cosjobs
Footballguy
If the internet had not killed GM & Joe's lovechild, we'd probably be sharing a beer in COlumbus this evening, GB.
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GM's thread about nothing (25 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
I live in Youngstown, GB.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
I'm bored.
heckmanm
Footballguy
Osaurus
Footballguy
Hello all. Survived the HOA meeting with furious texting to Mrs. Osaurus regarding an alarm panel warning for a low battery. For the record, I attend these meetings because I do not trust the board and want to witness what they are trying to do first hand. I also do not ever stay for more than half the meeting.
On a much happier note, here is the Osaurus Super Bowl Menu:
Chips and fresh salsa
Southwest pretzels with salsa con queso
Stuffed jalapeños
Bacon wrapped chicken skewers with honey mustard
Creme Brûlée bread pudding
Recipe requests will be granted.
On a much happier note, here is the Osaurus Super Bowl Menu:
Chips and fresh salsa
Southwest pretzels with salsa con queso
Stuffed jalapeños
Bacon wrapped chicken skewers with honey mustard
Creme Brûlée bread pudding
Recipe requests will be granted.
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Gadzooks
Footballguy
Uwe Blab
Footballguy
This site was great. Love the dog's "I'm going to murder you when you sleep for this" expression.Particularly liked this one...
Wasted in Tahoe. Have to get up and snowboard in a few hours.
Must have played Pai Gow for 4 hours. Broke even on the $60 I bought in for.
Must have played Pai Gow for 4 hours. Broke even on the $60 I bought in for.
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Guster
Footballguy
awesome blog. thanks for a laugh to start off my friday!try another church service?
Gadzooks
Footballguy
Refresh my memory, according to my yellow sticky notes, didn't your mother walk in on you and your lovely wife while you two were making sweeting love on their front porch and your Dad stole your wife's panties or something like that? Do I have that right?'Notorious T.R.E. said:'YSR said:
And that was my mom. She was over tonight and I know it was her because of the "sounds very Minnesotan" crack. My wife doesn't thank god (neitehr do I, for the record).
cosjobs
Footballguy
Are you saying you wouldn't drive to Columbus to have a beer with me?I live in Youngstown, GB.
So I had one of the craziest dreams ever last night:
I'm on a plane to head to Dallas to meet Jplvr (who doesn't live in Dallas IRL) to watch the Super Bowl together
Once I sit down in the plane, my GB GM sits next to me as he's headed to Dallas to meet some old friends from growing up. Sitting directly in front of us from left to right is Mrs. JoeT, some other chick (offdee8) and then single Otis. Immediately to our right is a bathroom.
The beginning of the flight is everyone not being able to believe that we're all on the same flight and the drinks start flowing. Mrs. JoeT informs us that JoeT will be in baggage claim picking her up, so we'll get to hang for a little while.
The next part of the flight, Single Otis is trying to hit on the offdee8. GM and I are cracking up at watching him work. At one point, Otis goes to the bathroom and when he comes out he resumes with the girl. GM goes to the bathroom next and comes pick with a sly look on his face...turns out Otis left his phone in the bathroom and GM has confiscated it. We spend the rest of the flight thinking up all of the schtick that having Otis' phone will result in.
After the flight we all go down to get bags and meet up with JoeT. I let GM know I had to go take a leak and if he saw my bag to grab it. I get back and notice that he had gotten my bag and I start chatting with everyone. Then a cop comes up and asks if he can check my bag. "Sure, no problem". All of a sudden, he finds this tin (that I clearly did not put in there) and opens it. A whole bunch of weed falls onto the floor and my heart just sinks into my stomach.
"What do we have here?"
"Officer, I swear to god, that is not mine?"
"Well this is your bag right"
"Yes...but I have never seen or touched this in my life. You can finger print it"
"Finger print? (laughs) This is an airport, not CSI Dallas"
(GM and JoeT laugh at the cop's remark)
At this point, all these thoughts are going through my mind (What the ####. I can't believe GM would do this to me. We were already on the ground, why would he need to plant the weed on me now? Who are the people of the GMTAN going to believe is telling the truth? Me or GM?)
Finally, all my years of crime drama watching pays off. "The security cameras!" I scream. "Officer, check the security cameras, you'll be able to see that I didn't touch this bag...it will be clear"
So the cop agrees to bring the tin into security to check the cameras, telling me "to stay right here" with my bag. while he goes down the way with the bag.
At this point GM realizes that he's going to get busted, so I can see all the thoughts going through his head, so he created some distraction with the security guard and motions to me to run.
Well you can fool me once GM, but you can't fool me twice. The cop realizes what GM is doing and runs outside thinking I had also run outside to get away. As the cop does this, GM exits the airport (and the dream) not caring how his (former) GBTF would fair in this tale.
