GM's thread about nothing (44 Viewers)

[Tiger Fan]

Good news alert - 5% raise

 

[Mr. Pickles]

He said that they watch a lot of British shows on PBS that just weren't loud enough and he hoped the surround sound could help them out

you still in austin?

Sorry dude, I left this morning. We had a group of about 10 others from out of town plus I didn't have any free time from work. I'll be back in a month.

scrubs on in airport?

Kind of assumed, no?

 

[Sammy3469]

My wife threw out over 50% of the food in our pantry today.

What about the apples?

 

[Abraham]

Good news alert - 5% raise

Congrats GBTF.

 

[Sweet J]

thanks for all the responses, guys. I really appreciate it. I have some thoughts. When I get a little more free time, I'll shoot them down. For now though, this:

cat on the counter

 

[rabidfireweasel]

[This is brilliant RFW. The perfect cash game summary, and even more perfect for Houston rooms.

Thank you kind sir.On another note, I have coffee in hand in my studio and doing some light reading in GMTAN before I spend a couple hours painting/ drawing.

 

[rabidfireweasel]

thanks for all the responses, guys. I really appreciate it. I have some thoughts. When I get a little more free time, I'll shoot them down. For now though, this:cat on the counter

Good luck sir.Is my notebook correct that you used to box when you were younger?

 

[T Bell]

My wife threw out over 50% of the food in our pantry today.

What about the apples?

How do you like them?

 

[Sammy3469]

My wife threw out over 50% of the food in our pantry today.

What about the apples?

How do you like them?

GENETICALLY ENGINEERED!!!!!!!!!11111

 

[flysack]

Good news alert - 5% raise

Congrats GBTF.

For second there I thought TF was messing with us, and almost responded with: "Yea, I got a -5% raise too." Congrats. Use the money to buy a RFW penis painting.

 

[Tiger Fan]

Good news alert - 5% raise

Congrats GBTF.

For second there I thought TF was messing with us, and almost responded with: "Yea, I got a -5% raise too." Congrats. Use the money to buy a RFW penis painting.

ha. didn't even realize I posted the " -5%". I should've posted : 5%. Either way More money for savings. /dentist

 

[Disco Stu]

Sweet J, imo this isn't a gambling issue... it's a marriage issue. You're not getting thrills in the bedroom, so you're looking for them somewhere else (poker and video games).She knows this is a substitute for marriage shortcomings, and it bothers her. Maybe try counseling. Or a mistress.

 

[Ignoramus]

Good news alert - 5% raise

Congrats GBTF.

For second there I thought TF was messing with us, and almost responded with: "Yea, I got a -5% raise too." Congrats. Use the money to buy a RFW penis painting.

ha. didn't even realize I posted the " -5%". I should've posted : 5%. Either way More money for savings. investable dollars. /dentist

Fixed.And congrats.

 

[shuke]

He said that they watch a lot of British shows on PBS that just weren't loud enough and he hoped the surround sound could help them out

you still in austin?

Sorry dude, I left this morning. We had a group of about 10 others from out of town plus I didn't have any free time from work. I'll be back in a month.

scrubs on in airport?

No. I've only done that once.

 

[Sweet J]

Ok, I'm going to try and reply to some of the things folks said without doing a lot of quoting, which could get messy. Like i wrote earlier, I really really appreciate the honest feedback and the time people take to write.

Is it the chance to get away from your wife? The chance to be out with the guys? Or meet new people at a poker table, if you're playing with strangers? Is it the juice you feel when you win a big hand? Im willing to bet (no pun intended) that you'd say all of the above, but the big one is the dopamine rush you get from winning. Thats why you play too many hands even though you know better. So now the next question is, is this how you want your life to be? Do you want your occasional indulgences in dopamine to cause problems with your marriage? is this costing you more than, say, golf? Or some other hobby you might take up instead? Have you considered what else you'd like to do with the time and money you spend on gambling?

