GM's thread about nothing (79 Viewers)

[Maurile Tremblay]

Am I the only one here who doesn't find the Mitch Hedberg stuff that funny?

It's 95% stupid, and 5% the funniest standup comic material out there. Overall, it's quite worthwhile.

 

[Buck Bradcanon]

New A/C unit needed at my house. Yay.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

Hey guys. Recent update?

I'm at home for the next several hours awaiting my new mattress to be delivered. They do the cable-guy style timing where it's anywhere from 1-3pm, which usually means 3:05 pm. I should say "newer" mattress since this will be the third one I've bought since the new gf decided mine was too old. The first time, we looked at Bob's Discount and she found one she liked, but it was like $1000. The sales guy had written the name of it down on his card, so one day with time to kill I looked through the "pit" where they have rejects. There was one in there for half price. I bought it and hauled it home myself, thinking it was a nice surprise.

I guess mattresses aren't a nice surprise though. I guess you're supposed to let your gf try it out even when it's the same one she picked out. Anyway, the second one was a high end job from Serta after I insisted that we needed one with a return policy. I guess it's not nice to insist upon a return policy in that situation, even though you got the exact mattress your gf picked out. That one was $1295.

I guess it's too firm, so "we" exchanged it for a softer model that I'm waiting to be delivered. It only costs a $125 restocking fee, so I guess I got that going for me.

That better be the David Copperfield of #####, GB.

You're 2 mattresses more tolerant/patient than me.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Wright rules

Hedberg rules

Pun Dog rules

Brent Rambo rules

Toilet rats suck

words

Hey man, if *I'm* not backing you up, you know it's bad shtick.

Not even this one?

No.

 

[YSR]

Anyone familiar with the Kansas City area? Mr. YSR is getting deployed again Thursday (30-60 days) to Lees Summit, MO - it looks to be right outside Kansas City. It's probably a 12 hour drive for me and the bebe - rendering it next to ridiculous to make the trip - so this next 1-2 months is going to be rough. I saw that there is a handful of casinos in the area, but I'm wondering if there's anything else that he should look forward to?

Also, anyone want to come to Knoxville and help me be a single mom who is still trying to work enough hours to keep her job/benefits? .

So...you need some company, huh?

Anyone familiar with the Kansas City area? Mr. YSR is getting deployed again Thursday (30-60 days) to Lees Summit, MO - it looks to be right outside Kansas City. It's probably a 12 hour drive for me and the bebe - rendering it next to ridiculous to make the trip - so this next 1-2 months is going to be rough. I saw that there is a handful of casinos in the area, but I'm wondering if there's anything else that he should look forward to?

Also, anyone want to come to Knoxville and help me be a single mom who is still trying to work enough hours to keep her job/benefits? .

That's where several of my GB's live. We've been there many times and plan on for the 4th of July again this year. Their house is where everyone congragates and I know without a doubt Romo would be welcomed with open arms. A lot of their friends are your age so he would be comfortable. Plus they like to play poker and other games. Shoot me a PM or text.

Thanks, as always, GB.

 

[Chaos Commish]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Hey guys. Recent update?

I'm at home for the next several hours awaiting my new mattress to be delivered. They do the cable-guy style timing where it's anywhere from 1-3pm, which usually means 3:05 pm. I should say "newer" mattress since this will be the third one I've bought since the new gf decided mine was too old. The first time, we looked at Bob's Discount and she found one she liked, but it was like $1000. The sales guy had written the name of it down on his card, so one day with time to kill I looked through the "pit" where they have rejects. There was one in there for half price. I bought it and hauled it home myself, thinking it was a nice surprise.

I guess mattresses aren't a nice surprise though. I guess you're supposed to let your gf try it out even when it's the same one she picked out. Anyway, the second one was a high end job from Serta after I insisted that we needed one with a return policy. I guess it's not nice to insist upon a return policy in that situation, even though you got the exact mattress your gf picked out. That one was $1295.

I guess it's too firm, so "we" exchanged it for a softer model that I'm waiting to be delivered. It only costs a $125 restocking fee, so I guess I got that going for me.

