In the wake of all the bad news related to family members and members of this community, let me temper this by stating that I feel kinda guilty even posting about it, but I'm going to because it has had a deeper impact on me personally than I thought it would and so I'm getting it off my chest.
My neighbor Tex is over 90. He recently celebrated 70 years of marriage. His heart is failing him, he can't hear very well, he's had more things cut off his face, ear, body than Zooks has in his entire scrotum area. Guy is just a survivor and despite his ailments and advanced age, gets around okay. He still drives, which is important because a month ago, his wife fell, was taken to the hospital, caught pnemonia (sp?) and has been in a rehab facility after leaving the hospital. She had a stroke a few years ago, beat breast cancer and is the only reason Tex holds on to life and I know this because he's told me several times. He drives over to see her every day and stays by her bed 12 hours a day. He's tired. And he's incredibly lonely. He waved me over today saying "Trouble, trouble" as I ran over after loading my kids into the car, on our way to school/daycare.
"What's wrong Tex, you okay", I said as I ran across his front lawn in my loafers. "Forrest...it's Betty. I don't she's got much longer and I'm so damn tired and lonely, I don't think I can go on anymore." For the first time ever, I saw this really strong, self made man who is tougher at 90 than I'll ever be with tears in his eye. I didn't really know what to do so I hugged him and told him I'd come over later with some cigars. He used to smoke 'em outside all the time, but had to quit. He will chew them. I hope he will chew one with me later today. He is so very lonely and tired. He's not had a very easy life and he's told me all the tragedies that have befallen him. I asked him once, trying to look on the bright side and cheer him, "Yeah, but Tex...you've had a lot of good things happen too, right? I mean, if you had to do it all over again, you would do it, right?"
He told me he'd have to think long and hard on that, but honestly, I think he was telling me "No way". And that's kind of bummed me out a little, but I'm guessing at his age, after losing a grandson at 17, watching your son debilitate with MS over several decades, losing uncles, siblings, all your friends and watching your wife slowly fade away while you yourself battle all the pains and aches of aging, heart failure, cancers and the worst of it all I'm learning - horrendous loneliness - maybe the view doesn't look so rosy as it does at my age. I've never given a second thought to doing it all over again if I could.
Anyhow, I'm going to get some Dutch Masters and bang on Tex's door tonight, tomorrow, this weekend...hopefully I can catch him and at least spend some time with him. Not sure if I'm a great alternative to loneliness, but at least I'll have cigars.