GM's thread about nothing (29 Viewers)

[Merlin]

Somebody mention Vegas ?

 

[Crazy Canuck]

Hi. I have a question and I was told the people in this thread could help.Do any of you know what it's like to have your gadzooks ripped open?TIA. Will answer yours.

K4, did you ever get a SS gift?

But I have it on good authority that another kind FBG has sent me something to make up for it; should be here very soon.

What a bunch of crap. Looks like I might be doing my first FB unfriend.

SLB said there was extenuating circumstances surrounding Keys inability to sent K4 stuff. But it's been awhile now, and as the guy who went to crazy lengths to send Keys some quality shtick, I'm struggling not to be pissed here. I think a better explanation is in order from either Keys or SLB. :seriousdramabiznesstime:

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Hi. I have a question and I was told the people in this thread could help.Do any of you know what it's like to have your gadzooks ripped open?TIA. Will answer yours.

K4, did you ever get a SS gift?

But I have it on good authority that another kind FBG has sent me something to make up for it; should be here very soon.

What a bunch of crap. Looks like I might be doing my first FB unfriend.

SLB said there was extenuating circumstances surrounding Keys inability to sent K4 stuff. But it's been awhile now, and as the guy who went to crazy lengths to send Keys some quality shtick, I'm struggling not to be pissed here. I think a better explanation is in order from either Keys or SLB. :seriousdramabiznesstime:

lolz

 

[phishphan]

Yeah, she loves to bake. You know what she doesn't love? Having sex with me.

The last thing she(we) need to do is to go into business. She also says she would hate to bake for a living. For her it is a "fun" and "relaxing". If there was actual money on the line she would grow to hate it.

Although if someone was willing to pay her to do it for their business at the same salary she makes now she would seriously consider it.

I think have found the problem.

Good point. I'm no longer going to pay her for sex. Same goes for you guys.

but I really like having that extra spending money

 

[Crazy Canuck]

The university I'm attending for the next four years is Division 1, but doesn't have a football team mad. College baseball sucks. So that pretty much leaves basketball.

They actually try at bball too. A couple years back they made that March Madness thing before half the team was arrested and kicked off campus.

So as a football & baseball fan, how do I get interested in basketball enough to enjoy going to games?

 

[Crazy Canuck]

Hi. I have a question and I was told the people in this thread could help.Do any of you know what it's like to have your gadzooks ripped open?TIA. Will answer yours.

K4, did you ever get a SS gift?

But I have it on good authority that another kind FBG has sent me something to make up for it; should be here very soon.

What a bunch of crap. Looks like I might be doing my first FB unfriend.

SLB said there was extenuating circumstances surrounding Keys inability to sent K4 stuff. But it's been awhile now, and as the guy who went to crazy lengths to send Keys some quality shtick, I'm struggling not to be pissed here. I think a better explanation is in order from either Keys or SLB. :seriousdramabiznesstime:

lolz

Something funny, pal?Did you not see the SERIOUSBIZNESS!@#$ part?

 

[Sheriff Bart]

Hi. I have a question and I was told the people in this thread could help.Do any of you know what it's like to have your gadzooks ripped open?TIA. Will answer yours.

K4, did you ever get a SS gift?

But I have it on good authority that another kind FBG has sent me something to make up for it; should be here very soon.

What a bunch of crap. Looks like I might be doing my first FB unfriend.

SLB said there was extenuating circumstances surrounding Keys inability to sent K4 stuff. But it's been awhile now, and as the guy who went to crazy lengths to send Keys some quality shtick, I'm struggling not to be pissed here. I think a better explanation is in order from either Keys or SLB. :seriousdramabiznesstime:

 

[General Malaise]

this is worth reading if you're really bored and drinking

Jesus

You know I read that I loved the ending but was I thought he really could have made the story a lot shorter. The first 2/3 weren't necessary.

The guy likes to write

I emailed this story to a few co-workers and friends. Our head trader finally got around to reading it today. Judging by his reaction, I'm guessing he found it a touch amusing.Yes, that is his real laugh.

 

[proninja]

So as a football & baseball fan, how do I get interested in basketball enough to enjoy going to games?

You start going to the games. I love college hoops, and the atmosphere is incredible. I'd start reading up on any local coverage of the team - if there's a beat writer with a blog, or something like that - so you can have a little better idea what's going on.But then, just go. Go to 5+ games, give it a real shot. Get to know the players, what they're good at, what they're bad at, and see if you don't like it. If you don't like it, then find something else to do.

 

[Sheriff Bart]

OMG-55 Gallon of lube

Customer reviews

Hazard for cats

This is a hazard! I've already lost two cats in this thing. There should be a warning sticker or something. I assumed the cats would float, but they sunk like rocks into the lube. And no, it's not what you think. Don't be disgusting. I was trying to create my own cat lube wrestling league. You know, for sickos.

