Idiot Boxer
Footballguy
Big Bottomed Lover
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GM's thread about nothing (26 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
bubble butt lips
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Bad Bad Leroy Brown. They just forgot the last B.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Thinking I need to trademark the term Devil's Cornhole.
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
Gadzooks
Footballguy
If I had the time and effort, I would love to analyze all the posting times of when you post. Thorn and I talked about how you never sleep. Throughout the night your postings usually come in like 2 to 3 hour intervals. I'll wake up in the morning and read a post of yours in the Drunk Thread that was posted around 2 or 3AM and then you'll have a post in here around 7AM.
Giant Wooden Badger
the Beav
It definitely doesn't mean Be Back Later
JZilla
Footballguy
Bring Back LHUCKS
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Yeah, my sleeping patterns can be described as...irregular. It really friggin sucks tbh.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
So hot.
GroveDiesel
Footballguy
In the middle of the night is when all the teenagers from Japan are online. Duh.
mr. furley
Footballguy
well, would you look at that
gb gmtan.org
gb gmtan.org
Stoneys
MudCat
General Malaise
Footballguy
PM me your email info....Some of you need to get your rosters loaded up!And St. Louis Bob....if you don't play in this after the grief you gave me for contemplating sitting out your NFL Pool thing, I'm going to have to question our sexual relationship.
wadegarrett
FFA Legend™
General Malaise
Footballguy
Well played.
Is there anything better than a Zooks story? I think not. Love the addition of the small font 
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
Yes!Love the addition of the small font
Reg Lllama of Brixton
Footballguy
GFY'Gadzooks said:
bostonfred
Footballguy
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
TRE's Vegas Booting -
This isn't all that entertaining, but here we go.
This is probably 10 years ago when all of my buddies and I where in our early to mid 20s and full of bourbon and vinegar. That's also around the time where you have multiple weddings to attend per year. (suckers...oh wait) So, there was usually at least one Vegas bachelor part per year. 90 percent of the time a big crew of us would end up staying downtown for these. In this case, it was my buddy Joe's bachelor party and there upwards of 20 knobs from Minnesota staying the Plaza downtown.
Anyhoo, the bulk of my time on these trips is spent hunkered down at table games. Poker, 3 card poker and Blackjack are all part of the program; but most of all, I'm a Pai Gow fiend. Pai Gow is great because you can't lose a lot of money because a good portion of the time you just push.
What tended to happen was a big group of us would take over an entire table and play. This could go on for hours and hours. In this particular instance, we're probably talking from lunch time until the following morning.
I have a procedure for getting drinks while at these tables. I tip a dollar a drink. Usually starting with beer, unless it's morning, then maybe a bloody or a screwdrive or something. After I time I'll mix in a Maker's Mark or other bourbon. Pretty much every place won't bring you a beer and a bourbon...at first. However, despite looking like Shrek/Frankenstein's monster, I eventually am able to tip/talk my way into getting both. The waitress just makes me drink the bourbon right away and takes my glass away so no one is the wiser. Amazing, right?
Joe's bachelor party was particularly messy. I recall on day 2 I went over to Joe's room to see if he wanted to grab some brunch or something and he was busy in the bathroom; vomiting so violently that he had two big black eyes after from all of the burst blood vessels around his eyes. Try explaining that to the strippers later.
TREbro was also at this one...I recall one night he got drunk and managed to somehow fall and wedge himself between the nightstand and the bed in the hotel room. He simply could not get out. Rather than helping him I encouraged him to get out himself. I might still have pictures of that.
So after one particular 20 hour shift where I was with a full table and as the sun rose, one soldier after another succumbed to sleep. I was going pretty strong and I had convinced myself I could just roll through the next day without any sleep. However, at this point I'd been warned several times about my language. I think I had been swearing in a good-natured way all evening, but maybe it turned a little harsher as I became more inebriated. I believe I had been joking about flipping the table for the past several hours too. Hey, when you find good material, you stick with it, right? At some point, the short, italian-looking pit boss in a shiny blue metallic looking suit came over to warn me. I apologized. Minutes later I'm back at it. I was up a decent amount of money, but nothing extravagant. We're down to me and one other bud at this point and he wants to call it a morning. I say I'm right behind him, but in my sneaky booze-riddled mind I plan on staying and drinking and making a fortune.
