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GM's thread about nothing (15 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
Bogart
Footballguy
I wish I would have filmed my reaction to watching this video. It ran the gambit of emotion.I laughed. I cried. I made crock pot chicken. I cried even more.
YSR
Footballguy
Marvin
Footballguy
In “I dunno,” General Malaise's new film, he contemplates human existence from the standpoint of eternity. Recently showered with temporal glory at the Cannes Film Festival, where it won the Palme d’Or, this movie folds eons of cosmic and terrestrial history into less than 3 minutes. Its most provocative sequences envision the origin of the universe, the development of life on earth and then, more concisely and less literally, the end of time, when the dead of all the ages shall rise and drink crappy beer from a can.At the beginning and the conclusion — alpha and omega — we gaze on a toy light saber that can only represent the creator. Not Mr. Malaise but the elusive deity whose presence in the world is both the film’s overt subject and the source of its deepest, most anxious mysteries. With disarming sincerity and daunting formal sophistication “I dunno” ponders some of the hardest and most persistent questions, the kind that leave adults speechless when children ask them. In this case a drunk melanin-challenged man-child, in whispered voice-over, speaks directly to God, whose responses are characteristically oblique, conveyed by the rustling of a phone cam or pair of ski goggles. Where are you? the mercurial protagonist wants to know, and lurking within this question is another: What am I doing here?'General Malaise said:
phishphan
Footballguy
Hell, I'd give him the tip even if I was stone-cold sober
Jeff Vader
Footballguy
'General Malaise said:
I'm tears. GM just dropped the mic on shot videos.
Jeff Vader
Footballguy
A Canadian ranting about national pride like Martin Luther King Jr.We have come to the end of the internets.
Marvin
Footballguy
Don't act like you weren't crying by the end of that video.
Jeff Vader
Footballguy
1.
Especially since it's the last two weeks of the semester I'm actually writing crap like this (seriously).2. The bolded
Jeff Vader
Footballguy
One hand on my heart, the other making crock pot chicken with a maple leaf.
Marvin
Footballguy
Looks like a "no".
YSR
Footballguy
Haven't you already asked this exact same question in this thread?
YSR
Footballguy
I have to work today and am in the office until 4:00. There is no one else here. I've already reached the end of the Internet (i.e. been through here, :e:, Reddit, etc.). I can watch anything I want online. Any suggestions? I'm considering starting Firefly on Netflix but not totally sold on the idea.
Marvin
Footballguy
Cracked.com articles. http://www.cracked.com/funny-articles.html Skip the photoplasty stuff. Retronaut.co http://www.retronaut.co/ Cool old photos, ads, etc.
Last edited by a moderator:
YSR
Footballguy
Samuel L Bronkowitz
Footballguy
Gadzooks
Footballguy
I guess not. (It started with a "V" and rhymes with Bagina) Well anyways...I got my 2nd ever massage yesterday and it was interesting. I only signed up for the first one because I felt guilty about getting a free 3 minute massage (multiple times) at a home show a couple months ago and the girl kept asking if I'd like to set up an appointment to come in for a full massage. So I agreed and last month I went for my first real massage. I was nervous and before we started we went over what would happen which was 30 minutes and it would be focused on my back, shoulders, neck and arms. She told me to get ready and to remove all of my clothes except my boxers and then get under blanket and she'd be back in a minute when I was ready. I found it odd that she felt comefortable enough to randomly drop in F-bombs in conversation during the massage. She had a quite the potty mouth and I guess I found that more humorous than offensive, but I did wonder how other people felt about this kind of thing. During that first massage she also frequently mentioned about how all guys are A-holes and how she really hates her husband. She also complained about her teenaged pot smoking babysitter and asked if I had kids or was married. Upon learning I was divorced she then said that I must be a Richard-Head like all other guys. Again, I was fascinated by her customer service strategy. She also said that now she just wanted some really rich old guy to marry her and move to some remote island and she would just pay her husband to stay out of her life forever. This massage was on the same day of that gigantic Mega-Millions jackpot and I joked that if I won I'd take her some remote island. After that massage she asked about booking again I agreed because I always feel bad about saying no to these types of things, but I figured I would just call later and cancel. So fast forward to yesterday which was the appointment for the 2nd massage and I forgot to cancel and since I felt stiff yesterday morning (I mean my back was stiff, not that I had morning wood, though I had that too) so I went to the 2nd massage.