Published 1 month ago by Mark A.

As a Fertility Specialist for Pachyderms, this was exactly what we needed to help rebuild elephant populations all over sub-saharan africa. It's not all just Medications and IVF treatments. Some times you need a loudspeaker, a Barry White CD and a 55 Gallon drum of Lube.

I knew getting back in the "dating game" would be a challenge after being out of it for over 5 years. When I was released from Joliet, I had to learn all the new things "the dating crowd" was trying. I knew about scented candles and Luther Vandross CDs, and sure was glad to hear people still use them. But I had no idea that "lube" was so popular with the "romantics" out there. All it took was one stroll through the Walgreens personal hygiene aisle to prove I had to learn a new thing.

"Where to start?", I wondered. I wanted something simple. However, all I saw in the stores were lubricants that were flavored with cinnamon and paprika, or designed to somehow "heat" your private parts. No way, Jose! (I experienced the "heat" thing personally once after an adventurous incident with a toaster. I'll stick with "room temperature" from now on, thank you very much.)

Luckily, I found a plain, old-fashioned lubricant that would not make me smell like a dessert topping. And it came in this HUGE tub! No more awkward late-night Walgreens runs for me, once I could get my hands on this lubricant bin. Now, I admit the price tag was kinda hefty. But after selling the ol' Pontiac Sunfire and borrowing some cash from Aunt Gladys, I was "ready to place my order."

The product only took a week to arrive, and got to my apartment just in time for my first real "date" since the gas station incident. You can bet I was nervous for this one. When I got off the bus to meet Carla in front of the Chili's, I just about had a heart attack! The only thing keeping me calm was knowing that I could not possibly run out of lube that night. I gave Carla a reassuring nod and smile, as if to say "Don't worry, Carla, I have plenty of lubricant for later."

The dinner was great, and after knocking back a couple Mojo Mango Margaritas, we were ready to head back to my apartment. I winked and told Carla, "Let's SLIP on out of here," to see if she understood the lubricant lingo. I think she did. Throughout the bus ride back, I grinned and hummed Luther Vandross tunes to set the mood.

When we got to my place, I already had a candle burning. It was by "Glade", which I think you pronounce like the singer Sade, because it is an exotic candle that smells just like real pine. After we got comfortable, I asked Carla if she could help me with the lube. She looked at me weird, and I couldn't tell if it was because she thought it was "too soon" or because I was pushing a mechanical lift to get the drum barrel out of the storage closet.

So I "took the initiative", as women like men to do, and rolled the barrel out into the living room. "Ready to tap the keg?" I joked, and by "keg" I meant "55-gallon barrel of personal lubricant." She looked at me all shocked, and said "That's it, I'm out of here!" I asked why, since she didn't need to run to Walgreens for more lubricant - there was plenty right here. But she didn't answer, and got up to leave anyway. Then, as Carla was about to pass me and the barrel, she tripped on my dog Poochie and fell right into the lube barrel! The force of the impact downed the barrel and knocked its lid off, sending 55 gallons of water-based lubricant across my faux-hardwood floors.

Carla was completely drenched, and her momentum slid her to the front door - which she somehow managed to pry open with a pair of oven mitts. The last thing I knew, "No-Fun Carla" was screaming profanities and sliding down three flights of steps. I didn't pay much attention because I was too busy trying to salvage the lube. I managed to get about half of it back into the barrel - the other half probably seeped into Mrs. Pulaski's unit below me. I never bothered to ask if she appreciated the free gift of lubricant.

Anyway, despite my "user error", I was quite pleased with the product. These days it's hard to find 55 gallons of scent-free water-based lubricant, and you can find it right here at a discount rate! I had to give it only "4 Stars" because it didn't come with a lifting apparatus. I had to buy my own mechanical lift separately to haul the bin to my future "dates". So if you're ready for fun, "slide" on down to a high quality product at a bargain price!

I made this purchase with a goal in mind, I was going to convert my two turtles into a means of personal transportation from points A to Z and everywhere in between, and generally just for the hell of the fun. My plan initially was to soak them both in the lube (better than 'turtle wax' in my opinion) and use industrial strength zip ties to secure them to my platform shoes, then to ultimately slide around town and show off my ingenuity... Seemed like a decent idea upon conception....

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

OMG-55 Gallon of lube

Customer reviews

Hazard for cats

This is a hazard! I've already lost two cats in this thing. There should be a warning sticker or something. I assumed the cats would float, but they sunk like rocks into the lube. And no, it's not what you think. Don't be disgusting. I was trying to create my own cat lube wrestling league. You know, for sickos.

Published 1 month ago by Mark A.

As a Fertility Specialist for Pachyderms, this was exactly what we needed to help rebuild elephant populations all over sub-saharan africa. It's not all just Medications and IVF treatments. Some times you need a loudspeaker, a Barry White CD and a 55 Gallon drum of Lube.