So, it's probably 8am and I'm back up to cussing like a sailor. Old people are now trickling in to play the slots...the morning buffet is at full steam. Next thing I know I turn and two security guys are there. They're very polite, but they ask me to turn in. I'm very apologetic for the swearing and the joking about table flipping. However, I say "There's one thing I can't apologize for. That guy's suit." And I pointed at him. Shiny suit guy DID NOT like that. So, we throw some volleys back and forth. "Hey, were you in Goodfellas?" "How did you think it was ok to wear that suit?" "Do you also perform magic?" etc. Apparently, a couple of times I start to walk away with security, but then I turn back and rip him some more. One security guy no longer can keep a straight face and is even chuckling a bit as pit boss guy's face starts turning purple with rage. Cops come in shortly thereafter and I go quietly with my 4 man escort nodding to the blue-hairs as I get shoved out the front door.
As I go out the door I see another guy in our group headed towards the Plaza from Fremont street. He's doing the ol' stagger 20 feet to the right and about 3 feet forward, then correct and stagger 20 feet left and about 2 feet forward in an awesome zig-zag pattern. I redirected him back the way he came and we went and got some breakfast. I made it until about 1pm that day and caught a 4-5 hour nap before doing it all again.
The End
This isn't all that entertaining, but here we go.
This is probably 10 years ago when all of my buddies and I where in our early to mid 20s and full of bourbon and vinegar. That's also around the time where you have multiple weddings to attend per year. (suckers...oh wait) So, there was usually at least one Vegas bachelor part per year. 90 percent of the time a big crew of us would end up staying downtown for these. In this case, it was my buddy Joe's bachelor party and there upwards of 20 knobs from Minnesota staying the Plaza downtown.
Anyhoo, the bulk of my time on these trips is spent hunkered down at table games. Poker, 3 card poker and Blackjack are all part of the program; but most of all, I'm a Pai Gow fiend. Pai Gow is great because you can't lose a lot of money because a good portion of the time you just push.
You get seven cards, make a 2 card poker hand and a 5 card poker hand - the two card hand can't be better than the 5 card hand. You have to win both the small hand (2) and big hand (5) to win. But the dealer has to beat you on both for you to lose. So if each of you win one, it's a push. Wa La
I have a procedure for getting drinks while at these tables. I tip a dollar a drink. Usually starting with beer, unless it's morning, then maybe a bloody or a screwdrive or something. After I time I'll mix in a Maker's Mark or other bourbon. Pretty much every place won't bring you a beer and a bourbon...at first. However, despite looking like Shrek/Frankenstein's monster, I eventually am able to tip/talk my way into getting both. The waitress just makes me drink the bourbon right away and takes my glass away so no one is the wiser. Amazing, right?
Joe's bachelor party was particularly messy. I recall on day 2 I went over to Joe's room to see if he wanted to grab some brunch or something and he was busy in the bathroom; vomiting so violently that he had two big black eyes after from all of the burst blood vessels around his eyes. Try explaining that to the strippers later.
TREbro was also at this one...I recall one night he got drunk and managed to somehow fall and wedge himself between the nightstand and the bed in the hotel room. He simply could not get out. Rather than helping him I encouraged him to get out himself. I might still have pictures of that.
So after one particular 20 hour shift where I was with a full table and as the sun rose, one soldier after another succumbed to sleep. I was going pretty strong and I had convinced myself I could just roll through the next day without any sleep. However, at this point I'd been warned several times about my language. I think I had been swearing in a good-natured way all evening, but maybe it turned a little harsher as I became more inebriated. I believe I had been joking about flipping the table for the past several hours too. Hey, when you find good material, you stick with it, right? At some point, the short, italian-looking pit boss in a shiny blue metallic looking suit came over to warn me. I apologized. Minutes later I'm back at it. I was up a decent amount of money, but nothing extravagant. We're down to me and one other bud at this point and he wants to call it a morning. I say I'm right behind him, but in my sneaky booze-riddled mind I plan on staying and drinking and making a fortune.
