ocean breeze, the tranquil sounds of gulls and surf. A young couple with two little ones arrived famished and thankful for tacos and beer and yogurt smoothies for the younguns made by my daughter and her friend. A single nephew shows, scarfing tacos and telling jokes, ready for the waves and generously stocking the bar. Then the lovely 26 year old twins, a joyful stereophonic song in their collective voice with hugs for all. Everything was very cool and everyone was happy and relaxed. Then the first change of lifer arrived:
"Jesus #### this place stinks like rotten fish! Gawd. I'm going to puke. What are you cooking?"
"Fish tacos. I caught it myself. They're awesome, blue corn torts, organic slaw. Want one? Maybe a drink will help? Adam and the twins (her daughters) are on the deck, go say hi."
"Gawd no! I'm sooo fat. It's hot in here (hot flash fun). I'm sweaty. THE smeElL is naUseaTinG (smelled heavenly afaic). Can I open the windows to air this place out? Did you take the room downstairs?"
"Uh Ok"
Her head splits open and the serpent hisses, "OKAYsssssshhhh WHATssssshhhh!!!???"
"um, ok no tacos for you, ok don't say hi, ok to open windows, and ok I took the downstairs room and sure ok your fat and the sweaty smell is nauseating?"
"You #######. I'm very worried about Sandra. She hasn't answered her phone since last night. I'm taking a walk."
"Ok"
Enter change of liver Sandra:
"I'm in really huge touble! I lost MY phone. Do you know what is on MY phone. Gawd those smell good. Make me one. I'm dead. My boss will kill me. Oh god my phone my phone my phone. I'm starving! Delicious slaw, Chaos!"
"Ok"
instantly split open and hissing, "OKAYsssshhh WHATssssshhh!!??"
"Uh ok you lost your phone, ok your boss will kill you and ok have a taco with delicious slaw?"
"This isn't funny! I am scared it's MY phone. Do you know what that means. MY phone!!??"
"Ok so calm down. When did you use it last?"
"Last night talking to Patricia. I was getting ready. We agreed to get here by 3. I put my phone on the charger on MY DESK and it was gone when I woke up. From MY desk! I looked everywhere. MY phone. Do you know what is on MY phone? MY God#### phone!! Oh no this cannot be happening. My trip is ruined. He will kill me. Oh gawwwwwd. I need go back and find MY phone!!"
"Ok well that uh funny sound by the door is me calling your phone in your suitcase. Here have a taco. Beer's cold."
"Wha!!?? It was in the trunk all nighhhh!!??? You #######."
Tuesday remained a trainwreck for menopausing human females as the other half of the four headed beast rolled in. That night at 11:30 when I was getting into bed, the beast slithered downstairs and invaded my private little deck and spa and proceeded to splash, laugh and howl at the moon til 2am.
Late Wednesday morning over Kona coffee roasted by yours truly with cream cheese fresh raspberry danishes furnished by yours truly, It collectively decided I was owed an apology. I said I would only accept an apology if they promised to chill, be nice and ya know practice a little indian relaxation chanting. They said wha...!!?
"Yes, I accept your apology, but only if you try this. I promise it will give you a new perspective and help you all relax."
"Wha..? Chant whaaa..?"
"Just say this, softly together... Owah"
"Owah?"
"Yeah, there's three words, the first is owah", but you have to say it softly and together. Then we can put them all together get a little beach and relaxation chant going. Come on. It's such a gorgeous morning. Owah..."
"You're so wierd."
"Do it damnit. Owah..."
"Owah..."
"Good. Now owah tahjer..."
"Owah tahjer..."
"Excellent. Again."
"Owah tahjer..."
"Feels good, huh? Now owah tahjer kiam..."
"Owah tahjer kiam."
"Again!"
"Owah tahjer kiam."
"Keep repeating that."
"Owah tahjer kiam.
Owah tahjer kiam.
Owah tahjer kiam.
Oh what ahjer kiam.
Oh what ahjer kiam.
Oh what ahjer kiam.
Oh what a jerk I am.
Oh what a jerk I am.
Oh what a jerk I am.
Oh what a jerk I am."