About a minute and 45 seconds into the massage she's dropping F-bombs. She then said she didn't hear back from me about the MegaMillions so I probably didn't win. I said that if I had then we'd be on some island right now and she said "yes we would and that I'd be getting massages every day" I asked if I'd still have to pay for them and she said I'd "pay in ways that didn't involve money".
Soon she started on the man-bashing again and how useless and unappreciative her husband is. I asked her if because she did massages for a living did the husband always expect to get one from her every day and she said it was the exact opposite. She wanted to give them to him but he didn't want them, she told me that she would have the massage table all set up for when he got home from work and she would have chocolate covered strawberries all around the table and she'd wear sexy lingerie and he didn't enjoy that. At this point, I'm now thinking she is sharing too much personal information with me, but little did I know this was only the beginning.When I asked why he didn't like it, she said that he didn't like a lot of things anymore and then she said: "he never takes care of my business down there anymore, not that I'm a big fan of that anyways but once in a while my V-word would like some attention but he complains that it hurts his tongue to do that"
I felt like I was watching taxi cab confessions on HBO. She followed that up with the following:
"Granted after kids the V-word is not a pretty site to look at, the ones you see in pron look amazing but those are definitely touched up to make them look so good."
I was amused, scared and mildly aroused. My only reply was "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". She then told me how recently in an effort to spice things up, she set up a treasure hunt for him to find his favorite snack "funny bones". She left a serious of notes with clues as to where to find the funny bones and the end result was that his funny bones were on the bed with her thong wrapped around them and a note that said something about eating the funny bones out of her V word. But all he did was laugh and just ate the funny bones and watched TV.
Keep in mind she's telling me this story while I'm laying face down with only boxers on while we're in this small dark room with candles burning and soothing music playing. It was like I could hear an angel whispering in my ear about how disgusted I should be by all of this and that I should tell her how wrong it is for her to be saying this stuff to me. But then as she was rubbing my back I could feel her hands going way down to my lower back and her fingers going slightly under my boxers. Then in my other ear I could hear Homer whispering that I should nail her on the massage table and put it on YouTube for all the GMTANers to see. Is it normal for the masseuse to go that far down when massaging your back? Am I looking too far into this? Is she flirting me or she looking to get a bigger tip from me? (and by that I mean financial tip after the massage) Is all the swearing and V-word talk normal when you get a massage? I felt dirty after the whole thing.
Naturally, I set up another appointment for next month. Can't wait to see what happens!!!!
cosjobs
Footballguy
I've been wanting to start that Masterpiece Theater, Abbey something, just put up on Netfix.
H
HighBeams
Guest
Bite me, albino. JV has enough issues with his manhood right now that you don't need to be stepping in for him.'General Malaise said:
YSR
Footballguy
You absolutely should. It's fantastic. If Season 2 isn't on Netflix yet, full episodes should still be on pbs.org.
Marvin
Footballguy
She's going to get you all relaxed and then ram a candle up your exhaust port.I guess not. (It started with a "V" and rhymes with Bagina) Well anyways...I got my 2nd ever massage yesterday and it was interesting. I only signed up for the first one because I felt guilty about getting a free 3 minute massage (multiple times) at a home show a couple months ago and the girl kept asking if I'd like to set up an appointment to come in for a full massage. So I agreed and last month I went for my first real massage. I was nervous and before we started we went over what would happen which was 30 minutes and it would be focused on my back, shoulders, neck and arms. She told me to get ready and to remove all of my clothes except my boxers and then get under blanket and she'd be back in a minute when I was ready. I found it odd that she felt comefortable enough to randomly drop in F-bombs in conversation during the massage. She had a quite the potty mouth and I guess I found that more humorous than offensive, but I did wonder how other people felt about this kind of thing. During that first massage she also frequently mentioned about how all guys are A-holes and how she really hates her husband. She also complained about her teenaged pot smoking babysitter and asked if I had kids or was married. Upon learning I was divorced she then said that I must be a Richard-Head like all other guys. Again, I was fascinated by her customer service strategy. She also said that now she just wanted some really rich old guy to marry her and move to some remote island and she would just pay her husband to stay out of her life forever. This massage was on the same day of that gigantic Mega-Millions jackpot and I joked that if I won I'd take her some remote island. After that massage she asked about booking again I agreed because I always feel bad about saying no to these types of things, but I figured I would just call later and cancel. So fast forward to yesterday which was the appointment for the 2nd massage and I forgot to cancel and since I felt stiff yesterday morning (I mean my back was stiff, not that I had morning wood, though I had that too) so I went to the 2nd massage.