So, it's probably 8am and I'm back up to cussing like a sailor. Old people are now trickling in to play the slots...the morning buffet is at full steam. Next thing I know I turn and two security guys are there. They're very polite, but they ask me to turn in. I'm very apologetic for the swearing and the joking about table flipping. However, I say "There's one thing I can't apologize for. That guy's suit." And I pointed at him. Shiny suit guy DID NOT like that. So, we throw some volleys back and forth. "Hey, were you in Goodfellas?" "How did you think it was ok to wear that suit?" "Do you also perform magic?" etc. Apparently, a couple of times I start to walk away with security, but then I turn back and rip him some more. One security guy no longer can keep a straight face and is even chuckling a bit as pit boss guy's face starts turning purple with rage. Cops come in shortly thereafter and I go quietly with my 4 man escort nodding to the blue-hairs as I get shoved out the front door.
As I go out the door I see another guy in our group headed towards the Plaza from Fremont street. He's doing the ol' stagger 20 feet to the right and about 3 feet forward, then correct and stagger 20 feet left and about 2 feet forward in an awesome zig-zag pattern. I redirected him back the way he came and we went and got some breakfast. I made it until about 1pm that day and caught a 4-5 hour nap before doing it all again.
The End
General Malaise
Footballguy
SIL just arrived from Detroit with her 10 month old son in tow. They'll be here for a week. FML.
charvik
Footballguy
yeah, I'll get around to it soon... plenty of time right?'General Malaise said:PM me your email info....Some of you need to get your rosters loaded up!And St. Louis Bob....if you don't play in this after the grief you gave me for contemplating sitting out your NFL Pool thing, I'm going to have to question our sexual relationship.'eoMMan said:
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
HAPPY FRIDAY
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Game's already starting in Sweden.yeah, I'll get around to it soon... plenty of time right?'General Malaise said:PM me your email info....Some of you need to get your rosters loaded up!And St. Louis Bob....if you don't play in this after the grief you gave me for contemplating sitting out your NFL Pool thing, I'm going to have to question our sexual relationship.'eoMMan said:
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
One Bob is enough imo.'General Malaise said:PM me your email info....Some of you need to get your rosters loaded up!And St. Louis Bob....if you don't play in this after the grief you gave me for contemplating sitting out your NFL Pool thing, I'm going to have to question our sexual relationship.
General Malaise
Footballguy
That's not too bad, Tre. I like how you pissed the pit boss off, though. Good description of the drunk walk...sounds eerily familiar. 
But my favorite highlight was teaching us how to play Pai Gow. I never knew. I just always avoided those tables because I thought the game was all in Asian.
But my favorite highlight was teaching us how to play Pai Gow. I never knew. I just always avoided those tables because I thought the game was all in Asian.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Yeah, Pai Gow is great. Get plowed for free with some low grade poker/gambling on the side.That's not too bad, Tre. I like how you pissed the pit boss off, though. Good description of the drunk walk...sounds eerily familiar.
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
This is basically my story of getting kicked off the boat in STL. Except it was blackjack. And I have no recollection of anything past the warning. And the next thing I remember is the cabby kicking me out and asking for payment in the parking lot of Larry Flynt's Hustler Club. I pulled out a wad I vaguely remember accumulating, gave him money for a trip I have NO recollection of taking, met up with my friends who apparently left a bunch of messages on my phone that I don't recall getting, and then decided it would be a good idea to try to pass out on the floor of the men's room, next to a crapper... which is really where you want to be when it's time to lay down your head and catch some shut-eye.
General Malaise
Footballguy
I booked us a condo on the coast for the weekend.Oh, WHOOPS! I have basketball practice Saturday at noon. Coop and I can't miss. I'm the coach, afterall! So I'm sending wife, SIL, todler and Teh K-Man to the Coast tonight. Coop and I will hang back and go see Tin Tin with three of his buddies. That's a better option, IMO.