I think you are on the money here. I love to compete and get a charge out of doing certain things. I played HS and D3 basketball, then I dropped out of school and I started boxing, then quit that and tried law school, then I worked to make partner at a firm, etc. I do better when I have goals to hit and demons to fight. I love to (1) play sports, (2) screw, and (3) play cards and video games. My body is too broken down to be a competivite athlete, I'm trying my damnedest not to screw around on my wife (although I've known to wack it twice a day for two weeks if I'm starting to get antsy). I'd like to play cards if I can fix the holes in my game and also do it in a way that doesn't make my wife hate me more.If I wasn't married, I wouldn't worry about me having a "problem" with it, because I haven't shown myself any indication that I don't play within my means. One can argue that by not staying within the "means" that my wife feels comfortable, it is not staying within my means. But that is a little meta for me. But maybe I need to think about that. I have noticed that when my life gets complicated: work is really hard, or I'm fighting with my wife, or my kids need my attention, I don't have the desire to play poker. I've got too much crap to worry. The times I really want to play are when I've got work down with no problems, home is just motoring along, family is good . . . then I'm like, "wait, what else is there? Is this really it?" And I want to go sit down with some buddies at a poker table and play for 10 or 12 hours. And it doesn't really matter if I win or lose (although it is really important to me that I play well).I think I could go months or years without gambling (I've certainly done it before), but it makes me a little sad to think about giving something up that I enjoy. The problem is that I don't trust my wife's judgment (not just on this). She would say I have a problem, but she would also say that anyone who plays poker on a regular basis has a problem.More in a sec.

 

[Sweet J]

I'm a single guy, so take it for what it's worth, but it seems to me the real problem is lying to your wife and sneaking around. No chance of having a sit-down with her and saying look, I'm not risking our future, I'm not cheating, I'm not doing 1000 other things that would be dangerous or illegal. I happen to enjoy, as a hobby, a perfectly legal poker day now and then. Let's agree that I'll save X dollars in a separate account, and I'll let you know when I'm going, give you half of it to spend on whatever frivolous thing like (healing oils?), but you'll agree not to give me a hard time about it.Or is that just crazy talk?

Yeah, that's kind of where I am. The problem I have is that she gets so . . . I don't know, dissappointed (?) that I would engage in something as base as gambling, that it has grown more attractive to just lie to her about it. Even when I win. For example, I had a couple of years where I was net positive, but I never told her about it, becuase she doesn't like the concept.I think the answer is to just man up, though. That has the added benefit of having another person besides me give me their take. I just wish I trusted her more.

 

[T Bell]

I'm a single guy, so take it for what it's worth, but it seems to me the real problem is lying to your wife and sneaking around. No chance of having a sit-down with her and saying look, I'm not risking our future, I'm not cheating, I'm not doing 1000 other things that would be dangerous or illegal. I happen to enjoy, as a hobby, a perfectly legal poker day now and then. Let's agree that I'll save X dollars in a separate account, and I'll let you know when I'm going, give you half of it to spend on whatever frivolous thing like (healing oils?), but you'll agree not to give me a hard time about it.

Or is that just crazy talk?

Yeah, that's kind of where I am. The problem I have is that she gets so . . . I don't know, dissappointed (?) that I would engage in something as base as gambling, that it has grown more attractive to just lie to her about it. Even when I win. For example, I had a couple of years where I was net positive, but I never told her about it, becuase she doesn't like the concept.I think the answer is to just man up, though. That has the added benefit of having another person besides me give me their take. I just wish I trusted her more.

Trust her more to do or not do what?

 

[Sweet J]

I have a wife and I gamble, so I guess I'll chime in:

I would talk to your wife and get to her root issue with gambling. For most wives, I think it comes down to the worry that it's going to end in financial ruin. Did she have a parent or relative with a gambling problem? Does she think it's a waste of time? Does she have a problem with poker specifically, or all gambling?

I'd then try to forge a compromise. Look at your yearly budget, figure out a sensible amount to play with every month -- something that would be akin to golfing expenses -- and agree with her that that will be your hard cap for how much you can play with. And stick to that. That might allay some of her concerns.

Lastly, I'd buy a couple books on poker. 2+2 always puts out some good stuff. Show her that you're making an effort to improve your game, and maybe even read up on poker bankroll management and take a more conservative stance. That'll show her that you're making an effort to lose less. And, if you get to a point where you're losing less money or even making money long-term, most women will stop worrying so much.

Another idea might be to start playing online instead of live. Live cash games are mighty expensive in terms of the rake, gas money, etc. There are still a few networks that are operating, Sportsbook.ag has a linked poker website that I've played on on occasion. Juicystakes.eu (formerly Cake poker) also serves US customers. That would allow you to get your fix, but to play for smaller stakes than you would otherwise be playing for live.

Truck: Thanks for this. I think this is where I am. If I give myself a budget, and stick to it, then that kind of is a self-defining thing about whether it is a problem. Right?The big problem here is bankroll. If I want to play "non-losing" 1-2NL over the course of a year (let's define that as one 8-hour session once a month of a year), than any bankroll less than $2k is tough, right? And I think talking my wife into bankrolling this hobby for $2k for a year is going to be difficult.

