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GM's thread about nothing (61 Viewers)

bentley said:
shuke said:
Gadzooks said:
How young its too young and Howe old is too old?

Golfed for work today, stayed at bar forever. After eating crappy chicken wings they set up for the "class of 1973" 40 year reunion. I stole a name tag "Doug" and told everyone i was a Canadian exchange student from their class. Most people are believing me. Totally dominating the dance floor with these old broads. Couple old dudes don't like me, but i think i can out run them if stuff goes down.

I start hitting on a young waitress and she just told me she's 16. I told that I'm really only 18 in Canadian years. So far so good with her. There's also a divorced 58 year old that likes my fake Canadian accent which i think sounds half Australian and half Irish. This is awesome. Also, they had a moment of silence for deceased class members...I fake cried and got multiple hugs.
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How is this not getting love? This is epic shtick. Do we just assume zooks makes this stuff up?
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I'm skeptical about his reasonably passing for being 58.
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He's Canadian. All he has to do is tell them that he rubs tundra infused with moose piss on his face to get rid of wrinkles.

 
Gadzooks said:
Oh, I almost forgot about this 16 year old waitress I was flirting with. For the record, I pretty much stopped flirting when she told me she was 16. While I was standing in the hallway waiting to use the men's room, I was texting one of my buddies and she walked by and said "hhmmm....looks like you're pretty good with your fingers". I was speechless and more than a little aroused, but I kept teling myself that she was younger than my niece. For entertainment value I was thinking about telling her to text me a picture of herself, but I was going to give her Homer's number instead of mine. But then I thought Homer might have a heart attack if he got a random text from a number he didn't know with a pic of a 16 year old. I was looking out for your health Homer. You're welcome.
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I like this girl. A lot.

 
Gadzooks said:
bentley said:
shuke said:
Gadzooks said:
How young its too young and Howe old is too old?

Golfed for work today, stayed at bar forever. After eating crappy chicken wings they set up for the "class of 1973" 40 year reunion. I stole a name tag "Doug" and told everyone i was a Canadian exchange student from their class. Most people are believing me. Totally dominating the dance floor with these old broads. Couple old dudes don't like me, but i think i can out run them if stuff goes down.

I start hitting on a young waitress and she just told me she's 16. I told that I'm really only 18 in Canadian years. So far so good with her. There's also a divorced 58 year old that likes my fake Canadian accent which i think sounds half Australian and half Irish. This is awesome. Also, they had a moment of silence for deceased class members...I fake cried and got multiple hugs.
Click to expand...
How is this not getting love? This is epic shtick. Do we just assume zooks makes this stuff up?
Click to expand...
I'm skeptical about his reasonably passing for being 58.
Click to expand...
I didn't think about that, but one of the guys I golfed with had stuck around and after awhile he mentioned to me that I could never pass for 58 and if they truly believe that then it's a huge insult to me. I reluctantly agreed with him.

All in all it was a very entertaining evening. I photobombed as much as I could, I only wish I could see all those pictures now. And the dancing... I don't usually dance because, well, I have less rhythm than Tanner. But with these old broads, I was like Thorn out there. One of the funnier parts was a conversation I had with some guy named Greg talking about all the people from the class who have passed on over the years. Now, they had a moment of silence and read off all the names of the deceased and I could've sworn there was a "Tim" that was mentioned. So me and this Greg guy are standing near the bar and after he mentions what a shame it is about all the people that passed, we had a conversation similar to the scene in Midnight Run when Charles Grodin pretends to be an FBI agent in the redneck bar with the bartender when Grodin gives a description of the alleged suspect. My conversation basically went like this:

Greg: they were all great people, I really miss Brad, he was my neighbor growing up.

Me: Yeah, for me, I miss Tim the most.

Greg: Tim? I think you mean Tom, right?

Me: No, Tim.

Greg: I don't think there was a Tim in our class, but there was a Tom who passed away 10 years ago.

Me: Short guy, right?

Greg: No, he was like 6 foot 3.

Me: Red hair?

Greg: No, black hair.

Me: Yeah, that sounds like Tim.

Awkward silence for a minute while Greg looks totally confused.

Me: (friendly punches Greg in the arm) Ok, Glenn I'll catch up with you later.

Greg: My name is Greg.

Me: I know. (wink and finger-thumb gunshot while I walk away)

Me and my golf buddy finally left and as we're walking out a few of the class members said good bye to me and one said to me "now don't be a stranger" I replied, "I promise I won't. See you all at the 50th!"

I may start crashing class reunions on a regular basis now. That was a fun time.
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:thumbup:

 
Cal's buddy is over, he called me Bob. I told him "no, my name is Mr. (surname). He's a good kid and has been calling me that all night.

Brought back a bunch of memories from HS though. All of the teachers addressed me as Mr. All of them. They called all of the other kids by their first name. Not me though. Probably had something to do with me trying to bang the history teacher. I would generally show up to class, wsait a couple of minutes, then say I had to go to the bathroom. It was all wink-wink of course. After that I would go find her, chat her up a bit. Sometimes I would have a smoke in the locker room in between. She wasn't the hottest but smart chicks have always made my loins happy. She finally had to say "Mr. we can't keep being seen together like this". :kicksrock:

ETA

When I arrived at the boys school for lunch, these two doctors held the door for me. Gal just tells them to sign in. Then she says "oh hello Mr.". They both looked at me like WTF are you kidding me?

 
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St. Louis Bob said:
Cal's buddy is over, he called me Bob. I told him "no, my name is Mr. (surname). He's a good kid and has been calling me that all night.