Here's some highlights. I caught a decent aliboot (halibut) Monday at sundown. Me, my kid and her friend had 2 cheap rooms that night as the big house we rent annually wasn't ours til noon Tuesday. I wanted to be first to the house to claim my favorite room and set up the garage for sleeping 8-10 kids. I did that and by 1 started making fish tacos for me and the girls knowing several fellow vacationers were due to start arriving. How nice I thought it would be to greet them with fresh caught fish tacos. I had a peach microbrew on ice with a couple bottles of nice pink champagne in case we were in the mood for a kickoff toast. It was beautiful, clear, 67 degrees, soft salty ocean breeze, the tranquil sounds of gulls and surf. A young couple with two little ones arrived famished and thankful for tacos and beer and yogurt smoothies for the younguns made by my daughter and her friend. A single nephew shows, scarfing tacos and telling jokes, ready for the waves and generously stocking the bar. Then the lovely 26 year old twins, a joyful stereophonic song in their collective voice with hugs for all. Everything was very cool and everyone was happy and relaxed. Then the first change of lifer arrived:
"Jesus #### this place stinks like rotten fish! Gawd. I'm going to puke. What are you cooking?"
"Fish tacos. I caught it myself. They're awesome, blue corn torts, organic slaw. Want one? Maybe a drink will help? Adam and the twins (her daughters) are on the deck, go say hi."
"Gawd no! I'm sooo fat. It's hot in here (hot flash fun). I'm sweaty. THE smeElL is naUseaTinG (smelled heavenly afaic). Can I open the windows to air this place out? Did you take the room downstairs?"
"Uh Ok"
Her head splits open and the serpent hisses, "OKAYsssssshhhh WHATssssshhhh!!!???"
"um, ok no tacos for you, ok don't say hi, ok to open windows, and ok I took the downstairs room and sure ok your fat and the sweaty smell is nauseating?"
"You #######. I'm very worried about Sandra. She hasn't answered her phone since last night. I'm taking a walk."
"Ok"
Enter change of liver Sandra:
"I'm in really huge touble! I lost MY phone. Do you know what is on MY phone. Gawd those smell good. Make me one. I'm dead. My boss will kill me. Oh god my phone my phone my phone. I'm starving! Delicious slaw, Chaos!"
"Ok"
instantly split open and hissing, "OKAYsssshhh WHATssssshhh!!??"
"Uh ok you lost your phone, ok your boss will kill you and ok have a taco with delicious slaw?"
"This isn't funny! I am scared it's MY phone. Do you know what that means. MY phone!!??"
"Ok so calm down. When did you use it last?"
"Last night talking to Patricia. I was getting ready. We agreed to get here by 3. I put my phone on the charger on MY DESK and it was gone when I woke up. From MY desk! I looked everywhere. MY phone. Do you know what is on MY phone? MY God#### phone!! Oh no this cannot be happening. My trip is ruined. He will kill me. Oh gawwwwwd. I need go back and find MY phone!!"
"Ok well that uh funny sound by the door is me calling your phone in your suitcase. Here have a taco. Beer's cold."
"Wha!!?? It was in the trunk all nighhhh!!??? You #######."
Tuesday remained a trainwreck for menopausing human females as the other half of the four headed beast rolled in. That night at 11:30 when I was getting into bed, the beast slithered downstairs and invaded my private little deck and spa and proceeded to splash, laugh and howl at the moon til 2am.
Late Wednesday morning over Kona coffee roasted by yours truly with cream cheese fresh raspberry danishes furnished by yours truly, It collectively decided I was owed an apology. I said I would only accept an apology if they promised to chill, be nice and ya know practice a little indian relaxation chanting. They said wha...!!?
"Yes, I accept your apology, but only if you try this. I promise it will give you a new perspective and help you all relax."
"Wha..? Chant whaaa..?"
"Just say this, softly together... Owah"
"Owah?"
"Yeah, there's three words, the first is owah", but you have to say it softly and together. Then we can put them all together get a little beach and relaxation chant going. Come on. It's such a gorgeous morning. Owah..."
"You're so wierd."
"Do it damnit. Owah..."
"Owah..."
"Good. Now owah tahjer..."
"Owah tahjer..."
"Excellent. Again."
"Owah tahjer..."
"Feels good, huh? Now owah tahjer kiam..."
"Owah tahjer kiam."
"Again!"
"Owah tahjer kiam."
"Keep repeating that."
"Owah tahjer kiam.
Owah tahjer kiam.
Owah tahjer kiam.
Oh what ahjer kiam.
Oh what ahjer kiam.
Oh what ahjer kiam.
Oh what a jerk I am.
Oh what a jerk I am.
Oh what a jerk I am.
Oh what a jerk I am."
Chaos Commish
Footballguy
Thursday night several non menopausal humans were out on the deck discussing menopausal humans. My 84 year old mom calls it the change of life, old school, and was dropping the wisdom of her years. But her six year old great grandson was struggling with the concepts and asked with true fear and concern in his little voice. "What is grandma changing into?"