After about 5 minutes of the cop being outside, I actually think about making a run for it...but then I remember the security cameras, so I think it would be a better idea to go outside and find the cop to let him know that I didn't in fact make a run for it, but in actuallity GM did :narc:
The cop appreciates my honesty and we walk back to the security area and start talking about super bowl prop bets. He tells me he believes me and then all of a sudden we're at the laundry facility. He grabs a janitors uniform and tells me to put it on.
"Walk around with this broom for 5 minutes and meet me back here and I'll have your bag and you can leave". As I'm putting the uniform on, the main security guy comes up and says "we checked all teh security footage and you were right...you would have been free to go, but now I see you're stealing the uniform...please come with me"
then I woke up. #### you GM!
I'm on a plane to head to Dallas to meet Jplvr (who doesn't live in Dallas IRL) to watch the Super Bowl together
Once I sit down in the plane, my GB GM sits next to me as he's headed to Dallas to meet some old friends from growing up. Sitting directly in front of us from left to right is Mrs. JoeT, some other chick (offdee8) and then single Otis. Immediately to our right is a bathroom.The beginning of the flight is everyone not being able to believe that we're all on the same flight and the drinks start flowing. Mrs. JoeT informs us that JoeT will be in baggage claim picking her up, so we'll get to hang for a little while.
The next part of the flight, Single Otis is trying to hit on the offdee8. GM and I are cracking up at watching him work. At one point, Otis goes to the bathroom and when he comes out he resumes with the girl. GM goes to the bathroom next and comes pick with a sly look on his face...turns out Otis left his phone in the bathroom and GM has confiscated it. We spend the rest of the flight thinking up all of the schtick that having Otis' phone will result in.
After the flight we all go down to get bags and meet up with JoeT. I let GM know I had to go take a leak and if he saw my bag to grab it. I get back and notice that he had gotten my bag and I start chatting with everyone. Then a cop comes up and asks if he can check my bag. "Sure, no problem". All of a sudden, he finds this tin (that I clearly did not put in there) and opens it. A whole bunch of weed falls onto the floor and my heart just sinks into my stomach.
"What do we have here?"
"Officer, I swear to god, that is not mine?"
"Well this is your bag right"
"Yes...but I have never seen or touched this in my life. You can finger print it"
"Finger print? (laughs) This is an airport, not CSI Dallas"
(GM and JoeT laugh at the cop's remark)
At this point, all these thoughts are going through my mind (What the ####. I can't believe GM would do this to me. We were already on the ground, why would he need to plant the weed on me now? Who are the people of the GMTAN going to believe is telling the truth? Me or GM?)
Finally, all my years of crime drama watching pays off. "The security cameras!" I scream. "Officer, check the security cameras, you'll be able to see that I didn't touch this bag...it will be clear"
So the cop agrees to bring the tin into security to check the cameras, telling me "to stay right here" with my bag. while he goes down the way with the bag.
At this point GM realizes that he's going to get busted, so I can see all the thoughts going through his head, so he created some distraction with the security guard and motions to me to run.
Well you can fool me once GM, but you can't fool me twice. The cop realizes what GM is doing and runs outside thinking I had also run outside to get away. As the cop does this, GM exits the airport (and the dream) not caring how his (former) GBTF would fair in this tale.
After about 5 minutes of the cop being outside, I actually think about making a run for it...but then I remember the security cameras, so I think it would be a better idea to go outside and find the cop to let him know that I didn't in fact make a run for it, but in actuallity GM did :narc:
The cop appreciates my honesty and we walk back to the security area and start talking about super bowl prop bets. He tells me he believes me and then all of a sudden we're at the laundry facility. He grabs a janitors uniform and tells me to put it on.
"Walk around with this broom for 5 minutes and meet me back here and I'll have your bag and you can leave". As I'm putting the uniform on, the main security guy comes up and says "we checked all teh security footage and you were right...you would have been free to go, but now I see you're stealing the uniform...please come with me"
then I woke up. #### you GM!
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
'YSR said:
It has brought many a tear to my mother and countless teachers. Enjoy GB. 
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
Happy Friday, Frank!!
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
####, I screwed that up. I guess I'll retire at 100,000
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
You too, Reginald.Happy Friday, Frank!!
shuke
Black Ice Skeptic
You guys ever heard anything like this? No idea stuff like this happened in the US.
Human trafficking at the Super Bowl
Human trafficking at the Super Bowl
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
I just called and left a message.
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
I'd say pretty decent if you came down to cornhole. I actually like this girl a lot; if I wasn't in love/married I'd totally be dating her. I generally don't like younger women as they annoy me and/or are physically not mature enough. Redman and I talked about this :e:lsewhere. We like ladies in their late 20s to early 40s, when they take on a womanly glow and aura of sophistication that's insanely sexy. But this 21 year old is mature beyond her years. Maybe it's the martial arts training, or the traveling (she's spent a lot of time studying/visiting around the globe), or the intense yoga practice, but her soul defies her age. Plus she apparently sucks a mean johnson.