About a minute and 45 seconds into the massage she's dropping F-bombs. She then said she didn't hear back from me about the MegaMillions so I probably didn't win. I said that if I had then we'd be on some island right now and she said "yes we would and that I'd be getting massages every day" I asked if I'd still have to pay for them and she said I'd "pay in ways that didn't involve money".
When I asked why he didn't like it, she said that he didn't like a lot of things anymore and then she said: "he never takes care of my business down there anymore, not that I'm a big fan of that anyways but once in a while my V-word would like some attention but he complains that it hurts his tongue to do that"
I felt like I was watching taxi cab confessions on HBO. She followed that up with the following:
"Granted after kids the V-word is not a pretty site to look at, the ones you see in pron look amazing but those are definitely touched up to make them look so good."
I was amused, scared and mildly aroused. My only reply was "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". She then told me how recently in an effort to spice things up, she set up a treasure hunt for him to find his favorite snack "funny bones". She left a serious of notes with clues as to where to find the funny bones and the end result was that his funny bones were on the bed with her thong wrapped around them and a note that said something about eating the funny bones out of her V word. But all he did was laugh and just ate the funny bones and watched TV.
Keep in mind she's telling me this story while I'm laying face down with only boxers on while we're in this small dark room with candles burning and soothing music playing. It was like I could hear an angel whispering in my ear about how disgusted I should be by all of this and that I should tell her how wrong it is for her to be saying this stuff to me. But then as she was rubbing my back I could feel her hands going way down to my lower back and her fingers going slightly under my boxers. Then in my other ear I could hear Homer whispering that I should nail her on the massage table and put it on YouTube for all the GMTANers to see. Is it normal for the masseuse to go that far down when massaging your back? Am I looking too far into this? Is she flirting me or she looking to get a bigger tip from me? (and by that I mean financial tip after the massage) Is all the swearing and V-word talk normal when you get a massage? I felt dirty after the whole thing.
Naturally, I set up another appointment for next month. Can't wait to see what happens!!!!
Jeff Vader
Footballguy
I'm convinced Zooks lives in a softcore porn version of Twin Peaks.
kevzilla
Footballguy
Masseuse = Log Lady
Stoneys
MudCat
She's going to get you all relaxed and then ram a candle up your exhaust port.I guess not. (It started with a "V" and rhymes with Bagina) Well anyways...I got my 2nd ever massage yesterday and it was interesting. I only signed up for the first one because I felt guilty about getting a free 3 minute massage (multiple times) at a home show a couple months ago and the girl kept asking if I'd like to set up an appointment to come in for a full massage. So I agreed and last month I went for my first real massage. I was nervous and before we started we went over what would happen which was 30 minutes and it would be focused on my back, shoulders, neck and arms. She told me to get ready and to remove all of my clothes except my boxers and then get under blanket and she'd be back in a minute when I was ready. I found it odd that she felt comefortable enough to randomly drop in F-bombs in conversation during the massage. She had a quite the potty mouth and I guess I found that more humorous than offensive, but I did wonder how other people felt about this kind of thing. During that first massage she also frequently mentioned about how all guys are A-holes and how she really hates her husband. She also complained about her teenaged pot smoking babysitter and asked if I had kids or was married. Upon learning I was divorced she then said that I must be a Richard-Head like all other guys. Again, I was fascinated by her customer service strategy. She also said that now she just wanted some really rich old guy to marry her and move to some remote island and she would just pay her husband to stay out of her life forever. This massage was on the same day of that gigantic Mega-Millions jackpot and I joked that if I won I'd take her some remote island. After that massage she asked about booking again I agreed because I always feel bad about saying no to these types of things, but I figured I would just call later and cancel. So fast forward to yesterday which was the appointment for the 2nd massage and I forgot to cancel and since I felt stiff yesterday morning (I mean my back was stiff, not that I had morning wood, though I had that too) so I went to the 2nd massage.
About a minute and 45 seconds into the massage she's dropping F-bombs. She then said she didn't hear back from me about the MegaMillions so I probably didn't win. I said that if I had then we'd be on some island right now and she said "yes we would and that I'd be getting massages every day" I asked if I'd still have to pay for them and she said I'd "pay in ways that didn't involve money".