Brought back a bunch of memories from HS though. All of the teachers addressed me as Mr. All of them. They called all of the other kids by their first name. Not me though. Probably had something to do with me trying to bang the history teacher. I would generally show up to class, wsait a couple of minutes, then say I had to go to the bathroom. It was all wink-wink of course. After that I would go find her, chat her up a bit. Sometimes I would have a smoke in the locker room in between. She wasn't the hottest but smart chicks have always made my loins happy. She finally had to say "Mr. we can't keep being seen together like this". :kicksrock:
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What the- I don't even-

 
T Bell said:
St. Louis Bob said:
Cal's buddy is over, he called me Bob. I told him "no, my name is Mr. (surname). He's a good kid and has been calling me that all night.

Brought back a bunch of memories from HS though. All of the teachers addressed me as Mr. All of them. They called all of the other kids by their first name. Not me though. Probably had something to do with me trying to bang the history teacher. I would generally show up to class, wsait a couple of minutes, then say I had to go to the bathroom. It was all wink-wink of course. After that I would go find her, chat her up a bit. Sometimes I would have a smoke in the locker room in between. She wasn't the hottest but smart chicks have always made my loins happy. She finally had to say "Mr. we can't keep being seen together like this". :kicksrock:
Click to expand...
What the- I don't even-
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I don't know man. Mrs. SLB said she always digged me because the teacher would wake me up to Mr. H........n. Then I would know the answer he was looking for. Thank you 'puters for letting me level up a grade.

 
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Well, for some reason she said yes. We are now off to get drunk.

Also, forgive me because I don't remember who said it, but you were spot on. It was an hour ago and she has no idea what I said or what she said.

 
Of course the greatest teacher I ever had was my senior year history. He always wore these crazy suits. Different one every day. I didn't find out until a couple of years later that he got into an argument with the principal about how crappy he dressed. So he went to a second hand store and bought every suit they had. He made every kid want to learn. If you didn't know the answer to one of questions, you were tossed. All of his tests were essay too. Don't worry he said, I'll give you some guidance. Then he passed out sheets with like 100 topics on it. Funny, smart, engaging. I always envision Tanner as him. Terribly he got cancer and died 3-4 years after I graduated.

 
Abraham said:
cstu said:
kevzilla said:
I suddenly want to go to a jiggle joint. Someone talk me out of this.
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My ex-roommate used to jizz on his stripper GF right before she went to work and she would rub it in so guys grabbing her would be touching it. HTH.
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So in return, what did he do after work with all the jizz she collected during the shift?
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Funny thing is she would try to jump on him as soon as she gone home and he would push her off disgusted and tell her to take shower. Needless to say the relationship did not end well.

 
St. Louis Bob said:
Of course the greatest teacher I ever had was my senior year history. He always wore these crazy suits. Different one every day. I didn't find out until a couple of years later that he got into an argument with the principal about how crappy he dressed. So he went to a second hand store and bought every suit they had. He made every kid want to learn. If you didn't know the answer to one of questions, you were tossed. All of his tests were essay too. Don't worry he said, I'll give you some guidance. Then he passed out sheets with like 100 topics on it. Funny, smart, engaging. I always envision Tanner as him. Terribly he got cancer and died 3-4 years after I graduated.
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The teacher we talked about today was better.

 
Spent the afternoon at a Pappy Van Winkle tasting, meeting many members of the family and getting way more pours of Pappy 20 that I was allotted. They also had an awesome cheese table. Yay

 
DocGonzo said:
Well, for some reason she said yes. We are now off to get drunk.

Also, forgive me because I don't remember who said it, but you were spot on. It was an hour ago and she has no idea what I said or what she said.
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:hifive: , you poor dumb *******. Start hiding money

 
Abraham said:
St. Louis Bob said:
Of course the greatest teacher I ever had was my senior year history. He always wore these crazy suits. Different one every day. I didn't find out until a couple of years later that he got into an argument with the principal about how crappy he dressed. So he went to a second hand store and bought every suit they had. He made every kid want to learn. If you didn't know the answer to one of questions, you were tossed. All of his tests were essay too. Don't worry he said, I'll give you some guidance. Then he passed out sheets with like 100 topics on it. Funny, smart, engaging. I always envision Tanner as him. Terribly he got cancer and died 3-4 years after I graduated.
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The teacher we talked about today was better.
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:lmao: It's like dejavu all over again.

 
DocGonzo said:
Well, for some reason she said yes. We are now off to get drunk.

Also, forgive me because I don't remember who said it, but you were spot on. It was an hour ago and she has no idea what I said or what she said.
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Congrats, man. That's awesome.

 
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Oh yeah, the aforementioned stupid ungrateful ##### that abruptly left us last year? We were awarded her biggest and only account Thursday. You really shouldn't #### with me.

 
T Bell said:
St. Louis Bob said:
Oh yeah, the aforementioned stupid ungrateful ##### that abruptly left us last year? We were awarded her biggest and only account Thursday. You really shouldn't #### with me.
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Send her a thank you note.
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Mr. Pickles said:
St. Louis Bob said:
Oh yeah, the aforementioned stupid ungrateful ##### that abruptly left us last year? We were awarded her biggest and only account Thursday. You really shouldn't #### with me.
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Is she still.. you know.. living?
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She put all of her eggs in one basket. Bad move. :coffee:

 
I personally took over all of her biggest accounts. I'm not good at much but I'm pretty good at taking care of people. Had lunch last week with this gal she always called her sister, she hasn't heard from her since she left. Just a moron. Plus I've gotten SO much more business out of these people because I actually respond to them immediately.

 
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