What's new
Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

GM's thread about nothing (36 Viewers)

Officer Pete Malloy said:
So yesterday we go have lunch with my wife's step-grandmother at this low-rent Chinese buffet joint. Grandma treats so she gets to choose the place. We get there a little early and take a table. My wife's step uncle is coming with his wacked-out, tweaker lady friend. None of us like her one tiny bit. So we (wife and two sons) start to jockey for seats before they get there. Basically trying to figure out who has to sit by lady friend.

Older son gets up to move around the table while younger son does the same. Older son, as he's about 4 feet from two of the Asianed "waitresses" says "Hey, we don't have to do a Chinese fire-drill for this."

God, I love that kid.
Click to expand...
:lol:

 
Abraham said:
Tiger Fan said:
Abraham said:
shuke said:
Tiger Fan said:
and ive thrown away more food today to piss off a small african nation
Click to expand...
One day old food thrown away?
Click to expand...
I don't get it either. I've spent the day making sandwiches out of "starch" items like bread, rolls, and sugar cookies combined with "savory" items like mashed potatoes, broccoli cheese casserole, and stuffing. And i'll do the same tomorrow.
Click to expand...
I did this too, GB. I did this too
Click to expand...
Real conversation with 8 month preggers HerdWife not more than ten minutes ago:

Her: "What are you eating...?"

Me: "A sandwich"

"That looks like an ice cream sandwich...where did you get that?"

"Its not an ice cream sandwich"

"What is it? Of my God...do you have corn casserole stuffed between sugar cookies? That's ####### gross. I'm going to bed." :bowtie:
Click to expand...
You really need to get Jim Gaffigan's book "Dad is Fat". Hilarious take on fatherhood.

"By the way, here is a piece of advice for all you soon-to-be fathers out there: pregnant women don't like to be called [b-words] AT ALL. You're welcome.

I'm jealous of pregnant women. When pregnant women have cravings it's "adorable" and when they put on twenty or thirty pounds in nine months it's "healthy". Yet when I have cravings and put on thirty pounds, I'm considered a "fat tub of turds". I'm not sure but I believe this is sexism. Everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's belly, but when I ask people to rub my belly, I get kicked out of Dave & Busters."

 
Officer Pete Malloy said:
Abraham said:
Tiger Fan said:
Abraham said:
shuke said:
Tiger Fan said:
and ive thrown away more food today to piss off a small african nation
Click to expand...
One day old food thrown away?
Click to expand...
I don't get it either. I've spent the day making sandwiches out of "starch" items like bread, rolls, and sugar cookies combined with "savory" items like mashed potatoes, broccoli cheese casserole, and stuffing. And i'll do the same tomorrow.
Click to expand...
I did this too, GB. I did this too
Click to expand...
Real conversation with 8 month preggers HerdWife not more than ten minutes ago:

Her: "What are you eating...?"

Me: "A sandwich"

"That looks like an ice cream sandwich...where did you get that?"

"Its not an ice cream sandwich"

"What is it? Of my God...do you have corn casserole stuffed between sugar cookies? That's ####### gross. I'm going to bed." :bowtie:
Click to expand...
You really need to get Jim Gaffigan's book "Dad is Fat". Hilarious take on fatherhood.

"By the way, here is a piece of advice for all you soon-to-be fathers out there: pregnant women don't like to be called [b-words] AT ALL. You're welcome.

I'm jealous of pregnant women. When pregnant women have cravings it's "adorable" and when they put on twenty or thirty pounds in nine months it's "healthy". Yet when I have cravings and put on thirty pounds, I'm considered a "fat tub of turds". I'm not sure but I believe this is sexism. Everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's belly, but when I ask people to rub my belly, I get kicked out of Dave & Busters."
Click to expand...
:lmao: My wife has gained 27 pounds. I know this because she updates me constantly. She adores our daughter more than anything on earth and will love this one just the same. But on more then fifty occasions she has stated, "I'm ready for this to be over so I can lose this weight and go back to looking and feeling good." If I really want to piss her off I'll suggest she get a mom-cut instead of keeping her long blonde hair, which gets the kind of reaction Hitler's grandson might receive running for City Council in Hamburg.

 
T Bell said:
Speaking of FB posts, and also timely given the season, a friend of mine posted this:

Last Christmas I told my (now 4 ½ year old) boys that “Santa lives in China” (since that’s where all the toys come from. It makes sense, right?)

This Christmas they started asking to go to Chinatown, “To see Santa.”

