Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums
This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
GM's thread about nothing (39 Viewers)
- Thread starter General Malaise
- Start date
General Malaise
Footballguy
Drifter
Footballguy
Jeffersonville?Oh yeah. Southern Indiana, suburb of Louisville.No. I'm just trying to understand how a successful woman like yourself has that many redneck people from their home town.Why?Did I say something weird?
Huge public high school.
Fuller
Footballguy
I hate when I'm on the same page of reddit as you. I end up viewing everything twice.
Fuller
Footballguy
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
probably another dead baby pic
Ignoramus
Footballguy
HE SAID IT DIDN'T REALLY DIE!
YSR
Footballguy
"Keep me coming": The results of using YSR's dirty text response.
So flirty co-worker came over Friday night for a movie, beers and to melt my freeze pop. She gets here, and comments on how cold it is in my living room and wants to go upstairs. She grabs the remote and jumps in my bed and immediately comments on how we have the same TV remote control(shocking DirectTV doesn't provide uniquely styled remotes for each house) She then told me about 5 times that her remote hasn't worked for the last month, she gave me a blank stare when I asked if she tried changing the batteries. So after some stimulating remote control chat, we start kissing and she was very passionate about it. Kind of a weird kisser, she was a heavy breather during the kissing and not in an erotic way, more like when a chubby guy runs up a flight of stairs (no offense Stryker) After a couple minutes her phone starts going off with texts. She stops to look at her phone and then tells me she has to go pick up her younger sister. Apparently her little sister is pregnant and her car broke down she is stuck in the sub-freezing weather. So she tells me this as we're laying there, and then she says "you believe me right? You don't think that I told my sister to text me right when I got here so I'd have an excuse to leave, right? Cuz I want to be here." I replied "I believed you until you just mentioned that, so now I'm curious." She was insistant that she wanted to be there, so I told her there was a way to prove it and she nodded in agreement and started to give me a hand job. Now, I was going to suggest that she just come back to my place after getting the sister and bringing her home. But I liked this hand job idea too.
Her technique was kinda odd. Instead of a constant stroking motion, there was a lot of hitches in her delivery. I guess I would compare it to one of those old school Rapper/DJs that is purposely scratching a record while it plays on a record-player. At the same time she applying her heavy-breathing kissing technique on my neck which wasn't helping. As this is going on, I"m thinking I really want to finish, but that doesn't appear like it's going to happen anytime soon and there is a poor pregnant girl sitting in the freezing weather waiting for her sister to rescue her. Obviously I had to do the right thing.......so I reached down, removed her hand and quickly finished what she started (nobody drives the bus like the bus driver)
She got up and it was like a light bulb went off above her head as she said "hey, why don't I just come back after I drop her off?" I smiled and said "keep me coming"
She was afraid to go alone so she told me to make myself a strong Jack and Coke so I could drink while she was driving. I was starting to like her. The ride to get her sister was only about 10 or 15 minutes and before we get there she tells me not to tell her sister who I am or that we work together because her sister is EXTREMELY judgmental and would lecture her about how wrong this was and probably tell the rest of her family she's hooking up with a guy she works with. We pull into the vacant parking lot where her sister's car was (it was a gas station that's been closed for a year) I figured it would be better if I sat in the back seat so once we stop I start to get out of the car but to my surprise just as I get out the sister is standing right there and we're both standing outside the car. She says "Ooh, who are you?" Now the heavy breather is still in the driver's seat with the radio on and she's oblivious to me her and her sister standing outside. I wasn't sure what to say so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind: "Hi, I'm Daniel LaRusso" I suppose the reason I thought of that was because earlier in the day one of my buddies emailed me a picture with my face photo-shopped on Ralph Macchio from Karate Kid (I have about dozen pics of my face on b-list celebrities from TV, movies and sports) We get in the car and start to drive away and the sister says "so Daniel what do you do for work?" Heavy breather immediately says "who's Daniel?"I told her that she only knows me as "Danny" and somehow that seemed believable enough for prego.
After dropping off the sister, we go back to my house and right to the bedroom. Clothes come off and we start going at it as I try not to focus on her heavy breathing but then I notice another issue. She's making these weird moaning sounds that kind of sound like a combination of a sick goat and the laugh of The Nanny (to clarify, The Nanny reference is to Fran Drescher, not GM's wife) I was seriously losing my mojo due to her heavy breathing and loud gross moans. So in my head I imagined that she was Elisabeth Shue and I was singing that song "You're The Best... Around" which played during the karate tournament in Karate Kid. I was able to finish without having to fake it. After some idle conversation about how cold it was outside and if yellow snow is colder than regular snow, she got dressed and headed home.