We'll meet up with them tomorrow and stay there Sat night. On Sunday, I am sending Wife and SIL to the Blazers game. I'll watch todler by myself. Been a while since I've taken care of a todler. They still behave the same, right? No new surprises? SIL is a sweet gal, but I can tolerate her in mild, limited and sparse doses.
Kubes
Footballguy
I enjoyed your story.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Game's already starting in Sweden.yeah, I'll get around to it soon... plenty of time right?'General Malaise said:PM me your email info....Some of you need to get your rosters loaded up!And St. Louis Bob....if you don't play in this after the grief you gave me for contemplating sitting out your NFL Pool thing, I'm going to have to question our sexual relationship.'eoMMan said:
Sarnoff
Footballguy
LOVE Pai Gow. So easy to just sit there for hours with the same $20 and just rack up the free drinks. Last time my buddy did an overnight session at the same table without having to break another bill. By 6 AM he was so plastered he couldn't even make his own hand, he'd just turn his cards face up and ask the dealer to split it up for him. "I got this. Did I win?" Casino finally had to ask him to step away.
Speaking of being plastered in Sin City... one time my buddies were declared "too drunk for Vegas". I'd never known there was such a thing. A bunch of dudes decided to pool their money and hire a town car or limo or whatever to drive them to Vegas from L.A. Stocked up and boozed the whole ride in. When they finally got there, they were too drunk to check in, casino refused to let them use their credit cards until they sobered up. Had to wait outside in the desert sun until they were clear-headed enough to be allowed inside. There's drunk... and then there's "You're not allowed in Las Vegas" drunk.
Speaking of being plastered in Sin City... one time my buddies were declared "too drunk for Vegas". I'd never known there was such a thing. A bunch of dudes decided to pool their money and hire a town car or limo or whatever to drive them to Vegas from L.A. Stocked up and boozed the whole ride in. When they finally got there, they were too drunk to check in, casino refused to let them use their credit cards until they sobered up. Had to wait outside in the desert sun until they were clear-headed enough to be allowed inside. There's drunk... and then there's "You're not allowed in Las Vegas" drunk.
General Malaise
Footballguy
wadegarrett
FFA Legend™
I thought you had to be Asian to play. <_<That's not too bad, Tre. I like how you pissed the pit boss off, though. Good description of the drunk walk...sounds eerily familiar.
But my favorite highlight was teaching us how to play Pai Gow. I never knew. I just always avoided those tables because I thought the game was all in Asian.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Oh, and zig-zag walk guy delayed the flight back by like 45 minutes because he refused to get out of the airplane bathroom because he was busy calling Ralph. I was sitting near him and was watching the sweat just sheet off of him before he went into the bathroom. Thankfully I wasn't sitting by him.
I'm assuming that would not fly these days.
I'm assuming that would not fly these days.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Fatmax > Just ate an Al Pastor Torta from Sanchez Taqueria. Pure heaven.
Drifter
Footballguy
My too drunk for Vegas story happened at the wonderful, and always entertaining, El Cortez.
After the Giants destroyed the Pats hopes of going undefeated, my buddy and I marched onwards despite not sleeping the night before and boozing heavily throughout the game. We started in the lounge because we had some free drink tickets (actually tons, for reasons I don't recall). I eventually got bored and wandered off to the Craps table where I proceeded to bring the house to its knees along with a newly made friend who imported arms from China (really) and tried to coach me on how to have multiple asian girlfriends while being married. IIRC, he was actually from Portland. Later, he tried to get me to go to a club with him but I was way too far gone by then. Probably should have taken him up on it.
After a couple hours of this, my buddy sidles up to me and stage whispers in my ear, "I got 86'd, but don't worry, I went and changed clothes" he then stumbles off to the diner to eat and is followed the entire way by the security guards, who strangely enough, were not fooled by his brilliant disguise that consisted wholly of him changing shirts.
The guards also eyed me for a while and came and talked to the table boss while looking at me, but apparently the large bets I was placing caused them to overlook my association with Public Enemy #1.
Turns out that when he was in the lounge, he started chatting with some lower Fremont drunk and tried to buy him some drinks with his free coupons and when they asked him not to do that, he got lippy. Basically, don't use comps to buy bums drinks, especially when neither your nor the bum is gambling.