When I asked why he didn't like it, she said that he didn't like a lot of things anymore and then she said: "he never takes care of my business down there anymore, not that I'm a big fan of that anyways but once in a while my V-word would like some attention but he complains that it hurts his tongue to do that"
I felt like I was watching taxi cab confessions on HBO. She followed that up with the following:
"Granted after kids the V-word is not a pretty site to look at, the ones you see in pron look amazing but those are definitely touched up to make them look so good."
I was amused, scared and mildly aroused. My only reply was "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". She then told me how recently in an effort to spice things up, she set up a treasure hunt for him to find his favorite snack "funny bones". She left a serious of notes with clues as to where to find the funny bones and the end result was that his funny bones were on the bed with her thong wrapped around them and a note that said something about eating the funny bones out of her V word. But all he did was laugh and just ate the funny bones and watched TV.
Keep in mind she's telling me this story while I'm laying face down with only boxers on while we're in this small dark room with candles burning and soothing music playing. It was like I could hear an angel whispering in my ear about how disgusted I should be by all of this and that I should tell her how wrong it is for her to be saying this stuff to me. But then as she was rubbing my back I could feel her hands going way down to my lower back and her fingers going slightly under my boxers. Then in my other ear I could hear Homer whispering that I should nail her on the massage table and put it on YouTube for all the GMTANers to see. Is it normal for the masseuse to go that far down when massaging your back? Am I looking too far into this? Is she flirting me or she looking to get a bigger tip from me? (and by that I mean financial tip after the massage) Is all the swearing and V-word talk normal when you get a massage? I felt dirty after the whole thing.
Naturally, I set up another appointment for next month. Can't wait to see what happens!!!!
St. Louis Bob
Footballguy
Hi guys.
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
//bonghit//
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
I should probably get out of bed at some point, huh?
mr. furley
Footballguy
mr. furley
Footballguy
oh ####'General Malaise said:
urbanhack
Fight The Power!
'General Malaise said:
Darth Vader --> Michael J. Anderson --> Yoda --> cosjobs
pretty damn impressive...
mr. furley
Footballguy
til: the official FFA master index thread has been locked
Gadzooks
Footballguy
Hawks64
Footballguy
http://www.andrograde.com/show.php?game=Pig_latin_to_english_translatorFind something interesting?Answer: people also shoot coke. I don't know what else. According cos' poll, I was only a petty criminal back in the day. Needles are beyond me.
Reply with this> Eirthay Irginvay Aptivecay, ookbay 1. Yes, send it in Pig Latin. Why? Because you can. Because it's good shtick. Because she'll go nuts trying to figure it out, and when/if she does, her reply could be priceless.
H
HighBeams
Guest
It's all about perspective...you think I'm one, I think he's one. I'm sorry for calling out your little cupcake friend and hurting you.
mr. furley
Footballguy
GMTAN i bring to you: Sammy Van Halen
Yo Sammy:
I look like Harry Potter and I only listen to Journey will I ever get laid? Thanks,
John
Jizzon:
Hey man, not everybody has look as hard and rock as loud as Sammy to get some Tang. There are plenty of ugly chicks out there that would love to roll 20 sided dice before getting some soft love. Be yourself duder, but maybe think again about that Journey bull####.
Live and Let Die,
SVH
Yo Sammy:
I look like Harry Potter and I only listen to Journey will I ever get laid? Thanks,
John
Jizzon:
Hey man, not everybody has look as hard and rock as loud as Sammy to get some Tang. There are plenty of ugly chicks out there that would love to roll 20 sided dice before getting some soft love. Be yourself duder, but maybe think again about that Journey bull####.
Live and Let Die,
SVH
King_Kelly
Footballguy
Angrywife was kind and understanding as always today. Two days post-vasectomy (and technically not supposed to lift over 10 pounds) it a great time to buy a shed at Home Depot, unload it myself, pry loose a section of fence, dig a couple postholes and haul around 50 pound bags of concrete. GB alcohol and painkillers.
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
So what's going on, jerkasses?
Going over the new chick's place to chill and watch a movie. I'm still pretty brutally hung over from last night's escapades. Nerd night for Homer J.
Going over the new chick's place to chill and watch a movie. I'm still pretty brutally hung over from last night's escapades. Nerd night for Homer J.
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