The next morning I wake up and can't find the remote for the TV. The last I remember seeing it was in her hand as she was changing channels while she got dressed. Then I remembered her saying how her remote was broken and I thought, did she really steal my remote? An hour later and I still can't find it. She sends me a text saying what a fun night and we should do it again sometime. It texted back and agreed but I was more concerned about my possibly stolen remote. I wasn't sure if I should ask her or not, so then we had this text exchange:
Her: "Did you notice my 3rd nipple?"
Me: "No. Did you steal my remote?"
Her: "No, lol"
Me: "Are you sure?"
Her: "Yes, well it's actually more of a freckle than a nipple"
Me: "I meant about the remote"
Her: "Oh... no I didn't take it!!!"
Me: " Oops, I just found it under the bed"
Her: "So is that an apology?"
Me: "Sure. Now whats this about 3rd nipples?"
Her: "Never mind."
I can't tell you all how much I'm looking forward to the awkward interaction when I bump into her at a work function.
Thanks again YSR. You Da Man!!!!
I really thought she stole the remote.
Gadzooks
Footballguy
I was late for work today because I was reading that thread. I was trying to go thru it quickly, I'm assuming the 3 best stories were Raiders, EvilGrin's and GM's story about getting a handy from a tranny in a fancy car?(or something to that effect) From what I read that was thread was gold. There's no way it can be recovered like this thread was saved after Abe killed it?Abe, what did you do to the hooker thread?
Gadzooks
Footballguy
I guess she thought the bathroom would be open there for some reason (even though the place has been closed for at least a year) When she went to start the car up it wouldn't start. Also, her boyfriend that knocked her up is no longer in the picture, so she's available if you're interested.
Leeroy Jenkins
Footballguy
Here comes a long personal rant. There's a lot going on in the Jenkins extended family stressing people out, and I just need to throw some #### out there.
So in the midst of Mrs. Jenkins getting knocked up, my grandfather had a stroke. My mom and his other daughters have been doing all they can to care for him since then (around thanksgiving). After 4 weeks in the hospital and rehab facility, they brought him home. Since then it has been a disaster. Lots of underlying issues have risen to the surface and things are just bad. My grandfather is 90, but has been in general good health and super independent forever. Part of that independence though is because of a basic secret life that has his daughters resentful.
Some background that not even my wife knows the full extent of, and I am certain I also am not aware of everything: He was a bookie for "somebody" and was sent to jail when my mother was pregnant with me. He didn't rat and kept some bigger people out of jail. It apparently was a decent news story back then, and very traumatizing for my mom at the time. Mrs. J being pregnant now and her father causing trouble now is bringing up old bad feelings from her past. My grandfather, being in that life, apparently had numerous girlfriends for his entire marriage to my immigrant grandmother. I became aware of this sometime either shortly before or after her death. Being the oldest grandson, we would do things together and he would confide things in me, that I know the other grandchildren do not know (like going to prison, and him comparing that to me leaving for college). He also had said at some point about having an apartment where he had women etc., and that now he just needs "a little :helmet:" because well he's old and can't do other things now. (some of this was said directly to me, other over heard by me when in the room with him and his guys). Well, apparently there was at least one long-term girlfriend who he had while my grandmother was alive and has been spending time and money with since my grandmother's passing. My mom/aunts are aware of this and this has been a point of pain for them for the last many years. He basically has no money now, even though his "business" was successful back in the day; so much so that he and his brothers owned a major legit (albeit unionized) business worth millions at one point. All that money/pension was lost though and there was a major wages case about it apparently. My grandfather and his brother didn't speak for 10 years because one of them (or both) embezzled and/or caused the bankruptcy. He also has a gambling problem (surprise!). The day my grandmother died, and before the body was out of the house, he had me sneak out and play his numbers for him. After getting in a car accident several years ago, he gave me a list of numbers to go play; when I read the list to the cashier of where he told me to go, she said "oh, you're xx's grandson" because she knows his numbers so well. This is at least a $50/day habit with the legit lottery, and does not count the numbers he plays "at the club" or any other things he bets on.
He has lived rent and bills free for the last 14 years, as he has stayed alone in a townhouse owned by my aunt. The sisters have paid all of his basic expenses. Well now he apparently, somehow, has only like $20k to his name. He can't get around without a wheelchair/walker, cannot bathe or dress himself, or get on the toilet without assistance. He says he doesn't need care though, and if he does, he is NOT using his own money. They "owe" him. He is paranoid they are taking his money. Even though my aunt is on the bank account, she has not touched it, although it was in her power to do so. He has given his ATM card to somebody who is taking out the max cash per day and doing what with it, we don't know. My mom was over there caring for him, and a man just entered the house. He had a key. She asked who he was and he replied "who the #### are you?" It was the "bartender" from "the club." He has called his daughters every name in the book, thrown stuff at them, swung at them, etc.