One option is to just save up $100/month or so over the course of the next year or so, and then play when I feel comfortable with my bankroll.

The problem I have with my wife is that even we both agreed on "money to be spent on a hobby," we still have the problem of me doing something she doesn't approve of. It's really similar to how she can spend two hours on a lazy weekend morning reading a book, but tell me I've been wasting the day playing video games.

But I really agree with your idea of trying to improve my game, and showing her that. And she can decide whether or not she wants to participate in those discussions (she won't).

 

[Sweet J]

If it was me, I'd sit down with her, have the above discussion and then come to a concrete agreement about how much you will budget to spend gambling, and how often you'll do it. It doesn't have to be set in stone, especially the number of times (e.g. a group of buddies has an non-routine trip to Vegas that you go on) but there needs to be a commitment. You also need to stick to it and be honest with her about when you're gambling and how much you're spending.

Thanks. You, BF, RFW, and Truck all have hit on this point. It's funny, I lie to my wife about so many little things to avoid her giving me a hard time (this is not unique to gambling, at all), that this would certainly be a sea change for me. But probably necessary.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

More money for high risk investments. /dentist

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

My wife threw out over 50% of the food in our pantry today.

let me guess...she's going gluten-free?

No. Something about GMO which I think means genetically modified organism.

Yes. We tried to mandate that they be labeled here in CA this past November, but the measure failed for some reason. Evidently Mrs. Frosty needs no labels.

I'd think at this point that everyone knows to just vote the opposite side of whatever Monsanto's supporting, but I guess not.

They're pretty much all GMOs at this point.

 

[Sweet J]

I'm a single guy, so take it for what it's worth, but it seems to me the real problem is lying to your wife and sneaking around. No chance of having a sit-down with her and saying look, I'm not risking our future, I'm not cheating, I'm not doing 1000 other things that would be dangerous or illegal. I happen to enjoy, as a hobby, a perfectly legal poker day now and then. Let's agree that I'll save X dollars in a separate account, and I'll let you know when I'm going, give you half of it to spend on whatever frivolous thing like (healing oils?), but you'll agree not to give me a hard time about it.

Or is that just crazy talk?

Yeah, that's kind of where I am. The problem I have is that she gets so . . . I don't know, dissappointed (?) that I would engage in something as base as gambling, that it has grown more attractive to just lie to her about it. Even when I win. For example, I had a couple of years where I was net positive, but I never told her about it, becuase she doesn't like the concept.I think the answer is to just man up, though. That has the added benefit of having another person besides me give me their take. I just wish I trusted her more.

Trust her more to do or not do what?

Trusted her judgment. Trusted her to not be feuled by her emotions.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I have a wife and I gamble, so I guess I'll chime in:

I would talk to your wife and get to her root issue with gambling. For most wives, I think it comes down to the worry that it's going to end in financial ruin. Did she have a parent or relative with a gambling problem? Does she think it's a waste of time? Does she have a problem with poker specifically, or all gambling?

I'd then try to forge a compromise. Look at your yearly budget, figure out a sensible amount to play with every month -- something that would be akin to golfing expenses -- and agree with her that that will be your hard cap for how much you can play with. And stick to that. That might allay some of her concerns.

Lastly, I'd buy a couple books on poker. 2+2 always puts out some good stuff. Show her that you're making an effort to improve your game, and maybe even read up on poker bankroll management and take a more conservative stance. That'll show her that you're making an effort to lose less. And, if you get to a point where you're losing less money or even making money long-term, most women will stop worrying so much.

Another idea might be to start playing online instead of live. Live cash games are mighty expensive in terms of the rake, gas money, etc. There are still a few networks that are operating, Sportsbook.ag has a linked poker website that I've played on on occasion. Juicystakes.eu (formerly Cake poker) also serves US customers. That would allow you to get your fix, but to play for smaller stakes than you would otherwise be playing for live.

Truck: Thanks for this. I think this is where I am. If I give myself a budget, and stick to it, then that kind of is a self-defining thing about whether it is a problem. Right?The big problem here is bankroll. If I want to play "non-losing" 1-2NL over the course of a year (let's define that as one 8-hour session once a month of a year), than any bankroll less than $2k is tough, right? And I think talking my wife into bankrolling this hobby for $2k for a year is going to be difficult.