I guess I just like playing with fire. Last summer we spent 3-4 days a week sunning & swimming & reading together half naked (sorry no pics, though I can slip into my swimsuit and snap some now if you like). The sexual tension between is so ridiculous at this point that I'm terrified if I ever did go for it, she'd touch me and I'd explode into a crazy lawn sprinkler of manjuice, with every orifice and pore gushing 2 years of pent up fury. Like this.
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Guster
Footballguy
Guster
Footballguy
Guster
Footballguy
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
He should wait a month, then complain about an older woman's unnecessary facial hair.
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
So like I said earlier, yesterday was the first day I met my new students. I ran an ice-breaking activity where they interview each other using prepared questions. The last question was, "say one random thing about yourself." The Best of the Best Responses -
1. The meek, bookish girl who could burp the alphabet. I convinced her to do A, B, and C. You really have to imagine this to see the epic hilarity: a skinny, pale, librarian in waiting burping up letters. She did't use any soda or drink. Her little face just crunched up and then exploded gas in vowels and consonants. It was like watching the Exorcist.
2. (Remember this is a Children's Lit class.) The second best student was the chubby guy with the creepy goatee and glasses too small for his pudgy head. He took my class because he wants to go into elementary ed or run the children's section of his local library.
Did any of you have a friend as a little kid who you knew would grow up gay? When I was six I had a friend named Maurice whom I knew would be gay the instant he hit puberty. You could tell by the way he lisped his words and threw a football like Lamar tossing a javelin. Maurice was Pre-Gay. And much like that, this guy in my class is definitely a Pre-Pedo. All the signs are there. He just doesn't know it yet.
(Nothing against gay people or Maurice, whom I'm FB friends with. He's a great guy.)
3. The two sorority sisters (offdee 6 and 7.5) who took the class because they love fairy tales so much that a group of 5 of them all dressed up as princesses for Halloween. Imagine them telling you this. You're their teacher. You know damn well what 20 year old female Halloween costumes really look like. Now imagine that stuck in your head while you're trying to be semi-professional.
Homer J Simpson wouldn't last 5 minutes doing my job.
1. The meek, bookish girl who could burp the alphabet. I convinced her to do A, B, and C. You really have to imagine this to see the epic hilarity: a skinny, pale, librarian in waiting burping up letters. She did't use any soda or drink. Her little face just crunched up and then exploded gas in vowels and consonants. It was like watching the Exorcist.
2. (Remember this is a Children's Lit class.) The second best student was the chubby guy with the creepy goatee and glasses too small for his pudgy head. He took my class because he wants to go into elementary ed or run the children's section of his local library.
Did any of you have a friend as a little kid who you knew would grow up gay? When I was six I had a friend named Maurice whom I knew would be gay the instant he hit puberty. You could tell by the way he lisped his words and threw a football like Lamar tossing a javelin. Maurice was Pre-Gay. And much like that, this guy in my class is definitely a Pre-Pedo. All the signs are there. He just doesn't know it yet.
(Nothing against gay people or Maurice, whom I'm FB friends with. He's a great guy.)
3. The two sorority sisters (offdee 6 and 7.5) who took the class because they love fairy tales so much that a group of 5 of them all dressed up as princesses for Halloween. Imagine them telling you this. You're their teacher. You know damn well what 20 year old female Halloween costumes really look like. Now imagine that stuck in your head while you're trying to be semi-professional.
Homer J Simpson wouldn't last 5 minutes doing my job.
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
Thorn: GMTAN SuperegoKeeping the inmates safe from themselves.
Uwe Blab
Footballguy
Wasn't -fish- practically out the door and playing out the string at his current job anyways, if I remember correctly?Game on!
Thorn
Footballguy
You shut your whore mouth.
Gadzooks
Footballguy
This made me laugh, cry and throw up in my mouth. Having said that, let's make this cornhole happen!
Gadzooks
Footballguy
I'm in. I'm supposed to go to some education fundraiser thingy involving booze and desserts.
Kubes
Footballguy
Except for the stole part and teh sweeting part that's right.
Kubes
Footballguy
<_<
Kubes
Footballguy
Unnecessarily mean.
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
GM also needs to link to him accidentally drugging cos' dogs.Zooks> let me know if you plan on coming to 'Cuse. If not, let's keep this NE cornhole alive for summertime, when it doesn't suck around here.
Crazy Canuck
Footballguy
You made bitter love to your wife on your parents porch, and she gave her panties to your dad?
Reg Lllama of Brixton
Footballguy
'YSR said:
Reg Lllama of Brixton
Footballguy
Mine either.
wadegarrett
FFA Legend™
Reg Lllama of Brixton
Footballguy
Eh, might be going out with some teacherfolk after work. Probably not "bombed" persay.
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