They met with a social worker with the dept. of aging last week. She said they are enabling him. They are giving him more care than they should and they look exhausted. He needs assisted living, as he is worse off than he or they think. It seems an arrangement is made between my mom/aunts, grandpa, and his brother, that he will be moved to assisted living this week, with my mom/aunts paying equal to what they give him now monthly, his brother fronting initial costs, and my grandfather having to use his savings to make up the difference. His savings should last 2 years under the worst case scenario of care needed in the assisted living place they chose. Prior to this, my aunt called the longterm girlfriend and said to her, if they have a plan in place where he is supposed to move in with her and she wants to care for him, then tell us, and we won't stand in the way. The woman said she is 78 years old and cannot care for him, and that if he wanted to move in with her, he should have when my grandmother died (#### this #### whore). We were just at his townhouse on sunday for his bday, and he acted totally normal. Apparently after everybody left, my mom and others stayed behind to speak with him about the move. He got nasty from what I understand. My mom and aunt go there yesterday morning. The girlfriend is there. Nothing bad really, at least compared to other events. My mom and aunt go to the VA to arrange for what they contribute to assisted living. They come back with papers for him to sign, and the girlfriend is packing his stuff for him to come live with her. Shenanigans ensue.
So my mom is super upset, as are my aunts etc. I'm the only grandchild with all this info right now (I made my dad tell me what happened yesterday). I am supposed to cancel his cell phone, which is in my name because I initially set it up for him years ago (my aunt pays his bill). My mom tells me to hold off on that, and that she needs to talk to my sister and I in person (to tell us he moved out etc). Now, I am trying to relocate for reasons unrelated to this and I am having a baby. So I have my own stress, and if/when I do finally find the right job and leave here, my mom probably will have a stroke of her own. Welcome to my world.
I just needed to vent.
TL;DR; be good to your kids and save money for retirement and beyond.
So in the midst of Mrs. Jenkins getting knocked up, my grandfather had a stroke. My mom and his other daughters have been doing all they can to care for him since then (around thanksgiving). After 4 weeks in the hospital and rehab facility, they brought him home. Since then it has been a disaster. Lots of underlying issues have risen to the surface and things are just bad. My grandfather is 90, but has been in general good health and super independent forever. Part of that independence though is because of a basic secret life that has his daughters resentful.
Some background that not even my wife knows the full extent of, and I am certain I also am not aware of everything: He was a bookie for "somebody" and was sent to jail when my mother was pregnant with me. He didn't rat and kept some bigger people out of jail. It apparently was a decent news story back then, and very traumatizing for my mom at the time. Mrs. J being pregnant now and her father causing trouble now is bringing up old bad feelings from her past. My grandfather, being in that life, apparently had numerous girlfriends for his entire marriage to my immigrant grandmother. I became aware of this sometime either shortly before or after her death. Being the oldest grandson, we would do things together and he would confide things in me, that I know the other grandchildren do not know (like going to prison, and him comparing that to me leaving for college). He also had said at some point about having an apartment where he had women etc., and that now he just needs "a little :helmet:" because well he's old and can't do other things now. (some of this was said directly to me, other over heard by me when in the room with him and his guys). Well, apparently there was at least one long-term girlfriend who he had while my grandmother was alive and has been spending time and money with since my grandmother's passing. My mom/aunts are aware of this and this has been a point of pain for them for the last many years. He basically has no money now, even though his "business" was successful back in the day; so much so that he and his brothers owned a major legit (albeit unionized) business worth millions at one point. All that money/pension was lost though and there was a major wages case about it apparently. My grandfather and his brother didn't speak for 10 years because one of them (or both) embezzled and/or caused the bankruptcy. He also has a gambling problem (surprise!). The day my grandmother died, and before the body was out of the house, he had me sneak out and play his numbers for him. After getting in a car accident several years ago, he gave me a list of numbers to go play; when I read the list to the cashier of where he told me to go, she said "oh, you're xx's grandson" because she knows his numbers so well. This is at least a $50/day habit with the legit lottery, and does not count the numbers he plays "at the club" or any other things he bets on.
He has lived rent and bills free for the last 14 years, as he has stayed alone in a townhouse owned by my aunt. The sisters have paid all of his basic expenses. Well now he apparently, somehow, has only like $20k to his name. He can't get around without a wheelchair/walker, cannot bathe or dress himself, or get on the toilet without assistance. He says he doesn't need care though, and if he does, he is NOT using his own money. They "owe" him. He is paranoid they are taking his money. Even though my aunt is on the bank account, she has not touched it, although it was in her power to do so. He has given his ATM card to somebody who is taking out the max cash per day and doing what with it, we don't know. My mom was over there caring for him, and a man just entered the house. He had a key. She asked who he was and he replied "who the #### are you?" It was the "bartender" from "the club." He has called his daughters every name in the book, thrown stuff at them, swung at them, etc.