After the Giants destroyed the Pats hopes of going undefeated, my buddy and I marched onwards despite not sleeping the night before and boozing heavily throughout the game. We started in the lounge because we had some free drink tickets (actually tons, for reasons I don't recall). I eventually got bored and wandered off to the Craps table where I proceeded to bring the house to its knees along with a newly made friend who imported arms from China (really) and tried to coach me on how to have multiple asian girlfriends while being married. IIRC, he was actually from Portland. Later, he tried to get me to go to a club with him but I was way too far gone by then. Probably should have taken him up on it.
After a couple hours of this, my buddy sidles up to me and stage whispers in my ear, "I got 86'd, but don't worry, I went and changed clothes" he then stumbles off to the diner to eat and is followed the entire way by the security guards, who strangely enough, were not fooled by his brilliant disguise that consisted wholly of him changing shirts.
The guards also eyed me for a while and came and talked to the table boss while looking at me, but apparently the large bets I was placing caused them to overlook my association with Public Enemy #1.
Turns out that when he was in the lounge, he started chatting with some lower Fremont drunk and tried to buy him some drinks with his free coupons and when they asked him not to do that, he got lippy. Basically, don't use comps to buy bums drinks, especially when neither your nor the bum is gambling.
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Drifter
Footballguy
Sydney, New Year's Eve 1989 (or maybe 1991), I was awakened from my slumber on the floor of a stall with my pants down around my ankles by a large bouncer yelling, "Oy! Mate! Get up!". I got up and he allowed me to return to the club to continue imbibing. GB Australians.
Last edited by a moderator:
I don't have many fun Vegas drunk stories but I highly recommend playing arcade olympics when you are good and buzzed. Concept is simple.....get drunk and then have a competition in the arcade based on several different games. It's more fun too when you are in couples and you make girls on girls battle it out.
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
iirc, it was Saturday night during NCAA Tournament, and we'd been at it pretty much since tip Thursday. Our dealer just kept busting. There was one guy at our table up huge, and every time somebody wanted to leave, he'd offer to buy them drinks or pay them to stay. GB superstitions. I know he bought me at least two shots when I mentioned leaving. I was so crushed. In retrospect, it kinda makes Carlton's passing out sitting up at the table in Spearmint Rhino seem genius.
YSR
Footballguy
Found out that I made it to the final two candidates for the job in SC I posted about before Christmas. My sister did not. 
Pretty excited, but I have a whole day of way more formal interviewing on Wednesday of next week.
Moving to SC is so close I can almost taste it.
On a completely unrelated note, I rode with my husband to one of his rental houses in the bad part of town at 10:30 last night. HIs tenant claimed that there was a critter in the attic, so he set some traps yesterday afternoon. Sure enough, a possum went after the peanut butter cracker and was rattling around in his trap. We picked the little guy up, named him Tebow, and set him loose in a field near our condo. I had already had my nightly wine, so in retrospect, it's a little surreal.
Pretty excited, but I have a whole day of way more formal interviewing on Wednesday of next week.Moving to SC is so close I can almost taste it.
On a completely unrelated note, I rode with my husband to one of his rental houses in the bad part of town at 10:30 last night. HIs tenant claimed that there was a critter in the attic, so he set some traps yesterday afternoon. Sure enough, a possum went after the peanut butter cracker and was rattling around in his trap. We picked the little guy up, named him Tebow, and set him loose in a field near our condo. I had already had my nightly wine, so in retrospect, it's a little surreal.
Tecumseh
Footballguy
If you want two free passes to Tin Tin, shoot me a pm with your email address.I booked us a condo on the coast for the weekend.Oh, WHOOPS! I have basketball practice Saturday at noon. Coop and I can't miss. I'm the coach, afterall! So I'm sending wife, SIL, todler and Teh K-Man to the Coast tonight. Coop and I will hang back and go see Tin Tin with three of his buddies. That's a better option, IMO.
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
Tebow was delicious!
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
Google image searching, "Tebowing possum" returns very disappointing results.
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
I'm discovering this afternoon that my internet searching abilities suck.
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