Should've just told her to go home after the sex. B##ch got legs, don't she?

 

[General Malaise]

Hey guys. Recent update?

I'm at home for the next several hours awaiting my new mattress to be delivered. They do the cable-guy style timing where it's anywhere from 1-3pm, which usually means 3:05 pm. I should say "newer" mattress since this will be the third one I've bought since the new gf decided mine was too old. The first time, we looked at Bob's Discount and she found one she liked, but it was like $1000. The sales guy had written the name of it down on his card, so one day with time to kill I looked through the "pit" where they have rejects. There was one in there for half price. I bought it and hauled it home myself, thinking it was a nice surprise.

I guess mattresses aren't a nice surprise though. I guess you're supposed to let your gf try it out even when it's the same one she picked out. Anyway, the second one was a high end job from Serta after I insisted that we needed one with a return policy. I guess it's not nice to insist upon a return policy in that situation, even though you got the exact mattress your gf picked out. That one was $1295.

I guess it's too firm, so "we" exchanged it for a softer model that I'm waiting to be delivered. It only costs a $125 restocking fee, so I guess I got that going for me.

restocking fee on the GF is cheaper.

 

[Captain Quinoa]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

 

[krista4]

krista and any others who have been - Turks and Caicos: I know pretty much nothing about the place other than the fact that it was occupied by the Australians during World War I. A couple we're friends with is basically getting a free week at a house on the beach and invited us to join. They extended the offer to us OR us + kid. I'm trying to figure out how we'd swing the former, but is it even going to matter? Is this the kind of place we're JUST going to want to hang out on the beach and/or the water or is there a lot of nightlife that would make us wish we'd gone sans kid?

TRE has a lot of knowledge on the area. To me it's probably a great place to take your kid, because the best things to do really are the beach, water sports ( ), fishing, etc., all of which are kid-friendly. There are some upscale restaurants that might not be too kid-friendly, but the best meals we had were at places where they'd fit right in. There is a Thursday local fish fry (much better than that might sound) that's a must-do, and if you didn't have the kids you'd be able to stay later 'til it got messy and vomity (there is a ton of drinking, bands, etc.). Other than that, it seemed pretty sleepy to me and not a place where I'd go for nightlife.

 

[bentley]

We had a rat in our garage once. We tried the traps and stuff but they didn't work. We finally found it under a set of shelves where it became obviously clear that wet work would be necessary. At that point, the boys had already seen it and decided it was cute and should be kept as a pet. So, I sent the family in the house and got out the broom handle and went to whacking. I real moment of fear when the thing came out from underneath the shelves spewing red and randomly careening about the garage. Luckily it collapsed about 30 seconds later. Clean up was a bit of a mess. I told JR that I tried to catch it for him as a pet but it ran away down the storm drain.

I'm sharing because I had to swear to Angrywife that she would never hear the real story.

 

[krista4]

Sorry, IB. I want you to post here more. Will you do so if I promise never to post on FB again?

 

[Chaos Commish]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

 

[bentley]

Page 2 save

Also Mitch Hedberg jokes (K4 posted to FB)

All time favorite.

Agree. Read the whole thing at work today. Laughed my ### off.I managed to have a lunch session with the local chapter of the American Marketing Association and a dinner where we were honored as one of the Best Companies to Work for in Texas. It would have been the perfect workday if I could have found someone to buy my breakfast.

Now drinking Bulleit, America's favorite bourbon, and catching up on things.

Jesus do you ever actually work?

I'm developing and leveraging my network for business results and community improvement all the time. So, not really.

I'm just glad someone asked you this question for once instead of me!

Thanks for the support guys. On a related note, I just got an email from the president of the local United Way saying that they want to nominate me for a spot on their Board. So the Board would be several people who run the biggest companies in town and that goober from the insurance company who has the tailgate bus.

 

[Captain Quinoa]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

Go get that poon, Sir.

 

[Thorn]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

How YOU doin?