I knew getting back in the "dating game" would be a challenge after being out of it for over 5 years. When I was released from Joliet, I had to learn all the new things "the dating crowd" was trying. I knew about scented candles and Luther Vandross CDs, and sure was glad to hear people still use them. But I had no idea that "lube" was so popular with the "romantics" out there. All it took was one stroll through the Walgreens personal hygiene aisle to prove I had to learn a new thing.

"Where to start?", I wondered. I wanted something simple. However, all I saw in the stores were lubricants that were flavored with cinnamon and paprika, or designed to somehow "heat" your private parts. No way, Jose! (I experienced the "heat" thing personally once after an adventurous incident with a toaster. I'll stick with "room temperature" from now on, thank you very much.)

Luckily, I found a plain, old-fashioned lubricant that would not make me smell like a dessert topping. And it came in this HUGE tub! No more awkward late-night Walgreens runs for me, once I could get my hands on this lubricant bin. Now, I admit the price tag was kinda hefty. But after selling the ol' Pontiac Sunfire and borrowing some cash from Aunt Gladys, I was "ready to place my order."

The product only took a week to arrive, and got to my apartment just in time for my first real "date" since the gas station incident. You can bet I was nervous for this one. When I got off the bus to meet Carla in front of the Chili's, I just about had a heart attack! The only thing keeping me calm was knowing that I could not possibly run out of lube that night. I gave Carla a reassuring nod and smile, as if to say "Don't worry, Carla, I have plenty of lubricant for later."

The dinner was great, and after knocking back a couple Mojo Mango Margaritas, we were ready to head back to my apartment. I winked and told Carla, "Let's SLIP on out of here," to see if she understood the lubricant lingo. I think she did. Throughout the bus ride back, I grinned and hummed Luther Vandross tunes to set the mood.

When we got to my place, I already had a candle burning. It was by "Glade", which I think you pronounce like the singer Sade, because it is an exotic candle that smells just like real pine. After we got comfortable, I asked Carla if she could help me with the lube. She looked at me weird, and I couldn't tell if it was because she thought it was "too soon" or because I was pushing a mechanical lift to get the drum barrel out of the storage closet.

So I "took the initiative", as women like men to do, and rolled the barrel out into the living room. "Ready to tap the keg?" I joked, and by "keg" I meant "55-gallon barrel of personal lubricant." She looked at me all shocked, and said "That's it, I'm out of here!" I asked why, since she didn't need to run to Walgreens for more lubricant - there was plenty right here. But she didn't answer, and got up to leave anyway. Then, as Carla was about to pass me and the barrel, she tripped on my dog Poochie and fell right into the lube barrel! The force of the impact downed the barrel and knocked its lid off, sending 55 gallons of water-based lubricant across my faux-hardwood floors.

Carla was completely drenched, and her momentum slid her to the front door - which she somehow managed to pry open with a pair of oven mitts. The last thing I knew, "No-Fun Carla" was screaming profanities and sliding down three flights of steps. I didn't pay much attention because I was too busy trying to salvage the lube. I managed to get about half of it back into the barrel - the other half probably seeped into Mrs. Pulaski's unit below me. I never bothered to ask if she appreciated the free gift of lubricant.

Anyway, despite my "user error", I was quite pleased with the product. These days it's hard to find 55 gallons of scent-free water-based lubricant, and you can find it right here at a discount rate! I had to give it only "4 Stars" because it didn't come with a lifting apparatus. I had to buy my own mechanical lift separately to haul the bin to my future "dates". So if you're ready for fun, "slide" on down to a high quality product at a bargain price!

I made this purchase with a goal in mind, I was going to convert my two turtles into a means of personal transportation from points A to Z and everywhere in between, and generally just for the hell of the fun. My plan initially was to soak them both in the lube (better than 'turtle wax' in my opinion) and use industrial strength zip ties to secure them to my platform shoes, then to ultimately slide around town and show off my ingenuity... Seemed like a decent idea upon conception....

"Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed" this.

 

[mr. furley]

I emailed this story to a few co-workers and friends. Our head trader finally got around to reading it today. Judging by his reaction, I'm guessing he found it a touch amusing.

Yes, that is his real laugh.

hfs i heard this same story, relayed by a co-worker who said it happened to his friend, about 10-12 years ago

details are slightly different but the story is the same

 

[cosjobs]

this is worth reading if you're really bored and drinking

Jesus

You know I read that I loved the ending but was I thought he really could have made the story a lot shorter. The first 2/3 weren't necessary.

The guy likes to write

I emailed this story to a few co-workers and friends. Our head trader finally got around to reading it today. Judging by his reaction, I'm guessing he found it a touch amusing.Yes, that is his real laugh.

wtf is that painting on the wall?