One option is to just save up $100/month or so over the course of the next year or so, and then play when I feel comfortable with my bankroll.

The problem I have with my wife is that even we both agreed on "money to be spent on a hobby," we still have the problem of me doing something she doesn't approve of. It's really similar to how she can spend two hours on a lazy weekend morning reading a book, but tell me I've been wasting the day playing video games.

But I really agree with your idea of trying to improve my game, and showing her that. And she can decide whether or not she wants to participate in those discussions (she won't).

You should take up disc golf.Just kidding. That would lead to drugs.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Good news alert - 5% raise

Lucky! I wish I could have a 5% raise. I could use that extra $17 a month.

 

[Sweet J]

Sweet J, imo this isn't a gambling issue... it's a marriage issue. You're not getting thrills in the bedroom, so you're looking for them somewhere else (poker and video games).She knows this is a substitute for marriage shortcomings, and it bothers her. Maybe try counseling. Or a mistress.

You may have meant this as a joke, but you certainly are on to something. I really, really, really miss screwing my brains out. And when I play poker, I don't mind the fact that I haven't had sex lately.

 

[krista4]

First post in GMTAN history from OB/GYN exam?

 

[YSR]

First post in GMTAN history from OB/GYN exam?

How far along are you now?

 

[krista4]

First post in GMTAN history from OB/GYN exam?

To be clear, exam not yet in progress. Just waiting and bored.

 

[Frostillicus]

First post in GMTAN history from OB/GYN exam?

What are you wearing?

 

[krista4]

First post in GMTAN history from OB/GYN exam?

How far along are you now?

And how did you manage to show up at precisely the right time?

 

[Good Posting Judge]

If your wife won't have any of it, I'd set a hard cap for yourself anyway and then just stick within that. Enough money to where she's not going to notice that you're squirreling it away. Yeah it's dishonest, but at the same time you've got to maintain your sanity.Although I still think online might be the way to go. Easier to conceal in that you don't have to go out, potential to play lower stakes means that if you bleed money, you won't bleed as much, and easily hideable on one's computer.

 

[T Bell]

If it was me, I'd sit down with her, have the above discussion and then come to a concrete agreement about how much you will budget to spend gambling, and how often you'll do it. It doesn't have to be set in stone, especially the number of times (e.g. a group of buddies has an non-routine trip to Vegas that you go on) but there needs to be a commitment. You also need to stick to it and be honest with her about when you're gambling and how much you're spending.

Thanks. You, BF, RFW, and Truck all have hit on this point. It's funny, I lie to my wife about so many little things to avoid her giving me a hard time (this is not unique to gambling, at all), that this would certainly be a sea change for me. But probably necessary.

I have some very avoidant tendencies and am close to the vest and find it easy to lie about stuff that's just not comfortable to address. That's common in people who grow up in "alcoholic families" like I did, but it's no excuse and in fact it's very weak on my part. I hate my behavior in that regard. The problem is that openness is critical for the long term viability of an intimate relationship. In short, the lies themselves are the problem even more than the gambling in the long term sense, and are contributing to her suspicion because of course, many lies get found out at some point, which is far worse than telling her up front. ("If he's lying about it, then it must be a problem.")

I'd even go so far as to tell her that her constantly negative attitude has made you conceal gambling activity from here, even activity that you know is harmless (like winning) just because it's such a pain to deal with her on this. Tell her that you want openness and don't plan on doing this anymore because it's wrong and this is your way of making a commitment here.

To be clear here, you also get to say to her as part of this discussion that once you come to the agreement you don't want anymore belly-aching or eye-rolling or meaningful sighing about gambling. That's part of the deal. She's a woman so you're still going to get some passive aggressive non-verbals, but you've at least put it out there.

 

[krista4]

First post in GMTAN history from OB/GYN exam?

What are you wearing?

Gown. Not a pretty one. Should start an "I'm at the OB/GYN; ask me anything" thread.(Not really.)

 

[Mr. Pickles]

First post in GMTAN history from OB/GYN exam?

I think this is probably fifth or sixth.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

What if you tell your wife that if she lets you go play poker a couple times a month, you'll let her have sexual intercourse with me a couple times a month. Win/win/win.

 

[krista4]

First post in GMTAN history from OB/GYN exam?

I think this is probably fifth or sixth.

Pickles notebook!

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Oven mitts on the stirrups?