 

[Idiot Boxer]

Sorry, IB. I want you to post here more. Will you do so if I promise never to post on FB again?

Nah. It was mostly hyperbole. I had a Pappy and Diet Coke and calmed down.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Page 2 save

Also Mitch Hedberg jokes (K4 posted to FB)

All time favorite.

Agree. Read the whole thing at work today. Laughed my ### off.I managed to have a lunch session with the local chapter of the American Marketing Association and a dinner where we were honored as one of the Best Companies to Work for in Texas. It would have been the perfect workday if I could have found someone to buy my breakfast.

Now drinking Bulleit, America's favorite bourbon, and catching up on things.

Jesus do you ever actually work?

I'm developing and leveraging my network for business results and community improvement all the time. So, not really.

I'm just glad someone asked you this question for once instead of me!

Thanks for the support guys. On a related note, I just got an email from the president of the local United Way saying that they want to nominate me for a spot on their Board. So the Board would be several people who run the biggest companies in town and that goober from the insurance company who has the tailgate bus.

mmmmmm...swanky

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I once killed a rat in my kitchen with a pellet gun. I started a pretty good thread about it many years ago but someone, who shall be nameless, deleted all of my threads.

 

[Sammy3469]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

How much we talking? If it's Chet moolah...maybe

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Sorry, IB. I want you to post here more. Will you do so if I promise never to post on FB again?

Nah. It was mostly hyperbole. I had a Pappy and Diet Coke and calmed down.

Quiet, peon.

 

[Thorn]

Pappy and Mr. Pibb FTW

 

[-fish-]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

hookers

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

I'd keep freewheeling. But I hate people.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I once killed a rat in my kitchen with a pellet gun. I started a pretty good thread about it many years ago but someone, who shall be nameless, deleted all of my threads.

You're apparently supposed to just chase it around your kitchen with the pellet gun. Where do you get off actually shooting the thing?

 

[Chaos Commish]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

hookers

All of 'em, amirite?

 

[Bob Sacamano]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

When you say companionship, you mean marriage and/or sharing an address, right?

 

[-fish-]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

hookers

All of 'em, amirite?

no man. I mean hookers.

 

[Chaos Commish]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

I'd keep freewheeling. But I hate people.

Me too. I'm 90% anti-social and I like it. If I go get this poon, I'd have to take it with me to Vegas. I just don't know about that.

I am smitten smote clean through with that ******* cupid's arrow though.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

This is why I don't post here as much Bob. No one commented on my posting of the Mitch Hedberg link 3 hours before K4 did.



I'm like a third world citizen in this thread. Better go get my Kim Jong Un haircut.

K4 has boobies.

 

[Thorn]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

When you say companionship, you mean marriage and/or sharing an address, right?

Start hiding TempurPedics.

 

[Chaos Commish]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

When you say companionship, you mean marriage and/or sharing an address, right?

Way too early in the game to be sure, but yeah, I might be doomed soon. This isn't booty call material.

 

[Chaos Commish]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

hookers

All of 'em, amirite?

no man. I mean hookers.

Yeah they suck out here in the desert. I'd have to move to a city for this to work, and make more money, but I like how you think.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Providenciales. Taylor Bay, specifically.

Ok, that's the main/touristy island. Lots of restaurants/bars, so there is some potential for night life. There's also a giant hole you can throw your wife in take your wife to.

Edit: fixed turrble grammars

 

[Bob Sacamano]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

When you say companionship, you mean marriage and/or sharing an address, right?

Way too early in the game to be sure, but yeah, I might be doomed soon. This isn't booty call material.

Any reason to think she'll kick off a lot sooner than you? Likely prenup?

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Hey guys. Recent update?

I'm at home for the next several hours awaiting my new mattress to be delivered. They do the cable-guy style timing where it's anywhere from 1-3pm, which usually means 3:05 pm. I should say "newer" mattress since this will be the third one I've bought since the new gf decided mine was too old. The first time, we looked at Bob's Discount and she found one she liked, but it was like $1000. The sales guy had written the name of it down on his card, so one day with time to kill I looked through the "pit" where they have rejects. There was one in there for half price. I bought it and hauled it home myself, thinking it was a nice surprise.