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

this is worth reading if you're really bored and drinking

Jesus

You know I read that I loved the ending but was I thought he really could have made the story a lot shorter. The first 2/3 weren't necessary.

The guy likes to write

I emailed this story to a few co-workers and friends. Our head trader finally got around to reading it today. Judging by his reaction, I'm guessing he found it a touch amusing.Yes, that is his real laugh.

I like the one where you eat the cheeseburger.

 

[Sheriff Bart]

OMG-55 Gallon of lube

Customer reviews

Hazard for cats

This is a hazard! I've already lost two cats in this thing. There should be a warning sticker or something. I assumed the cats would float, but they sunk like rocks into the lube. And no, it's not what you think. Don't be disgusting. I was trying to create my own cat lube wrestling league. You know, for sickos.

Published 1 month ago by Mark A.

As a Fertility Specialist for Pachyderms, this was exactly what we needed to help rebuild elephant populations all over sub-saharan africa. It's not all just Medications and IVF treatments. Some times you need a loudspeaker, a Barry White CD and a 55 Gallon drum of Lube.

I knew getting back in the "dating game" would be a challenge after being out of it for over 5 years. When I was released from Joliet, I had to learn all the new things "the dating crowd" was trying. I knew about scented candles and Luther Vandross CDs, and sure was glad to hear people still use them. But I had no idea that "lube" was so popular with the "romantics" out there. All it took was one stroll through the Walgreens personal hygiene aisle to prove I had to learn a new thing.

"Where to start?", I wondered. I wanted something simple. However, all I saw in the stores were lubricants that were flavored with cinnamon and paprika, or designed to somehow "heat" your private parts. No way, Jose! (I experienced the "heat" thing personally once after an adventurous incident with a toaster. I'll stick with "room temperature" from now on, thank you very much.)

Luckily, I found a plain, old-fashioned lubricant that would not make me smell like a dessert topping. And it came in this HUGE tub! No more awkward late-night Walgreens runs for me, once I could get my hands on this lubricant bin. Now, I admit the price tag was kinda hefty. But after selling the ol' Pontiac Sunfire and borrowing some cash from Aunt Gladys, I was "ready to place my order."

The product only took a week to arrive, and got to my apartment just in time for my first real "date" since the gas station incident. You can bet I was nervous for this one. When I got off the bus to meet Carla in front of the Chili's, I just about had a heart attack! The only thing keeping me calm was knowing that I could not possibly run out of lube that night. I gave Carla a reassuring nod and smile, as if to say "Don't worry, Carla, I have plenty of lubricant for later."

The dinner was great, and after knocking back a couple Mojo Mango Margaritas, we were ready to head back to my apartment. I winked and told Carla, "Let's SLIP on out of here," to see if she understood the lubricant lingo. I think she did. Throughout the bus ride back, I grinned and hummed Luther Vandross tunes to set the mood.

When we got to my place, I already had a candle burning. It was by "Glade", which I think you pronounce like the singer Sade, because it is an exotic candle that smells just like real pine. After we got comfortable, I asked Carla if she could help me with the lube. She looked at me weird, and I couldn't tell if it was because she thought it was "too soon" or because I was pushing a mechanical lift to get the drum barrel out of the storage closet.

So I "took the initiative", as women like men to do, and rolled the barrel out into the living room. "Ready to tap the keg?" I joked, and by "keg" I meant "55-gallon barrel of personal lubricant." She looked at me all shocked, and said "That's it, I'm out of here!" I asked why, since she didn't need to run to Walgreens for more lubricant - there was plenty right here. But she didn't answer, and got up to leave anyway. Then, as Carla was about to pass me and the barrel, she tripped on my dog Poochie and fell right into the lube barrel! The force of the impact downed the barrel and knocked its lid off, sending 55 gallons of water-based lubricant across my faux-hardwood floors.

Carla was completely drenched, and her momentum slid her to the front door - which she somehow managed to pry open with a pair of oven mitts. The last thing I knew, "No-Fun Carla" was screaming profanities and sliding down three flights of steps. I didn't pay much attention because I was too busy trying to salvage the lube. I managed to get about half of it back into the barrel - the other half probably seeped into Mrs. Pulaski's unit below me. I never bothered to ask if she appreciated the free gift of lubricant.

Anyway, despite my "user error", I was quite pleased with the product. These days it's hard to find 55 gallons of scent-free water-based lubricant, and you can find it right here at a discount rate! I had to give it only "4 Stars" because it didn't come with a lifting apparatus. I had to buy my own mechanical lift separately to haul the bin to my future "dates". So if you're ready for fun, "slide" on down to a high quality product at a bargain price!

I made this purchase with a goal in mind, I was going to convert my two turtles into a means of personal transportation from points A to Z and everywhere in between, and generally just for the hell of the fun. My plan initially was to soak them both in the lube (better than 'turtle wax' in my opinion) and use industrial strength zip ties to secure them to my platform shoes, then to ultimately slide around town and show off my ingenuity... Seemed like a decent idea upon conception....

"Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed" this.

 

[Captain Placeholder]

Lol @ the lube reviews

 

[Sheriff Bart]

Lol @ the lube reviews

In the old days, No-Fun Carla would be posting already.

 

[Osaurus]

Steel cage match in Tampa tonight. Newt could use that lube.

 

[YSR]

I just returned home from the store, where I picked up 2 bottles of wine, 6 cans of cat food, and a jigsaw puzzle.

I pictured my life at 34 so differently.

 

[Sheriff Bart]

I just returned home from the store, where I picked up 2 bottles of wine, 6 cans of cat food, and a jigsaw puzzle. I pictured my life at 34 so differently.

3 bottles of wine?

 

[Gadzooks]

Thanks again to all the people I missed for the well wishes and good thoughts.

How you holding up, Pack? My mom is a fruitcake who burns every single meal she has ever tried to cook...but man, I love her dearly and will be devestated when she goes. :(

Doing OK, thank you.She fought to breathe for so long, it's a blessing, but still difficult.Trying to get the funeral together. We wanted Weds, but the Priest is on vacation. Priests take vacations? Who knew So now they are looking for a guest Priest..... Tanner you available?

Sorry I'm late, but thoughts and prayers to you and your family. May Mother Pack rest in peace.

 

[Gadzooks]

Hi. I have a question and I was told the people in this thread could help.Do any of you know what it's like to have your gadzooks ripped open?TIA. Will answer yours.

 

[krista4]

I just returned home from the store, where I picked up 2 bottles of wine, 6 cans of cat food, and a jigsaw puzzle. I pictured my life at 34 so differently.

I bought a jigsaw puzzle about three years ago. Don't know what came over me but Mr. krista was flabbergasted as to what I was doing. Still haven't opened it. I also remember being really embarrassed at Walgreen's once when I realized my items consisted of toilet paper, cat litter and two magazines, as if the cats and I were settling in for a night of pooping.

 

[Gadzooks]

I just returned home from the store, where I picked up 2 bottles of wine, 6 cans of cat food, and a jigsaw puzzle.

I pictured my life at 34 so differently.

I bought a jigsaw puzzle about three years ago. Don't know what came over me but Mr. krista was flabbergasted as to what I was doing. Still haven't opened it. I also remember being really embarrassed at Walgreen's once when I realized my items consisted of toilet paper, cat litter and two magazines, as if the cats and I were settling in for a night of pooping.

Sounds like some kind of kinky pron for Tanner

 

[Sarnoff]

I just returned home from the store, where I picked up 2 bottles of wine, 6 cans of cat food, and a jigsaw puzzle. I pictured my life at 34 so differently.

I bought a jigsaw puzzle about three years ago. Don't know what came over me but Mr. krista was flabbergasted as to what I was doing. Still haven't opened it. I also remember being really embarrassed at Walgreen's once when I realized my items consisted of toilet paper, cat litter and two magazines, as if the cats and I were settling in for a night of pooping.

I think the weirdest 2-item combo to buy at Walgreen's is: Salt & Vinegar potato chips, and dooche.

 

[jplvr]

Note: it's not good to read this on your phone in a crowded restaurant waiting on the sushi to arrive, especially when you're sitting alone.

 

[jplvr]

this is worth reading if you're really bored and drinking

Jesus

You know I read that I loved the ending but was I thought he really could have made the story a lot shorter. The first 2/3 weren't necessary.

The guy likes to write

I emailed this story to a few co-workers and friends. Our head trader finally got around to reading it today. Judging by his reaction, I'm guessing he found it a touch amusing.Yes, that is his real laugh.

Almost forgot to come back and watch this. If you hadn't clarified gender, I would have guessed wrong.

 

[Drifter]

Was in a meeting today and exchanging IMs with a coworker who was also in a meeting. I noticed he didn't have his laptop on mute so it made a little "ding" every time I sent a message.

Of course, I did what any mature, 41 year old business person in a fairly high level strategy meeting for a Fortune 50 company would do and proceeded to hit "." and Send about 50 times rapidly, making his laptop sound like he had just hit a slots jackpot while trying my best not to giggle like a schoolgirl while he scrambled to hit mute.

 

[Bogart]

Was in a meeting today and exchanging IMs with a coworker who was also in a meeting. I noticed he didn't have his laptop on mute so it made a little "ding" every time I sent a message.Of course, I did what any mature, 41 year old business person in a fairly high level strategy meeting for a Fortune 50 company would do and proceeded to hit "." and Send about 50 times rapidly, making his laptop sound like he had just hit a slots jackpot while trying my best not to giggle like a schoolgirl while he scrambled to hit mute.

That is awesome.