They met with a social worker with the dept. of aging last week. She said they are enabling him. They are giving him more care than they should and they look exhausted. He needs assisted living, as he is worse off than he or they think. It seems an arrangement is made between my mom/aunts, grandpa, and his brother, that he will be moved to assisted living this week, with my mom/aunts paying equal to what they give him now monthly, his brother fronting initial costs, and my grandfather having to use his savings to make up the difference. His savings should last 2 years under the worst case scenario of care needed in the assisted living place they chose. Prior to this, my aunt called the longterm girlfriend and said to her, if they have a plan in place where he is supposed to move in with her and she wants to care for him, then tell us, and we won't stand in the way. The woman said she is 78 years old and cannot care for him, and that if he wanted to move in with her, he should have when my grandmother died (#### this #### whore). We were just at his townhouse on sunday for his bday, and he acted totally normal. Apparently after everybody left, my mom and others stayed behind to speak with him about the move. He got nasty from what I understand. My mom and aunt go there yesterday morning. The girlfriend is there. Nothing bad really, at least compared to other events. My mom and aunt go to the VA to arrange for what they contribute to assisted living. They come back with papers for him to sign, and the girlfriend is packing his stuff for him to come live with her. Shenanigans ensue.
So my mom is super upset, as are my aunts etc. I'm the only grandchild with all this info right now (I made my dad tell me what happened yesterday). I am supposed to cancel his cell phone, which is in my name because I initially set it up for him years ago (my aunt pays his bill). My mom tells me to hold off on that, and that she needs to talk to my sister and I in person (to tell us he moved out etc). Now, I am trying to relocate for reasons unrelated to this and I am having a baby. So I have my own stress, and if/when I do finally find the right job and leave here, my mom probably will have a stroke of her own. Welcome to my world.
I just needed to vent.
TL;DR; be good to your kids and save money for retirement and beyond.
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
Bob Sacamano
Footballguy
Sure, but it would like thisI was late for work today because I was reading that thread. I was trying to go thru it quickly, I'm assuming the 3 best stories were Raiders, EvilGrin's and GM's story about getting a handy from a tranny in a fancy car?(or something to that effect) From what I read that was thread was gold. There's no way it can be recovered like this thread was saved after Abe killed it?Abe, what did you do to the hooker thread?
kevzilla
Footballguy
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
HeadlineSure, but it would like thisI was late for work today because I was reading that thread. I was trying to go thru it quickly, I'm assuming the 3 best stories were Raiders, EvilGrin's and GM's story about getting a handy from a tranny in a fancy car?(or something to that effect) From what I read that was thread was gold. There's no way it can be recovered like this thread was saved after Abe killed it?Abe, what did you do to the hooker thread?
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
Nice of you to give him a turn.
For serial though, sorry for all that other stuff.
mr roboto
Footballguy
My brother is working with an auction company who is removing all of the vending equipment out of the Metrodome before it is demolished. He's there right now.
Here's a pic of the inside of the ####tiest pro stadium in America, field removed, seats beginning to be removed.
Here's a pic of the inside of the ####tiest pro stadium in America, field removed, seats beginning to be removed.
Leeroy Jenkins
Footballguy
I'm not super involved in what has been going on; my mom/aunts have been handling the burden and have either refused opinions/help or are trying to shield everybody. I just feel bad for them because they are taking it all hard and personally.
Leeroy Jenkins
Footballguy
Limp Ditka
Footballguy
So may Showbiz memories from childhood. This is a must watch for me.I cleaned out my Den/Studio/ComputerRoom/ManCave last night and threw away a bunch of her stuff from an Interior Design class she went to about 10 years ago and hasnt looked or touched in 10 years. She cried. I felt bad. She apologized for over-reacting after I pulled some if it out of the trash so she could keep a few things in a portfolio.
Frostillicus
Footballguy
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Sounded a lot like the stolen raisins story on Seinfeld.
Mr. Pickles
Footballguy
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
That sub-flooring looks terrible. I guess that's what happens when you have quarterbacks throwing passes into for the last 10 years.
Limp Ditka
Footballguy
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Captain Quinoa
Footballguy
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Notorious T.R.E.
Showdown!™ Administrator
$5.99 a seat I've heard.mr roboto said:
Homer J Simpson
I don't push
Stole Spiderman from ya for facebooking purposes. I did not cite my sources.Officer Pete Malloy said:
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
Leeroy Jenkins
Footballguy
Similar threads