I guess mattresses aren't a nice surprise though. I guess you're supposed to let your gf try it out even when it's the same one she picked out. Anyway, the second one was a high end job from Serta after I insisted that we needed one with a return policy. I guess it's not nice to insist upon a return policy in that situation, even though you got the exact mattress your gf picked out. That one was $1295.

I guess it's too firm, so "we" exchanged it for a softer model that I'm waiting to be delivered. It only costs a $125 restocking fee, so I guess I got that going for me.

In Ukraine, firm mattress is concrete.

 

[belljr]

I like to motion to bring back the use of the word cooter.

 

[Chaos Commish]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

When you say companionship, you mean marriage and/or sharing an address, right?

Way too early in the game to be sure, but yeah, I might be doomed soon. This isn't booty call material.

Any reason to think she'll kick off a lot sooner than you? Likely prenup?

Ulikely prenup. She will outlive us all.

 

[GroveDiesel]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

####, ####, ####

you can hire me as a golf/fishing/poker buddy. Guaranteed cheaper than poon.

ETA I'm not picky about mattresses

See? Thank you! And better yet I have a couple friends I don't even have to hire for that stuff. But, what if this hypothetical poon was dripping in her ex's ?

#### me

Sounds like she can afford to purchase her own mattress for your place.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Providenciales. Taylor Bay, specifically.

Ok, that's the main/touristy island. Lots of restaurants/bars, so there is some potential for night life. There's also a giant hole you can throw your wife in take your wife to.

Edit: fixed turrble grammars

Just read K4 post. I have no idea how old your kids are or how much you like to go out and get crunk. But you definitely can just do beach/kids a couple restaurants or stay out way late, spit fire and dance the lambada there.

The reason I asked which island is the other islands are much more sleepy and it's mostly you and the beach and your rapidly warming Turk's Head beer.

 

[Idiot Boxer]

Sorry, IB. I want you to post here more. Will you do so if I promise never to post on FB again?

Nah. It was mostly hyperbole. I had a Pappy and Diet Coke and calmed down.

Quiet, peon.

Good thing for me that Pedophiles and Bengals fans are two social castes lower than me.

 

[Idiot Boxer]

Pappy and Mr. Pibb FTW

Dammit. I can't even get that right.

 

[Idiot Boxer]

This is why I don't post here as much Bob. No one commented on my posting of the Mitch Hedberg link 3 hours before K4 did.



I'm like a third world citizen in this thread. Better go get my Kim Jong Un haircut.

K4 has boobies.

So do I.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

This is why I don't post here as much Bob. No one commented on my posting of the Mitch Hedberg link 3 hours before K4 did.



I'm like a third world citizen in this thread. Better go get my Kim Jong Un haircut.

K4 has boobies.

So do I.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Thorn> we booking?

 

[Gadzooks]

This is why I don't post here as much Bob. No one commented on my posting of the Mitch Hedberg link 3 hours before K4 did.



I'm like a third world citizen in this thread. Better go get my Kim Jong Un haircut.

K4 has boobies.

So do I.

I love you

 

[General Malaise]

So if you were in your early 50s, in good health, happily divorced for a decade, as celibate as a married guy, prematurely retired but stable enough financially, raising one teenager, lazy as ####, defiantly set in your bachelor ways and happy about it... seriously, would you be interested in golden years companionship or just keep on rockin'?

I'd keep freewheeling. But I hate people.

Me too. I'm 90% anti-social and I like it. If I go get this poon, I'd have to take it with me to Vegas. I just don't know about that.

I am smitten smote clean through with that ******* cupid's arrow though.

Why on earth would you brown-bag it to Las Vegas???

 

[General Malaise]

I like to motion to bring back the use of the word cooter.

Seconded.

 

[Thorn]

Thorn> we booking?

Not now, I'm sober.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Thorn> we booking?

Not now, I'm sober.

All your cash tied up with the Mattress Giant?