 

[kevzilla]

Vegas dates set

Spoiler

9/20-9/24

Gonna try really hard, GB. The odds go way up if I survive my spring trip.

 

[Sheriff Bart]

Vegas dates set

Spoiler

9/20-9/24

Gonna try really hard, GB. The odds go way up if I survive my spring trip.

 

[Crazy Canuck]

Hi. I have a question and I was told the people in this thread could help.Do any of you know what it's like to have your gadzooks ripped open?TIA. Will answer yours.

Re: a pic posted :e:lsewhere. Please refer to SLB for the keys to this gag.Also,Bart's Lube> Krista's Night In With The Cats> Drifter's prank> ALSO ALSO!I just looked up my soon-to-be-university basketball team. The good news: they won their first game! The bad news: they lost the next 19 in a row.

 

[proninja]

Was in a meeting today and exchanging IMs with a coworker who was also in a meeting. I noticed he didn't have his laptop on mute so it made a little "ding" every time I sent a message.Of course, I did what any mature, 41 year old business person in a fairly high level strategy meeting for a Fortune 50 company would do and proceeded to hit "." and Send about 50 times rapidly, making his laptop sound like he had just hit a slots jackpot while trying my best not to giggle like a schoolgirl while he scrambled to hit mute.

I can't really think of any other option you had

 

[NCCommish]

OMG-55 Gallon of lube

Customer reviews

Hazard for cats

This is a hazard! I've already lost two cats in this thing. There should be a warning sticker or something. I assumed the cats would float, but they sunk like rocks into the lube. And no, it's not what you think. Don't be disgusting. I was trying to create my own cat lube wrestling league. You know, for sickos.

Published 1 month ago by Mark A.

As a Fertility Specialist for Pachyderms, this was exactly what we needed to help rebuild elephant populations all over sub-saharan africa. It's not all just Medications and IVF treatments. Some times you need a loudspeaker, a Barry White CD and a 55 Gallon drum of Lube.

I knew getting back in the "dating game" would be a challenge after being out of it for over 5 years. When I was released from Joliet, I had to learn all the new things "the dating crowd" was trying. I knew about scented candles and Luther Vandross CDs, and sure was glad to hear people still use them. But I had no idea that "lube" was so popular with the "romantics" out there. All it took was one stroll through the Walgreens personal hygiene aisle to prove I had to learn a new thing.

"Where to start?", I wondered. I wanted something simple. However, all I saw in the stores were lubricants that were flavored with cinnamon and paprika, or designed to somehow "heat" your private parts. No way, Jose! (I experienced the "heat" thing personally once after an adventurous incident with a toaster. I'll stick with "room temperature" from now on, thank you very much.)

Luckily, I found a plain, old-fashioned lubricant that would not make me smell like a dessert topping. And it came in this HUGE tub! No more awkward late-night Walgreens runs for me, once I could get my hands on this lubricant bin. Now, I admit the price tag was kinda hefty. But after selling the ol' Pontiac Sunfire and borrowing some cash from Aunt Gladys, I was "ready to place my order."

The product only took a week to arrive, and got to my apartment just in time for my first real "date" since the gas station incident. You can bet I was nervous for this one. When I got off the bus to meet Carla in front of the Chili's, I just about had a heart attack! The only thing keeping me calm was knowing that I could not possibly run out of lube that night. I gave Carla a reassuring nod and smile, as if to say "Don't worry, Carla, I have plenty of lubricant for later."

The dinner was great, and after knocking back a couple Mojo Mango Margaritas, we were ready to head back to my apartment. I winked and told Carla, "Let's SLIP on out of here," to see if she understood the lubricant lingo. I think she did. Throughout the bus ride back, I grinned and hummed Luther Vandross tunes to set the mood.

When we got to my place, I already had a candle burning. It was by "Glade", which I think you pronounce like the singer Sade, because it is an exotic candle that smells just like real pine. After we got comfortable, I asked Carla if she could help me with the lube. She looked at me weird, and I couldn't tell if it was because she thought it was "too soon" or because I was pushing a mechanical lift to get the drum barrel out of the storage closet.

So I "took the initiative", as women like men to do, and rolled the barrel out into the living room. "Ready to tap the keg?" I joked, and by "keg" I meant "55-gallon barrel of personal lubricant." She looked at me all shocked, and said "That's it, I'm out of here!" I asked why, since she didn't need to run to Walgreens for more lubricant - there was plenty right here. But she didn't answer, and got up to leave anyway. Then, as Carla was about to pass me and the barrel, she tripped on my dog Poochie and fell right into the lube barrel! The force of the impact downed the barrel and knocked its lid off, sending 55 gallons of water-based lubricant across my faux-hardwood floors.