His dad responded, somewhat thoughtlessly, "A zombie, of course."
"Waaaa waaa!!! I don't want grandma to be a zombie! We will have to kill her! Whaaa waaaa!!"
His dad responded, somewhat thoughtlessly, "A zombie, of course."
"Waaaa waaa!!! I don't want grandma to be a zombie! We will have to kill her! Whaaa waaaa!!"
Chaos Commish
Footballguy
I also rolled in a hooking 12 foot birdie on the 18th at Morro Bay to shoot an 84 and beat my golf bum nephew by one stroke. He bogeyed the hole. 
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
This gal, realtor, is really nice but I'm pretty disappointed. I figured with the horrible housing market that only the really good realtors would be left. Notsomuch. I'm pissed I didn't FSBO it. I'm pretty sure I could have sold out house by now and I did 100% of the negotiating on the new house. Hell, I sold my first house in 2002 the first day I listed it for the asking price. I really couldn't tell you what this gal has done other than put a sign in front of my house and put it on some realtor network. I came up with free carpet for all the non-hardwood areas and got a swatch with 20 different colors. At least I'm trying.
I say try FSBO for a couple of months, YSR.
Got another wedding tonight, this one is downtown. Mrs. SLB looks wonderful.
YSR
Footballguy
Well, no wonder this guy is a hack - he's a flat fee lister. BUT, he lists a LOT of properties in our area and just told us that we should list for >$50k what we were thinking.This gal, realtor, is really nice but I'm pretty disappointed. I figured with the horrible housing market that only the really good realtors would be left. Notsomuch. I'm pissed I didn't FSBO it. I'm pretty sure I could have sold out house by now and I did 100% of the negotiating on the new house. Hell, I sold my first house in 2002 the first day I listed it for the asking price. I really couldn't tell you what this gal has done other than put a sign in front of my house and put it on some realtor network. I came up with free carpet for all the non-hardwood areas and got a swatch with 20 different colors. At least I'm trying.
I say try FSBO for a couple of months, YSR.
Got another wedding tonight, this one is downtown. Mrs. SLB looks wonderful.
Man, getting that pool up and going was huge. $500 investment (including the stuff I ordered from Amazon - thanks Shuke!) and it's worth thousands.
krista4
Footballguy
No, waiter, your staring at me while I order my meal and "memorizing" our order does not fill me with admiration for you and confidence in the preciseness of the meal. It fills me with all sorts of anxiety-ridden angst that my $10 hamburger is going to arrive with both mayo AND onions attached even though I emphasized I wanted zero molecules of either anywhere near it. In fact, when the mayo and onions are both present, it makes me want to find one of those light-green waiter-order-pad thingies and cram it down your overfriendly, no-short-term-memory gullet.
and on all fronts.Congrats on holding firm, SLB. I probably would have just taken what they offered and been done with it. Good job.My negotiation of the day was to try to trade in Mr. krista4's car for one about $10K less in value. I figured they would not like that much, but these mother(*#)$)&!ing jerks. Went to the same dealer where I had a good experience a year ago, but a totally different outcome. Ended up leaving in the same car we arrived in. 
I might have to consult with you, YSR, about the FSBO thingie in the spring. We're going to put our house on the market and it might be worth a shot for a couple of months. The amount of commission realtors get for doing almost nothing kills me.
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
shallots in a burger, onions on a burger.
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
Nice job hanging tough!Now go get loaded tiger!This gal, realtor, is really nice but I'm pretty disappointed. I figured with the horrible housing market that only the really good realtors would be left. Notsomuch. I'm pissed I didn't FSBO it. I'm pretty sure I could have sold out house by now and I did 100% of the negotiating on the new house. Hell, I sold my first house in 2002 the first day I listed it for the asking price. I really couldn't tell you what this gal has done other than put a sign in front of my house and put it on some realtor network. I came up with free carpet for all the non-hardwood areas and got a swatch with 20 different colors. At least I'm trying.
I say try FSBO for a couple of months, YSR.
Got another wedding tonight, this one is downtown. Mrs. SLB looks wonderful.
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
People who drink and drive are the worst, but neglectful drunken dog owners who don't get tags for their dogs, nor own secure gates, nip at their heels.
Really thinking about heading down to some local watering holes and going XEarthXCrisisX on some ####ers.
Really thinking about heading down to some local watering holes and going XEarthXCrisisX on some ####ers.
Similar threads