Question: Is it worth correcting my initial lie with the substitute lie that “Santa lives at the North Pole, not China”?
Click to expand...
I don't have kids, so I ask this with all sincerity. What is the benefit of telling your kids Santa exists? Seems to just be a pain in the ###.

 
proninja said:
T Bell said:
Speaking of FB posts, and also timely given the season, a friend of mine posted this:

Last Christmas I told my (now 4 ½ year old) boys that “Santa lives in China” (since that’s where all the toys come from. It makes sense, right?)

This Christmas they started asking to go to Chinatown, “To see Santa.”

Question: Is it worth correcting my initial lie with the substitute lie that “Santa lives at the North Pole, not China”?
Click to expand...
I don't have kids, so I ask this with all sincerity. What is the benefit of telling your kids Santa exists? Seems to just be a pain in the ###.
Click to expand...
There really isn't one but you just don't want your kid to be the odd-man-out. It's pretty much just like circumcision.

 
proninja said:
T Bell said:
Speaking of FB posts, and also timely given the season, a friend of mine posted this:

Last Christmas I told my (now 4 ½ year old) boys that “Santa lives in China” (since that’s where all the toys come from. It makes sense, right?)

This Christmas they started asking to go to Chinatown, “To see Santa.”

Question: Is it worth correcting my initial lie with the substitute lie that “Santa lives at the North Pole, not China”?
Click to expand...
I don't have kids, so I ask this with all sincerity. What is the benefit of telling your kids Santa exists? Seems to just be a pain in the ###.
Click to expand...
It's amazing. Hard to describe except to say the build-up, the hoping that Santa got the letter, the asking if she has been "good" enough, how would the gift fit down the chimney..?...and then seeing how the kid lit up when she saw what she had asked for ready to go. Kick me in the iGroin if you want, but in a million years I never thought having a kid could be so much fun and yesterday was one of the reasons why.

 
Officer Pete Malloy said:
proninja said:
T Bell said:
Speaking of FB posts, and also timely given the season, a friend of mine posted this:

Last Christmas I told my (now 4 ½ year old) boys that “Santa lives in China” (since that’s where all the toys come from. It makes sense, right?)

This Christmas they started asking to go to Chinatown, “To see Santa.”

Question: Is it worth correcting my initial lie with the substitute lie that “Santa lives at the North Pole, not China”?
Click to expand...
I don't have kids, so I ask this with all sincerity. What is the benefit of telling your kids Santa exists? Seems to just be a pain in the ###.
Click to expand...
There really isn't one but you just don't want your kid to be the odd-man-out. It's pretty much just like circumcision.
Click to expand...
I don't get that one either.

My whole perspective is going to change when I end up with a few rugrats running around, isn't it?

 
proninja said:
Officer Pete Malloy said:
proninja said:
T Bell said:
Speaking of FB posts, and also timely given the season, a friend of mine posted this:

Last Christmas I told my (now 4 ½ year old) boys that “Santa lives in China” (since that’s where all the toys come from. It makes sense, right?)

This Christmas they started asking to go to Chinatown, “To see Santa.”

Question: Is it worth correcting my initial lie with the substitute lie that “Santa lives at the North Pole, not China”?
Click to expand...
I don't have kids, so I ask this with all sincerity. What is the benefit of telling your kids Santa exists? Seems to just be a pain in the ###.
Click to expand...
There really isn't one but you just don't want your kid to be the odd-man-out. It's pretty much just like circumcision.
Click to expand...
I don't get that one either.

My whole perspective is going to change when I end up with a few rugrats running around, isn't it?
Click to expand...
Yes.

 
proninja said:
Officer Pete Malloy said:
proninja said:
T Bell said:
Speaking of FB posts, and also timely given the season, a friend of mine posted this:

Last Christmas I told my (now 4 ½ year old) boys that “Santa lives in China” (since that’s where all the toys come from. It makes sense, right?)

This Christmas they started asking to go to Chinatown, “To see Santa.”

Question: Is it worth correcting my initial lie with the substitute lie that “Santa lives at the North Pole, not China”?
Click to expand...
I don't have kids, so I ask this with all sincerity. What is the benefit of telling your kids Santa exists? Seems to just be a pain in the ###.
Click to expand...
There really isn't one but you just don't want your kid to be the odd-man-out. It's pretty much just like circumcision.
Click to expand...
I don't get that one either.

My whole perspective is going to change when I end up with a few rugrats running around, isn't it?
Click to expand...
:lmao: You have no idea. I will recommend Jim Gaffigan's book to you as well. He really explains the whole thing about going from a single guy to father well.