Carla was completely drenched, and her momentum slid her to the front door - which she somehow managed to pry open with a pair of oven mitts. The last thing I knew, "No-Fun Carla" was screaming profanities and sliding down three flights of steps. I didn't pay much attention because I was too busy trying to salvage the lube. I managed to get about half of it back into the barrel - the other half probably seeped into Mrs. Pulaski's unit below me. I never bothered to ask if she appreciated the free gift of lubricant.

Anyway, despite my "user error", I was quite pleased with the product. These days it's hard to find 55 gallons of scent-free water-based lubricant, and you can find it right here at a discount rate! I had to give it only "4 Stars" because it didn't come with a lifting apparatus. I had to buy my own mechanical lift separately to haul the bin to my future "dates". So if you're ready for fun, "slide" on down to a high quality product at a bargain price!

I made this purchase with a goal in mind, I was going to convert my two turtles into a means of personal transportation from points A to Z and everywhere in between, and generally just for the hell of the fun. My plan initially was to soak them both in the lube (better than 'turtle wax' in my opinion) and use industrial strength zip ties to secure them to my platform shoes, then to ultimately slide around town and show off my ingenuity... Seemed like a decent idea upon conception....

"Customers Who Viewed This Item Also Viewed" this.

The world has passed me by apparently.

 

[Tiger Fan]

Vegas dates set

Spoiler

9/20-9/24

About a 90% chance we'll be in Vegas in Sept for a bachelor party...gotta wait to see how the Saints/LSU schedule line up to determine the exact dates.

 

[CGRdrJoe]

So I'm finally finishing up my degree online through UT-Arlington. For some reason, none of the science classes I took transfer directly to UTA, so I'm taking freshman biology this semester. The whole first chapter is an overview of science. It spends a ton of time talking about science and religion and how they're not necessarily in conflict and how some people are scientists and religious and some people are scientists and atheists and it's not that big of a deal. I find this very weird. I went to high school in a small town in Texas and took biology at UT-Austin. I don't remember either of those classes needing to address the topic. Have the religious wackos protested to the point that this actually has to be covered in college classes everywhere, or is this just a quirk of this course?

Holy crap, I'm doing the same thing

 

[bentley]

College baseball sucks.

College baseball is way better than college basketball. Every baseball game is like a big tailgate party in Austin.

 

[bentley]

So I'm finally finishing up my degree online through UT-Arlington. For some reason, none of the science classes I took transfer directly to UTA, so I'm taking freshman biology this semester. The whole first chapter is an overview of science. It spends a ton of time talking about science and religion and how they're not necessarily in conflict and how some people are scientists and religious and some people are scientists and atheists and it's not that big of a deal. I find this very weird. I went to high school in a small town in Texas and took biology at UT-Austin. I don't remember either of those classes needing to address the topic. Have the religious wackos protested to the point that this actually has to be covered in college classes everywhere, or is this just a quirk of this course?

Holy crap, I'm doing the same thing

No StoneJodes in my class. The first quiz was pretty damn easy though.

 

[Kubes]

The university I'm attending for the next four years is Division 1, but doesn't have a football team mad. College baseball sucks. So that pretty much leaves basketball. They actually try at bball too. A couple years back they made that March Madness thing before half the team was arrested and kicked off campus. So as a football & baseball fan, how do I get interested in basketball enough to enjoy going to games?

Binghampton?

 

[krista4]

So I had my first interview for this Chicago job today. The interviewer flew down from Chicago this morning, met me for lunch for about 2-1/2 hours, and then flew back to Chicago. It went extremely well, and she already has invited me to the next round of interviews up there.

I really don't know what to do.

 

[shuke]

My new shtick is whenever I'm at someone's house is to fold the end of toilet paper into a triangle like hotel maids do. Will post pics on FB.

 

[shuke]

Updated cornhole list:

1 Urbanhack

2 Aaron Rudniki

3 Scupper

4 Mr. Pickles

5 GM

6 TRE

7 Jethro Q. Walrustitty

8 JZilla

9 Britney Spears

10 Gatorman

11 Ken Maxwell

12 jplvr

13 Joe T

14 mex/cgrdrjoe

15 Funkley

16 Red Raiders

17 Jefferson the Caregiver

18 Wilked

19 Homer J. Simpson

20 Verbal Kint

21 cheese

22 bigfun54

23 Wampuscat43

24 Bonzai

25 Big Papi

26 Patriot John

27 Jafo

28 BigJohn

29 Trogg78

30 Otis

31 Righetti

32 Alias

33 Saintfool

34 Tiger Fan

35 cosjobs

36 bentley

37 kevzilla

Looking to break some records here

 

[bentley]

I can sort my cornhole list by event.

- Cosjobs' Hold Em Tournament/Super Bowl Preparty - Warehouse Nasty, Sockmoney, Battles, Dodds, cosjobs

- Mr. Ham Moves to Austin - Ham, cosjobs

- Old Folks Home Opening/Country Estate Tour - Kevzilla, cosjobs

- Shuke's Early Night In/Old Man Cornhole 2012 - Shuke, Kevzilla, cosjobs

I'm sensing a theme.