 

[Disco Stu]

Sweet J, imo this isn't a gambling issue... it's a marriage issue. You're not getting thrills in the bedroom, so you're looking for them somewhere else (poker and video games).She knows this is a substitute for marriage shortcomings, and it bothers her. Maybe try counseling. Or a mistress.

You may have meant this as a joke, but you certainly are on to something. I really, really, really miss screwing my brains out. And when I play poker, I don't mind the fact that I haven't had sex lately.

Only joke was the bit about the mistress. And even that was only partially joking. This reminds me a lot of my first marriage. Finding it easier to lie than get beat down about everything, cold wife with poor judgement, etc. Except she didn't give me grief about playing online poker. If I was in the office playing poker, I wasn't in the bed so she didn't feel bad about not having sex with me. Win-win I guess? Post-divorce I haven't thought once about playing online or going to a card room. I'd much rather have sex. Life is too short.

 

[Sweet J]

thanks for all the responses, guys. I really appreciate it. I have some thoughts. When I get a little more free time, I'll shoot them down. For now though, this:cat on the counter

Good luck sir.Is my notebook correct that you used to box when you were younger?

Yeah. From the time I was twenty until I was about 28. All ameteur. I wasn't a strong guy, or really technically precise, but I was a workhorse in the gym, I didn't mind getting punched, and I hit harder than I should have for my frame (if that makes sense). I was good enough to beat most people in my weight class at the state or regional level, but the years that I went to the nationals I ran into people who were workhorses in the gym AND they were incredible physical specimens, so I never made it far.As I mentioned earlier, I really like to compete in things (although, strangely, I cared more about really good, intense competition than I did about winning). So this gave me a nice outlet.On a related matter, there is a good local boxing gym here in Alexandria, and about a month ago I started taking my 12 yo son, probably around 3x a week or so. He was all excited when he told me last night, "dad, I have a nickname!" I was a little cautious, because it is kind of a rough place, and sure enough, when I asked him, he said "my nickname is whiteboy!" His mother is horrified. I was reminded about how I came home one night in seventh grade and told my mom that the coach and the kids at the gym called me "Bird." I told her it must be because I am so good, just like larry bird. My mother smiled and told me that I probably shared other attributes with him.

 

[T Bell]

First post in GMTAN history from OB/GYN exam?

To be clear, exam not yet in progress. Just waiting and bored.

 

[krista4]

Oven mitts on the stirrups?

Don't see the stirrups yet. Uh oh, gotta go!

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Sweet J, imo this isn't a gambling issue... it's a marriage issue. You're not getting thrills in the bedroom, so you're looking for them somewhere else (poker and video games).

She knows this is a substitute for marriage shortcomings, and it bothers her. Maybe try counseling. Or a mistress.

You may have meant this as a joke, but you certainly are on to something. I really, really, really miss screwing my brains out. And when I play poker, I don't mind the fact that I haven't had sex lately.

Only joke was the bit about the mistress. And even that was only partially joking. This reminds me a lot of my first marriage. Finding it easier to lie than get beat down about everything, cold wife with poor judgement, etc.

Except she didn't give me grief about playing online poker. If I was in the office playing poker, I wasn't in the bed so she didn't feel bad about not having sex with me. Win-win I guess?

Post-divorce I haven't thought once about playing online or going to a card room. I'd much rather have sex. Life is too short.

Was she a lesbian or a robot or both?

 

[flysack]

Oven mitts on the stirrups?

Or swing set?

 

[Aerial Assault]

First post in GMTAN history from OB/GYN exam?

No, I've done that many times.

 

[flysack]

Something tells me I should be paying more attention to SweetJ's posts. I tuned out awhile back when he mentioned gambling. Bad move.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Oven mitts on the stirrups?

Don't see the stirrups yet. Uh oh, gotta go!

"Sorry but our stirrups are in the shop until tomorrow. I'm just going to have Merv, our custodian, come in and hold your ankles for you." (don't the stirrups pull up out of the table?)

 

[T Bell]

Oven mitts on the stirrups?

Don't see the stirrups yet. Uh oh, gotta go!

"Sorry but our stirrups are in the shop until tomorrow. I'm just going to have Merv, our custodian, come in and hold your ankles for you." (don't the stirrups pull up out of the table?)

"Merv, did you remember to bring the velvet ropes this time?"

 

[Sweet J]

First post in GMTAN history from OB/GYN exam?

hot

 

[krista4]

Done already. . Take that, YSR!

 

[T Bell]

Done already. . Take that, YSR!

What the hell? Did he just stick his head in and take a quick look around?