And as far as circumcision goes I deferred to my wife on that: "I've never seen a raw one in person but the pics I've seen are gross". And the odds that my kids are going to live in some cosmopolitan area of the world where chicks don't care if you got a crank like a ******** are pretty slim.

 
Aaron Rudnicki said:
Frostillicus said:
I've had legal action threatened three times because of things on my blog. They were all idiots.
Click to expand...
:popcorn:
Click to expand...
Once I claimed a disgraced former Gopher was the brother of someone the Gophers were playing like 5 years later with the same last name. The family didn't like that and threated to sue.

I once posted a picture of Brian Butch (former Wisconsin power forward) wearing a woman's bra that was floating around the internet. His agent (lol) was trying to get all traces of that picture removed from the internet.

I can't remember the third one right now but it was something similar to these.

I've found that most people don't really understand what they can and can't sue for, and if you just act like enough of an ####### they'll leave you alone when they realize they have no legal standing.

 
So: Vampire Weekend

For: Rude, Guster

Against: Green Day Fan, Limp Ditka.

Listening to Yeezus now. :coffee: Still drinking.

ETA - #### KANYE. The McCartney album is on Spotify. Moving to that.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Frostillicus said:
Aaron Rudnicki said:
Frostillicus said:
I've had legal action threatened three times because of things on my blog. They were all idiots.
Click to expand...
:popcorn:
Click to expand...
Once I claimed a disgraced former Gopher was the brother of someone the Gophers were playing like 5 years later with the same last name. The family didn't like that and threated to sue.

I once posted a picture of Brian Butch (former Wisconsin power forward) wearing a woman's bra that was floating around the internet. His agent (lol) was trying to get all traces of that picture removed from the internet.

I can't remember the third one right now but it was something similar to these.

I've found that most people don't really understand what they can and can't sue for, and if you just act like enough of an ####### they'll leave you alone when they realize they have no legal standing.
Click to expand...
To clarify, I knew the two dudes weren't related but I pretty much run Tanner shtick (before I knew of Tanner shtick) any time two people have the same last name because it generally brings weirdos out of the woodwork and that's fun. I had a running bit where I'd say Bryce Harper was Brian Harper's (former Twin) kid any time I mentioned him and it always got an email or two.

 
Frostillicus said:
Frostillicus said:
Aaron Rudnicki said:
Frostillicus said:
I've had legal action threatened three times because of things on my blog. They were all idiots.
Click to expand...
:popcorn:
Click to expand...
Once I claimed a disgraced former Gopher was the brother of someone the Gophers were playing like 5 years later with the same last name. The family didn't like that and threated to sue.

I once posted a picture of Brian Butch (former Wisconsin power forward) wearing a woman's bra that was floating around the internet. His agent (lol) was trying to get all traces of that picture removed from the internet.

I can't remember the third one right now but it was something similar to these.

I've found that most people don't really understand what they can and can't sue for, and if you just act like enough of an ####### they'll leave you alone when they realize they have no legal standing.
Click to expand...
To clarify, I knew the two dudes weren't related but I pretty much run Tanner shtick (before I knew of Tanner shtick) any time two people have the same last name because it generally brings weirdos out of the woodwork and that's fun. I had a running bit where I'd say Bryce Harper was Brian Harper's (former Twin) kid any time I mentioned him and it always got an email or two.
Click to expand...
You just broke my mind.

 
Good stuff here tonight.

I drove through a billion miles of dense fog tonight because APPARENTLY THAT'S WHAT GOES ON HERE.

On the other hand, I can buy a lot of good wine at the gas station.

So far, Seattle is a draw.

 
krista4 said:
Good stuff here tonight.

I drove through a billion miles of dense fog tonight because APPARENTLY THAT'S WHAT GOES ON HERE.

On the other hand, I can buy a lot of good wine at the gas station.

So far, Seattle is a draw.
Click to expand...
It gets better, particularly if you decide to go to an NBA game!

 
Should I flip out that Woz is having a baby the same time as me? It's going to get all the attention! Everybody is going to try to make them be friends!

 
Last edited by a moderator:
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

General Malaise
GM's Thread About Everything/GM's Thread About Nothing
1856 1857 1858
Replies
93K
Views
3M
-fish-
-fish-
T
***Official 2014 GMTAN Draft Thread***
34 35 36
Replies
2K
Views
45K
El Floppo
El Floppo
Early_10
***Official*** Seinfeld draft thread
25 26 27
Replies
1K
Views
36K
The Dreaded Marco
The Dreaded Marco

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 33 (members: 0, guests: 33)
Back
Top