 

[Tecumseh]

My new shtick is whenever I'm at someone's house is to fold the end of toilet paper into a triangle like hotel maids do. Will post pics on FB.

Awesome.

 

[jplvr]

My new shtick is whenever I'm at someone's house is to fold the end of toilet paper into a triangle like hotel maids do. Will post pics on FB.

Definitely stealing this.

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

My diet this week has been atrocious. I need my wife back, stat or else I'm going to be buying extra plane tickets when I fly next.

Not a big fast food eater, but since she's been gone:

- Jimmy John's delivered a sandwich to my house...they are less than 2 miles away from me.

- I hit McDonald's drive-thru this morning for not one but TWO sausage egg and cheese biscuits.

- My co-worker Vipul showed up at work today with Burger King after taking his car into the shop to get repaired. He said they had a "2 for 1" on chicken sandwiches, so he gave me the extra. I haven't had Burger King in at least 4 years.

- Tonight, after practice, I took my boys out for Mexican Food. I had nachos.

- On Sunday, I woke up at 11am and drove to a sports bar where I took down a sausage/egg/cheese/gravy biscuit with a side of hashbrowns.

- I took my boys out to breakfast Saturday morning where I had the Country Benedict.

- I brought a pizza from Pappa Murphy's over to my parents house for lunch on MLK Jr day.

- Stadium food Friday night at the Portland Winter Hawks game.

Add to that the fact that I have missed my last 3 scheduled workouts and haven't so much as walked a mile.

Christ, I'm a mess. Just re-read that. Holy crap. I don't even want guess the number of beers I've sucked down. I'm guessing it's north of 50.

You guys should take out a life insurance policy on me. I ain't long for this ride.

Is that the guy you thought was moving back east because he was worried about the radiation from Japan? Or something like that?

Is he also the guy that doesn't speak very good english and you once referred to him as a "kitten who is good at excel"? And you would transfer telemarketing sales calls to him to annoy the telemarketer? I may have to check my yellow sticky notes on this.

That was Hock Meng Tay. He's back in Singapore now, applying to the same doctoral program that has rejected him 16 times. I'm not making that up. Dude probably weighed 125 soaking wet.

Man, good memory here. I forgot about transferring the cold calls to him...that was great shtick. Tay's English was horrendous. He would get upset at me putting calls on park for him, but he wouldn't know how to voice his frustration to me and he was really just too nice to hang up on the callers...they would almost always just give up trying to have a conversation with him and hang-up themselves.

OK, I clicked on that link expecting (for some reason) a link to linkedin or something. I just had to fake like I was going to sneeze. Good god.

YSR just made me bust out laughing on FB with a HMT reference. WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY!?!

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

I just returned home from the store, where I picked up 2 bottles of wine, 6 cans of cat food, and a jigsaw puzzle.

I pictured my life at 34 so differently.

I bought a jigsaw puzzle about three years ago. Don't know what came over me but Mr. krista was flabbergasted as to what I was doing. Still haven't opened it. I also remember being really embarrassed at Walgreen's once when I realized my items consisted of toilet paper, cat litter and two magazines, as if the cats and I were settling in for a night of pooping.

Sounds like some kind of kinky pron for Tanner

LET HER FINISH!

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

Was in a meeting today and exchanging IMs with a coworker who was also in a meeting. I noticed he didn't have his laptop on mute so it made a little "ding" every time I sent a message.Of course, I did what any mature, 41 year old business person in a fairly high level strategy meeting for a Fortune 50 company would do and proceeded to hit "." and Send about 50 times rapidly, making his laptop sound like he had just hit a slots jackpot while trying my best not to giggle like a schoolgirl while he scrambled to hit mute.

I can't really think of any other option you had

A couple of months ago we were in a grade-level meeting after school. Not nearly as serious business as a Fortune 50 company pow-wow but we're supposed to pretend like we are taking it serious. It was being held in this female teacher's room. Right in the middle of it her cell, which was sitting on her desk, starts to beep. She says "sorry" and goes over and puts it on "silent". My buddy sitting next to me shows me his phone and the screen indicates he was the one who texted her. So of course I follow suit...5 times. After getting up the second time and shutting it off she gives us the stink eye.

 

[bentley]

I'm throwing a press conference tomorrow morning in San Antonio and I'd guess that there's a 20% or less chance that any media actually show up. But our Board Chair thought it was something we should do, so we're gonna do it.

 

[Reg Lllama of Brixton]

My new shtick is whenever I'm at someone's house is to fold the end of toilet paper into a triangle like hotel maids do. Will post pics on FB.

I'd go for the old "snake the bowl refill tube under the lid" deal. Let me know if you want details.